Today we started a New Year Tradition that will carry on
year after year. I have to say it is one of our best family traditions yet…it
was so meaningful.
We started our day out after a big party last night by
going out to a family lunch at one of our favorite restaurants. Everyone was
allowed to order what they wanted and not have to share or order off a kid’s
meal menu. We also all got to order our favorite dessert. We talked and laughed and
chatted and just enjoyed a leisurely family lunch together with nowhere to rush
off too.
At the cottage as it got dark, in the early evening we
did our Reflections Time. We all sat around the fire, and we lit 6 candles all
joined together which symbolized the 6 of us (including my Mom who was not part
of this reflection, but is such a big part of our family we include her in
virtually everything whether she is present or not). The candles were also a
symbol of not saving fancy things and indulging ourselves at special celebrations.
Bear had bought me for my birthday a set of beautiful candles in the shape of
flowers that seemed too gorgeous to burn. Our burning of them tonight
symbolized our value of experiencing and indulging in beauty. Of enjoying each
other and beautiful things.
We first each reflected in the dark only lit by
candlelight on the year of 2012 and what stood out for each of us. What defined
this year for us in each of our personal ways? We went around and each
communicated what these things were for us and explained them to each other. It’s
amazing how having these conversations took us to the very soul of each other
each one that was uttered, surprised me in many ways and gave me great insights
into my family’s hearts.
From buying a sailboat, to getting a 90% on a math test
that was extremely motivating, to the pride in making the big commitment to
join the ski competition team, to the paradoxical liberation of a diagnosis of
ADHD, to the pride of writing the first few chapters of a new book with someone
very well known, to the challenge and accomplishment of the acquisition of a
new office, to the ruptured appendix and that even though was in 2011 has been
such an integral piece of so many other pieces it has to be named, to the firing
of an employee, to the decision around the family cottage that led to better
sibling relationships, to the choices around family and friend relationships, to
the death of a cherished man who’s passing changed each of us and the
relationship to his family forever in different ways, to the sale of a boat
which made our lives simpler and therefore so much better in so many ways. To
all the academic achievements that I had never realized were so very important to
my children.
I loved hearing us all explore and share what defined
2012 for us. I love that we created this tradition together. This was probably
the highlight of my entire year of 2012…this candlelight ceremony even though
it happened on the first day of 2013. That is telling in so many ways.
I especially loved hearing my husband share his long
list. I felt proud to be married to such a wonderful man and doting father. It
was amazing to hear “que ca m’avais
vraimanr touché cet annee” over and over and over. I married the best of the
best.
And after dinner we will continue and look forward to
2013 and light our candles again and reflect on what we want to accomplish, or
feel, or be, or become in this New Year. A renewal of sorts. Not New Years
resolutions by any means….but an importance that my husband and I share that we
hope we are making important for our children that usually things don’t just happen
in life….you make them happen. You dream things to life. You focus on them at
the level that is important to you, and they become important. You change the
world you live in….by your own intentions.
And the dinner being prepared tonight part of our new
ritual too which is a bit of a Sabbath in a way. A commitment to renewal on
certain holidays and vacations and which will become part of our Saturday night
rituals. Part of my invisible to do list that I have committed to. Whenever we
are together as a family there is always one or two in the kitchen helping
cook, setting the table, playing music, being together. But as they have gotten
older there has also been one or two watching TV during that time, and it’s just
not the same as the good old days where TV was not allowed during meal preparations.
So our little Sabbath time (aka renewal time) will now come back to our roots
of meal preparation on Saturdays or holidays as something more sacred. Music
on, some dancing, sitting around the counter, preparing food. It can also
include other renewal activities such as showers an taking care of our bodies,
or reading by the fire, of getting fresh air outside, or writing as I am doing
now. Each of us to decide what renews us outside of computers and TV. A commitment
to ourselves, and our families.
All sounds wonderful right? In theory yes. In practice
not as easy. As I write this I can hear my kids fighting downstairs and my husband
getting angry at them. My daughter has just come upstairs and told me her
brother is retarded and that she is not going to pay her magic set with him.
Another child I can hear is raising his voice a tone too loud and complaining
about not being able to relax and watch his movie that he had started.
But I also hear a lot of laughter, and debate, and time
being spent with their Dad without me in the room which is also very important.
I can hear them learning to make tacos, and negotiate who will play with whom.
I can hear olives being chopped and hugs being had.
I
can hear life happening. And more than anything that is what I believe
I want to give my kids. And more than anything in the world I will always be
striving for that above anything else.
And even if the picture is far from perfect, and life is
far from easy, and we in no way resemble some of the blogs I read about where
everything is rosy……I believe that I am not taking the easy road out, but
always striving for:
Following a road that I believe is the right one. While they
are in my care and while they are still mine. Before they make the decisions around
who gets to watch TV when.
Until then, I will always find ways to have them reflect.
And have them be part of this beautiful and crazy family that they got lucky
(or unlucky) enough to be part ofJ
