Bookworm

I can be a bit obsessive when it comes to books. Whenever I have a long vacation coming up…I get really nervous and start to feel that I may not have enough books to read, so I always go buy more.

So this year for my 3 weeks vacation (with 3  kids keep in mind,so not like I have all the time in the world to sit there and read!) I bought 22 books and borrowed 5 others. And I have 4 that I had bought last month that I have not read.

Box after box is being shipped to my husband’s office. He is bewildered at how I will possibly read more than 1.5 books per day?

But I will.

(....and be available for most the day to hang out with my family and kids and hopefully be somewhat emotionally present).

When it comes to books I always find a way. Likely the 5 days we don’t have the kids I will double up and maybe read 3 books per day? Or stay up until 3am overnight on my vacation? Or read every spare moment I get (aka while peeing on the toilet, floating on the lake, while kids make dinner with hubby, while they golf).

My Dad also was a speedreader so some of that got handed down to me. I absorb the page as quickly as some people gulp down a cold beer on a hot day. Often however I read more slowly to enjoy it more…indulge in it and savor the pages.

I love reading and am actually fascinated that I have never joined a book club. I rarely discuss my books,which I should. I just indulge in them. I am vowing to find a bookclub this Fall..it needs to be done. And hoping to have a few of my friends join with me-great way to see eachother more often.

I always buy a mix of three categories (Fiction, Self Help or Business and Parenting)

This year I have 15 parenting books and all are how to survive teens. After 21 days of studying this……I think I will be mighty fine on the survival of them and set up for a good long whileJ

Fiction is always all over the place-from light and beach-to heavy or ethnic focused to whatever anyone recommends to me. My taste for fiction is very, very diversified. I love absorbing myself into other people’s lives and problems. As long as there is drama and tragedy in it..I am there! I also seem to like Shades of Grey too! Finished second one and still scared to open third one. But I most definately WILL. Grey and Anastsia bring out a crazy mix of emotion in me.

Self help is whatever topic I am obsessed about at that given moment. For this year seems to be peace, happiness and the more Buddhist approach to life. Other years could be professional and career, business books and money focused. Other year could be marriage and couple or health and fitness.

If you look at my bookshelves-you know where I am at at that point and time.

I grew up with one entire level of our home being completely devoted to a library…literally thousands of books.

That I never, ever touched. What a crying shame that my way to rebel against my Dad was to not be obsessed like he was with reading. Just to ensure I did not make him too proud.

So hopefully one day my children will find love in books. So far they have not. They read for school and often like the books…but takes a lot for any of them to get into a good summer read…or enjoy it. Sometimes when they are not being forced to, I see them pick up something and it makes my heart wild with pride. It happens very seldomly though. I have to say I have been a crappy Mom in this area; I am not sure I read more than one fairytale to any of my kids, seems crazy since I have such a love of books? Guess we can’t win them all can we..?

I look at my two bookworm nieces and I am so utterly happy for them. They will always have their books….forever. I miss that for my kids as they seem so dependent on others, and each other. Where for people who love books…..books are often their best friend.

I like having friends too, but books are a close second.

So all in all I am looking very forward to my upcoming vacation, to sleep in later, to nap, to swim, to kayak, to eat cupcakes and to read. To come back a smarter person than I was 3 weeks prior. To be an expert on teens by then in terms of knowlege read (as will have read 67 other books this year on this subject so will now have 82 read)..And to come back with a plan, a vision and a strategy of what they next 8 yrs. of our lives will look like and how I can best support it. Then to take that to the next level and coach on it specifically and write my own books on it.

To come back happily spent from my weeks of the written word. With a sparkle in my eyes and love in my heart.

Books are right up there for me, with sleeping on water and messing around on boats. I think the way I feel about books is the way most people feel about drinking , sex and gardening.

My Dream

I have many dreams, but this is one of them. A top of my list type of thing. And my Protector made it come true for me last weekend just in time for our 16^th anniversary this week.

My dream takes the shape of sleeping as humanly close a possible to the water, and hearing the birds singing and humming as I wake up at sunrise. Of hearing the water lap and move as I open my eyes and smelling the pine in the trees. Of cuddling under blankets  from our old cottage that bring me back to the times my kids were babies, and piling all of those blanketson top of us because the air is chilly and cold outside.  Of having our bodies feel warm and our faces cold.Of putting candles on the dock and looking at the stars of night shine in the dark sky.

Of getting that feeling back of being close to nature and in nature. Of being able to wake up in the morning and if noone is around, jumping into the cold lake naked and swimming out to the other dock and swimming back and being wrapped up in a big fluffy towel. Of never wearing makeup and of never caring. Of peeing in the bushes and ignoring all technology.

Of letting the waves rock me to sleep soundly.Inhaling nature at the cottage which I love more than anything in the world.

(So my dream came true…and was very close to the sentiments above with only a few minor differences ).

My Hubby built me a dock right on the water at Trent for us to sleep in. A gazebo fully screened in tent that covers the bali couch that turns into a bali bed to sleep on-just like in Bali! (Ok so he did not build the dock himself although he could if he had the time…and ok he did not pay for it either as the proceeds from the famous naked portrait of my Dad did that…) But he had it built for me…and he lovingly put up the tent. He did that. And not in the Fall..but NOW. For me.

Most importantly he agreed to this indulgence. And very importantly he agreed to sleep there a good part of the summer, with me.

So my description above is real…except for the sleep part. Because it is hard to actually sleep when there are waves, on a small little tiny couch, which is not meant to sleep on so has a part that is hollow and hurts our backs, and hard not to be annoyed when woken up by the birds singing loudly. And the first night we slept there we had to have my blackberry set super early as to both get back to the city for work.

BUT…it was still AMAZING. And I am sure we will get used to it. And we made up for the lack of sleep last night and slept 9 hrs. straight inside in a real bed! We never do that! It feels really good to get some proper rest in a proper bedroom. I am in a good mood today.

All in all..my dream has come true. And I don’t care how he built it or not built it himself, or how he paid or not paid for it himself…all I care about is that he made it happen..somehow..for me…right in time for our anniversary and for our time off without the kids at Trent.

This is my spa. This is  our future. LimeSpa. Our dream that will someday come true in about  a decade or so. This is the beginnings of what it all feels like to change and alter and shift and do things differently. This is the beginnings of what happens when you open your eyes to a whole new context and are open to what you might see.

A dock on the water to sleep....ahhhhhh...I feel so happy.

(Now if my husband can transport some loud croaking frogs over from the other swampy lake I will be in sheer heaven).

To Be Adored

Sometimes I wonder what it must feel for Her…..

To be so adored by these two Boys?

I see glimpses of it often. And more and more often as they get older of just how much these two brothers adore their little sister.

I mean let’s get real, there are a whole lot of fights and insults thrown in there and often (thier new insult for her is to call her PENIS)…but there are so many moments of pure and precious adoration too.

Before camp (this year she has chosen to go to camp alone where the camp is run by Nuns-a post for later on!!!), each of them were fighting for her attention in the days before.

They wanted to each spend alone time with her hugging her and holding her and hanging out with her.

On the boat Bear and Beauty lay in each other’s arms and actually fell asleep for 30 minutes with these huge smiles on their faces. Hubby and I thought that this was the sweetest thing we had ever seen in our lives…..since often the two of them are more drawn to Chase then they are to each other. It was such a sweet moment.

Before she went to camp they listed the things they loved about her so she would remember including: “funny, hilarious, cool, stylish, friendly, beautiful and like to be beat up and doesn’t mind when someone farts on her!”

She was so happy to her these lovely compliments about herself.

I am just so happy for her. Because I know full well how it feels to be so loved by two older brothers. It feels like you are on top of the world really; like you are protected from evil and that men are looking out for you.

I have two wonderful half brothers, and our childhoods was very different than my own children’s as we mainly spent weekends together and only shared part of our lives together because of this schedule. However, there were plenty of these adoring moments over the years and I always hold a secret smile; that I am lucky enough to have two older brothers. It’s a great spot to be in as a girl.

So I am happy for my little Tic-Tac, Bieberette, Peach and little turnip among many other names for her that no matter what….these particular boys are crazy about her! And they have been for a very looong time:)

Ready? Set? Go! Bye-Bye

Ok so I am done with the goalless summer after 2.5 weeks of no goals, no plans and no routines for the kids.

It has been a blast truly (up until the last 2 days where I have nearly lost my mind). Besides that…amazing.

Now it is time for me to have 12 days off…my own goalless heaven. Well partially anyways since I will be at work for a good part of those days. Goalless evenings and nights though..I will take what I can get.

Off to camp they go those three kids. Ahhh…………..

So we will work next week while they are at camp and then have 5 days at Trent without any kids at all. My mouth is watering already. Paradoxically , I also miss them already. I will try loving them from afar:)

And then we will get the kids back for a two week break of vacation at the cottage. And I will be ready to welcome them back with open arms, ready to embrace the fun, the craziness, the chaos, and the non-structure again.

All of my friends and colleagues seem to be at home with their kids in summer, on vacation or have their kids in camps as soon as school ends. In soccer at night and up early for hockey.

I choose a goalless summer.

Yay! (maybe?)

I will always have a love/hate relationship when it comes to my kids and structured time vs. non structured time.

I will always wonder if I did good or bad.

Goalless summer will not be part of any parenting book I write (yet). I have to see what this yields ..to be sure first. Part of me is convinced my kids will profit from all of this long term, part of me doubts it too and wonders if more routine would be good for them?

As I hear them now in the family room at Trent, the boys fighting wit eachother for their sister's attention so they "can spend time with her before she is off to her different camp tomorrow". All on the couch, cuddling, laughing and enjoying eachother as they have so much in the last 2 weeks...I am pretty sure I have done good. At least in this moment anyways. Life seems especially sweet today

Motherhood..is always full of questions-that is always the way it seems.

Who’s the Boss?

I have been privy lately to a number of people who I don’t know very well telling me how blissfully happy they are in their marriages even after plenty of years of being married.

I mean don’t get me wrong, my closer circle of friends and colleagues (including me) are also very happy too…but bliss may not be the word we use to describe our relationships necessarily on a more constant  basis. Amongst the happiness, are complaints, and disappointments, along with happiness, joy and love. It’s often a shade of gray when it comes to marriage for many people I know.

But lately I have heard of these blissful, long term, long standing relationships and it has peaked my curiosity. More than a bit.

What are they doing differently? Or better?

What I think it comes down to one one level is that in these relationships there seems to be more equality than in the ones where there is much happiness, but not necessarily continuous marital bliss. There is not necessarily a leader and a follower but a mix of both for both individuals.

In most marriages I see that surround me, there is a clear leader and a clear follower. Put all of my friends with their partners at a table and I think out of all of them (except one couple) everyone at that table would be able to clearly identify who is the boss in that family.

AKA:

“We love line dancing courses on Mondays honey don’t we???!”

“We decided he is not going to his friends’ bachelorette party because there are too many strippers there”

“We don’t like when she wears tiny little bikinis so we cover her up in these moo-moos”

“We decided that on Sundays we are going to join my parents and go to church together”

“We decided no more chips or chocolate in the house for the next decade”

“We decided that we are going to have a great time on our two week vacations spending it with my parents-hooray!”

“We decided that we can’t go to that wedding of your friend, we are not available that day and have more important things to do”

We all know who that WE is. It’s the BOSS of that family. The one who decides. And more often than not.

And it is hard to be bossed around right? But equally hard to always have to be the boss too.

So that is one of the factors in a relationships that I have a feeling does not contribute to bliss over time.

It’s one I need to work on a lot myself. Guess if I am the boss or not?? Hard to know eh??

It’s one that will be very hard to changeL

And the funny part in all of these relationships where I see the couples sitting around and it is clear who is boss…the boss is often under the impression that the marriage is bliss. It’s the one being bossed around that potentially does not share that vision, or if does, won’t in a decade or so.

Or maybe they both think and feel they are in marital bliss.

But to the outside world looking in…it sure does not appear that way Honey-looks painful sometimes.

And that is Part 1 in a series of one of this reasons I think some couples are more blissful than others.

Ya it’s  kinda been a crappy last few days for me. Better start number three of “Shades of Grey” to perk me up again.

Sweet Atypical Schedules

I have been asked recently a few times based on my blog why we end up eating so late (especially on weekends) in our family?

The answer is really very simple…..we are too busy doing other things than to cook at regular times. We extend the day as long as possible when it comes to our leisure time.

During the week we work late often, so by the time we get home unless we are forced to be on a better schedule because of school schedules etc…we always choose, no matter what time it is when we get home, to sit and chat and have a drink together (well I watch my Hubby have a drink)

Then we get dinner prepared and then we eat it.

So often that is very late. Sometimes even 10pm. Once even 10:45pm at the cottage! Crazy people we are. No wonder our kids grate on our nerves sometimes, we hang out with them too long in any given dayJ

So here is a typical day for us on weekend so you get the picture (I am often asked this question).

Typical weekend at Trent on a Saturday in Summer:

7:30am-adults wake up

10:00am-adults actually drag their lazy asses out of bed and get up and male adult has coffee

10:05-10:45am-two adults talk in bed and chat

9:30-10:30-3 kids get up during that hour (rule is no one in our house gets out of bed before 9am on weekends EVER!). Even guests are asked to PLEASE sleep in!!!!

10:30-11:45-kids watch TV and make breakfast which is usually homemade couscous. Weird kids

10:45am-adults go and drag their asses to the dock and sit there and chat and talk and read for an hour

12:00-we all do our chores around house and clean up and put sunscreen on

12:30-2:00pm –we go on the boat and practice slalom skiing, wakeboarding and other stuff. Adults used to do this..getting too old and more scared every year especially that our kids are so much better than us now.

2:30pm-we eat lunch very leisurely and sit at table

3:30-6:00-often boys go play golf for most the afternoon with Dad, or just Bear does, or we sail, or trampoline, or boat and swim or just hang out, go tubing, kids play with neighbors, kids go to village for bike ride and treats

6:00-8:00pm-kids watch TV and take showers. Adults sit out on dock and wife watches husband drink and we watch the beautiful sky. Or we all do Happy Hour on the dock and use our discussion cards game with the kids.

8:00- We all do end of day cleanup. We decide to relax a bit more before starting dinner so usually all pile on the bail bed and snuggle up and half fall asleep

9:00pm-we decide to start making dinner. TV goes off-music goes on. Kids help or board game is played by kids. Mom writes blog while Dad and kids cook!

10:00pm-we sit down  to a nice dinner on deck or sometimes a simpler appetizer sampler night on dock. We have candles and dessert and sit there a looong time.

10:45pm- we watch part of a movie or 2 episdes from Modern Family Season 1

11:30-kids get on our nerves and we send them to bed. Why are they acting up??? The night is young!What is all the whining and fighting about? Get a grip children! Are you tired or something?

Midnight: we go outside and fall asleep on our bali bed

2:00am-we get scared of sleeping outside in case a bear comes and tired of sleeping on a chair made for one person and fitting two. We come in and go up to bed.

And so that is why we eat so late!!!

Now Spring and Fall are different stories all together. Work, work, work. To have bali beds, and boats, and docks and food. Hardly any fun. All we do it seems is work at work and work around the 2 houses at home. We save  all the fun for summer and for winter ski season.

I wonder why I prefer summer???

Welcome Baby Blue

He arrived!!!  Last night in time for dinner on Canada Day.

Happy Healthy, little blue package.

We got the phone call that baby was healthy and a BOY during our dinnertime and we all screamed and shouted for joy. It was sooooo exciting!!!!

There was something about her having him that just made my heart melt. Three kids just like me…two of one gender and one of the other.

With two beautiful daughters at home, After so many miscarriages, and very difficult ones, and so many painful periods, and fears and worries..she got her little boy. Her healthy third child. Boy or girl always feels like such a miracle.

She told me on the phone she felt peace and that made me really, really happy...

And as usual she was calm, serene, sweet and wonderful, my Soul keeper friend. The picture that was sent to me today could have been pulled from the pages of Vogue…she looking like she just got off the runway instead of in the hospital juts having given birth.  I love her too much to feel jealousJ

She radiated peace and beauty. Those lucky kids....they will spend their lives being adored by her and adoring her that is certain..

So I went to bed last night all wound up, and all content, and so happy that I could feel such happiness for others. So happy that I am at a stage of my own life that I have time to enjoy others children as mine get older, so proud that I am able to access within my self so much happy, pure joy for someone else I love.

To have her happy, happy life be just so beautiful to watch unfold.

I am more than glad that she has a son. To me…..there is nothing in the world…like having a son. Having a son grow up and loving him and having him love you…..it is an amazing feeling. And just like having a daughter is beautiful, having a son is too-in such a different way. I am happy I can share this with her now.

After what seems like a lifetime of dreaming of girls, and wishing for my own girl, and wishing for other people’s girls…I am glad that what made my heart leap last night was her boy.

Knowing full well the love, and joy and path that are ahead of her as a mommy to a son.

Going to sleep last night so grateful and so thankful for the miracle of life that I am so happily part of.

Thinking and dreaming of all the ways this woman has changed me over the last two years in the direction that I needed to go..through pure and unconditional love for me. Letting me be me..and accepting me as I am and holding my hand firmly ,as I have shyly but surely altered parts deep within myself. She has changed me as a Mother.

I can’t wait to meet your son tomorrow, Bella…….sweet dreams.