Last night my daughter performed in her Glee show concert-it was amazing. I enjoyed every single minute of this experience.My daughter even had a solo.
Amongst her Glee club members one girl really stood out for me. She was about 9 yrs old but looked about 13 yrs because of her size. When I heard her speak at the end I realized that she was much younger than she looked. She was super high energy, dancing around like crazy, singing her heart out and she had a deep ,raspy and lovely voice. She was also extremely stylish. The girls were asked to wear all black with props. Most of the girls were fairly conservative in their props…a scarf around their neck, a belt here and there some earrings. They all pretty much copied each other’s style and looked towards each other for acceptance in terms of what was “appropriate” (my girl however wore a green shirt…a story for another blog)!
This girl however went all out: pink wig, big sunglasses, big slippers. As far as I was concerned she looked like a real movie star. She was fairly overweight, but very very confident in her body. She danced and she sang her heart out. She wanted all eyes on her. She wanted very much to be the star. She kept grabbing the microphones and singing into them-and good for her because she had one of the best voices. At the end of the show she took a dramatic bow in front all by herself.
I knew this girl was eccentric that is certain, but I was also impressed by her. This girl had guts. Love that in a girl.
Well of course not all the other kids seem to share my point of view and that is not surprising. After the show the first thing all the kids started talking about in the audience (including my two boys to my sadness and disappointment) was how “weird” this girl was and how they felt she ruined the show. The others girls in the Glee Club also pointed it out to eachother and everyone else they could how she was the worst singer and dancer (thankfully my daughter and their little group of friends did not take part said nothing, but I have pointed out that saying nothing and accepting these conversations is not helpful and makes you just as guilty when someone else is being “bullied”).
I hated hearing these conversations. Made me realize how mean kids can be and how unempathetic. How quickly they are to judge each other on outside appearances and how willing they are to not even keep their negative feelings to themselves. Made me realize why each day my kids set foot in a high school where these types of attitudes are accentuated-my blood pressure goes up.
This story has a happy ending though. I believe very strongly that you can’t make kids nicer by simple telling them what is right or wrong-often they have to experience it. So as I had a whole bunch of kids at the front of the stage going on and on and on about this poor girl-instead od shhhhing them or telling them off or criticizing them I decided to select a helper.
I chose the most popular, pretty, skinny and fashionable girl of the bunch and looked at her in front of everyone and said ”So what do you think about this conversation? What do you think of what everyone is saying about this girl?”
She turned slowly towards me….and she caught my eye. She seemed surprised to be singled out. She realized this was her moment.
“I think the girl was Amazing. I think she made the show Better. I think you are all very mean-she was a better singer than most of the group”
Yay little blond skinny girl!!!!!!
And with that..they all just shut up about it. Later in the donut store where we all went out to celebrate the show..I heard all the kids talking amongst themselves and talking again about this girl in a whole new light. They stopped making fun of her and starting talking about what made her different yet unique. It was a good and constructive conversation.
This little popular girl used her influence positively that day and taught those kids a lesson that would not be possible from a parent. She led without direct authority. She made a difference.
In that same evening another parent looked at me and said “How do you have the energy to teach these kids such things-aren’t you tired?”
My answer was “How can I not?”
I have never wanted to be seen by kids as a friend. I find it much more powerful to be a Teacher. I may not always be the fun one, but I have decided I will make a difference in their lives if I go to my grave trying to.
To the poor girl on the stage…she remained unaware of what happened behind the scenes-but she too made a difference in the lives of many kids that night. Her teammates might have been skinnier, or prettier by some standards, or more conservative or more popular. But she…….was the Star. She made people talk about her.Sometimes the stars are talked about in a flattering way and some times in a less flattering way-but that is part of putting yourself out there. Wall flowers can’t be stars. They don’t get to.
So we will remember this girl in that show.
She may not know it but her confidence, style, abilities and courage taught all of us a lesson.
And I will continue to insist that any children around me learn from life.
