Text Junkie?

 

I got wind of my texting usage by seeing my mobility bill and it is much higher in the texting area than peers I am guessing. And that made me think a lot..and reflect and… even laugh a little.

Because it is funny. I am one of the most disciplined people I know when it comes to technology and setting limitations for myself and my family. I am also so technologically backwards and archaic (I have no Facebook, no Twitter, no instagram, NADA because I feel it takes away from my present life) My friends laugh at me all the time about this!!!

But clearly texting is my thing. And being connected is my thing too. So it all stared making sense.

I text a ton when the right moment presents itself. I have times when I text and times when I do not. It is a relaxation thing for me-I could literally send out 100 texts at 11pm at night in short conversations-that is how I do things “ Hi”  “How are you” I love you” Goodnight” Ping! Ping! Ping! And I adore this quick efficient communication of letting people know how much they are on my mind and finding out how much I am on theirs. Let’s just say unlimited texting packages are made for me bc one conversation could be 200 texts of one word each..I love it.

I am the queen of technogy “rules” for myself :

Though shalt not text at dinner ever

Though should not text when there are kids around in family time

Thou shall not text during working time when I need my focus unless in crisis or kids conversations afterschool to check in and have then nice cheerful texting conversation

Thou shalt  always text to take a break for 5 mins after a completion of a big project instead of getting coffee or a chocolate bar from vending making.

Thou shall pee and text simultaneously as needed.

Though shall cuddle thou husband for one hour in bed before connecting with anyone else

Thou shall never text during meetings or have phone on unless it is a hospital calling or someone is in surgery (you can see where my life has been lately!!!)

Thou shalt never ignore the person in front of you for texting

Thou shalt never ever waste a precious moment of life on /facebook, Twitter or Instargram until thou art retired or semi-retired.

I am also the queen of sounds and alerts off unless certain hours of day etc. for minimal distraction. I use my phone for everything. Contacts, notes, second computer screens, photos, agenda, calendars, sending emails. My phone is part of me…if it kept beeping to show me a new email or text I think I would shoot myself!!! So I tune all alerts and displays off and then go crazy at lunch in the stir fry line for 10 mins answering back. I love connecting in the stir fry line. Maybe a bit anti-social to my colleagues but I consider those 10 minutes of waiting my time. I feel I have earned it !

And it is funny to compare myself to others. Maybe others are not big texters but their alerts go off every second in meetings for their email and then answer i! Or during group lunch they email! Or they are on Twitter and Instagram throughout the day or the chat function! Everyone has their own patterns. Modern society has certainly complicated the world hasn’t it?

 

So it was funny to see what an extreme texter I am given all these rules for myself. It was to me a true paradox about myself. Tons of rules for myself..Tons of limitations…but also pure connectedness is very important to me. Productivity in life and Connected are probably the two areas that define me. Texting meets both of these purposes for me as quick and short but connected and frequent…and also allows me to be super productive in my life. Was an interesting epiphany for me.

And I saw how people can easily become addicted to technology if they don’t set limitations for themselves with devices. I saw it for 8 weeks between January and March where I lost control of my own rules for the first time. I was in such state of many personal crisis (three main ones and 2 minor inor ones all simultaneously) that in order to function I texted and texted so much. No boundaries, no rules. Alerts on and ping ping ping I would answer. I needed it like oxygen. I should have listened to my doctor and taken a month of work but I felt I could not do that-so I took the next best thing and had no rules for myself. I abandoned the me who is a perfectionist and so rigid with this stuff. And I kept all the balls in the air successfully. I delivered at work. Delivered at home..Indulged myself to massive comfort and connection. Did I deliver as well as the other months and years of my life? Probably not-but I did my very best. And I worked my ass off to keep these balls in the air…and keep connected. What got left behind were sleep and showers and shopping I would say. Sometimes I would work at night 1-4am! Sometimes I would text at 11am-12pm! It was all messed up those 8 weeks and although I needed it…I hated it an resented it. It was exhausting. Totally exhausting to be so connected with alerts and sounds one indicating the next new message. How does anyone do this long term???? I think during that time I even kept my phone pinging in the car!!!

 

Anyways as a few weeks ago although the things in my life that caused these crisis..are still there…I am in a different place about them now. Thanks God and I am back to my normal ritualized, rule ridden, strict but connected self.

 

I got both great surprise and great pleasure by seeing how much I text. It confirmed to me that I am where I want to be. With not one part of my life sacrificing the other. Delivering..Career woman… high performer ..wife..mom..friend,,,daughter. Delivering and Connecting. What I would want to be known for and respected for when it all comes down to it. Work Hard. Play Hard.

Being able to integrate it all in a way that makes sense. Under my own ritualized and watchful eye of self awareness

 

PS Party

 

So he called for us to come and pick him up a whole hour before his “curfew” (in quotations bc we don’t believe in curfews we believe in setting a time with the teen that makes sense for that particular situation and event, them, their friends and our schedules).

Anyways an hour earlier than we thought he called. On text he said he had a great time-but in reality he said it “sucked”. He said it is not his kind of thing to watch a bunch of people he barely knows get drunk. He seemed distant and pre-occupied and quiet. He did not even mention the “parent bought beers” and I was quite frankly too afraid to ask. Part of me felt happy he didn’t really like this kind of party and another part of me felt sad for him that something he was really looking forward to he did not enjoy. Being a teen is really really hard.

I went to bed really late. Waited for everyone to be asleep. Crept down at 1:30am quietly and opened knapsack. And there they were-both beers…in the plastic bag I had bought them in.

I went and found the best hiding place I could find in the house and hid them

And then I silently patted myself on the back for a job well done that it was me hiding them and not our son. I had achieved what I had set out to do since the day he was born(in this particular situation).

I trusted him and he trusted me. And the three of us that night set the stage for our other two younger children. the expectations were set.

We learned last night how to be parents to teens. Successfully.

This will be a Controversial Post

and......

 

Don’t I know it people! That’s what makes it fun to write (and read)

In the last two days I have bought beer at the depanneur.

Thursday night for me and the kids (non alcoholic beer) and Friday afternoon 2 Coors light alcoholic.

For my 16 yr old son

Back track: The non-alcoholic beer: I have been wondering about it lately and reading about it-so I bought one and tried it with the boys as a taste test. It passed! Smells just as lovely as real beer (love the smell of beer) and tasted as gross as a real beer (hate the actual taste of beer) and the aftertaste was really gross as in even when I brushed my teeth it still stayed gross. The kids and I had a blast with this.

Second…we have always been very open with our kids. Beyond any rule that we have or do not have-our center is open communication, honestly and building up our relationships vs tearing them down or having to have our kids need reasons to rebel or lie to us.by making certain things off limits. Respect for each other, open communication and honestly about the big stuff especially is important to us. Also trusting our kids and respecting them and their decisions.

So that’s why I bought two beers tonight for my 16.5 yrs. old and let him take them in a knapsack to a party.

He has been so upfront with us in the last three months specifically. Coming to me about advice about alcohol..Parties…discussing and deciding with me the parameters and rules..we decide these things together the three of us..we don’t come with preconceived ideas. And so far it is working really really well.

 

I know the whole alcohol drug things starts for many in grade 7 but in our school although it starts for some that early-for many it really begins in the last two years grade 10-11. And by 16 yrs. old I cannot seriously look my kid in the eye and tell him that he is not allowed to drink. Because he will. Because I did. Because my husband did. Because in moderation it is a learning experience. By 16 I was doing a lot …never drugs and never much more than one beer and pretending to drink all the other crap and behind trees spitting it out…but I even had a serious boyfriend and would sleep at his house buy 16.5!!!

Anyways….I loved the way my son approached me on this one. He explained that he is starting to occasionally be invited to go to house parties (this is second one) where there are drinking and drugs. And that he would personally like to drink 1-2 beers (and he admitted to me that he doesn’t really like beer and so would likely follow in my footsteps and spit most out). But that his fear was taking beer or any drink from anyone else as could be laced with drugs –too strong and not light as he would want it to with less alcohol content etc. I found this very reasonable and very responsible actually.

And very very confusing.

Over the last few weeks since Chase has been discussing this alcohol convertaions I have asked probably over a twenty people I know who have teens fully grown now what they did about parties in their house, drinking, parties at other houses etc. and I got so so so many varying answers. Some of this stuff I would never allow and some I thought were great ideas.All of these people I highly respect.

 I have been most strict so far about this stuff-seems a lot stricter than most of the people I asked advice from. And a little naïve too.I had a dinner last week with two of the moms of friends of my guy.I felt like I did when Chase was in grade 6 when I woke up and realized at the end of that year that for two years my sons friends had all been allowed to walk/bike home after school with their buddies and I made mine take the bus. He was behind and left behind.

I need to do things differently this time. With the first it is hard as it’s hard to know what is right and what is wrong.

Well after humming and hawing about it and asking lots of advice from colleagues –I finally bought two beers at the depanneur and gave them to my son. And now he is at that girls’ party and it is the first night that I feel like we are entering a whole new world for real.

Did I make the right decision or the wrong one? I truly don’t know. I went with my gut…and my husband’s gut and even mom’s gut. For this son-in this situation it felt right and real and good.

(Maybe after the party I will have a different perspective. Maybe he will too).

My guess is that he won’t even drink half of one. Might even have one in his bag when he comes home to save for later as he won’t believe I would ever possibly do this again.

All I know is that I felt good tonight about my relationship with my son and his with me. This kid would go to major bat for either of his Dad or me and loves us both fiercely. Could I ask for more? We must have done something right?

I am willing to take that chance on my kids. It’s against who I am to do otherwise. Again it may be wrong or it may be right-but it feels right for me to do it the way we do it. And again….knock on wood I have two full on teens now and one preteen and have had great experiences with them (so far!!!!!!!!) Teen- hood this far is likely my fave stage even though difficult. We give a lot of boundaries and education and lessen our rules and our hold. We check up on them here and there but not a lot…and trust their judgement most of the time.

So that is that. It’s a hard stage. We aren’t in control anymore as much as we were before. Our son’s whereabouts although we have a name and an address are shady. Maybe he arrived by foot, in a car ,,,on a scooter..just like I did at the same age. He is living his life and trying out things for fit. He is talking to us, respecting us, negotiating with us…being honest with us…and letting us into his life. I feel it is an honor. And he is setting a great example for our other two children on open communication.

So we shall see after this party tonight (ps it sucks having to stay up late like this on Friday nights and go pick up). Maybe I am crazy or maybe I am a genius. I am anxious to see! And I was very clear that I may have bought the beer but I am not the one drinking underage,. He is responsible for his actions and choices and the consequences if any.

PS-Just got a text from him. And it was nice ..and sweet and asking again my permission to drive home on the scooter of a friend who has one who has not had a sip of beer at all. And my answer was no. and he accepted that. We all have our limits. I am happy that I have been respectful enough of him to understand his needs and for him to be respectful enough of me to understand my limits.

I have always loved and continue to love this boy of mine more than life itself. It’s both wonderful and hard to watch him grow up and away from our little cocoon we have so lovingly built.

PSS-He just called again and asked us to come get him. I cant wait to get him home. Bye!

 

Simple Swedish Meatballs

 

Tonight we shook it up a bit. We did Family Night at Ikea. I was pretty much the only one who loved it. They all thought it was ok-I thought it was marvelous.

Firstly I love the food at Ikea. As in love it. For 50 dollars we all got a full meal and a dessert and drink and two big packs of cinnamon buns for the next two weekends! And I love the tray trollies too. Everyone else liked their meals too.Nothing beats that cranberry sauces and gravy. My cupcake however was made with rum icing and was pitiful. We passed it around for nibbles and all got a little tipsyJ

Then we split up and shopped, Guys for the basement furniture and Beauty and I for hampers, bedding, garbage cans and a bunch of other useless cheap stuff that I couldn’t resist buying-because it is Ikea afterall.

Was funny we never do stuff like this on weeknights. I almost felt sinful leaving work at 6:15pm to do this..I didn’t know why either!!!! It felt almost sneaky that I was shopping with my family until 9pm on a Tuesday night for some reason.

But the best part? Better than my meatballs? Was watching my daughter. She danced throughout the store (as she always does in every stores, place building or corner for the last three years) but tonight…for the time in 4 weeks…I did not even notice she was wearing her brace (like the other 22 hours per day)

Gosh this girl of mine if beautiful (if I do say so myself!) Untamed-wild beauty.

The brace is becoming the new normal! I think anyways! It’s becoming ok…I think. Watching her in front of me-it was like the doctor promised us-it will become part of her eventually. Could it be????

(wait until we get the night brace in two weeks then back to square one again for a bit)

Anyways tonight I felt so peaceful . Even just a little dose of this is good as so foreign for so long. I was so desperately happy and satisfied to just be our family of five at Ikea. All of us together. Together where we belong-eating meatballs and dancing around the store. Coming home and tucking all those precious teens in bed and cuddling up to my husband for our weekly episode of Parenthood.

Something felt right today-really right-among many wrong wrong days.

What you get to have when you go through a lot of shit…..is that not a lot feels like shit in comparison anymore. It’s hard to be irritable and stressed and worried and annoyed when you don’t have real shit to deal with. You get to have that comparison!

Things are looking up.

For the first time in a long while….I feel like I am lucky again.

Can We All have Normal Back Pretty Please?

Savvy and I had a good conversation on the phone a bit back about how sometimes in life we have to get used to “a new normal” I totally get it. I understand it. It makes sense to me. But I still hate it. I liked my old normal better. Who moved my cheese??

Well since then it literally feels like everyone close around me is also struggling to get used to their own versions of new normal too. So much has happened to me and around me in the early part of 2014. And the snow that we still have in April here….who even notices or cares? Least of everyone’s concerns around here.

Right now most people very close to be are going through some major crisis or life changes. One BFF is sitting in a hospital right now while they are doing a surgery on her husband for the second time in two weeks..another BFF is on her way to very likely say goodbye to her Nanny (who is like her mother) and have to make the tough decisions to possibility opt for palliative care…and other BFF is waiting for specialized blood tests to come back from the children’s hospital for her son who has not been feeling himself. Another text last night from my Uncle and Aunt that a beloved family member in their family is on his last days and they were making the trip down to say their goodbyes.  And the list goes on and on and on and on.

And everyone else close to me is also  struggling with big things too around me in general …concussions…illness….divorces….infertility …bullying….deciding to have a baby or not…hearing loss..getting used to a new brace, post traumatic concussion symptoms..Allergies to wheat....being sober….high blood pressure.

What is happening? I ask this to my husband all the time.

 

He says it is the way of the world and that the only reason that I am noticing it now is because I am in my forties. He is 12 yrs. older than me so for him this is all old hat.

He says in the 40’s parents of friends start getting sick..Our parents start facing health issues …people themselves in 40 and 50 start experiencing health problems.  And this is true for sure. We lost hubby;s Dad ..my Dad and my beloved Grampy all within I think 3 yrs.  Also most common age of divorce, illness, crisis. I guess also said also as kids get older their “natural” evolutions (health problems, curves of spine, high cholesterols etc…) start showing up as part of their genetic makeup as they make their way into their long term bodies and adulthood. Yuck.

Wow-people really know what they are talking about eh when they say to enjoy the carefree 20’s and 30’s!!!! And advise us  take every moment possible with young kids and babies! No wonder there are so many Moms opting to stay home full time.

Anyways today my thoughts are not for myself and my own crisisis. They are for the people I love around me struggling with their own crisis, my heart and prayers go out for health happiness and love. For all of you-from all of us. This weekend many of the closet people in my life are living their own versions of hell. I won’t write details as it is their stories to share not mine but know that I love you and care for you and have nothing but you in mind.

And even if the “new normal” is where we all have to go-somehow I want to find our way back to what used to be so simple.

But I know that we can’t. So here’s me doing the next best thing offering up my hand to hold yours so that together we walk in our new normal line

Love,

 

Lauren Kate

Conclusion of the Dream-Nightmare

 

The woman sweetly told the man the next day of her dream..how symbolic it was for her and how meaningful. She felt good to be so vulnerable and share the depths of her heart with him even if it was really hard for her and not in her comfort zone.

At first it looked like their might be tears coming to the corners of his eyes…it looked like he was profoundly touched and altered form this disclosure.

Then the wife realized the husband was beginning to laugh as he said “I know what that dream means!!!!”

 

And the wife says “What?” (feeling a little scared)

And he says “It was that husband running and running and running far away from his wife!”

Yes well ok that is another interpretation I guess. Thanks for sharing husband.

Dream Come True

It was a four hour never ending dream. Or nightmare maybe.

There was a man and a woman and they were on a trip. An exotic trip. They were married 18 yrs and having so much fun splashing on the beach.

And then the war started and people started shooting at them..an army of black African man in little straw skirts started shooting them with guns and bow and arrows.

Shooting everyone on the trip.

Everyone was dying off

The husband and wife were injured but kept getting away from the bad men. Until the bad men would find them again and shoot them down again.

The dream went on and on and on. Most of the dream was the two people lying on top of each other barely able to speak and bleeding and having now words and no voice..waiting and scared and shot. Knowing they could not move.

And then…they guard left his watch suddenly for 30 seconds and the husband noticed and he got up and said “this is my chance to escape” and he ran and ran and ran and ran deliberately and powerfully like Forrest Gump across the field and the jungle into the night. It was amazing and powerful.

But he did not take his wife. He did not even look back. He ran and ran and ran and ran.

But she was not sad the wife…she did not feel abandoned. She felt his strength. She felt him change and come alive. Come back to him. She knew he was not her Protector anymore. He was running for his children as fast as he could. Because someone has to get home to them and protect them. He thought he would make a good choice. He could see that now. He could understand that it was not only his wife who could go home to the children-it was him too.

And so she got up too and ran and ran and tried to follow him. He never looked back as there was no time to waste but she ran and ran and she caught up with him. And they were running alongside each other and partners running towards the same cause.

They found safety together. They got home to their children. He was not her Protector anymore because there was nothing to protect her from anymore. He was strong again. She did not need protection.

He gave her strength instead. That was what she needed.

They were both happy.

It wasn’t a nightmare anymore.

She was safe.

He had saved her by saving himself first

It was the best dream she ever had.