I have been holding my breath for her the last couple of months…..and trying not too hope too hard for her.
Today there was a heartbeat and nothing could make me happier right now.
One of my closet friends, my Soulkeeper, has had many miscarriages and often very late ones. The last one she had was so severe that her own health and welfare were in a critical state. It was frightening.
She has two beautiful daughters, but has really felt in her heart that a third child (maybe blue???) would complete their family. She comes from a family of four siblings who are all close and deeply connected-I think this influences her greatly to want these amazing sibling relationships for her daughters too.
I grew up with this amazing girl and her amazing family. We told each other our secrets in her bathroom, we climbed on my roof as I watched her smoke cigarettes as a teenagerJ We teased our hair together and should have had stocks in hairspray companies. We traded clothes, boys, and hair accessories. We watched each other french kiss our boyfriends in deserted haunted houses; we got fired together at first our ice-cream parlor job.
She was always my hero in so many ways.
She has had her share of difficulties and early on in her life. Her mother suffered one of the most tragic deaths I have ever known. It traumatized me as a teenager and just thinking of it bring tears to my eyes instantaneously. That particular day that her mother died will stay in my mind forever. I remember every single detail, every moment, every word . I will never ever forget it. Imagine the impact on my friend..unimaginable really.
Despite all of this and many obstacles before and after, this girl (turned woman) has been always the survivor and not the victim.
The perfect balance between joy and peace and routine, structure and getting things done. She is the balance between giving children love and giving them stability and structure.
What I admire most about her as a mother is the way she makes it all look so effortless. I know it it not that way-she struggles of course just like the rest of us. She will never however be found making a big fuss about stuff, or analyzing to much, or trying to create a pretty picture for the outside, or being someone she is not. I told her once that I was surprised to have never gotten pics of her kids on birth announcements or baptism invites etc…. she is just not a showy person; her moments are for her . She spends her time very, very wisely in my opinion.
She focuses within. She once told me that she has reached an extremely peaceful place. It really shows. She is the portrait of sincerity, confidence, warmth and assurance. All of this translated into a wonderful journey of motherhood. And man.. has this girl has her share of obstacles along life.
While I am sitting there focusing on preparing the baptism and sending out the gorgeous invitations and choosing the cake and sending out the eloquent thank you cards and recounting it all on my blog; she is simply enjoying her time with her family. Indulging in them.
And simultaneously she has it all covered. Often we might associate this type of parenting with the more “laissez faire” laid back style of parenting when it comes to sleep, toilet training, discipline etc.. Not her! Total structure and routine and values teaching goes on in her family. Her time is spent loving them to bits, but doing everything in her power to make them autonomous and plan for their futures ahead.
It all appears effortless. She does it all so well.
She is an inspiration as a mother and a parent if I have ever come across one. I aspire to be what she is. Her husband is every bit as talented. Gosh writing this now I don’t think they should stop at three kids…I hope it is triplets!
And so today as she wrote me a text minutes after she received her great news, I am still cautious as I know things could still go wrong, but I feel so relieved and so thrilled for her.
I feel nothing but complete and sheer happiness for her and her family.
I have realized in my life that there have been moments where although I have felt happiness for my friends; somehow the situation has often affected me on other levels too.
When I had boys and my friend’s announced the arrival of their daughters, when lately when all of Bear’s friends have gotten into sports program at high school and he was sidetracked because of his surgery; when friends recount an occasion they spend with their treasured Dads. Although I always feel sincere happiness for the gifts that my friends receive in life, sometimes I also feel a pang of envy too.
I wish this was not so-but it sometimes is. It’s another one of those inconvenient truths.
However today I feel sheer joy –and no offense Soulkeeper- but not a pang of envy! My happiness is not clouded in any shape or form. It’s all for you.
I am so very happy for your Heartbeat my friend. May it continue to grow and flourish into the baby you will soon hold in your arms.
Catherine…. you would have been so desperately proud of your beautiful girl.I wish you were here to share this with her.
