The Scar is Starting to Heal

I have a scar on my body- very tiny that i got a year ago. Over the last year it remains and won't fade. Its presence bothers me . Yesterday i noticed it is starting to heal and fade.

I guess time really does heal . I will always have that scar - but it has faded.

I feel like that is the story of my life . Hurt and healing. Scar and fading . I have always said that this blog is where i share it all . The good and bad and all in between , but if i am honest i dont share everything . Not even close . Mostly for privacy and respect of others, but also for myself too. Just like my scar- i am not fully there yet . I know i will be one day... but its not today

I want to talk about my daughter today. That has been another scar in so many ways. A joy scar. So much pain between she and i in the past for so many years. So much love and pride , so different than the experiences i have had with her two brothers at the same ages where there was so much open communication and whose adolescences thus far have been smooth sailing.

I have worked tirelessly on my relationship with my daughter . So has she in so many ways . In the last year i have seen so many changes , in the last months so much more , in the last weeks i have never gained so much respect for a human being, and in the last days it just all feels so familiar and " normal" teenage eye rolling vs alienation
I have craved that for so long. No promises it will all stay but i have seen it - i have seen HER .

And ? I am completely smitten

I am overflowing with love
For her courage on jan 9 2017 for hours and hours
For her talking and laughing at the table with her family
For the inside jokes she shares with her brothers
For all the expensive clothes she  works for and saves up for and buys herself
For her brothers borrowing all their sisters clothes
For her commitment to hip hop and the fact that she refuses to miss an hour ever
For her recent desire and passion to become a lawyer as a career
For her passion for the homeless and less fortunate
For all the volunteering  she does this winter every weekend
For her getting called this morning to over as a paid ski instructor because of her hard work !
For her sweet love of the boys she loves
For her sharing that sweet love with me
For her realizing her own power and capability on jan 9 2017
For all of us around her realizing it to
For her ability to set us all free
To set herself free


My profound love and respect my darling girl . I am so very sorry that it has taken so long to get here . I am so sorry that you may or may not have been used as scapegoat for bigger problem saving nothing to do with you . I hope things stay in the way they have been the last few weeks and built on that deep foundation. I love you fiercely and forever