I find myself finding a lot of these lately. Being in situations
where initially you think are annoying, or too time consuming or hard…and they
end up being superb moments.
I guess it’s the part of life that we get to call the
cherry on top.
Like when I was with Chase at the hospital for a whole bunch
of tests that cut into his day and mine…but we had so much fun and good
conversations. It was so memorable and bonding. What a gift to spend a few unexpected
hours with my teenager. I loved every minute.
Or last night when Bear got some nasty comments about how
he does not seem to accept authority from teachers and tells them how to do
their jobs (yup! That sounds like him!!!)…and we are mad at him and talk to him
and make him write to the teachers. Our conversation however goes much deeper
and turns into a great revelation about my boy. I learnt so much..and so did he.
We were in such a good headspace he helped me to figure out how to motivate
Beauty and Chase to do a better job at their chores too (aka lower their
allowance and heighten his own for having to so often pick up the slack).
And Ella’s surgery……has brought two families so close.
Not for a second do I wish or am suggesting she had to go through this ever….but
it is incredible to see what hardship can do. How she has become part of us and
her siblings too. How even through it all her Mommy is so concerned about my
kids woes and lives through it all and I have the feeling that this situation
will intertwine our families in ways that are unexpected. That it will make its
mark on our lives in a very incredible way.
Or like a very close and special person in my life moving
very far away very soon and I feel very lost in so many ways. Scared and alone
and destabilized to some degree as she is such an important part of my very
everyday life too. I don’t like it one single bit as she is not my email or
phone or texting buddy..she is my talking face to face girl. What will we do??
But because she is so used to moving..and leaving people..and being left…..and
moving on…I feel myself getting ok with it too. Learning to let go a bit and
hold tighter in a very different way than I am used to. Learning to do life
differently-which is so good for me in some ways too.
I am still waiting however to see what the silver lining
is in my oldest brother taking some of the hurtful decisions he has taken over
the last year? I am hoping there is no silver lining and that he just comes
back. I have to say even through it all, and all the hurt…I really, really miss
him. I don’t want a silver lining. I want him. Please come through to me soon?
There is always something good that happens to everyone
through heartache and pain I am finding. And I guess that is the thing about
life………is that there is always something there being offered up to you. You
just have to be smart enough and willing enough to be able to seek it and find
it. Through the blur..and the fog..and the tears even that can block your vision
towards beautiful things.
Beautiful things that become yours. If you want them?
