I have been privy lately to a number of people who I don’t know very well telling me how blissfully happy they are in their marriages even after plenty of years of being married.
I mean don’t get me wrong, my closer circle of friends and colleagues (including me) are also very happy too…but bliss may not be the word we use to describe our relationships necessarily on a more constant basis. Amongst the happiness, are complaints, and disappointments, along with happiness, joy and love. It’s often a shade of gray when it comes to marriage for many people I know.
But lately I have heard of these blissful, long term, long standing relationships and it has peaked my curiosity. More than a bit.
What are they doing differently? Or better?
What I think it comes down to one one level is that in these relationships there seems to be more equality than in the ones where there is much happiness, but not necessarily continuous marital bliss. There is not necessarily a leader and a follower but a mix of both for both individuals.
In most marriages I see that surround me, there is a clear leader and a clear follower. Put all of my friends with their partners at a table and I think out of all of them (except one couple) everyone at that table would be able to clearly identify who is the boss in that family.
AKA:
“We love line dancing courses on Mondays honey don’t we???!”
“We decided he is not going to his friends’ bachelorette party because there are too many strippers there”
“We don’t like when she wears tiny little bikinis so we cover her up in these moo-moos”
“We decided that on Sundays we are going to join my parents and go to church together”
“We decided no more chips or chocolate in the house for the next decade”
“We decided that we are going to have a great time on our two week vacations spending it with my parents-hooray!”
“We decided that we can’t go to that wedding of your friend, we are not available that day and have more important things to do”
We all know who that WE is. It’s the BOSS of that family. The one who decides. And more often than not.
And it is hard to be bossed around right? But equally hard to always have to be the boss too.
So that is one of the factors in a relationships that I have a feeling does not contribute to bliss over time.
It’s one I need to work on a lot myself. Guess if I am the boss or not?? Hard to know eh??
It’s one that will be very hard to changeL
And the funny part in all of these relationships where I see the couples sitting around and it is clear who is boss…the boss is often under the impression that the marriage is bliss. It’s the one being bossed around that potentially does not share that vision, or if does, won’t in a decade or so.
Or maybe they both think and feel they are in marital bliss.
But to the outside world looking in…it sure does not appear that way Honey-looks painful sometimes.
And that is Part 1 in a series of one of this reasons I think some couples are more blissful than others.
Ya it’s kinda been a crappy last few days for me. Better start number three of “Shades of Grey” to perk me up again.
