Don't Let Perfect be the Enemy of Good enough for now

I have no time.

Simply no time.

and in between having no time I have tried to post my top 25 pics...10 times..never works...

so here are the only 4 that worked.

I will try another time next week I guess

as I am about to throw this computer out the window.

Below some happier times

Quick update

I am alive! Just back to reality.

I went from having a great career 11 yrs Heading Talent Management , OD and Learning, to being laid off in a blink , to now back as a consultant for the next 4 weeks for the same company with many other possible consultancy opportunities for the future. Having worked always part time here, and having my own company for more than 12 yrs. made this an easy transition for the moment.

Let's just say the last few weeks have been incredibly busy filled of work for someone who is supposed to be doing yoga classes, eating lunch with friends and cleaning out my closets. I have never worked so hard in my life. Or had less time.Consultancy is a whole other world and ballgame and one I intend to try out more and explore  for the next 9 months.

So back from vacation…and no time to post pictures…or announce my book which I received in the mail yesterday. No time for the fun stuff..but will get there soon!

Be patient with me. Thanks for all your emails…..and support and encouragement. And for the book sales too…..many people have ordered “More Life Please!” (Amazon UK) and has not even been formally announced yet!

Vamos!

We leave at 6am for the long 3 hr drive to the airport. In Newark we stop for the night to see my eldest brother and his family. It has been 2.5 yrs. and I am very excited to see them again. Will be a great end to an incredible trip.

What I have loved best is being one with nature. Waking up to see the volcano out my window-its smoke and clouds surrounding us. The skies opening up so quickly to rain and then the clearing before the clouds move in again. The fact that here in Costa Rica weather truly does not matter. You go with the flow of what the weather brings and you never cancel. It rained on us zip lining, and paddling and walking and treking and it was beautiful. Costa Rica has changed me inside. I love the expressions “no love scenes in the pool” “no drinking people on the  resort” “Vamos” (let’s go! )and “Pura Vide” (life is good). I have loved being one with nature. I have loved disconnecting from real life and reading and being with my family. I have loved everything about this trip and it greatly exceeded my expectations and awoke something important in me

Lauren Kate

Hi!

My favorite part of the vacation was all the excursions my top 2 favorite ones were the zip line and canyoning! I was so afraid to come to costa rica because of the tarantulas, scorpions and snakes but I didn’t see any….. thank god! I only saw a snake in the pool but from far, I tanned a little on this vacation because I usually don’t tan I burn. I got burnt on the legs and a little on my face. I really loved this vacation except for the parts when I would have to take pepto bismol every morning its disgusting!!! The food was good  I ate a lot of spaghetti bologniese and pina coladas. Thank you parents for this trip!!!

Beauty

This vacation was really amazing because of all the adventures we did. My favorite part was surfing because it’s one of my favorite sports and I’m pretty good. The typical food in Costa Rica is absolutely amazing but I sometimes get sick. Zip lining was also very fun because of the amazing views! You mom and dad for the vacation!

Bear

Learning how to surf was definitely the best part! At first it was very hard but then we got the hold of it. Surfing the wave alone feels very nice and it’s very fun. I liked Tamarindo very much because it had a nice beach we could surf on but Arenal was also fun because of all the excursions we did and the hot springs were very cool!

Chase

Costa Rica! Pura Vida! That says it all. There is a little bit of everything here to have a great time and spend a great vacation. The food is truly amazing. The best is in little typical restaurants caused Sodas The food there is so good, almost homemade, and much cheaper than in regular restaurants. Our favorite one was in the small town of La Fortuna in the Arenal volcano area. The excursions and adrenaline filled adventures in this area were also phenomenal! My favorite was the canyoning were you go down the cliffs of canyons being sprayed by the waterfalls. Quite an experience! Especially when it starts out with the first drop of 165 meters!!! This area is warm and humid and it rains often, but a warm rain that just cools you off slightly. Sooo nice. Everything is green and the flowers are blooming everywhere. Colourful birds everywhere even a parrot at the top of a tall tree. Very different from the other region Tamarindo on the pacific coast where it was extremely dry and hot! Perfect weather for beaching it and wanting to jump in the sea or the pool every 5 minutes. Pura Vida!! Simply said!

The Protector

Zipping Through the Trees

Today was the last of our adventure excursions (5 in total) and it did not disappoint. It scored as favorite for the three kids and came in as second for Hubby and I right behind the Canyoning down the waterfall.

Another huge trek on a massive truck on a bumpy road through the jungle. I felt exhausted before I even began..All the early mornings and schedules and excursions are very demanding physically and I felt kind of out of energy by this point. After the truck ride there was a HUGE trek uphill on foot for about 25 mins to the zip lines. This also exhausted me..I think I really need to get better at cardio!

But then we arrived at the zip lines and I was so grateful I made it. 12 lines many very very long  of approx. 1 km thought the beautiful jungle. I have never seen anything like it. Through valleys and waterfalls, so far far far up in the air-it was truly breathtaking. We had zip lined once but this was nothing even remotely comparable-this was true zip lining.

I found it hard to enjoy the lines and the beauty is I was so focused on having to brake at the end. It really stressed me. By the 5^th line I saw some people asking to have a guide go down the line with them. So I asked for this the last 5 lines and was able to just enjoy the ride and not think and let the guide make all the decisions. It was a wonderful gift to myself to give my mind this mental break.

At the end we went to an Indian speech with a native Indian in a grass skirt giving a talk about his culture. He was selling many beautiful handmade items. I went up to this man in a grass skirt with a translator and said “I need you to find me an item that will bring me and my family luck and watch over us” And he said “the blue mask…Joy. Peace and good luck always”

I will take it. Put it next to the Buddha and my Dad’s ern on the fireplace and my 5 lucky coins

We stopped in La Fortuna at our fave cheap soda and ordered steaks, and fajitas and mushroom chicken and large chocolate milkshakes. So so yummy and so cheap for this amount of food which is a rare find here. In the middle of the beautiful meal I broke downL Not angrily broke down but more sadly broke down. The kids all day were making fun of me for various reasons (walked too slowly up the stairs, asked to go with guide on zip line, don’t like to talk about dead chickens while I am eating) and I just suddenly started to cry and could not stop.

It had to come out.

Everyone is going back to their normal lives on Tuesday…but I am not. I am truly broken hearted and the end of this vacation is very hard for me. I have tried and tried my best to be normal and enjoy every moment, and I have but ultimately I am grieving a career and a life I loved for more than 11 yrs. There is a big hole in my heart. And even if the day after we get back I am going back to that pharma company for a month as a consultant (a whole other story)…it is not the same. I am no longer part of the team. I no longer have my office…I no longer go to staff meetings, or have my team reporting to me. Things are entirely different-and like anyone who is taken by surprised by a big corporate layoff in a company-it is very traumatic on many levels. It is the first time I have been through this and has given me great empathy for others I know who have been through this. It’s a big loss of identity. A strong sense of alienation is with me all the time it feels like and every night in my dreams.

And even zipping through the trees could not take that feeling away.

But let me tell you…it certainly helped. The beauty of this universe is so very bewildering and beautiful. We are so small compared to nature.

Nature has so much to offer us and so many lessons for us as mere mortals.

 This trip has been an incredible journey physically and emotionally and I will never ever forget it. I will always hold in my heart that I planned this trip for my family with careful consideration and precision-and even if my teens make fun of me I am so proud of myself that physically I was able to trek down waterfalls, canyon through rocks and fields, zip line through jungles, kayak with crocodiles and white water raft (without falling out of the boat!) through level 3 rapids.

And all of this where most of me wanted to curl up in a little ball in bed and cry. But I did not. I made more than most of this incredible vacation.

And I am going home as a published author !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (more next week)

More Life, Please!!!!

Adrenaline of Nature

Another totally incredible day. Seriously –anyone with teenagers who love adventure need to take a trip to Costa Rica if ever you have the opportunity.

White water rafting today-my long awaited dream. At first I was so scared. Within 2 mins or less both Chase and Hubby has fallen out of the boat and were crashing into rocks under the current. Good start. Later Bear fell out and I started screaming. But besides those three incidents it was relatively fine. The first half very wild and full of rapids and adventure and constant paddling and adrenaline and the second part much more leisurely with slower rapids that were fairly easy to navigate.

By the end I was wishing that the whole day was the exciting adrenaline pumping rapids. We are very good as a family at stuff like that. When we saw all the pictures later it is hilarious as Bear carries us all on stuff like this-there is his face so intenant and paddling for his life and the rest of us paddling 4 combined to the 20% of the 80% he is giving it individually. Ah..our middle boy-gotta love this child. (but gosh he can be annoying too especially in close quarters!!!!)

White water rafting is honestly incredible and should be done at least once in a person’s life. Now that I know I can survive this I want to do it many more times where we live in Canada and will go up to level 4 rapids. Water stuff is good for me..I have never been afraid of it.

After the 2.5 hrs down the river the guides took the two groups of rafters to an organic farm where we had another incredible meal. Each meal we sit down to is amazing. This one was rice and beans, chicken in tomato sauce, yuccas, banana salsa and my husband boasted the best coffee ever. I love the kindness and pride these meals are served with from the farmers. They are so proud of what they do. All at big picnic tables. I love how they serve the coffee with such pride too. Everything is grown on their own farm. Then we went on a second sugar cane tour and ended off with “moonlight” which we were offered that is 50% alcohol-we did not have it but was fun to watch the other people in the group chug it down and their cheeks flush immediately. Our teen boys here are constantly offered alcohol and they constantly refuse even though we tell them they can take a few sips. They are really good teensJ)

Came back to the hotel and lay in the hammocks for reading and naps and then of course to the hot springs which is one of our fave parts of the day. Hubby and I really spoiled ourselves again and had a second outdoor massage. This time with hot stones. Heavenly.

Then on our way now to La Fortuna by taxi for the second evening in a row to another “soda” This time a very well-known seafood one for our last supper here as tomorrow night have to get to bed by 9pm for a very early flight out Monday morning. Food was good and atmosphere but not the best restaurant so far-but cute enough. No feels like going out at night but I know once we get there we will all have fun. It’s so hard to get out of this relaxing mood in the room –we are all kind of getting used to being all together in one room. Will be hard to be so separate again at home.

Tomorrow is our final excursion of zip lining through the jungle. If we have enough energy we will also do a trek up the the famous waterfall steps and then come down again. We shall see.

Today was everything I hoped it would be. We are ready for level 4 rapids. Yahoo!

Although it was a great day what bothered me today was that my mind started getting back to reality…work (not work)..Consulting…issues at home…money. My situation, the changes. My mind started already coming home.

What I need to keep telling myself and convincing myself of is that this is an opportunity and a career puzzle I need to figure out 5 yrs. earlier than I had hoped for. I have been given a chance to do something completely different to do with my life and I need to take hold of it. I need to figure it all out. And for the moment it is all swirling in my busy mind.

Costa Rica has been a wonderful break at the perfect time. I hope it has given me the fuel and perspective to let it jump start something very wonderful and unique. Somehow it feels like the beginning….of something scary but also  something that could be very exciting. If I can muster up the courage to truly trust the process in the next 10 months…I bet some cool things will happen to me.

It’s probably time to use my full potential?

An Impossible Place on Earth to Stay Mad

Today was…AMAZING. I mean seriously the types of excursions we are doing here..are incredible. Once in a lifetime. I never ever imagined that me and my family would do what we did today.

We went canyoning/rappelling in the wet jungle. To get there took a bus and then a big army jeep as there is no way a normal car could make it up these dirt hill roads. Just getting there was an experience. Then one by one the group each got their individual harnesses and ropes and then walked up to the 165 foot waterfall. The we were asked to just trust in life and God turn around, crouch sitting in the air and rappel 165 downwards in the jungle on a waterfall with many rocks and trees along the way. Having no clue at all how to do this. Only the pictures posted after the vacation will do this any type of justice.

From there there are 5 canyons to get down to with hikes in between. One of the hikes included some pretty serious rock climbing up a mountain. I never thought I would make it (but I did!)

There were waterfall canyons, Tarzan canyons, and zip line type canyons. It was truly exhilarating and truly breathtaking. You have never seen anything like this so far out from civilization and in the real jungle with the beauty of nature. I felt so powerful and strong. And capable. We all loved it and this was no touristy tour. This was true Costa Rica. It was awesome.

And now the before story.. just as we were heading out on the tour and getting our valuables locked up in the locker all hell broke loose. Two out of three teens really really pissed me off and were so rude. And to make matters worse their father (hubby too intimate for my anger right now) asked me to calm down and took their sides. It totally sucked and I totally lost it. There always has to be one incident like this on a trip (a BFF recently threw her kid in a pool in Africa so see I am not alone!:))) Anyways why chose this amazing adventure to piss me off-it is once in a lifetime. Having three teens so close in age is usually a blast-but other times? It is downright hard and disturbing. Today I really thought..”Who the hell brought up these pathetic pigs with their dirty disrespectful mouths??” (and realized it was me) and “how did I marry a man who puts up with this and is so oblivious?” I felt really really really sorry for myself today .

So….for half of the excursion I completely ignored all of them. Their sorries, their hugs, their kisses. Their stupid and fake I love you. I even ignored the good kid. One by one I let them trek down 165 foot canyons and did not even wish them well or farewell. Yup mother of the year right? I have never felt so alone or alienated. But inside I still loved this excursion in my heart. Alone. And it was not easy to ignore them while trekking. I didn’t let a single sound out of my mouth just to prove my deep fury.

After the second rappel which was just INCREDIBLE as you actually go straight through the actual waterfall; I just couldn’t help it anymore. I was exploding with happiness. So I let a little smile appear on my face and they forced me into a group hug. I relented. Thank goodness as was so hard to stay mad and silent in such beauty. Almost impossible not to turn to your loved one and say “OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

I am proud of this adventure that I planned for our family. This second part of the trip is so far really outdoing my expectations and the first part was exactly what we needed. A super combination of relaxation , culture, nature and adventure. Seriously the dream trip I knew it would be.

Back to the volcanic thermal springs for sushi at the swim up bar and fries. Hammocks for an hour of reading and the kids face timing back home. Now sitting on the balcony as the rain pours down in buckets. Arenal is a wet wet place-rains off and on all day with no warning and sun and clouds alternate all day.  We wake up to clouds as the volcano is right out our window. It is very warm and humid but not hot at all. Being wet is fine. Trekking down a canyon with only a rope is fine. Sun, rain, jungle. Bring it on. This place has taught me a lot of lessons of nature and to welcome whatever it gives you. I have especially enjoyed our almost outdoor shower with skylights and beautiful plants.

Trust me…I have learnt that there is always a volcano ready to erupt. And when it does you really have no choice but to deal with it. I am not even really frightened anymore.

Tomorrow is what I have looked forward to many moments of my lifetime. White water rafting class 2-3 on balsa river (not even beginner!!!). I am seriously pumped.

Bring the adventure on. Not much scares me anymore. Not much at all.

PS- the only hard part of the day was when the crowds of people were complaining about how tight and uncomfortable the harness was to wear and Beauty said to us quietly “My brace is a thousand times tighter and more uncomfortable”. It made me realize that of anything our family has gone through in the last year or two-she has gone through the most and still is. She is the toughest cookie alive (as seen today by being the first on each rappel). She is made of steel. This girl is fully prepared and ready to take on life.

And of that..I am sure.

Thin Places

Those places of peace. Where it feels like heaven meets earth. Where all is calm and peaceful

On the bayou today with the guide. In the raft floating

The monkeys and birds and crocodiles and iguanas and turtles. The baby monkey on it’s mother’s back

The way she was calm and loving

The way he paddles

The way he compared the teenager monkey to himself as a teen “like me”

The way he relaxed in a way I had not seen in a while-slouched in the raft. No need for anything in his hand.

My mind peaceful and shut off. Forgetting. Able to forget

The swim in the river. The sweet pineapple to my lips. The water in my throat

The sweet guide Stefan. A dad so young

The air, the sounds, the chirping. Nature at it’s best

The way they look at monkeys and the looks on their faces as they look

The way she leaned into me as she talked about her future wedding

Then the “soda” Most heavenly meal served with love

Our thin places

The way he asked me what I did for work-and the way I answered him-the way it felt ok in my heart

The way I watched them

The way I accepted who I am and where I am at

Thin places

Belonging to us in our hearts

Sister Savvy uses this expression-“thin places” and I love it. She and I both read it on a blog that we both love and ever since has resonated. I love when Savvy uses it when she travels..we found our own thin place today.

On a safari float. A private one with an excellent guide. We learnt so much and experienced so much in those few hours. It felt so simple and so beautiful, the nature, the sounds, the simplicity of the cut up fruit. Watching my children is simple in life-knowing this was the right thing to do to bring them here. Making it all matter.

And the the soda (a soda is a family run local restaurant with no taxes, and very local authentic food) OMG-another incredible meal. Three of us had spaghetti Bolognese and it was the best ever. Hubby a sirloin steak and Bear taquitos with cabbage-their version of a taco. Three chocolate milkshakes , a heaping strawberry daiquiri and a Kaisen malt like beer. Perfecto. Loved the bench- like picnic tables too. Then to the grocery store for food.

Back to the hotel and we did the circuit of the thermal springs as a family. Volcanic hot springs…started with warm, went to fresh cold and then the hot hot ones. All with tumbling waterfalls on our heads. I can’t wait to post some pics when we are back….so much beautiful nature here.

My Protector and I treated ourselves to couples massages tonight at the outdoor spa. We got back rubs, foot rubs and facials. I would have wanted it to last forever was sooooo good.

Tonight we didn’t plan our time or our bellies right and we stayed in the little hut (our room which is a stand-alone home) and we thought since a late lunch no need for dinner. So not trueL somehow M&M, chips, crackers and cheese and cheap cookies are not doing it for us or our hungry kids. We miss timed tonight and our later excursion tomorrow-but I can’t get it all right can I?

All being in our little hut side by side is kind of cozy. It’s kind of odd too-but it’s kind of a thin place. I realize more and more than I am a very solitary person much of the time. I am in my head a lot. I dream a lot. I think a lot. I read a lot. I plan a lot. Being in a noisy room with the four people I love is a whole new experience for me. It’s different. It’s a thin place for me in some peculiar and odd ways. It forces me into areas of myself that are harder for me.

Costa Rica is really what I wanted it to be.

I am flooding with the experience of losing my role, my career, and my life-juts like the water flowing from the volcanic rock. I can’t stop it..and I don’t want to. I am in a different place in my mind, my heart, my being. I am here, and now. I am feeling and not feeling at the same time. I am comfortably numb and also so very much alive. I feel such a loss and an utter sadness in my heart-yet I feel pride in the way I am coping. I am not in denial. I am letting it all flood into me with the crickets and the frogs sounding their sounds outside my windows.

Costa Rica is good for me. It makes me feel new at a time in my life where forward is the only place I have to return to. I have not been given a choice. This is one of the first times in my life where I feel I have had no say.

Tomorrow is canyoning and rappelling down a large waterfall tied on our waists by ropes.I can’t wait for this adventure. I finish this blog outside on our hut's balcony with a tropical rainfall pouring down. The rain beats down on the tin roof and my son stands in the half outdoor shower washing off the day before sleep becomes us.

The rain comes out of nowhere. Relentlessly.
and pours upon my head