The Perfect Blend

Girls and sushi, poutiness and frozen yogurts with gummy bears. Sleeping in the living room and hiding from all ghosts.

Boys and steamiest, poutines, movies and reruns of their fave shows.

Lots of shoes by the door and Diet Coke (without caffeine)

Boat rides and tube rides in the blowing wind. Sand dunes and swims and Frisbee throwing

COTTAGE CLOTHES (I JUST LOVE LOVE LOVE COTTAGE CLOTHES) pls take special not of my daughter's funky purple suede coat paired with pink pj's and some kind of mismatched dress worn over. I love love love the old Grampa robe my son is wearing. Nothing in the world makes me happier than cottage clothes literally.

Broken Jacuzzis and ladies screaming at men to come fix it NOW!

Food all around yummy both simplified and in abundance. Chili, pulled pork sandwiches, homemade mac and cheese summer pasta.

Lots of sweets and treats. Cake pops, hello dolly bars and smore dip

Happy hours on the dock with crackers prepped by sweet boys. Some with jam and some with red pepper jelly

Trampoline galore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Badminton galore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“How I met your Mother” Galore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Who do you want to marry game in Jacuzzi? A boy or girl? Times are a  changing!

Adult Jacuzzi at night in the dark under Mars

Broken Boats and Miracles

Amazing and loud dinner conversations

Kids cleaning crews

Scavenger hunts

Funny homemade commercials

Bali beds and kayak rides

Swimming to the dock (the cool gang lol) and saying Happy Summer!!!

Hair-ties and talks about periods

Booby jumping

Cozy clothes and lots of blankets

Waking up late and lounging around

Singing desserts

Learning. Bonding. Knowing. Blending.

 

 

 

These are the perfect days of summer

Spent in the best of company

Sister Savvy and her amazing gang. I am in awe of what she has created. What they have created. From our spa robes….to this.

I am glad that our family gets to be part of their amazing family too.

Love. Laughs. Good times.

Keeping children children for as long as we possibly can. Trent provides the perfect place for just thisJ))

Cant wait to go to their place in OuterBanks one day!!!!!

A Few Moments of Well Deserved Bliss

Madame, Monsieur,

Aprés analyse de l'ensemble de ses résultats et conformément à notre mode de classement, votre enfant est placé définitivement en mathématique SN pour l'année à venir.
Passez un bel été.

 

Yes last night and today were really really good. Despite a million other things going on right now that make this week difficult, my three kids received their report cards. Chase also received the message above from the principal along with a call to Dad's office with words of praise.

They all did really, really well in school this year. For everyone who knows the Quebec French system Grade 5, Sec 1 and Sec 3 are supposed to be the hardest years for any family. They all pulled through. So did we.

And Chase got into the Scientific Math program!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We had not even thought this possible as there are two math streams; the ones that are for the weaker students and the one for the stronger students. He was completely borderline and at bottom of list of stronger group, but this school believes in him since he has made lots and lots of effort and progress in last semester.

This scientific math will allow him (if he passes!!!!!!!!) to not be limited in his college choices. The world will now be his oyster….

And Bear also did so so so well. I admire this kid so much. He is way beyond the class average on every subject and has an extremely high average but what is most impressive is his attitude towards school. He is soooo excited when report cards comes in the mail about his and his sibling’s grades. He goes over ever mark and also encourages them about their reports. This is so wonderful to watch.

And Beauty did very well indeed!!! We are very proud. Why do I feel a fish or a rabbit coming on??? I have the feeling that the progress she made this semester will get her into the two schools she will apply to and she will have a high likelihood of being accepted to both and also their phenomenal dance programs (still exams to write but at least step 1 was positive the grade 5 report card which is the first step).

And Chase not only in math but in every single other subject had improved marks and also excellent “comportment” that was noted by each teacher. And I saw the effort this took..it was amazing. I think for the first time every he feel excited about school.

And we worked alot on all three in terms of behaviour and respect in class. Each had a weakness in terms of this and most related to talking and chatting too much in class. This year we put our foot down on this and had many proactive meetings with teachers (initatiated by us and not the teacher) where we had plans of actions, accountability and follow ups). When kids talked in class or were bothering class they wrote letters of apolgies each time and we asked the teacher to impose consequences. For us part of school is respecting the rules and various teacher styles and personalities.

Big big improvements in this area. The music teacher who at first hated Bear now wants to adopt him! A thank you letter form Beauty's teacher thanking us for our implications and saying she wished Beauty had a younger sibling she could teach! The principal calling us directly re Chase! Now if this could just be the same at home...

 

(Yes some bragging here but I feel like is ok. I read many Mormon blogs (just because they have such super ideas for families!) a day that depress me greatly about my own kids so when my kids do something great I want to shout it to the world!!!)

So they are report cards but they are so much more than that for our family. They are pride, self-confidence, capability, effort. It feels like everything we pour our hearts into and teach them about it finally paying off. For us academic is a biggie. It is the key to the future. It opens so many doors. It teaches life lessons and builds skills. It allows you to be who you want you to be when you are old enough to do it.

I was down on myself in the last week about certain shortcoming my kids have (messiness, fighting and wrestling all the time etc..) This made me feel that although we do still have to concentrate on these areas and will…that we have been focusing on the right things for our family. And some things unfortunately come at the expense of others things.

Setting my kids up for academic success is major to our family. I finally feel like we have shown them the skills of how to do this. This report card of all three in their various ways proved to me that was used to be external to them and our desires and wishes now belong to them. They care..they want..they are proud..they are self-regulated when it comes to school.

Bless their little heartsJ

And Mommy? Feels great. I think I deserve a day like this.

 

PS-Next we tackle laundry.

 

 

Opportunity

"Each day offers me a choice.  I can keep my head down, my heart locked up, my soul tethered to my to-do list, my feet on the same old well-worn path.  Or, I can wake up.  I can pay attention to the subtle currents of my life, and allow them to carry me in a new direction.  I can feel my feelings, rather than avoid them.  I can be fully present, rather than half here.  I can wake up to the challenges of the journey, the conversation I don’t want to have, my fears about where I’m headed, the truth of who I am, the gifts and losses of my life as it is".

 Katrina Kenison

Taking it to the Next Level

Today is the last day of my current life. The end of an era. A brand new chapter is on the next page

It’s official so I might as well write about it now. Our housekeeper of 6.5 years is leaving (has 2 more days left). Because of our types of careers-she is what mostly makes our lives tick, and work and move. She is who gets food cooked and meals in our bellies, she is home for the kids, she cleans the house, does all the laundry, wraps Christmas gifts. She does a whole lot.

Spoiled you may wonder? Maybe a bit. But not really. We have jobs that require this. Most people in our situations with three kids have full time live in housekeepers. We have someone 1.5 days a week. And also my Mom who also we hire a number of hours a week doing other types of things like taking kids to their activities and appointments, doing errands, organizing food and many other things that add so much to our quality of life.

I know know know what mostly everyone is thinking reading this blog” get over yourself..there are bigger crisis than your housekeeper leaving your family-get a life and don’t be so dramatic!!”

And I agree. There are way bigger problems out there. Tons. Many of them I have experienced myself and many I have not and hope to never experience. This however is my problem right now and I own it and I am stuck with it. And PS this is my blog.

And this is more than meets the eye too. Much much more. Her leaving affects me on deep and profound levels and my husband too. Domestic help has always been important to us on a practical level and an emotional level too. The nanny we had for 6 years when the kids were little was almost like part of the family and this housekeeper who left was also like part of our family in some ways. It felt so so so good for both of us to be taken care of.

Now if you come from families where you have lots of brothers and sisters living close by and both parents alive and you all get together for weekly Sunday dinners you won’t understand this. If your parents own cottages and organize yearly family reunions where tons of cousins and siblings come and you all hang out and your Dad leads obstacle courses and roasts corn and marshmallows over the open fire every night, you also won’t get this either. If your parents have the means have a fund set aside for each of their kids in case emergencies arise or medical disaster happens you also won’t get this. If you rotate Christmas every year across 4 homes of parents, grandparents and siblings you will have no idea.  If you fall into all the above categories..or even just one..you will likely be reading this and saying”it is only a housekeeper”

And that is because…..your kids are probably being raised in a village. And you are very very lucky. For me a housekeeper is the only way that we lead the family life we do. Pointe Finale. It is my salvation.

Our family now has one grandparent left (my Mom) .She has not remarried. My kids lost 3 grandfathers in the span of 4 years. My husband’ both parents are deceased. My two brothers live far away (and one of them has decided not too speak to me much lately-thank god for the closeness of the other one). My husband’s siblings: one he has no contact with and the other although close and we have a good relationship with is not the village type of mentality.

I am not unique in our situation nor am I complaining. I am just very honest with myself what we do have and what we do not have in our families. Don’t get me wrong-we have A LOT. Our kids have one phenomenal grandmother very very close to us and the kids and lives 5 mins away thank goodness. We have a very very close sibling and his family but they live in the USA. We have a very very close set of Uncle and Aunt and cousins but they also don’t live closeby . We have a lot of circumstances in our extended family that do not add up to the whole raising your kids in a village mentality. And this village is an element that is of a high value for us and that we tried very hard to build as we got married and had children. We now try very hard to create this for our own nuclear family.

So all of that to say many milestones in our lives were spent alone. I remember when we brought our first baby home and we were all alone. There were piles and piles of snow on the steps outside and we had to show and shovel our way into the house while the two day old son was in his new car seat in the car. The house was cold and freezing and there was no food in the house. At the time my husband’s sister and family lived a 4 minute walk and his Dad lived a 3 minute walk. That was just the way things were. We were often alone.

So our village in some ways has always been our two beloved housekeepers. They have been the two that we have relied on..who have kept us secure..and kept us standing. They have cooked for our children and made sure their bellies were full. They were there for them afterschool to provide a nice word and a gentle hug a couple of days a week. They dug us out of hard situations and cared for our homes and our lives. Yes they were paid-but they were instrumental. They gave us the feeling of being taken care of. And there was no recipriciotcity needed. All they expected from us was a continued job, gratitude and recognition which we have them in bounties. They were there for us during moves to homes and new offices, in storms, in chaos and in normal life. They were constant and nurturing and reliable. They loved us and our children to the point that we still get cards and calls on birthdays and lovely letters from our first nanny.

Almost if we were all helpless and they fulfilled our every need.Magical. Too good to be true right? And now gone. But for two adults for whom “helpless” has never entered our vocabulary either as kids, teens or adults-this was a great feeling to have. To be helpless and not in control every minute of every day.

There is a reason that this post is called “Taking it to the Next Level”. Because I am smart enough to know that there is another level to get too. Being babied and helpless is not what I want in life. I am very cognisant that when something challenging in your life happens you need to allow that situation to fuel you, to shape things and to do things differently that you have before. To think differently about things.

Losing my housekeeper has made me grieve. For many things. It has made feelings deep inside of me surface and be dealt with. It has brought a hyper consciousness to myself and has allowed me to feel pain freely without an action oriented mentality that I usually use to band aid things up and move on. I have felt freely. I still do.

It has made me realize where I have fallen short in my life. What I have done wrong. Where I have fallen short as a mother..a teacher..a role model. It has made me critical of the actions of others.It has allowed me to truly and honestly grieve the village I never felt I had and allow myself to feel this fully without masking it up with all the positive beautiful feelings of the  things I feel I have had.

I have allowed myself to feel that I am a village girl without a village.

My housekeeper leaving will take me to a beautiful place and I now just have to figure out exactly how to get there. My unconcious is solving a lot of this for me in my dreams every single night. I have visions of my kids in the kitchen afterschool cooking up a storm, stews, spaghettis, pot-roasts. A feeling of pride and accomplishment in their hearts. I see laundry becoming a family affair and the scents of lemon fresh sheets being placed just so on beds with each of us holding corners. I see empowerment, accountability and life skills being taught and learnt. Life 101 as the semester’s next course. I see our family learning a new way of life. Together. I see us struggling and pulling through this whole new lifestyle and coming out winning. Bonded. Secure. Different. Better.

So I don’t know what it looks like yet…but I know I will make it good. And somehow it will lead to villages being built for my kids both now and in their futures as they have their own children. This domesticity being forced on me now will serve me well later as I care for their babies and cook for them, as I fold their sheets as they likely push me in a wheelchair. While I am not only seen as they sous chef chopping veggies as their Dad cooks up a storm but seen as a great cook with plenty of recipes  being cooked up for them. By me. For them. ME. Allowing a different part of myself to emerge under forced conditions but a part of me that needs to grow nevertheless.

My housekeeper leaving is major and will end of awakening something in me that has been asleep for a long long while.

Pretend they all adore you (this keeps rolling in my mind over and over and over)

Pretend you know how to nurture Tarina; to cook, to take care, to see grow. Pretend at first I know how to nurture. After a while of pretending it will actually be true. It will be me. I will be an expert village builder. And most importantly I will teach my children how to build villages right along with me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Musical Words to my Ears

“When you walk into a room pretend they all adore you”

You know those quotes that change your whole life? This one did for me. And below it in the magazine I read it in it said that it had changed the life of a well-known person too. I can see why.

For me it is about a room full of people. A family a husband. A friend.. An enemy. I will write a whole blog on it one day soon..but wanted to write it down short and sweet before I forget it.

And then a lovely text from my Soulkeeper (she won’t care if I write what she wrote I know that..)

She is just so beautiful. So graceful. So damn evolved.

“I never want you to do anything out of guilt or obligation in our relationship that would go against the integrity of our relationship. If something is not good for you then ultimately it is not good for me because it would come from a place of guilt and our relationship is so above that..I want us to commit forever to being honest with each other and honest with ourselves in our relationship”

And the best part of this lovely morning text? There was no situation or conflict. And nothing wrong. Just words of wisdom for our friendship in general.Just a gift. Free. No strings attached. Just a simple gift. Underserved really.

“And be honest with ourselves in our relationship…”

Have I really ever been honest with myself entirely? Never mind another human being? Have I 100% and fully??? 99% is just not good enough.

We have been friends forever since high school and super super close (with a big unfortunate break in between when we were still connected but not half as close for some years). Her Mom died tragically when we were late teens. I will never ever ever forget it.

I always tell her  that her Mom somehow made her into an angel for the rest of the living world to delight in. For her to save. And I truly, truly, truly believe this. Thank you Catherine.

This girl is like a moral compass to me. “V”  She is where I want to be in my life. And lucky me I have her steadily and warmly holding my hand as I try desperately to get there.

This kind of text moved me to no end. It felt so damn good to have a moral compass provided to me on a silver platter. Something that had never occurred to me at all…was given to me..no strings attached. And I am not sure I have ever felt this liberty or freedom as I did reading this today.

I felt peaceful. Ahhh...

Happy Friday!

(It is pouring buckets here but I have a truck full of 7 people 7 hrs.  away I love on their way to see me and my family and that is way way more important than any rain or sunshine).

Adrenaline and Me

It’s funny often I play this game in my head at work when people give an important speech or presentation…that I look at them and wonder” does your family know this brilliant side of you?”

Those same people I see at the family days with their kids and the Christmas parties struggling to get their two year olds on Santa’s lap. Dressed in jeans and baggy sweatshirts. I think in my head yet again as I see their wives and husbands by their side “do you know how amazing your partner is, how charismatic, how wonderful, how smart and driven? Do you have any idea?”

And very often I come to the conclusion that the spouse and kids definitely have no idea. That part they don’t see,

Well the other day I work it occurred to me that my family does not know an  important side of me much either. The work me. Also my friends, my Mom, my uncles and aunts…….what I do at work would probably be quite surprising to them. Except to my husband (often) I barely talk about work all that much. For whatever reason, I am not sure..but I don’t.

Despite that work is a huge part of me-it defines me on so many levels. Take it away and I would be a mess. That I know.

With the absence of a senior leader for our group in the last few months I have stepped up my game quite a bit. I have the President’s attention much more often and am invited more often to his boardroom. I am autonomously and independently leading critically important complex data driven meetings and leading groups of senior executives to important and critical decisions for the business in many ways,

How am I doing this????? Even I don’t know. I have always been a middle Manager or Director with a small team in my careers but never part of the Executive team. Why is that? For many reasons…mostly that my time is too precious to me and I like a layer between me and the biggest decision maker. However these last few months it has been me, myself and I and I and I have managed. More than managed. Our team at work has also been coming to me for advice, support, to help make decisions. I like leading. I am good at it.

Another thing that keeps me from a role at the senior level is self-doubt. Am I really good enough? Is it possible? However as I looked around the table at the group that sat before me..they seemed not that much more sure of themselves necessarily either. I remember reading somewhere that most top executives actually feel like they have no clue what they are doing and their biggest fear is that they will somehow be figured out that they actually don’t know what they are doing! I felt better somehow when I read this. A bit like stage fright before a performance..if you don’t still have it chances are you don’t take enough risks. High performance is never in one’s comfort zone. Great leaders always doubt themselves and their abilities.

All I know is that the other day I was in my element. I felt like I belonged there…one day….but for that day it gave me huge adrenaline. To prove to myself especially that I can do it.

And that there is a place at that table for me maybe should I ever wish to sit in it very possibly at this company or another company if I develop  and learn and want that one day . Right now I am just smart enough to know what that seat entails and I am not willing at this point to give up even one day of vacation with my family for any business review or business crisis.

And therefore this kind of self-knowledge and savvy of my values and boundaries….make that seat perfectly not for me at this stage of my life.It is fit for many other people.

I like seeing what gives me adrenaline in life be it the President’s ear…or a smoothie made in a blender on a summer night by my son. Both are precious. Both are me.

I wonder what my husband, my kids and Mom would think if they saw me in my element that day…and I wonder if it would surprise them or just confirm what they have always known about me?

It’s kinda fun to have a secret side. I rather like it.

Cool Pool Summer:)

I love every minute of the last 3 days of the first week off of school and seeing my daughter lead the public pool life. It is an amazing life for a tween I tell you. I am super happy she is getting to do this.

Since Chase was 11yrs of I always felt super guilty that my kids were denied this public pool life because I work. It is the one part about not being a stay at home Mom that makes me envious: the summers.

I remember between the ages of 11-14yrs that the public pool life was my whole life. Every single day from morning until late at night spent at the pool, in the sun, laying on towels, flirting with the cute boys, with tons of friends, bike riding, buying popsicles, saving our money to eat lunch out, getting sunburned, knowing all the lifeguards, swim team, synro, dive team and leadership programs. Loved every minute of this felt like freedom but was actually quite supervised and structured.

By the time Chase was the age to do this, because he was my first I was too scared to let him stay alone at home and bike to the pool. No way!!!!!! Never. By the time I felt comfortable with him doing this it was too late and he was 13 yrs old and not into the pool life and rejected it.

Bear follows whatever his brother says for this kind of stuff and he also decided cold public pools were not for him.

Somehow and somewhere between that time and now I decided that it is perfectly fine for my precious 11 yr. old daughter to come and go as she chooses and bike back and forth about a mile away to the pool. Yup. I did this. And surprisingly I feel great about his decision. And so does Beauty.

Also to her and my benefit she has two doting older brothers at home in and out all day and often home (and my Mom home often for her too)

Three days in and I can already see she is having the time of her life! She has teamed up with one of my Bff’s girls and they are inseparable. I have them both here now as I write this in my own pool practicing the syncro routine they learnt today for three hours now in the rain!. Beauty is in Gold swim lessons, syncro lessons and competition team for synro. She also joined the leadership program and helps the real lifeguards with various tasks. She tried swim team but decided that she did not want to do the meets on Wednesday nights as she wanted to “enjoy the relaxing summer nights” (clearly her Mother’s daughter!)

Fine with me! Nothing in my books is better for kids (and parents) than lazy summer nights. I have kept my kids out of soccer for them..summer hockey..tennis and everything else. I love summer nights at home (even though it rains on us each single one). Oh well we have a big gazebo.

So something inside of me today just felt so very happy…..for the fact that I can give Beauty a little taste of what I had. I feel good. And very lucky me the Sweethearts and the Holidays are members of the pool and hug my girl for me often throughout the day. It’s lovely. I love that our kids are connecting more and more with age and loving each other’s company. It’s like having a little cousin community.

A Mom at the pool today came up to me today (she is a stay at home Mom) and gave me a compliment I won’t be forgetting soon. She said” you are one of the first career women I know who ensure that your kids all get a superb stay at home life”. It made me feel super good.

Newly divorced I felt sad for her new situation as I know she has devoted her life to raising and providing for her own three kids and summer is at the top of her list of fun. She said now her kids cannot join any teams at the pool and have to be members at two different pools because they split their time between two homes. She said that all the Moms keep telling her how lucky she is to have so much time now to herself but she told me she misses the kids and especially the summer they always had together. This made me feel sad to hear for her…that what she has worked so hard to have all her life has now been taken away half the time (her husband left  her for a 25 yr old and they now have a new baby on the way!!!!!)

So this summer..like any summer will be complicated. Thank God I have three weeks of vacation. Complex it is in terms of schedules and keeping track of the kids..but also beautiful to watch my kids unfold..and relax..and enjoy and just do what they want to do. They deserve this soooooooo much after the dedication to academics all year long that they work so hard at.

And I am glad for Beauty anyways that her summers will from now on include bronzed skin, worn out bathing suits and tons of popsicles by the pool. I could not think of a better way to spend the summer if I tried.

Happy beginning of summer! No sun..tons of rain…but so far every bit as wonderful as I imagined for my kids. And for some odd reason...I think this might just last until school is back. I know I must be crazy bu for some reason I am hopeful.