Did Santa Grant me my Christmas Wish?

Yes ..Just not in the form that I wished for. In a different form.

Santa basically needed me to learn patience, and cooperation and collaboration and trusting the process just a wee bit more. So he decided he wasn’t finished with me just yet.

But he promised me that if I am nice (and not naughty) that my wish will come true. (and so did the people in charge of my wish so did strongly imply too).

The words that will ring in my head for 2012 are “Be Patient and Trust the Process. Give it Tme. Trust Me. I am Very Confident it will come True ”

My God-is trusting the process being pushed at me or what??????

My interpretation is: “I have your back if you would just lay off please and allow me to do my magic”.

So  I go into this holiday season without my wish necessarily coming true (yet)  but feeling so filled to the brim with thankfulness, richness of spirit, appreciation and love.

If Santa feels I need to learn more patience then I believe him and I respect his decision.

After all…..if you believe in Santa for real than you believe that he knows best right? Part of believing in someone or something is understanding that it will all come together in the perfect orchestra you always imagined at just the perfect moment in your life.

Not believing is easy. Really having true faith is way more difficult.

I  refuse to stop believing in you Santa.

(I will be leaving you some cookies and milk as usual btw)

December Feelings

It’s funny how it feels to hear about other people’s Christmas traditions. Lately between the conversations with colleagues at work,  and asking friends and extended family about their X-mas plans and my kid’s friends sharing what happens in their families, I am starting to come to the realization that Christmas is a really big deal for many people.

Wow. I am quite in awe actually.

Let me clarify, I have always been a super planner; super create- traditions- in- my- own home type of person. My whole being and existence is based on this. This year however there is a part of me (a small part but still there) that is starting to question some of my own views, perceptions and behaviors in this. As I become more deliberate on my blog around traditions and holidays-there is also a part of me that feels this may also not be the best thing for my already traditional, planning side. Perhaps trying to make this side of my self stronger is not the answer, perhaps going more out of my comfort zone and and enjoying the little moments on the holidays is more of a stretch for me?

Personally I have found Christmas already fun enough (and enough preparation!) in terms of celebrating the day, putting up a tree and baking before the big day, but many people I know make the whole month of December one big party! I never really knew people did this before now.

I have mixed feeling about it. One is how fun and amazing it must be to anticipate something so much, and really count the days until it arrives. The second is why does December get to be such a deliberate month and what about all the other months and days in between? Why put so much focus on one particular occasion? So my feelings are mixed. …I am often left with a feeling of ambiguity in many ways. I am left undecided as to what level of  pre-Christmas spirit I  am will encourage in my own family, while respecting and feeling very admirable for the families that go all out.

Although I craved tradition as a child and could have often done with bigger doses-I was very happy with our Christams at home. It was very simple but very special. The best parts were the stockings. I really felt my parents did a good job with Christmas, never spoiling us but never forgetting about us either. We were handled with care and so was the holiday. It's was a really, really nice time of the year for us.

I know one thing. I am definately not all into the material stuff for Christmas. We do it anyways but we don’t go over the top. I am not a big believer that Christmas should be about gifts. Nor, do I  put a particular emphasis on  the birth of Christ.

In most part I believe that Christmas is a simple reminder for us to cherish family, and our loved ones, and create rituals and traditions around these warm feelings. It is a reminder to set us up in positive ways for the year ahead. To remind us to be kind, to tell those around us how much we love them, to express words of gratitude. To deliver sweets to the people who have bestowed sweetness on our lives.

For me December is just the beginning of the way we choose to behave all year long. It is a reminder to start reaching out more and doing more of what we intend to do more often.

I have begun to be more deliberate in our X-mas traditions this year-mostly all of them we have always done, but have tried to make them calmer, less rushed and more enjoyable:

The baking a few weeks ago and packing them in little boxes to the people who have touched us or supported us that year. I love seeing people receive gifts….it is so fun to read the pleasure on their faces.

Watching Christmas movies in December and enjoying them as a family. This is especially important since my boys always seem reluctant to watch more family style movies but they have no issue with Santa ones for some reason!

The pyjamas that everyone receives and goes to bed in on Christmas and wakes up in the morning with to open their gifts.

Eating cranberry loaf on Christmas morning.

Launching a rocket on the lake on Christmas day all together and thinking of my brother who gave us this tradition.

Taking time to write individual letter to teachers and tutors for the delicate attention they have given our children.

Using part of my Dad’s inheritance money to take the kids to Chapter’s bookstore  before the holidays and let the kids buy books that they absolutely want. We put these books in a big basket at the  cottage to put by fire for our snuggly reading time everyday on holidays. My Dad would have loved to know that his money was going towards books. This new tradition makes me very happy.

Remembering our other two Grandads that we lost over the last number of years by a special card and chq in the tree from our inheritances for each kid…with “Remembering our  Grandpapa Max and  our Grampy2” written on the front.

My mom making turkey sandwiches or ham sandwiches the next day on WHITE  bread. There’s something sweet about sitting by the fire and reading and Mommy in the kitchen at the cottage making the lunch. It’s really nice and she does it so well. Anything she touches or does is made of pure love.

The kids giving us coupons for X-mas for an eloquent homemade dinner (well ok chicken with pesto-but that is fancy right?) that they prepare themselves and set the table all fancy (ok with plates and a candle) and serve us later in the year. I hope they do this again this is one of my favorite gifts.

So as I become more deliberate in my traditions, I am ambiguous in many ways too. Although I love our traditions and they are important to us I am also aware of “over traditions” where the moments in between all the big stuff can become less important. I realize how for me, putting too many traditions in life can make it feel as though a gap or a hole might be trying to be filled. I never want traditions to take over real life, and real moments that have nothing to do with planning, deliberating, and making a big fuss.

It’s the in between moments for me that are really hard to get right and are really the most delicious. The ones where they just happen because you are a family and because you love each other and because they have nothing to do with what you wanted to be…but only about who you are.

Christmas makes me happy and so do birthdays but what touches me way more profoundly are the notes you receive when it is not your birthday, or the kind gestures when it is not December, or the random smiles and acts of kindness that happen on a summer day. For me my judgment of others (and of myself) will always be in what people do everyday and not what they do once a year. It’s all the small stuff and the bigger stuff is just icing on the cake.

So I am thankful for this awareness as I head into the holiday season that it is not the glitter that pulls on my heartstrings it is the simplicity of winter snow. It’s not the wreath on a door that brings me comfort but the love behind the door that matters to me most. It’s not the Christmas lights or the gifts under the tree, but my son’s eyes lighting up all year around when he hosts family nights. It’s not the mountain I ski on but the people I ski with.

So although Christmas is magical in everyway, what is more magical for me is all the moments that aren’t as obvious, aren’t  as planned and that don’t have as much tradition and emphasis on them.

I want my kids to remember Christmas and our traditions for certain, but more importantly I want them to remember with love and appreciation our lives together everyday. I want Christmas to always be special, but I want Monday mornings, Wednesday nights and Saturday afternoons to be just as remarkable.

That's always what I will be aiming for. 

My Form of Meditation

Today
Trent
Belgin fries with lime mayo
Sitting all day by the fire
Reading
Talking
Laughing
Eating dinner in our pyjamas
Napping on cozy couch
Having a night off together alone
Talking to my Mom on the phone
Taking a Jacuzzi before bed
Wrapping myself in a fluffy robe
Cuddling in bed
Waking up and looking at the lake
Walking in the woods
Admiring what's on my walls
Deciding to embrace Now.

On Work-FAQ’s

I have been getting a few comments or questions about my work lately so will answer them here:

How do you and your husband both have demanding careers and three kids? What is your biggest advice for making it all work?

A few things. It was a very thoughtful and planned out process and had a few critical elements of success that make it all work out.

We are very aligned as parents and we take the time to align each and every week. Sunday nights we align all of our calendars as a family and any concerns for the week. Tuesday morning Hubby and I go over lists for the week and each have responsibilities of what needs to be accomplished by the Sunday. We  divide and conquer basically and has taken years for us to get really good at this systematic approach when all we want to do with any spare time is lie on the couch and watch TV!  In the end however it is this routine and structure which allows us plenty of relaxation time, vacation and enjoying the kids.

Second thing is we have the right help at home. We have gone through many formulas and now in last 4 yrs have a housekeeper 1.5 days per week who cleans, cooks, (wraps gifts!), does laundry etc… We have a family member who we pay who works another few afterschool times per week taking kids to dr appt, errands, and extra curricular activities and basically overseeing homework, showers are taken etc.. If you have the type of jobs we both do and work mainly outside the home, you need help or it will not work.

 I don’t have the type of job where I can just randomly be off of work if it is not planned not does my husband except in the extreme emergencies like Bears’ recent hospital stay. Also for me it about my integrity both on a home level and for my work ethic …..I need to feel as though I am serving my clients and my family well.  Both need to be taken care of.

And last point is our schedules. We have them down  pat. There are certain nights I work very late (either at home or at work) and certain nights my Hubby works late at work always. I work at certain times in mornings and he has certain times he needs to be home on certain nights to ensure family dinners, time spend with kids, homework etc.  I could look at a calendarr 6 months from now and pretty much tell you what we will be doing. Then built around that there is also a lot of freedom for last minute more spontaneous stuff which we also do a lot with our group of friends.  

We are very ritualized and our schedules are everything to us.

We both have a lot of flexibility in our jobs but use it very wisely. I travel at different points throughout the year on business trips or offsites and then our sitters fill in. Hubby’s schedule and routines remain stable 98% of the time even with me away. It’s the only way it seems to work for us.

We have always simultaneously built our work around out lives and equally our lives around our work. Neither suffer most of the time but it is a very thought out, strategic and deliberate approach that works in our family very well.

Do you have any down time just to relax or go on vacation?

We need breaks and lots of them! We go on vacation for certain and take a number of weeks a year at the cottage. Have never cancelled one due to either of our often crazy workloads, we always take some time to relax on the weekend mostly at the cottage. We get massages, we sit and read and we basically enjoy life. These are all things that are just as important to us to schedule in as family stuff and works stuff both of us protect our leisure time fiercely. 

Anything we do socially is very relaxing for us and we are lucky to have many couple friends with children where it’s winning for everyone. Everyone is entertained and having fun. Girls gab away, guys gab away and kids play and run around, slide, skate, play hockey. We chose what we do for relaxation and don’t let it choose us. We don’t have the luxury to make mistakes with our time off it is so precious and so limited. When we do something as a family-it’s something we all enjoy together..

It’s always a juggling act and a work in progress, but it all works out if you want it to. Neither of us are the types who will likely ever retire-we would just be way too bored and have way to much time on our hands. We like being busy and we resent it all the same.

Our motto has always been : “A weekend does not feel like a weekend and a vacation s does not feel like vacation unless you have had  to be working all week and earning it…you appreciate it so much more when it is not your everyday life”

A Blond Fashionista is all it Takes

Last night my daughter performed in her Glee show concert-it was amazing. I enjoyed every single minute of this experience.My daughter even had  a solo.

Amongst her Glee club members one girl really stood out for me. She was about 9 yrs old but looked about 13 yrs  because of her size. When I heard her speak at the end I realized that she was much younger than she looked. She was super high energy, dancing around like crazy, singing her heart out and she had a deep ,raspy and lovely voice. She was also extremely stylish. The girls were asked to wear all black with props. Most of the girls were fairly conservative in their props…a scarf around their neck, a belt here and there some earrings. They all pretty much copied each other’s style and looked towards each other for acceptance in terms of what was “appropriate” (my girl however wore a green shirt…a story for another blog)!

This girl however went all out: pink wig, big sunglasses, big slippers. As far as I was concerned she looked like a real movie star. She was fairly overweight, but very very confident in her body. She danced and she sang her heart out. She wanted all eyes on her. She wanted very much to be the star. She kept grabbing the microphones and singing into them-and good for her because she had one of the best voices. At the end of the show she took a dramatic bow in front all by herself.

I knew this girl was eccentric that is certain, but I was also impressed by her. This girl had guts. Love that in a girl.

Well of course not all the other kids seem to share my point of view and  that is not surprising. After the show the first thing all the kids started talking about in the audience (including my two boys to my sadness and disappointment) was how “weird” this girl was and how they felt she ruined the show. The others girls in the Glee Club also pointed it out to eachother and everyone else they could how she was the worst singer and dancer (thankfully my daughter and their little group of friends did not take part said nothing, but I have pointed out that saying nothing and accepting these conversations is not helpful and makes you just as guilty when someone else is being “bullied”).

I hated hearing these conversations. Made me realize how mean kids can be and how unempathetic. How quickly they are to judge each other on outside appearances and how willing they are to not even keep their negative feelings to themselves. Made me realize why each day my kids set foot in a high school where these types of attitudes are accentuated-my blood pressure goes up.

This story has a happy ending though. I believe very strongly that you can’t make kids nicer by simple telling them what is right or wrong-often they have to experience it. So as I had a whole bunch of kids at the front of the stage going on and on and on about this poor girl-instead od shhhhing them or telling them off or criticizing them I decided to select a helper.

I chose the most popular, pretty, skinny and fashionable girl of the bunch and looked at her in front of everyone and said ”So what do you think about this conversation? What do you think of what everyone is saying about this girl?”

She turned slowly towards me….and she caught my eye. She seemed surprised to be singled out. She realized this was her moment.

“I think the girl was Amazing. I think she made the show Better. I think you are all very mean-she was a better singer than most of the group”

Yay little blond skinny girl!!!!!!

And with that..they all just shut up about it. Later in the donut store where we all went out to celebrate the show..I heard all the kids talking amongst themselves and talking again about this girl in a whole new light. They stopped making fun of her and starting talking about what made her  different yet unique. It was a good and constructive conversation.

This little popular girl used her influence positively that day and taught those kids a lesson that would not be possible from a parent. She led without direct authority. She made a difference.

In that same evening another parent looked at me and said “How do you have the energy to teach these kids such things-aren’t you tired?”

My answer was “How can I not?”

I have never wanted to be seen by kids as a friend. I find it much more powerful to be a Teacher. I may not always be the fun one, but I have decided I will make a difference in their lives if I go to my grave trying to.

To the poor girl on the stage…she remained unaware of what happened behind the scenes-but she too made a difference in the lives of many kids that night. Her teammates might have been skinnier, or prettier by some standards, or more conservative or more popular. But she…….was the Star. She made people talk about her.Sometimes the stars are talked about in a flattering way and some times in a less flattering way-but that is part of putting yourself out there. Wall flowers can’t be stars. They don’t get to.

So we will remember this girl in that show.

She may not know it but her confidence, style, abilities and courage taught all of us a lesson.

And I will continue to insist that any children around me learn from life.

Heartbeat

I have been holding my breath for her the last couple of months…..and trying not too hope too hard for her.

Today there was a heartbeat and nothing could make me happier right now.

One of my closet friends, my  Soulkeeper, has had many miscarriages and often very late ones. The last one she had was so severe that her own health and welfare were in a critical state. It was frightening.

She has two beautiful daughters, but has really felt in her heart that a third child (maybe blue???) would complete their family. She comes from a family of four siblings who are all close and deeply connected-I think this influences her greatly to want these amazing sibling relationships for her daughters too.

I grew up with this amazing girl and her amazing family. We told each other our secrets in her bathroom, we climbed on my roof as I watched her smoke cigarettes as a teenagerJ We teased our hair together and should have had stocks in hairspray companies. We traded clothes, boys, and hair accessories. We watched each other french kiss our boyfriends in deserted haunted houses; we got fired together at first our ice-cream parlor  job.

She was always my hero in so many ways.

She has had her share of difficulties and early on in her life. Her mother suffered one of the most tragic deaths I have ever known. It traumatized me as a teenager and just thinking of it bring tears to my eyes instantaneously. That particular day that her mother died will stay in my mind forever. I remember every single detail, every moment, every word . I will never ever forget it. Imagine the impact on my friend..unimaginable really.

Despite all of this and many obstacles before and after, this girl (turned woman) has been always the survivor and not the victim.

The perfect balance between joy and peace and routine, structure and getting things done. She is the balance between giving children love and giving them stability and structure.

What I admire most about her as a mother is the way she makes it all look so effortless. I know it it not that way-she struggles of course just like the rest of us. She will never however be found making a big fuss about stuff, or analyzing to much, or trying to create a pretty picture for the outside, or being someone she is not. I told her once that I was surprised to have never gotten pics of her kids on birth announcements or baptism invites etc…. she is just not a showy person; her moments are for her . She spends her time very, very wisely in my opinion.

She focuses within. She once told me that she has reached an  extremely peaceful place. It really shows. She is the portrait of sincerity, confidence, warmth and assurance. All of this translated into a wonderful journey of motherhood. And man..  has this girl has her share of obstacles along life.

While I am sitting there focusing on  preparing the baptism and sending out the gorgeous invitations and choosing the cake and sending out the eloquent thank you cards and recounting it all on my blog; she is simply enjoying her time with her family. Indulging in them. 

And simultaneously she has it all covered. Often we might associate this type of parenting with the more  “laissez faire” laid back style of parenting  when it comes to sleep, toilet training, discipline etc.. Not her! Total structure and routine and values teaching goes on in her family. Her time is spent loving them to bits, but doing everything in her power to make them autonomous and plan for their futures ahead.

It all appears effortless. She does it all so well.

She is an inspiration as a mother and a parent if I have ever come across one. I aspire to be what she is. Her husband is every bit as talented. Gosh writing this now I don’t think they should stop at three kids…I hope it is triplets!

And so today as she wrote me a text minutes after she received her great news, I am still cautious as I know things could still go wrong, but I feel so relieved and so thrilled for her.

I feel nothing but complete and sheer happiness for her and her family.

I have realized in my life that there have been moments where although I have felt happiness for my friends; somehow the situation has often affected me on other levels too.

When I had boys and my friend’s announced the arrival of their daughters, when lately when all of Bear’s friends have gotten into sports program at high school and he was sidetracked because of his surgery; when friends recount an occasion they spend with their treasured Dads. Although I always feel sincere happiness for the gifts that my friends receive in life,  sometimes I also feel a pang of envy too.

I wish this was not so-but it sometimes is. It’s another one of those inconvenient truths.

However today I feel sheer joy –and no offense Soulkeeper- but not a pang of envy! My happiness is not clouded in any shape or form. It’s all for you.

I am so very happy for your Heartbeat my friend. May it continue to grow and flourish into the baby you will soon hold in your arms.

Catherine…. you would have been  so desperately proud of your beautiful girl.I wish you were here to share this with her.

Power Wishes

Close your eyes really, really tight and make a wish of what you really, really want for Christmas.

If you wish hard enough and it is a realistic gift that Santa can bring….I am sure you will get it.

I know my wish…I asked Santa for it yesterday at a kids’ Christmas party. Sat on his lap and the whole nine yards and whispered into his ear (and beard)

So here I go…squishing my eyes shut..concentrating..focusing…visualizing my gift…imagining receiving it. I think if I try hard enough..I will get it. Actually I know I will.

I will keep you posted.

In reality we all know it’s not Santa who brings us our gifts..but ourselves that make our own dreams come true.

What is your wish? I bet if you wish hard enough..it will come true too.