Daylight and Understanding

I have always been someone who prefers the day to the nights. I am a night owl in a lot of ways and stay up late…but my soul feels better as soon as there is sun.

I am definitely not a vampire.

I have always related to the expression “you will feel better in the morning”. Because most often... I do.

Friday night my husband came home in shambles about a work issue he is struggling with. Over the 19 yrs I have known him this is one of very few. He was really worked up…which usually gets me super worked up. But instead I decided to take a different approach:

To be super understanding and comforting to him. To listen, reassure and not jump to any conclusions. To hug him and tell him I am there for him. And not solve anything. With him or for him.

And to offer him the perspective of daylight. Even at the time it seemed impossible that the morning sun would figure out his immense problem.

And we went to bed-in silence –on the couch at Trent. I knew if I spoke my mind would offer up solutions and make lists. We simply slept. The next morning I woke up with a heavy heart-so did he..but as the day progressed it just felt better. We went about our normal routine and read and got outside for a gorgeous walk on the lake. By dinnertime although nothing had solved itself it all felt pretty normal and ok again.

We felt solved being unresolved. We were in this together.

I think I have given my husband a gift that Friday night and one that he will remember for a very long time. Confidence in him and the understanding that through thick and thin..I am and will always be by his side.

In the dark and in the daylight.

PS-a little note on my leaving my boys to walk home saga as I was asked what happened at 6pm?? Things were great! After their homework they both came down and hugged me and asked what was for dinner and we all piled on the couch and watched Survivor. Just like any weekend. And the rest of the weekend was even better than most I would say in terms of the climate. The boys both mentioned the consequence but not with anger but with laughter the next day. It proved to me, which is proven time and time again in my life…the cravings kids have innately for consequence. The more natural the consequence the better in my books.

Keep Calm and Eat a Cupcake

It was such an unforgettable moment.

One I had read about many times in books and perhaps even saw on TV once or twice.

And it got to happen to me. I got to be the courageous hero.

I kicked my two boys out of the car!

And made them walk all the way home!

With their ski boots on and up a few big hills!!!

It was amazing.

There they were being so rude and obnoxious and insulting me about my driving. It seems to be their new pastime in life making fun of me in a really mean way. Even Bear too who is usually much sweeter.

So I was totally calm most of the way and really calm in my brain too. Hardly irritated when I got fed up-I parked the car in a driveway of a cottage far away and looked at them both and said” Get out of my car”

The looks on their faces were priceless. Priceless!

They said they would not get out and I started counting calmly to ten. I told them that if I reached ten and they were not out that they would accept the “other” consequence. That seemed to scare them enough. Bear asked to change boots and I ignored him and peeled away in my (minivan).

Of course they called my husband and when I pulled into the cottage driveway he gave me a look of “what the hell happened?”. He was on my side. We were united. He agreed that I may not be the most confident driver, but I am safe and sweet and good enough. He got brownie points. Jacuzzi tonight sweetie?

I loved seeing the boys come home down the big hill stomping their feet. It was like a good scene from a movie. I think they were swearing and cursing and maybe even threw my ski boots around the garage, but I simply ignored them.

It was one of the first times in my life I was able to pull off what the books tell you to do with teens every day. Never let their reactions to consequence you impose get to you. Don’t lose your power.

So they are still not speaking to me, nor am I to them. It has given me a chance to get some blogging done, read a good book and relax a bit. They are studying upstairs still will smoke coming out of their ears.

I figure by 6pm it is time for a hug and an episode on the couch of Survivor. With a little family cuddle.

I am proud of me. Very very proud. Today for some strange and weird reason I was able to control my temper and reactions. I did not let them push my buttons. Why today? Who knows? Probably just coincidence right?

All I know is that this Mama Bear got it right today. Calm and silence are the most powerful tools we have as parents. I am going to try my hardest to use these much more often.

Stir Fry Moment

There is always a level of cognitive dissonance that occurs during a day.

A moment where you are not sure which way is the right way and which way is the wrong way. Keeps us humans on our toes I am guessing.

My moment occurs most days at lunch (and no not because I am debating whether or not to grab a hamburger or a salad. It occurs as I throw myself in line for the yummy and healthy stir fry bar we have at work).

(Sometimes I wish I could name what company I work for as I would be a great marketer for them. They do so many things I love: brand gym bags, give me nice raincoats on a rainy day to keep, give whole company mini I pads on Valentines Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

But above and beyond all that each and every day for a very low price part of the cafeterias is a stir fry bar. Everything cut up and diced,  every veggie and meat under the sun, pasta, brown rice, noodles, lots of sauces, onions, garlic, peanuts-all topping of the world it seems. Much better than an ice-cream bar.

(If you have not gotten the picture yet-I am very, very spoiled and I work for a great place).
Clearly  in Pharmaceuticals.

Well every day for the last 8 yrs I have a couple of important decisions to make:

1-Do I stand in a longer line or get a quick salad bar or sandwich or main meal-or do I stand in the longer stir fry line?

2-If I do stand in long line do I take out my iPhone and work (or read a blog or two to entertain myself!) or do I chat?

Well it’s usually a 50-50% deal depending on how big my craving is for my chicken/veggies with brown rice peanut/ hot sauce is and also who is standing in line with me at that moment. It is a defining moment.

All Management have IPhones and we are mostly all glued to them, .. All non-management do not. So it makes for an interesting mix. An interesting way to look and analyze what people do with their lunch times. I have a big problem with always being connected-I think is rude, obnoxious and not living in the present in most situations. On the other hand 15 mins just looking at tofu being cooked is plain boring and I could be doing emails that let me leave to get home to my family earlier at the end of the day.

See where the cognitive dissonance comes in here?

But this boring story gets better. Let’s talk about THE STIR FRY WOMAN NOW.

She loves her job. Everyday. She is smiling, dancing, and chatting-even flirting with all the adorably cute pharmaceutical guys. I would not even doubt it if one day she starts flirting with me. She is filled to the brim with happiness and joy each and every day. It is a spectacle to watch. Sometimes when I decide to not do IPhone I just watch her –part in awe and part wonder and partly she annoys me.

Don’t super happy happy people ever annoy you?

Anyways a few weeks ago I head her telling her client in line about her vacation and then she said: (in French of course)

“I totally and utterly relaxed on my two week vacation. The first few days I could not disconnect from work at all. It was on my mind all the time-but when I finally did and forgot all the stress I was able to have an amazing time”.

And as ashamed as I think we all felt giggles began to emerge from the lineup. Supressed laughter almost. It was awful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We must be a bunch of mean mean people who think we are above the world!!! I was so mad at myself but literally a little giggle escaped my mouth.I wanted to take it back.

We were all thinking (but not saying the same damn thing) ” How can you be stressed by making stir frys for us lovely people 2 hours a day?? Why is this always on your mind during vacation???? Why oh why? What is to disconnect from in frying up meat? Where is the stress of it?

Thank goodness the sweet lady did not see that in our heads we were kind of (and I am ashamed ok!) making fun of herL She just thought that for some reason we were also smiling that day and in good moods and also enjoying the moment. She was thrilled to have everyone’s attention all at the same time.

(yes yes I know bitches, idiots, mean mean mean..but I promised to tell truth on blog right? Keep it real???)

And after I left that day-it stayed with me for a good long while. I thought of how happy she is and how peaceful and how wound up I am often. I thought of the way that she loves her job and the way I love mine, but how she dances and smiles at hers and I secretly adore mine often while running around feeling that the world falls on my shoulders. I thought of her and our similarities and our differences and I made a promise to myself.

To always appreciate the diversity of the world. The diversity of woman. And how each one of us brings something pure and beautiful to this world.

I thought of how for each one of us life is different and unique and how stress affects us all in different ways. How we each need out own escapes and how we each achieve happiness in different ways. How we each do in life what fundamentally is right for us. And we should be proud of that!

And I vowed to myself the next time I waited in line at the stir fry line I would not bring my phone. I would connect with the goodness around me and my stir fry lady. And I did and it was wonderful. She is a sweetie and a super interesting lady. Far more interesting than my emails.

And the next time after that I stood in line I connected with my work and that was equally as wonderful.I felt fulfilled and alert and savvy.

We get to be different things at different times in our life. That is the trick isn’t it? I get to have two sides of me-each different yet each special.

To me life is a series of cognitive dissonances, paradoxes and getting it both right and wrong on most days of the week.

And always aiming for our own unique and particular shade of right.

PS-Today is popular pasta day at stir-fry bar. Yummy! Since we all wear jeans on Friday it is even more of party there in line. I love my careerJ

 

 

Silver Linings

I find myself finding a lot of these lately. Being in situations where initially you think are annoying, or too time consuming or hard…and they end up being superb moments.

I guess it’s the part of life that we get to call the cherry on top.
 

Like when I was with Chase at the hospital for a whole bunch of tests that cut into his day and mine…but we had so much fun and good conversations. It was so memorable and bonding. What a gift to spend a few unexpected hours with my teenager. I loved every minute.

Or last night when Bear got some nasty comments about how he does not seem to accept authority from teachers and tells them how to do their jobs (yup! That sounds like him!!!)…and we are mad at him and talk to him and make him write to the teachers. Our conversation however goes much deeper and turns into a great revelation about my boy. I learnt so much..and so did he. We were in such a good headspace he helped me to figure out how to motivate Beauty and Chase to do a better job at their chores too (aka lower their allowance and heighten his own for having to so often pick up the slack).

And Ella’s surgery……has brought two families so close. Not for a second do I wish or am suggesting she had to go through this ever….but it is incredible to see what hardship can do. How she has become part of us and her siblings too. How even through it all her Mommy is so concerned about my kids woes and lives through it all and I have the feeling that this situation will intertwine our families in ways that are unexpected. That it will make its mark on our lives in a very incredible way.

Or like a very close and special person in my life moving very far away very soon and I feel very lost in so many ways. Scared and alone and destabilized to some degree as she is such an important part of my very everyday life too. I don’t like it one single bit as she is not my email or phone or texting buddy..she is my talking face to face girl. What will we do?? But because she is so used to moving..and leaving people..and being left…..and moving on…I feel myself getting ok with it too. Learning to let go a bit and hold tighter in a very different way than I am used to. Learning to do life differently-which is so good for me in some ways too.

I am still waiting however to see what the silver lining is in my oldest brother taking some of the hurtful decisions he has taken over the last year? I am hoping there is no silver lining and that he just comes back. I have to say even through it all, and all the hurt…I really, really miss him. I don’t want a silver lining. I want him. Please come through to me soon?

There is always something good that happens to everyone through heartache and pain I am finding. And I guess that is the thing about life………is that there is always something there being offered up to you. You just have to be smart enough and willing enough to be able to seek it and find it. Through the blur..and the fog..and the tears even that can block your vision towards beautiful things.

Beautiful things that become yours. If you want them?

 

 

My Own Dose of Reality

Thought it would be humorous take a moment and poke a little fun at me and my family. Always good for the souls to stand back and laugh at yourself right?

So an update on getting gas for my car. Well yesterday I ran out almost yet again???? WTF??? Why does this happen all the time now-it’s as if my husband has a vendetta against me or something. So there I am with a light of no gas on…many places to go and distance to cover.... and two gas stations within 20 feet of me.

What do I decide to do? Keep on driving and ignore the gas situation.

I even had the scenario all planned out. I run out of gas close to home at Beauty’s tutor and Hubby brings gas from station to fill up car-or CAA. I predicated I would not run out of gas on highways and therefore should just keep driving.

Then I stopped and thought “God you are an idiot girl!” and I literally forced myself to stop at the station and get the stupid gas. It took me forever to figure it out as Chase was not with me….and finally did and literally swore like a sailor the entire time doing it. Gas in summer is one thing..but in winter? Give me a break!

And just to make sure my husband gets the message. I only put 20$ in. The rest is up to you.

Scenario two is about Chase. Last night was the big test-he went over to my Mom’s for almost 2 hours to “learn” how to swallow a pill and get over the “phobia”. Well he came back somewhat proud. Why?

Because he swallowed a piece of rice

 Overall he felt pretty good about it-although he wished ideally he could have swallowed a pill-he thinks he made “medium” progress. Yup mine and his expectations of ourselves certainly differ don’t they?

So now I am stuck with a kid who needs and wants Concerta-but hooray he can swallow a grain of rice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let’s move onto Beauty. I am thrilled that her new topic of conversation has moved from Justin Beiber to skiing and competitions all day long every minute of every day. Poor you if you do not ski-you are hearing about it every single day. And her new word is “ish” everything.

How are you?

“Ish”

How is your new teacher?

“niceish”

Know what?? Annyoyingish! (but still lovable)

Bear? Well nothing about him (this week anyways)

And that is my dose of reality these days.

Oh ya almost forgot for the second time in a month now my Mother has called my house at 1am and woken me up. My heart pounding out of my chest because I am sure she is dead of being rushed to the ambulance or something tragic….but no..no ..no..no…

She is calling her own cell phone to FIND it. And by error calls my number! Twice.

And I never fall back to sleep. So last night I had a total of a whopping 30 minutes of sleep. So happy she was able to locate her needed cell phone at 1:30amJ

As Expected…

I remember a particular situation that happened over 10 years ago as though it was yesterday. A friend of mine Johanne and I were at my old cottage for the week with out 5 kids combined under the age of 7yrs old.

With 5 kids around there was not much girl time or time to quietly chat. There seemed to always be someone hungry, or having a need for something, or fighting, or crying, or falling or wanting us to look at them dancing. When we did get an uninterrupted half an hour of blissful peace and quiet with the kids playing well together and fairly silently……I was in heaven personally. I was so thankful and happy for the time to chat with my friend and we got into great conversations.

She on the other hand would talk for about 10 mins tops then excuse herself…go get a new toy or craft she brought for the kids. Interrupt them from their quiet play…show them how to use the new craft…play it with them for a little while…and then come back after about 30 minutes had passed to continue the conversation.

I remember very clearly thinking she was crazy.

After a week of this I simply asked her: “Why in God’s name do you feel you need to interrupt the kids when they are finally playing quietly and well and why would you leave your moments of relaxation we are finally getting together to go play with the kids?”  I was not accusing her..just trying to understand why oh why???

Her answer: Because I expect (and I know) that within a few minutes the kids will start misbehaving because they are kids. I expect that things will get a bit chaotic. So expecting it I fend it off my diverting them, distracting them and rewarding their good behavior before the expected bad stuff happens. I too just want to be able to sit and talk together for as long as possible and this is my way of doing it

So here two ladies both try to do the same thing in to very different ways. Two sets of expectations. Mine were that our kids should be good and we deserved that…and her thinking that likely is kids will not be good and that she should prepare for that. And over the years I have realized neither is right or wrong or works or doesn’t work. What it has led me to think about more about expectations.

Expectations have been on my mind for a month now and I notice that mine are often much higher than many others in many situations. In other situations lower than others. I am noticing the impact each scenario has on me.

“Her surgery went well. Recovery is really really hard, we are all very tired. She is grumpy and irritable and out of sorts as expected after a major surgery”

“Yes both my boys have often been hyper or less focused in school and I was asked to get one tested by the teacher. I have been expecting this for years”

“My five year old wakes up a few times a night because she is scared of the dark and comes into my room for comfort. I expect it as I read somewhere that  at age five night terrors are really common”

“I got laid off and was very upset, but knew it was coming because of the fiscal year the company had. I prepared myself and expected it. When it happened I was just thankful for the great severance package I got”

“I love my husband he is great. He forgot to celebrate Valentine’s Day. But that is just how men can me sometimes”

None of these above comments can I really related to. They are not my language at all. Below is what normally goes through my head:

“Why can’t my kids just do there chores like everyone else’s kids??? I put so much time and effort into planning systems why is my house so messy??”

“Why can’t she just tell us more info about the new successors and our bonuses? I want to know all of it now and not wait!”

“Why can’t she have a boyfriend or husband by now? She is so beautiful and wonderful and caring-shouldn’t she want to have a partner for all of the rest of her life?”

“Why don’t I feel more excited it is the weekend and why am I not having more fun? I love my family-shouldn’t I be happier to be home with them”?

“Why can’t I be closer to him/her? What is wrong with our relationship?”

“Why doesn’t he have more friends and be invited to more parties? Why doesn’t he even seem to care if he does or doesn’t?”

And in writing this and processing it all as I do…..I realize that my AHA moment has occurred already:

My expectation of life is way, way too high!!!!!!!!!!!

Now for those of you who know me well this may not come as a shock to you but it does to me. And in my defense…it is part of who I am and makes me who I am and has done for me really well in most areas of my life. It has been because of those high expectations that I have been able to have and do and be many things that I am. Expectations are important. Very important.

That being said…I think it is now time to lower mine. Because of all the hard work, and due diligence, and years and years and years and years of expecting, I think I get to lower mine now because I think many of the seeds have been planted, and are growing on their own.

I think. And I am not sure yet…I can begin losing control a bit. (omg did I just write this?????)

Like an engineer that builds the plane for decades and lets it go fly. Or the conductor who watches his soloist on the stage playing the violin alone. Or the VP who takes a day off and lets his team handle the important stuff. You get to relax a bit because your work has been done and done again. You get to start enjoying don’t you?

My Mom said something really simple the other day that I thought was really silly at the time. I was complaining to her about how often I feel bored on the weekends even though I look forward to this time all week because life is so hectic. But then when go to that play with a friend, or have a dinner with my family, or ski with neighbors..even though I should be enjoying it often I feel a slight sense of boredom.Eventhough I crave it and look forward to it. What is wrong with me Mommy?

My Mom said “that is because your expectations are too high. Why should you think that you should always enjoy it so much”?

Well because I like those people! Well because I should love going to a play with my Mom and a BFF! Well because who would not love a great family dinner at a cottage!!!!  Who would not want to be off on the weekend with their family??

“I just think that each day is different. Some are great, others good, and most so-so. Others are crap. I would expect that most of life is more difficult and hard and that when a great day comes along it is pretty lucky. Most days you should expect to be so-so and average”

Really???? Really???????????? Really!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This sounds even worse than expecting mediocrity! This sounds like expecting sub below zero!!!

But all week this silly, silly comment stuck with me. And as the week went on I began testing it out for fit. And you know what..? It was pretty darn relaxing I must add. All of my expectorations thoughts still did occur in my mind but I attached no more than a mental thought to them. No action, no behavior..and just let them go. Let them happen….notice them….move on.

So Valentines came and went with us in our normal cozy PJS while we watch people on TV trying as hard as they could in lingerie trying as hard as they could to have sex, I got some super scary news on Monday from my Mom which normally would put me in a stage of high high alert and I have been letting my scared thoughts seep through but not overwhelm my life entirely, I am likely going to be trying out Concerta very soon for my son, but he still has no idea how to swallow an Advil, my jeans for a party tonight have not been washed and so the butt looks funny. All of it sucks.

However things are shifting in my brain. After years and years and years of trying to have my kids pick up after themselves..they still often do not and I had a dream last night that I actually had a smile on my face and looked at them and said “gosh guys you drive Mommy a little crazy”

I am starting to become the person I have always been meant to be slowly slowly and surely. And you know what? This person is going to be awesome. You know why? Because she has had a lifetime of expecting and controlling and work and work and work behind here. This girl has made things happen in life.

And that powerful combination will be thrilling. I can feel it. There were fruits of labor to be proud of, goals to be had, and strategies to be made. Plans to be created.  Maybe now maybe she can explore slightly different side the combo of herself. Be more accepting, be less in control, be much more vulnerable. Imagine the combination of both? I have never even dreamed it possible?

And maybe just maybe if I can achieve it myself…I will finally feel like I have the full right to teach it to others. I will have done in my mind what has always been impossible. Be a high performing achiever and a wonderful and loving and accepting person. And a bit laid back in life. Trust me I am not there yet. Not at all-but I think I will get there. And more than ever I am excited for this journey that if I really look at closely is half way done

And maybe now more and more it is time to let it all start playing out in an entirely different way. Even as I write this I am telling you the truth I feel so, so ,so so scared. I feel weak, vulnerable and a bit off.  Almost physically faint.

And you know what???? Hallelujah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am excited for the combinations of the gifts of the many many ordinary days that lay ahead and the few and brilliant extraordinary ones that we as humans get to have.

My goal this year was “V”. It is my 2013 word. And you know what..”V” is a whole lot about lowering our expectation of life in gracious and wonderful ways. I am trying this out little by little.

Will keep you posted!

 

 

 

 

 

A Love Day

I really like Valentines Day

As mentioned previously certainly much more so than Halloween.

It’s surprising that I would actually like Valentines Day as overall I find the concept of everyone around the world running out at the same time each year after year to buy cards and chocolates and roses very odd.

Like most holidays….they are fun but I find all the moments in between them much better for the most part. I still love holidays though in some ways. Another paradoxical trait of mine that make me a bit odd. And I still do love Valentine’s Day for whatever reason (in general).

It started out as a pretty bad week for me (more later on this as a lot happened and lot to write but not ready yet to deal with some stuff).

After all the crap..there was a cancellation at the pain specialist I see twice a year for my back and neck and anemia issues and so I took the apt which is far and up north. Hubby often drives me as the tests make me dizzy and waiting can be hours and hours and so we decided to take a day off and go together and then enjoy the rest of the day at Trent right near the doctor. Sleepover and come back early the next day to work.

And so that we did. And it was really really nice. For some reason the normal 3 hour wait in that office was 3 mins for once which gave us the afternoon to enjoy . And I didn’t feel dizzy this time either so was able to actually enjoy a pre valentine’s day off.

So we took our 4 by 4 all the way on the frozen lake to the village and through the village and went for a great late lunch at a cheap diner. I have to say we both agreed it was likely one of the best and cheapest meals we have ever eaten! Yummy! Good old Quebec diner food like cooking from Mom and Pop’s kitchen. Plain old amazing. Our “go- to” place from now on.

 

Then we hopped back on our all terrain vehicle and went for a skate through the forests at the park. Then back to cottage for a long walk. Then a Jacuzzi and then lounging by the fire and reading and talking and a late dinner at 10pm (since lunch was at 3pm).

I realized we are just not the fancy type. We were very content in our pajama’s…eating homemade vol au vent…and a few Turtles for dessert and watching Modern Family.

And as I gleefully anticipated, Hubby printed out my (HUGE) blog book for the year 2012. I love this tradition. It is so beautiful and so thoughtful.And we gave each other cards and chocolates too. And fell asleep by the fire on the couch as usual.

And set alarms for 6am as before then had plans to tidy house, go for a sunrise walk on the frozen lake, stop by doctor for x-rays, and get to work for 9:15 am. Missions accomplished! We are good.

And then the highlight of mine and my daughter’s year where there is one tradition that in my book (and hers too!) cannot be beat. Her Dad….delivers her a single red rose wherever she is in the world…awwwww……even if it happens year after year it just makes her feel like a million trillion bucks. And this time he delivered it to the school in a new Justin Beiber schoolbag.

And she called him and told him in no uncertain terms:

“Je t’aime avec toute mon coeur Papa”

And then Dad had gone home after dropping me for my early meeting at work and decorated the kitchen for Valentine’s Day for the kids. Our traditional Heart Attack (guilty stolen from others!) where we each write one thing we love most about the others including Mom and housekeeper. We stick them up and enjoy reading them afterschool. Chocolates and cards for the kids.I love seeing what the kids write about us..makes me feel so appreciated.

And our rule that Valentines Day is for family and not couples. Noone is excluded. We bring my single mom out, our single kids etc…Valentines will always be a place to feel welcome forever.

So last night was sushi and soup as a snack for the kids and then we hit the movies as a family with my Mom. We saw” Impossible” which was entirely tragic and depressing but beautiful and wonderful at the same time. A true story that made my kids fight tears the whole ways, scare them a bit, make them appreciate life, and learn about mankind and humanity.

Just the type of film I like to force my kids to see  for which I am famous for. And when I say force I mean it. Don’t go thinking here that my kids are all like “Yay!!! We get to go to the movies with our parents and grandma in public!  Don’t go thinking my life is (still) that rosy.

I think last year was my final year of my boys wanting to go to the movies with their parents. Correction: they want to go to the movies with us they just don’t really think it is very cool.

Beauty thinks it is amazing and wonderfully cool.

And this is the thing about teens…I don’t really care what they think or think is cool. They are coming with us. I don’t care if they walk in with us, or walk in together or walk in alone or what they do. I don’t care if they complain about my choice of movie, or about who sits where or anything else. I ignore it all.

Because it is my valentine’s day and they are lucky to be invited.

And I know they will have a great evening

See I know them way better than they know themselves.

Most parents give up way to fast in my opinion.

So as expected and predicted they got over how cool they are supposed to be and walked in with us and sat with us and had a great time (even though they cried half the movie I am convinced and coughed to make it look like they were sick)

And they had fun being depressed with us watching it. As a family.Goal acheived.

And I was kind of glad this happened this year because in the last few months I have read three books that say that if your teens show no “normal” teenage behavior such as bad attitude, rejecting parents values, being embarrassed to be with parents in front of friends often etc.,,that likely there is something WRONG!

That either you are too authoritarian or that your kids self-confidence is not good enough, or they do not feel uncondionally loved enough…as it is perfectly normal and expected that teens go through this stuff as they move into teen and adulthood.

And I think I agree.

So here I have been wondering what we have been doing wrong for the last few years and why my kids tolerate us. Phew now I can relax a bit…since they are rejecting us even just a littleJ))

Conclusion is: all round good Valentine’s Day. Pretty much like most other weekends and weeks and days of ours and that is what I appreciate most when Feb 14 does roll around. That there is still a lot of love going on around here all the time…and it is fun to have an excuse and a holiday and some chocolates to celebrate that fact with.

Below a mix of some winter snapshots of many of my Valentines in general. Many are not below who are still my Valentines but are not on my Iphone (which PS takes some low quality but highly lovable) snapshots of our life lately

 

 

my most precious goods

 

soul sister:)) 

 

 

My Man Roman

happiness:)

I think this picture is so cute.

me no makeup but hair nice from hairdresser.Funny pic and I like my smile in it!

t

True love

My real Valentine