My Own little book of Awesome

 

I have always been a very grateful person. That is what happens to a kid whose parents never drove or had a car.

As the day this week of the anniversary of my Dad dying approaches ,I think of him and also think that he had this quality too and like me little things good please him. At his funeral nearly every one the people there spoke about this quality about him.

So in honor of him, I am adding a new label to my blog which will be “little book of awesome” and in it I will here and there write down some stuff that really and plainly pleases me.

Today’s entry begins with:

Sleep

I love sleeping. I think often in my racing mind as I try to fall asleep or in my racing mind after I get up to pee in the night and can’t fall back to sleep…how grateful I am to have sleep. It is such a simple yet effective gift to have the opportunity to lie down at night and rest our bodies. It really is quite a luxury when you think about it isn’t it?

Often I visualize that everyone around the world gets to do this each and every day and what a little break that must be. Some with more luxury and blankets than others, some after a hard day at the office and some after a hard day working in the sun in the fields. But rich or poor we are all entitled to some sleep and I think that is pretty cool. So nice for the brain and body to be expected to rest.

I think sleep is awesome and I covet it and want more. I have never taken sleep for granted and treat it more as a treat than my intrinsic right. I don’t allow myself enough of it and I really should.

My biggest goal when my kids were little was to give them and me the gift of sleep. No matter how many people I talk to or coach and try to understand various perspectives, I will never eervr understand why so many people around this globe allow kids to stay up late way past their bedtimes or make then stay awake & engaged when all the poor kid want to do is fall asleep. Adults need kids to sleep and kids need to sleep. Sounds like a win- win to me?  It is bad for marriage, bad for the kid, bad for the family and an all-around health  and life disaster waiting to corrupt when kids don’t sleep properly.

It is one of those things in coaching that I must just feel compelled to say.

Stop it.

Sleep is awesome and I love it. And that is why it is the first entry of “my own little book of awesome”

Wanna Talk about COLD????

It’s always really pleasant to show up at the ski hill where the three loves of your life ski alone and see the place packed with ambulances and fires trucks and complete chaos.

Just adds that extra dose of stress you need to a perfectly ordinary day. Just to make sure you are kept on your toes just in case you were getting bored of a bit of welcome relaxation on a Saturday!

Yes my eldest son and my daughter got caught on a chairlift that ceased to function. Not together. For over 2 hrs. In minus 25 below freezing cold. Happens once in about 4 years and has never happened to any of their friends. It happened to them.

My middle son was the moderator texting us and calling us at the cottage and telling us all about it. You know when you kids are really getting older when your husband turns to you and sleepily says “does that mean I can nap longer since I don’t have to go now and pick them up”?

So they were saved by the many volunteers and ski patrols, and fireman, and instructors, Blankets and chocolate bars thrown up in the air. It was the adventure of the year.

Beauty cried just in order to ensure she was not saved last but really she loved the experience. She has never imagined the chocolate bars could fly so freely in the air. And Hotpads too-two of her favorite things in life.

Chase faced one of his two biggest fears getting stuck on chairlift or in an elevator. He was with 3 girls from his pre monitor group so admitted to having to hold in his tears and was mostly silent he said.Except when the girls made him speak of slapped his leg to ensure circulation.

Both were frozen and scared. When they got home Beauty and Bear and me and Hubby in Jacuzzi to warm up and Chase in shower alone to get over his panic alone. After a nice shower he was pretty much back to normal. Both were exhausted that night from being in the cold for so long and fell asleep on the coach while we had guests for dinner.

Oh ya and then Chase kicked Bear in the face "by accident" Trouble is Bear had a mouth full of brand news sparkling and senitive braces. Blood poured, he cried. Lets; just say our guests might not be coming back to visit us for a while!

When I asked Chase what made him the most anxious about the day his answer was clear: “I was worried about my sister. I wanted to make sure she was ok.I worried about where she was every single second since I could not see where she was exactly ”

 

Awww…..so sweet. He will make a wonderful Dad one day. And I am glad he is starting to realize how much worry goes into being a parent (usually..when you are not busy napping as a parent)

The Gift of an Ordinary Day

No this gorgeous title is not mine. It is a book from the author Katrina Kenison that I have been devouring over the last month. I have read two out of three so far and look forward to the final one.

In doing so I have been taken on a journey of gratitude. For my life, for my family, for my work and for everything else that I so often take for granted.

Today was a perfectly ordinary day at the cottage and what I have realized is that this is what I crave. Just the gift of a plain day. And my husband feels exactly the same way-we both discussed this skating hand in hand today.

As we get older (ok now I sound officially more than 40!) I am learning to listen more to body mind and heart as far as my preferences are concerned. We have been learning that although we might appear a bit boring lately, we are very content just doing what we do best: hanging out and being with each other.

There were years of our lives where we craved seeing others, craved filling in time with more exciting things to do, when we wanted to go out instead of staying in. Where we entertained much more than we do now and seemed to have much more time to share. We were always homebodies to some degree but not to the level we are now. Something has changed for us in the last year or two making our time feel more precious and our preferences to hunker down and stay home as often as possible just the five of us.

Maybe it is having two in high school now? Maybe one in ski competition? Maybe the carpool we lost? Or the family nights, surprise dinners and 1-1 dates that are more deliberate and take up more time? Maybe our jobs are more demanding? Maybe we are just getting older?

Very likely is it that our 5 days a week careers are so much more than jobs. They suck every ounce of energy out of us and are intellectually very demanding. By the weekend there seems to be nothing left. We love our jobs, but just like private school, they come at a cost too. Choices that have massive benefits but also come at a sacrifice especially as far as energy is concerned. That being said we would never change our careers.

So whatever the reason today was just cozy and nice. Our boys both in final semester exams studies most the day. 1.5 hrs on. 1 hr off. 1.5 hours on. 1 hr off. Chocolate croissants in between and bread with creton. Turkey aruglas sandwiches at the counter by candlelight at lunch. Girl picked up and dropped off to skiing with hot chocolate and reading by the fire après ski. A long skate hand in hand with Hubby and a long uphill walk back to the cottage. Hubby cross country skiing back to the car when I organized the dates of our Spring weekends to ensure we get to see all out family and friends and make time for thing important to us. Working on the computers and ending the day in the Jacuzzi with a martini (him) and lemonade (me). Showers and lists with the kids to start the week of well and organized and smelling fresh. Chicken burgers and homemade tabouli.

Orange sherbet with lime yogurt and mini colored marshmallows for dessert.

I look at the lives of some of my colleagues and some of my acquaintances who go activity to activity, have friend after friend as guests in their home, go event to event, one hockey arena to another…and I think “that is not for me..right now anyways” I admire them a bit, I am in awe of them a bit, and I also feel sorry for them a bit too.

Are they happy? Are they drained? Have they made deliberate choices or did life just happen to them in that way?

It always takes me a bit by surprise that my husband and I are so content and always have been with the gift of an ordinary day. My kids seem to follow suit and that also makes me happy. And although I am surprised, I am also very content that what pleases us most in live it seems is the simplicity we each provide each other. One to the Power of Five (maybe our new family motto because it always comes back to that and that only really).

And when things change, as they surely will…my hope is that I can move into the next stage of life, with the grace and gratitude and appreciate all of the gifts of ordinary days ahead in all of their diverse and unique splendor.

 

 

 

 

BRFWA

Breathe. Relax. Feel. Watch. Allow.

I read this and I love this.

Isn’t it interesting how we can bucket most of human suffering into the bucket of wanting to be in a different place than we are? Or have something else than what we have? Or wish things were different than they currently are? For me it is an enlightment to realize that so much hurt and pain could be alleviated  by simply allowing ourselves to be where we are in the present. Not pining away and wishing for something  other than this exact moment as it is occurring to us.

Not moving too quickly into action before we fully feel and not moving too quickly ahead towards a new and better feeling before letting our real one through first.

This is sort of what I have always had against rose color glasses. To me it is repression. To just be in a crappy place where you know it is crappy, everyone else around you thinks it is crappy (and knows you think it is crappy) but you put on and fake that it is great and wonderful! That to me is no BRFWA. And that is what has turned me off of a whole slew of blogs this year which I discontinued reading. Give me a dose of reality please? Maybe just once a month or something to keep me going?

However there is beauty in feeling. And allowing. And being able to move on from it consciously. To choose to move on and still allow the feeling. To watch what happens when you let yourself experience sadness and pain in your life. And even better let someone else listen to you and hear you and be there for you.

BRFWA. I have gotten so much better at this over the last year and I am so desperately proud of myself of this. They always say the teacher appears when the student is ready and boy have a few made some magical appearances lately! And they are here to stay too! Their teachings are ongoing in my life and I look back and wonder how I could have possibly survived without them.

Recently in a situation that happened with my husband I took the BRFWA approach over the course of a day and it helped me a lot. Those around me to whom I confided the story said “omg..That is a tough situation!” But I let myself relax about it and really deeply feel  sad and mad about it, I watched how I reacted and behaved and what I felt like doing and I did it, I allowed myself to behave in a why that was contrary to how I usually deal with things. I allowed tenderness and forgiveness where a grudge normally resides. I allowed a different part of myself to emerge. Even if that surprised myself. And I am sure shocked my lucky husband. I was tender even under the hardest of circumstances. OMG! WTF? (sorry I swear when I am in shock)

So the next time you are asked what you feel about something and you respond “I don’t know because I won’t let myself think about it” or “that is too much for me to handle so I try not to feel it” or “I can’t deal with that right now-it is just not me to allow myself to think about that”…..

Try to do things differently…and BRFWA…and see what happens. Let someone in. Let your true self in. Let yourself feel, as scary as that might be…let your real self-meet your public persona and see what magic offcurs….let hard things happen.

You can handle it. You can do it. I know you can. Let your angry face loosen up and smile.

And if you can even take it a step further and share that journey with someone around you who loves you. Let them in too.

Let it all be super magical as you watch what you are truly and totally capable of.

Let yourself grow up and bloom slowly and surely.

Grow into your full potential. It’s time now Do it now please?

What am I?

 

I hurt people

I hurt people the most who love me the most

I move people backwards and not forwards

I make others feel sad, angry and lonely

I wipe out and erase good things

I make people forget the good moments

I drain energy and create stress

I create anxiety

I make others want to run away from me and not towards me

I create insecurity

I erase lots of love

I make people question the past, the present and the future

I am cowardly

I am useless

I show a lack of respect

I show a lack of love

I bring people back to square one when they should be at square one hundred by now

I hurt others and I hurt myself

I take good away and leave bad in it's place

 I am: a lie

 

It’s official I have a new full time job!!

Worrying about my kids illnesses and driving them to every specialist under the sun.

It is unbearable. And crazy. And time consuming. I really don’t get it.

We are NEVER EVER sick. What the hell is happening? Is it the air in my house or mold or something???

Anyways give me the ADD, the migraines, the colds, the flus, the gastro. Bring them on.

Keep away the nasty’s ok?????????? That is all I can say.

 

This year is ridiculous just 21 days in.

But…I do have to say that it taking care of these sick children and sick husband and sick me has brought out a very nurturing side of me. It has certainly taken care of my goal to “be present”. That seems to be the only place I am actually present lately.

Interesting enough I read an article this weekend in Oprah this week that probably affected me the most an article has in a while (and remember I read A LOT) It was about a mother who had a daughter who they thought has  a mass on her brain but after 4 months ended up fine. And daughter was fine. And she talks about how even under the most scary and dire of circumstance stop andjust enjoy your children and your time together in the present. Not wallowing in the past or hoping for what was or what might have been. But loving what it.

As crazy as that may sound.

But something about it struck a chord like never before for me and I thought

“How true”

 So today even my carefully laid out day was obstructed by divine intervention and threw me a loop of hours of wondering if Bear was due for a CAT scan of the brain at 4:00pm…..I was able to control my thoughts. And enjoy my boy. And my girl..and my boy. When everything went wrong today, I viewed it from a different lens and I just felt lucky to have the privilege of having them to take care of. I started seeing all the tests I  still have to do with him later this week not as a burden and a worry but as time to enjoy each other and to be with him. Exactly as he is right now.

 

And I was glad to have the ability to joy be thankful for today. Simply that.

And since I wore my magic charm necklace I knew that everything would be perfectly ok. And I still feel sure of that.

I don’t know how long this feeling will last as it is truly foreign to me, but I liked it today and was thankful to have experienced it at all.

For one of the first times, I felt peaceful on a very un-peaceful day.

And strong in the company of me .

The Cost of Private High school

I get asked the question at least once a week: Is it expensive to send your two, soon three kids to high school?

And the answer is yes it is very, very costly.

From the monetary view it takes a toll for sure on the bank accounts (much less here in Quebec since French private education is subsidized by the government) but that is not the cost I am talking about exactly.

I am talking about the sacrifices we all have to make to have them there.

And I never really notice it to the degree I do until we get a break from it all, like right now on Christmas holidays. To put it quite frankly…these kids work their butts off. And because of that the parents do too…and our whole life 9 months a year is structured around the demands of the school put on both the students and the parents.

Each choice we all make for our families in life has cost and benefits. Playing hockey year round comes at a price, soccer in the summer, having a second home, having a competitive gymnast or a daughter on ski team. being actively involved in a church.They can all have huge advantages but also high emotional prices in many ways.

So our school comes at huge costs. When I hear parents of the same age kids telling me there kids had a big week because they had 2 exams and one project due…..I am envious because that is just about every single day in private school. There are no weekends that are without homework. Getting gas at the station has to be times that fit in after skiing as they have to get home quickly and study. At least 6 hrs on most weekends. In exam periods then the entire weekends.

There are uniforms to be pressed and choirs to be sung in. Every sport under the sun is practiced and equipment bought for each. Church is attended in school and 16 hrs. of volunteering per semester required. The list can go on and on and on…

Fundraisers, Everest, mount Kilimanjaro, emails written home daily about progress etc..etc…

So what exactly do we do this to both ourselves and to our children? Is it the quality of education? To some degree…but so much more than that. It is quite plain and simple that they are kept stimulated and alert and distracted and too busy to get into trouble.There is virtually no time to do so…and when there is all their friends are at their own cottages and their own sports with their families. You buy out of lots of trouble in provide school here.

I am sure there is still some, definately, but I can tell you that in grade 9 there are virtually close to zero parties with alcohol, no parties period where kids are getting into trouble, no mall hanging, and not a whole lot of trouble going on. When there are situations like this the kid is quickly given a warning and kicked out of school which happens too.

Maybe in the older grades like grade 10 or 11 you see this more but the school has a huge reputation and all the students goals are to stay there and out of trouble. For whatever reason the kids as hard as they work and as strict as the rules are worship the ground this school sits on. It is the biggest status symbol as a teenager to get to go there.

I speak to many with kids the same age where there are parties to go to and alcohol being drunk while the parents are out or upstairs. Not here, not yet. I have questioned dozens of parents and get the same answer: the kids are too busy to get in trouble. And busy with good things mainly; engagaing and beautiful things.They all talk, the kids, they dream of the alcohol and the drugs…but most of them do not do it or take the chances. For now it remains  all teenage talk and no action.

So is this good or bad? I don’t know…I think good but sometimes I wonder? On vacation right now decorating a Christmas tree, having time to read with the kids by the fire, having time to play outside and shovel snow seems like a huge luxury. And that makes me sad for our lives and our choices. I want this in my life away. I always had it before and I miss it terribly.

From what I have heard however during these turbulent teenage years you often have to choose-the pressure and stress of high performance school and their expectations or the  pressure of peers and parties. You get to sit there and watch the study or you get to worry about them being out late at night. Apparently those are the two choices.

And we choose the education. But it is so very hard on all of us and the times we have to sacrifice for it all.

As I watched Mr. Kruger’s Christmas last night though I thought that many of the choices we make are hard work. The friend that recommended it to me is very religious and I am certain that it is hard work to take the time and commit to the religious education of a family in many ways. It takes time and effort, although I imagine the benefits for that family are also high. We each make our choices and reap the benefits as well as the sacrifices we make to keep them going.

So yes right now with two teens and a tween my kids are very happy to be making gingerbread houses and watching the last episode of Survivor cuddling up to Mom and Dad. Maybe some others their age would not find this so attractive. We are always together so much more opportunities for fights, to quarrel, to debate, to love, to laugh and to enjoy. This family is together almost always. Working, studying, eating, playing in between and trying to extract as many good moments we can from this great life.

So I shall see. And report out in years if private high school was worth it? For the moment my answer would be yes. But we are all exhausted. And spent. And I hope we can all make it through it one piece, Alive and kicking.

With bright futures in front of us. Resilience, Respect. And a massive amount  of high regard for the value of education.

I hope. I pray I am right?.

Also a zero tolerance for bullying which is worth millions and millions of hours in my mind. Nothing to me is worse than bullying. And there is none at this school. The point was proven to me when my son who has some special accommodations at school this week put into place for ADD and I asked him if other kids would bug him about it…he said:

“Are you kidding me? This is College XYZ we are talking about. Noone bugs anybody. Everyone accepts everyone as they are….it is mandatory