This week I am almost finished my part of Chapter 6 in
the book that I am contributing too and I wrote a whole section of “Being the
Bigger Person” It is a lesson I constantly preach to others and repeat to myself often.For the sake of peace sometimes you just
have to plain suck it up.
Make that first call, give that first kiss, and accept
that your life may not be as you planned it out to be. Be the first again and
again. Initiate and go back again.Run back and catch them.
I find sucking it up in life and giving up on many levels
makes for a much more peaceful life in general.
Even
though it is exhausting to so often be the bigger person.
Sometimes you may wonder "who is being the bigger person for me?" (and there is always someone who is)
The more I live, the more I realize how poor communicators
most people are. And often cowards. So many people just do not have the ability
to deal with difficult situations and therefore just retreat and take the
highroad. So often I am tempted to just let them. But I know the right thing to
do is to run after them. If they matter enough. Make it better. Make it matter.
I find most people have good intentions they are just in their
own worlds and their own shells and they do not realize the impact of their
actions of lack or them. They are most concerned with their own families but at the expense of many
many other people. I believe it is not just your family you should be concerned
with but should go beyond that and your caring should extend to other people
you consider important.
I had an incident this week with an acquaintance that I
really really respect. But her lack of ability to communicate this week and articulate
and say sorry for a particular situation just really turned me off. It is
always about me, me and me. And hurtful. This same person is a massive church
goer and gives back to the community continuously. Always shocks me as why not
start with the neighbor next door first???? Share the love all around in
practice and not just in Sunday school!
And in almost every situation I encounter lately it all
comes down to the ability to be courageous, to articulate and to communicate
Deal
with your shit.
But it
brings me back to myself actually. Often I am not the bigger
person either.There are a few horses I have been beating over the head lately
(issues not horses) that no matter what I do..they do not go away or change. They
are what they are and I cannot fight them any longer. It is so hard when you
are faced with this knowing the optimal and how
you imagine it would just be so much better. If only….
But as I wrote for the book last night I realized that
sometimes the biggest show of grace is to simply bow down defeated. Not in as
resentful way but in an accepting way. A graceful way. A forgiving way.
It is super peraceful to do this.
And to accept: this
is how it is. I cannot change anyone else but I can adapt and change myself.
How will I deal with this gap right now? What is best for me? And move on
without a bitter heart and without resentment which is excruciatingly hard.
I am reading an incredible book right now “Still Point of
the Turning World” and it is mesmerizing. A mother losing her child to a terminal
illness and writing about it. Authentically. So sad and heartbreaking. It is so
good I can hardly work as all I want to do is go back and read it.
It made me realize that when you are in a situation that
you feel you cannot change (and that you have tried your hardest to change)
grace is to be called upon. And communication.
They are your only tools and only weapons.
Sometimes the biggest gift you can give someone is
setting them free from your expectations. Sometimes this sucks for them as
they fall from some of your graces and that has consequences..but other times
it liberates a part of you (and maybe even them) that you never even knew existed.
Changing your expectations and adapting to what is….can bring
tremendous peace. Instead of fighting for the prize.
A prize you will likely never win.
