It’s funny how it feels to hear about other people’s Christmas traditions. Lately between the conversations with colleagues at work, and asking friends and extended family about their X-mas plans and my kid’s friends sharing what happens in their families, I am starting to come to the realization that Christmas is a really big deal for many people.
Wow. I am quite in awe actually.
Let me clarify, I have always been a super planner; super create- traditions- in- my- own home type of person. My whole being and existence is based on this. This year however there is a part of me (a small part but still there) that is starting to question some of my own views, perceptions and behaviors in this. As I become more deliberate on my blog around traditions and holidays-there is also a part of me that feels this may also not be the best thing for my already traditional, planning side. Perhaps trying to make this side of my self stronger is not the answer, perhaps going more out of my comfort zone and and enjoying the little moments on the holidays is more of a stretch for me?
Personally I have found Christmas already fun enough (and enough preparation!) in terms of celebrating the day, putting up a tree and baking before the big day, but many people I know make the whole month of December one big party! I never really knew people did this before now.
I have mixed feeling about it. One is how fun and amazing it must be to anticipate something so much, and really count the days until it arrives. The second is why does December get to be such a deliberate month and what about all the other months and days in between? Why put so much focus on one particular occasion? So my feelings are mixed. …I am often left with a feeling of ambiguity in many ways. I am left undecided as to what level of pre-Christmas spirit I am will encourage in my own family, while respecting and feeling very admirable for the families that go all out.
Although I craved tradition as a child and could have often done with bigger doses-I was very happy with our Christams at home. It was very simple but very special. The best parts were the stockings. I really felt my parents did a good job with Christmas, never spoiling us but never forgetting about us either. We were handled with care and so was the holiday. It's was a really, really nice time of the year for us.
I know one thing. I am definately not all into the material stuff for Christmas. We do it anyways but we don’t go over the top. I am not a big believer that Christmas should be about gifts. Nor, do I put a particular emphasis on the birth of Christ.
In most part I believe that Christmas is a simple reminder for us to cherish family, and our loved ones, and create rituals and traditions around these warm feelings. It is a reminder to set us up in positive ways for the year ahead. To remind us to be kind, to tell those around us how much we love them, to express words of gratitude. To deliver sweets to the people who have bestowed sweetness on our lives.
For me December is just the beginning of the way we choose to behave all year long. It is a reminder to start reaching out more and doing more of what we intend to do more often.
I have begun to be more deliberate in our X-mas traditions this year-mostly all of them we have always done, but have tried to make them calmer, less rushed and more enjoyable:
The baking a few weeks ago and packing them in little boxes to the people who have touched us or supported us that year. I love seeing people receive gifts….it is so fun to read the pleasure on their faces.
Watching Christmas movies in December and enjoying them as a family. This is especially important since my boys always seem reluctant to watch more family style movies but they have no issue with Santa ones for some reason!
The pyjamas that everyone receives and goes to bed in on Christmas and wakes up in the morning with to open their gifts.
Eating cranberry loaf on Christmas morning.
Launching a rocket on the lake on Christmas day all together and thinking of my brother who gave us this tradition.
Taking time to write individual letter to teachers and tutors for the delicate attention they have given our children.
Using part of my Dad’s inheritance money to take the kids to Chapter’s bookstore before the holidays and let the kids buy books that they absolutely want. We put these books in a big basket at the cottage to put by fire for our snuggly reading time everyday on holidays. My Dad would have loved to know that his money was going towards books. This new tradition makes me very happy.
Remembering our other two Grandads that we lost over the last number of years by a special card and chq in the tree from our inheritances for each kid…with “Remembering our Grandpapa Max and our Grampy2” written on the front.
My mom making turkey sandwiches or ham sandwiches the next day on WHITE bread. There’s something sweet about sitting by the fire and reading and Mommy in the kitchen at the cottage making the lunch. It’s really nice and she does it so well. Anything she touches or does is made of pure love.
The kids giving us coupons for X-mas for an eloquent homemade dinner (well ok chicken with pesto-but that is fancy right?) that they prepare themselves and set the table all fancy (ok with plates and a candle) and serve us later in the year. I hope they do this again this is one of my favorite gifts.
So as I become more deliberate in my traditions, I am ambiguous in many ways too. Although I love our traditions and they are important to us I am also aware of “over traditions” where the moments in between all the big stuff can become less important. I realize how for me, putting too many traditions in life can make it feel as though a gap or a hole might be trying to be filled. I never want traditions to take over real life, and real moments that have nothing to do with planning, deliberating, and making a big fuss.
It’s the in between moments for me that are really hard to get right and are really the most delicious. The ones where they just happen because you are a family and because you love each other and because they have nothing to do with what you wanted to be…but only about who you are.
Christmas makes me happy and so do birthdays but what touches me way more profoundly are the notes you receive when it is not your birthday, or the kind gestures when it is not December, or the random smiles and acts of kindness that happen on a summer day. For me my judgment of others (and of myself) will always be in what people do everyday and not what they do once a year. It’s all the small stuff and the bigger stuff is just icing on the cake.
So I am thankful for this awareness as I head into the holiday season that it is not the glitter that pulls on my heartstrings it is the simplicity of winter snow. It’s not the wreath on a door that brings me comfort but the love behind the door that matters to me most. It’s not the Christmas lights or the gifts under the tree, but my son’s eyes lighting up all year around when he hosts family nights. It’s not the mountain I ski on but the people I ski with.
So although Christmas is magical in everyway, what is more magical for me is all the moments that aren’t as obvious, aren’t as planned and that don’t have as much tradition and emphasis on them.
I want my kids to remember Christmas and our traditions for certain, but more importantly I want them to remember with love and appreciation our lives together everyday. I want Christmas to always be special, but I want Monday mornings, Wednesday nights and Saturday afternoons to be just as remarkable.
That's always what I will be aiming for.
