A Few Things I know for Sure....

Not many things in life make me envious and jealous. A few do though..and one of them is people around me having vacation even if I am  on vacation myself! That’s how much I treasure time off. It is funny though I am less envious of the grand travels like foreign countries and travels to far off places (I just feel badly for the people packing!)…I am envious of the staycationers and the cottages and the rentals on beautiful places on the sea. Anything that involves good old family time…rest and relaxation…and generally no schedule.

 

I love havingnothing to think of. I love the thoughts that go through my head that are just silly and random.

Time for silliness. Space for random.

Like carrying a dinner tray down to the dock last night and trying to remember which plate was mine and which was his” I am always right”  great riddle to remember who’s is whose.

Riddles.Random. Silliness. Bring it on. So different than my everyday life. Thank goodness for the cottage that provides us this on vacations and weekends. I cannot think of a better place to be.

That being said what I love about staycations or cottage vacations is also the time and space in my mind to get down to business (and not the real business of work that I am fine to ignore for a couple of weeks). Real life business. Re prioritizing. Getting things right. Doing things differently.  I always always between the random and silly thoughts make some lists at one point of how to be a better person. Have a better life…be a better wife..a better mom. Even if I am already abundantly happy I feel there is always space for more.

I am a firm believer that no matter how happy you are you always always have to keep being self aware, and moving in a different direction. Stagnation leads nowhere no matter how comfortable that place is. I believe in change..discovery..movement..learning..failing..succeeding. Taking big risks and shaking things up.

So normally I write these things down in various pretty cottage notebooks and often act on them privately. Or don’t act on them all and they stay in the pretty notebooks. What I found has more impact lately is writing them on my blog and having my friends and family and readers ask me how they are going. Accountability.

So a few of the things I will be doing differently. Some grander and some mundane:

-going more with the flow. Not even sure what this means but have been doing this big time in the last two weeks straight daily and man is it relaxing. Hmmm..Coincidental that I have had no kids for 8 days. Easy to go with the flow when kids are mostly at camp. If nyou don’t have kids and think your life is busy? Think again

-flaunting what I have. Getting more back into my body and my fashion. I feel that since I have turned 40 I have become more boring..more self-conscious, more inhibited. So far on this vacation I change outfits three times a day again. Body clinging striped bright tanks with little bathing suits skirts. Feels good. (I think the game  I play with Hubby of let’s look who is over 40 and what has changed about them in last few years is getting to me..Knowing that he and I have a million things that have aged along with everyone else)

-Order. This is a serious one. Hubby and I already started doing 5 mins tidy every second of every day and man does it feel good. 4 weeks now and I already feel the clutter in my mind and body shifting. Uncluttered house equals uncluttered thoughts. I have a long way to go but on my way there. Watch out kids. Your lives are in for massive change (except your bedrooms of which I am a firm believer are your own and except for food being left in there it is your creative space to manage as you see fit with a little small tidy every couple of days)

-This is the biggest one: days of simplicity. Moving body every day for 30 minutes/eating nuts fruits and veggies as snacks everyday/intuitive eating always/ order before and after work at home/putting time into my looks (aka actually brushing hair to go to work) carrying a pretty water bottle everywhere (and drinking it).

-Here it goes..if I write it ..it has to happen. Making curries and start baking. Start being more domestic in general (OMG shoot me now) But something about this appeals to me!!! I have not figured out why and how yet but it does. Something is simmering inside of me like a big pot of lentils.

-Go with the flow. See how important this is I had to write it twice

-Travel to places other than my cottage. I have some dreams lately and lots of them before kids get too old and have jobs that hold us back! I want Boston…and Bali..and leboat.com. I want Turkey and Greece and the Amalfi Coast in a convertible car. I want Savvy to take us to Outerbanks and show us her cottage life there and look in the sky at night start bright (take me one day with you all??). I want Chicago and a house swap in Swiss (any takers for a beautiful house in the suburbs???)

-I am going to tune in this year to something I have not fully tuned into in a while. ME. I partially have always done this but not fully. Downton Abbey, new interests, my framed pictures, cameras, sweet outfits, plenty of books. Moi.

Basically it all comes down to what I always want and have a hard time remembering: Back to the basics: some love, some fresh fruit, some mint from the garden, long walks, yoga, close connections, some good trips to look forward to, a tidy home, well behaved kids, some major goals and achievements, minty toothpaste, a good shower gel, kindness and a good read before I turn in. Oh ya and a bottle of water.

For now that is enough as kayaks are calling me and bread with both peanut butter and nutella with a banana on the side (why oh why do I have to be allergic to my favorite food!!!) What I love about my little staycation list is that it is simple..and whimsical…and not stressed. Did you notice there is NOTHING about parenting on there???? Could those 165 books I read have paid off?? (I somehow doubt it it is only because kids are at camp)

Xoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxox

Lauren Kate

What 17 is Around Here

A girl at work said to me the other day” After you have been married 8 yrs it is all the same” Oh no it is not my dear!  Each year is unique..I would say every 5 yrs massively different. 17 is not the same as 8 and not the same as 25.

It all changes..just as you do..just as he does..just as you do as a couple.

It’s like saying a 5 yr old is the same as a 14 yrs old. Not at all.I have friends at the cottage who have been married 25 yrs and they keep telling us..”you just wait!” I could not agree more.

So yesterday was our 17^th anniversary, A splendid and lovely day. Perfect (and imperfect) in so many ways. I think we may have done all my favorite things. Woke up differently in bed (uncle and mom stop reading!)…..bit of reading in the shade…..I gave some gifts (notice the I part this year?)  kayak ride…lazy and delicious lunch on the dock…lemon meringue homemade pie…long long beautiful boat ride…nap on boat…reading on boat…throwing ourselves into water over and over and over…..drinks and reading in shade on bali bed….. Special card and promise of plastic bowls from Hubby (yup you heard right)….boat ride to village…going out for delicious dinner..boat ride back in total dark and Hubby getting lost. Me saving the day!!!!!!!! Sleeping out on dock on bali bed under the beautiful stars freshly soaked in Jacuzzi…..waking up to birds chirping and sunshine again and going straight into the lake. No kids for 5 days…Special special week

17 things that make it 17 and make it all us:

1-water people. He says his fave thing about me is that I am a mermaid. I go in water anywhere and everywhere. He loves boats, sailing, water water and water. Neither of us would ever consider marrying anyone who felt sick on a boat-just would never ever work

2-.we stick together. We do stuff together. Vacation is about us. Good memory as a child was my parents calling out “changing levels” that is us too. We follow each other around like puppies do.

3-we stick together. We have had some very tough times..still do. But we make it work. It is very very important for us to make it work, put in the energy. We committed 17 yrs ago and had three children together and we intend to keep it that way through thick and thin. Through great times and hard times.

4-We talk about our work together. Often. I love this. We share equally stressful and challenging and hard careers. We breathe the same air. And therefore require the fresh home air like oxygen.

5-We protect out time and know what needs to be protected. We shelter ourselves from alarms, dishwashers, works emails, dvds, anything else that threatens our peace of mind while on vacation. Most people want to do this..we do it. We need it. We make it happen.

6-We love our children to bits and think long term for them and for our family. We parent together and every decision made is both for their present and their futures and ours too. We have every intention of having the blessing of babysitting many grandkids here at cottage…taking them to ski lessons and teaching them how to waterski on a porte d'armoire.

7-We make time for what is important. Family, friends, relaxation time, work. We prioritize together and re-prioritize often.

8-We try to improve ourselves for each other

9-We both agree that if one of us dies we want the other to keep Trent and find happiness again (as long as we are buried together, have lots of framed pictures of us together all around the house, and the new spouse doesn’t mind that we will always be one and other’s number 1 and they will always always be number 2J

10-We like stress. We like relaxation. We both live on adrenaline (and god we have a lot of it)

11-we love good food. Yummy food-not fancy food. A few extra pounds will never be worth salads only. Carbs and cupcakes are alive and well in this home.

12-We know our limits and we make them clear-to others and to ourselves.

13-We feel gratitude and abundance for our lives every day. We also know we have worked damn hard at work, at our marriage, at our family to have what we do and we feel blessed.

14-We both understand that health is the most important thing ever

15-we love each other as we are. Scars, imperfections. We are both each other’s natural beauties

16-For either of us we both love love love our three children and our cottage. These priorities are very clear

17-Every year has it’s flavor. This one is do it differently.Sometimes you have to give up in some ways...to give in.

 

Happy Anniversary!!!!! We made it!!!! It’s a blessing and a miracle!!!!!!!

 

Love forever and always, Pookie Bear

Hit and Run

I never ever thought I was capable of leaving the scene of “an accident”

Apparently I am

No no.. not the car type silly!

The tampon hit and run.

You see each month when I have my period and I am at work and need to make a bathroom stop ..I get too lazy to bring my purse with me as I am often running to the next meeting. So…I just bring a tampon with me.

That being said you can’t just carry a tampon to the bathroom in your hand. I mean often on the way there I stop to chat-or shake someone’s hand or something, so I have to find a place to put it right?

It always gets stuffed right down my shirt at the top of my bra and off to the bathroom I go. This has worked for years.  Very simple and even makes me feel slightly mysterious and sexy believe it or not. Sorta like a little secret just for me within the professional environment (like the same as wearing no underwear)

Well..a few weeks ago-right in front of the elevators the damn tampon falls out of my shirt, slides down my stomach and out the bottom of my shirt and onto the floor!!!!!!

OMG.

Just as I am frantically bending to pick it up the elevator doors starts opening. I can’t take any chances of anyone seeing this and so I run away!!!! Very quickly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And I leave the tampon there in front of the elevators in plain sight!!!

What else was I to do??

It really did feel like a hit and run . I felt criminal like.

I ran around the corner to the bathroom and hid in the stall with my face all red and  flushed. And I started really really laughing, Almost out loud. It was one of those "so funny pee in your pants moments" Thankfully I was near a toilet.

I  knew when I came out the tampon would obviously still be in front of the elevator and I had my bra all ready for it when I planned to scoop it up.

But it was gone!!! In the space of 4 mins!!!

Someone took it. OMG again!

An elevator full of tampon stealers or janitors I guess.  Or a girl who had a heavy period? Or maybe some guy took it and thought it was a pen?

So I went back to my office and laughed some more and then quickly wrote this blog as I realized that I had nobody to tell this story to. One BFF went on mat leave (how dare she have a baby again!) and another well she just went missing in action. Another friend is a guy.  Why do all my work friends leave me behind???

Somehow not sure my new boss would find this funny.

So I blogged quickly and no time to finish since I was at work and saved the draft half finished. I forgot about it until tonight when my Hubby and I were at a restaurant and he had a tampon safely tucked in his pocket and I needed it. He said “you have no pockets-where will you put it?”

And down my dress it went againJ

He looked at me in an awe and with slight admiration. I could see he liked this...a lot. He smiled and laughed…I could tell by the smile on his face what he was thinking.

“My funny wife”

I can always make my Guy laugh even after 19 yrs. together.

Anything involving boobs impresses guys and makes them giggle at 5yrs or 53 yrs. Ever notice that???

 

 

Gracefully

This week I am almost finished my part of Chapter 6 in the book that I am contributing too and I wrote a whole section of “Being the Bigger Person” It is a lesson I constantly preach to others and repeat to myself often.For the sake of peace sometimes you just have to plain suck it up.

Make that first call, give that first kiss, and accept that your life may not be as you planned it out to be. Be the first again and again. Initiate and go back again.Run back and catch them.

I find sucking it up in life and giving up on many levels makes for a much more peaceful life in general.

Even though it is exhausting to so often be the bigger person.

Sometimes you may wonder "who is being the bigger person for me?" (and there is always someone who is)

The more I live, the more I realize how poor communicators most people are. And often cowards. So many people just do not have the ability to deal with difficult situations and therefore just retreat and take the highroad. So often I am tempted to just let them. But I know the right thing to do is to run after them. If they matter enough. Make it better. Make it matter.

I find most people have good intentions they are just in their own worlds and their own shells and they do not realize the impact of their actions of lack or them. They are most concerned with their own families but at the expense of many many other people. I believe it is not just your family you should be concerned with but should go beyond that and your caring should extend to other people you consider important.

I had an incident this week with an acquaintance that I really really respect. But her lack of ability to communicate this week and articulate and say sorry for a particular situation just really turned me off. It is always about me, me and me. And hurtful. This same person is a massive church goer and gives back to the community continuously. Always shocks me as why not start with the neighbor next door first???? Share the love all around in practice and not just in Sunday school!

And in almost every situation I encounter lately it all comes down to the ability to be courageous, to articulate and to communicate

Deal with your shit.

But it brings me back to myself actually. Often I am not the bigger person either.There are a few horses I have been beating over the head lately (issues not horses) that no matter what I do..they do not go away or change. They are what they are and I cannot fight them any longer. It is so hard when you are faced with this knowing the optimal and how you imagine it would just be so much better. If only….

But as I wrote for the book last night I realized that sometimes the biggest show of grace is to simply bow down defeated. Not in as resentful way but in an accepting way. A graceful way. A forgiving way.

It is super peraceful to do this.

And to accept: this is how it is. I cannot change anyone else but I can adapt and change myself. How will I deal with this gap right now? What is best for me? And move on without a bitter heart and without resentment which is excruciatingly hard.

I am reading an incredible book right now “Still Point of the Turning World” and it is mesmerizing. A mother losing her child to a terminal illness and writing about it. Authentically. So sad and heartbreaking. It is so good I can hardly work as all I want to do is go back and read it.

It made me realize that when you are in a situation that you feel you cannot change (and that you have tried your hardest to change) grace is to be called upon. And communication.

They are your only tools and only weapons.

Sometimes the biggest gift you can give someone is setting them free from your expectations. Sometimes this sucks for them as they fall from some of your graces and that has consequences..but other times it liberates a part of you (and maybe even them) that you never even knew existed.

Changing your expectations and adapting to what is….can bring tremendous peace. Instead of fighting for the prize.

A prize you will likely never win.

Mirror Face

Everyone has one ..so just admit it ok?

When you stand in front of a mirror-a natural reflex takes over and you do something automatically..on auto pilot…often very bizarre and strange.

I know people who become blind when looking in the mirror and literally almost close their eyes shut. Others stick big magnifying glasses to the mirror .Some only look at the left side of the mirror and their faces. Others obesssively pick away at blemishes. Some automatically study their teeth. Some stick there tongues out. Some put on a big wide and fake smile. Some people eyes role to the back of their heads and they feel dizzy. Some open their eyes so wide that if the wind were to blow their arched eyebrows would stay that way.

Have some fun! Go watch and see. It is there. I Promise. Look into the mirror.

Personally my mirror face is so instinctive and automatic for so many years now I barely notice but lately I have noticed more and more. It is quite obsessive actually (in line with most other parts of my personality thank goodness)

I look in mirror and bang…..my mouth opens into a great big wide “O” almost a big surprised look. I position my tongue at back of mouth and kind of click click

This is not a joke it is real.

(No reason to stop reading my blog! I am not crazy-just admit my mirror face to the public across the world. You will see yours too when you go an take a look!)

Can’t look into a mirror without my mouth opening wide. Yup.

When I become aware of it I try to stop but a few seconds later there it is again my mouth open and tongue positioned in back of mouth.( It becomes super awkward in the morning on conference calls when I am trying to apply makeup and speak on phone. Hard).

 When my kids come in the bathroom they always say”why is your face like that” My answer is always” go to the mirror and see what happens to your face when you look in the mirror”

They always come back smiling because they know I am right.

 This could be a great book one day or a good stand up comedy (let’s be clear-Mine and Mine again) “Mirror faces-The Origins of Unconscious.”

I wonder which of my parents caused my mirror face? I love blaming them for things that I don’t understand. Eenie meenie miney mo.You win Mom!

If I had nothing better to do I would hang out in bathrooms of big shopping centers and just watch as people exit the toilet and look in the mirror. This could be a full time career if ever I become desperate. I could be like one of those totally annoying mimes and walk behind people and imitate how they look in the mirror. I might just go to to SeaWorld or Disney and see if they are posting such a position. With a my new boss starting today you just never knowJ))

So go NOW and analyze your face in the mirror. If you are my Mom and her friends up at my cottage reading this go all together and have a good laugh. If you want to find it even funnier go to the bathroom upstairs where the mirror is crooked and makes your face look 20 lbs heavier than it is and then look in the mirror. Mom there is even a built in magnifying glass for you attached for your personal enjoyment! Enjoy ladies!

 

 

Hard is Good. (Right?)

 typos and no time to edit! Romantic evening:))))

Beauty in the last two years struggles (a lot) with sleep away camp. Strange for a girl who never shed a tear for this and has gone since she was 6 yrs old. Ok she has never loved it (at all) but it was never a big deal.

The last two years it is.

And problem is we believe in sleep away camp. A lot.

And we need a break from the kids. A lot.

And we need to tend ot our marriage. A lot.

And we need to get all of our work done at work before out vacation with the kids. A ton.

Plus bonus-these camps all these years are a key factor I believe in making all three of our kid’s incredible well rounded athletically and also have given the tremendous leadership skills in general. (didn’t help to make them tidy or obedient though!)

So all of this adds up to the three going to camp.

But this camp stuff really brings out a sentimental side of Beauty I will tell you. The kisses and the hugs not only flow but cascade for days prior. She never leaves our side. She says I love u a million trillion times a day.

(If her husband one day is in the war we have a big problem, this girl does not love goodbyes. She literally dreads it. She told us is ever we get divorced and she has to go back and forth she will want to “fall asleep forever”L(((

I had honestly never realized she idolized us this much!!! Yahoo!!!

 

And we do need a break and she went to camp despite it all. We are not the kind of family who has built in breaks. Mainly because of our cottage we spend all our time together and adore it. When I say adore I mean adore. But when it is time for a little adult time (mainly twice a year-we crave it)

 

Evenings lik tonight napping, reading, resting, having no schedule no cell phones- love that.

 

And we had a phenomenal weekend all together despite Beauty's crying. Tons and tons of good weather until 3pm today. Kayaking, paddle boating, sailing, tubing, swimming and boating. Ahhh..Summer has finally arrived. We actually slept on our bali bed on the dock!!! And guess who came to wake us up early this morning down there to cuddle? Loved itJ

We had yummy dinner and great conversations. Chase made us laugh all the way to camp too. He actually made us stop at pharmacy because one of our friends joked that a particular deodorant attracted all the chicks. He took this very seriously apparently. Hubby said he has a strong feeling Chase will come back in love for the first time…OMG I will kill the girl!  And sue the cologne company!

Bear was in a great mood as he is spending time at his favorite all time place in the world.

Beauty cried the whole way but then gave up near the end and used her witty sarcasm as her defences mechanism and managed to pull herself together (somewhat).

I love these kids soooooo much. Does everyone love their kids in this way???????? I guess they do-it just feels impossible how much I adore them sometimes.

So I kept telling Beauty-Hard is good. Every single hard thing that happened to me has ended up good. I am assuming her being my daughter ..her life will be the same for her to right?

And although I hate seeing my daughter this upset….I truly do…it also reminds me of the layers and layers and layers she has of personality…all her beautiful and different sides.

And as she gets older and my sons get older too….I am loving accessing this little one especially. We realized last night together with her tucked safely in between her Dad and I on the comfy chair under a blanket that ….one day it will be the three of us likely together.

My love and my heart go out to you Beauty tonight. Sweet dreams my love and I hope you make the choice to have a ton of fun.

Tonight my sweetheart and I are cuddling, taking a Jacuzzi under the stars and eating pesto pasta with chicken (and skor bars for dessert) Up early in morning for a swim in the lake and packing up to get back into the city for a later morning start to work.

Love you Beauty. You will be ok. I promise.

Wierd. Beans

Warning-you are getting me on a good day here.

Maybe..just maybe..losing our housekeeper will have some benefits. Tonight I have 3 extra teens in my house and we are having a blast. The kids are including us..the climate is great…everyone is eating up a storm. Happy content and inclusive. Why such a great night beyond the warm humid weather and a fresh lit up pool in the backyard to swim in?

I had my kids do dishes, do laundry and pack their camp bags even with their friends here. And as a treat I served up tacos and fresh fruit salad as a . (I adore feeding their friends might be one of my favorite things in life -a houseful of hungry teen boys)

So I put them to work and for some reason no one complained or whined. They just helped and it felt really good.

If my Dad had not been such a messy slob most of the time I might have thought that he was sending me some important message from heaven. Hmmm…maybe it is my Grampa then?

Something is brewing inside of me…growing and changing. And it is going to be big I tell you. Life changing. I seem to have lost some of my action orientation even. I mean tonight I interviewed a Russian couple for the housekeeping role and knew they were not for the job but chatted them up anyways….? What is that about? Be Bold..Be Brief..Be gone is my usual motto!

So maybe the beans in the spinach salad my Mom made did this to me..or the scent of fresh laundry hanging outside to dry that did me in….but here I will write it.

THERE ARE SOME PARTS OF CLEANING AND DOMESTIC DUTIES THAT I LIKE. IT KINDA ACTUALLY RELAXES ME AND SOOTHES ME AND KEEPS MY MIND OFF OF MY STRESS.

(is this possible????) This sounds as alien to me as saying "I prefer to eat a carrot over a cupcake? Come to think of it maybe I do!

Anyways like I said you got me on a good day. So far….beyond a shadow of a doubt and beyond some major inconveniences and some really crappy weather..this summer rocks so far. I have never seen my kids as happy and relaxed as in the last two weeks. Pls pls let this continue?

Next thing you know I will be getting a dog!