Spain!

Our trip to Spain  ( 3/4 of it and last few days another day)

sorry for typos..on my phone!

Everything beautiful usually starts in a chaotic way for us ... It's just how it seems to happen 

I realize theses are third world problems .. Trust me we have have our share of worse.. But always hard ( in an easy way ) when travel gets complicated .

Planned a wonderful trip to Spain to visit my brother and his family . Have been so busy lately that was actually looking forward to our 4 hr layover in NYC at the airport .

Well that never happened ... We ended up ticket counter to ticket counter in Montreal and did that for 7 hrs straight . Finally got on another flight since ours was delayed and then when about to go on runway was told that there was a weather shut down in NYC .

It would exhaust me to write all the stupid details of this extremely frustrating day so I will just say that things went downhill from there and we ended up not being able to pee of eat for a full 24 hrs and then only got to our destination 36 hrs later .

We paid loads of extra money for flights and seats that were horrible and not connected and late and ended up sitting in chairs in the back that did not recline and right beside the bathrooms . (Actually that was supposed to happen and at the last minute bossy tarina made us get normal seats . Hubby complains when I get super assertive ... Quite frankly I don't care to be seen as the nice person and sit in the smelly bathroom seats thanks very much !)

Overall a horrible frustrating experience getting to Spain  . When stuff like this happens to us re really start to question if travelling is for is .

And then what usually happens is we forget all during and after a beautful trip 

Which is of course exactly what happened on this one !!!

Day 1 -( well really day 3 !!! ) we ended up in Seville in the evening vs the morning due to all the flights . So instead of spending 6 hrs to the airport  we decided to start out trip off with some indulging and and paid for a nice hotel near airport to sleep and shower for 4 hrs . I think the reservations thought we were a couple having and illicit affair ... Little did they know I had just gotten my period ,  were both severely jet lagged and the room they gave us had two twin beds . We had the best naps ever and the shower felt heavenly .

In the evening we took a short flight to Sevilla and got to my brother's apartment .

And it soooo nice !!!!! With a huge terrace and everything even with a Bali bed on it ! Cute and cozy and we have a sweet pullout bed . Perfect 

We went out with bro and two nieces ( sis in law is at a conference in USA for a few days and we will be together second half of trip )  we strolled for a long time in the old village and along the river and ended up in a great tapas resto on the water . And most places all have cerveza sin ( beer no alcohol ) in draft ! Excellent welcoming  to this great place as usually this part of travel can be hard for someone who is used to drinking and not anymore . 

They are living in the most central and best location. Any place we go in  Europe we love - but this place especially is hard to beat . Beauty at ever corner literally . Every park .. Every building is rich in history and intricate and stunning .

Went go bed and slept on and off until 11am the next morning !!! Joined them on the terrace  for cafe and Nutella sandwiches with rubbed tomato and oil on baguette with corse salt cheese . Very spainish and yummy 

Then we headed out and walked and walked from 12:30-6:30pm and visited the real alcazar castle and it's beautiful gardens . We walked and walked and admired every corner . Stopped for the cutest mini sandwiches ( 1 euro each and 89 types

To chose from ) and stopped again for fanta limone and beers .

Came home for a rest and I fell asleep in the Bali bed and then got up to go the street around the corner again for falafel and gelato . Ps my brother is just as into food as we are :))

Great first day . It is super fun spending so much time with our nieces and hearing about their lives and interests . This is going to be a great week .

Tomorrow up early as school for girls and we are in the middle of their space so we will clear out and go up to the deck Bright and early and put the rollout bed away . 

Day 2 - we are trying to aim to be the best house guests ever ( they are !! ) so we are being super tidy and clean and like little mice out of the way of the small apt and busy school and after school schedules  . This morning we set alarm for 20 min before they woke up ( 6:30am ) and put our rollout bed away and went up to rooftop to hopefully fall back asleep on the couches up there . Problem was it was raining and soaking . Nothing a few towels the couch and our heads could not fix ! I was on the dryer side and apparently snored while hubby got aggravated and totally soaked ! As soon as we heard the gang had left for school and work we came back down into the house .

We did the whole European food thing and went to the bakery for our toast and then the grocery store for our dinner meal that we will cook for the family tonight . 

That was fun 

Then it poured some more on us and we took our umbrellas out and headed to the Turkish baths I had found on the internet . It was a really cool experience ... Hot and cold baths all in a in a roman Turkish bath setting . There was even a salt bath where your body floats with no effort needed . All in candlelight and really beautiful architecture and music .

I would recommend this experience to all . When my sis in law gets back from USA later this week I think we will need to hit this place again given that it has been our tradition for years now when visiting  do do a spa or shop together ( and sometimes both )

After Roman baths we went to a cute Italian resto and had super delicious pizza . Rain had stopped by then and were able to sit on terrace . Hubby is seriously impressed with all the non alcoholic ( very tasty ) draft beer . It's a staple here !! We decided in about 5 yrs when all kids post highschool we will rent an apt on Seville for 3 months and learn Spanish intensively and I will write a book here. We will travel to all the surrounding areas in weekends . Seville is a great central location. So much to look forward too in 5 yrs !

Then a river tour on a boat seeing all the landscapes of Sevilla and we were so tired we nearly feel asleep but was beautiful . Then a long walk to plaza des espagana where we rented a row boat and did semi circle of the plaza that way . It was really beautiful 

Stopped for beer and chips and strolled  back  and did the long walk home .

We made pasta for dinner an ate on the terrace in the apartment and all caught up about our days . If is a very cozy family feeling . Can't wait to see sista soon too !

Tomorrow off to Portugal ( only 2.5 hrs away ) to the algarve to a really cool hotel hubby booked as an early bday present for me :) we were supposed to book a cheap hotel but this luxurious one is a bday gift and I am getting a little spoiled 

Day 3 - we woke up this morning and gave up trying to be guests of the year and just stayed in bed while our hosts ate breakfast and got ready .  We kinda slept in their faces given that the bed is right beside the kitchen and the breakfast table . Oh well we did it for the first couple of days !

We chatted with my brother after he dropped the girls at school and we then left to get our car rental to take off for out two day stay in the algarves in Portugal . I slept in the car while hubby drove and then we found a beautiful little beach resto and enjoyed omelette and pizza ( and Portuguese na beer of course ! ) the beaches here are fab and all caves and rock . 

Then we arrived at our beautiful resort . A huge resort and gorgeous pool on a cliff overlooking the ocean and the beach is also very beautiful . It is October so not pure beach weather and a very rough ocean but the perfect temperature to put our feet in and slash around .

We then went up to the most amazing huge Bali bed ever on a cliff and overlooking ocean and shared a sirloin sandwich and brownie icecream .

Then we read and fell asleep for a couple of hours ... We both adore napping .

That is a good thing about us as a couple we are very very in sync of what we like to do .

After our nap we went back to gorgeous room and read on terrace in candlelight and then chose a close Italian resto for dinner . 

Going to shower soon in the beautiful bathroom and have a great sleep in the big bed . What is cool about this room is the wa

y it opens up onto a big terrace .

So far Portugal is a real treat ! Tomorrow going to

explore two more beaches and do a cliff hike between them and end up at what is known to

Be ( and confirmed by our family ) as the best Indian food ever !

- I am liking this trip a lot . A few conclusions I have come to so far :

-It is good to take breaks from email and texting ( tomorrow will be the mid way and I will check only then once (

- I am a really good person when I am not busy and stressed ( and on phone all the time ) I am so much better of a person when I am fully present ( hence my rules of no or limited use of technology often on weekends and evenings and vacations  !!)

- my brothers family is way more peaceful and zen and quieter than ours !!!! Omg ... What a contrast ! Our kids are so LOUD ( and so are we !! )  sometimes this loudness is Great and fun but sometimes it is Annoying too 

- I miss our kids and think about them lots but it is also good to just be a couple and go on our rhythm. Usually every year we take an alone trip but has been two years for us ... So therefor this year we are making up for it and doing two alone trips 6 weeks apart :))) crazy ! But since in severance package until two more months only time in our lives this may be doable and feasible from a flexibility standpoint 

Day 4 - I think today might have been my fave of all trips ever taken ( and up there high on hubby list too ! ) such a romantic night last night in our awesome hotel and candles lit by staff on the balcony .The perfect sleep . Felt like a little cocoon :)

Up early this morning ( we set alarm ) and could not tear ourselves away from the hotel so asked for a late check out and they gave us 4 extra hrs !  Slept on beach .. Swam in cold but amazing ocean towards caves on other side of beach .. Ate lunch .. Read ... Left hotel at 4pm and drove to Paria da marinha and was soooooooooo stunning ! Have never seen anything like this place except in the movies . Took tons of pics .. Felt so close and in love ... Rested and splashed in the waves and caves . Portugal will be high on my list to return to one day !!!

Then found best Indian resto ever bro referred and was worth every minute getting there . Yummy !!!!! What a super fab day . We are loving this trip . Also connected to home tonight and two kids and one mom and two friends wrote back so far . Everything is great at home . Being with my mom is a vacation in itself for our kids !! Words like fun and relaxing are used a lot by our kids . I am so happy for them that they get a break too !!! They truly deserve a break from us ( me ! )

I just feel so happy right now .

Looking forward to another great day Tomorrow with sista . An early start and late end in store filled to the brim with fun and beauty and rich history . Gosh I love Europe 

Day 5 - an early wake up again and left on train with sista and hubby to cordoba ....

Found our way through the winding slim streets to the cathedral cordoba and made our way of truly the most original and elegant and huge church I have ever seen 

Sista and hubby used the audio guides to go through and I used mine a bit . In these places I just love to walk around and soak in all the beauty and then usually find somewhere wonderful to sit and admire the view . This time it was in a church pew that was truly heavenly and a great place to just think and write and POnder and even pray a little 

We then went to lunch on a quaint inside patio . Very beautiful decor ... And I watched my hubby and sista indulge in the food . Nothing for me To eat in Corduba ! Lots and lots of eggs and pork and quail eggs ! After many amazing meals in delicious Sevilla and Portugal I am fine with a salad actually . I am a very picky ester and just could not do the cow tongue and pork lips .

Then we went and explored the Roman baths ( the real ones and not the spa ones )

Then a castle with gorgeous gardens and by mid way ( 6pm now) I am sitting at a park bench in front on flowers as fountains . I am tired ! My mind and body are tired out . Walking back soon for the long and scenic walk to the 7:30pm train 

I don't think can do flaminco tonight :( too tired ! Want to sit and chat and then set myself up with my great novel I brought and fall asleep reading 

Had a great dinner ! Fried tofu with red pepper ... Spinach with mushrooms , rice and a super yummy peanut sauce . And a huge assortment of chocolate for dessert . My brother had prepared this for us as we came in .Oh ya ... And of course fanta limone 

I am loving this trip but slowly getting all toured out ! Tomorrow I want to sleep a bit ... Eat a bit ... Go to a nice park and read and stroll along the river . Given it's my bday I think I will be allowed ! Hubby will visit the cathedral and ruins on his own while I read a book in the park and shop a little . We will meet up for pizza on a terrace and walk the girls to school together hopefully in the morning .

Happy almost bday to me :))

Life had Something Else in Store

The meal was succulent and delicious. All five of us sitting around the table just so happy to be together and trying  out some new fancy sirrien food. With a cute dress on in the summer wind in my  hair. All toasting to my early birthday.

Four of us at the table missing the 5^th. Every five minutes checking the cell phone and writing back long responses between appetizers. Forgot to toast, forgot it was a celebration. They messed up our reservation and had to out on the terrace. PS it was night and 10 degrees. Thank god they had heaters. I could not taste the delicious amazing food as my taste buds were too anxious. I brought two pieces of chicken and three fries home in a Styrofoam cup to Chase.

.The Hotel was amazing. We walked first before arriving in the old Montreal area  and admired the city being lit of at night on a crispy summer fall evening. Hand in hand we strolled and found a cute place for coffees and dessert. Leisurely walked and took goofy family pics along the way. We got to our hotel room and admired the view of the great city and all watched a movie and cuddled and feel asleep in the big cozy beds chatting and sharing secrets

After dinner there was no time for dessert so we went to the dep across the street and each had a pack of candy. Hubby and Bear dropped Beauty and I off at the hotel and came in for a bit. Hunny and I got in a huge fight in front of the kids as for the second time he conveniently forgot my luggage at home when he said he was packing the car. That left me with a blazer and a dress and to sleep in with no toothbrush or makeup remover or makeup or anything at all. Beauty and I slept at the hotel and boys went home to Chase. The phone rang at 1am and Hubby and I talked through what was going on at home late at night with Chase. I did not sleep a single minute.

We all worked up and slept in late and went down to Starbucks attached to hotel and ordered our favorite breakfast treats-we splurged! We took it to the 7^th floor rooftop terrace and mired the perfect view. We did a family phots session in our funky clothes and cool city attire and just breathed in the warm air and the beautiful city

Beauty and I work up early (well she did- I was already awake the entire night) since I had no clothes I wore kids clothes about 10 sizes too small for me and went down with Beauty to Starbucks in jogging pants, a t-shirt, a push up bra, a weird hobo sweater with stains on it and totally high heel shoes. Bad breath and crumpled hair un brushed and no makeup with a rash on my face. We got our breakfast and went up to the rooftop and froze in the end and cold. We tool a couple of pictures Beauty and me to remember this sacred moment.

The day was just leisurely and relaxing chatting about nothing and enjoying the sites. Being tourists in our own town,. We window shopped and bought nothing, stopped for a delicious meal at a cozy terrace restaurant and stuffed ourselves with pasta and gelato. We went to the museum and sung in the choir that Hubby sings in. We took a caleche ride on the horse and ate beaver tails. We laughed and chatted.

We walked through the city and sort of looked at a few things that were interesting and Hubby and I commented on them and tried to start conversstions. By the time we made it to the museum some people were way to upset to go in so we just bought tickets and skipped the show. We never made it to the choir show. I went in and saw a dress to try on that I liked and the family started screaming at me saying I was insensitive as they were hungry and fed up. I screamed at them too. We never found a restaurant as everyone was too tense so each took seperate money and ate an indoor food court at a picnic table and gulped down the food. We shared a beaver tail at the end and had a family meeting. Everyone broke down and we decided to call it a day. the kids walked in front of us the 45 min walk back to the hotel.

It was truly one of the worst days I have had in a long time. For chase -I am sure it was by far the worst.

We all went to our cottage after a spend day together in the city and took a family hot tub and watched a great movie and made a great dinner together and spent our last weekend before Hubby and I in Spain together  for the next two weekends (and my bday). We just relax and are calm and cozy and enjoy each other and the cottage

Beauty had a party she was missing at a BFF’s Saturday night and we insisted she miss it and be with Family since only weekend in forever altogether. She goes to party as there is nothing to miss and we figure she is better off having fun at least. To get there is TONS of construction so takes 1.5 hrs to arrive before our 2 hr drive to the cottage. She spends Sunday alone at home.

As it ends up Saturday night with the boys is passable and kind of cozy even. I do a lot of rubbing of Chase’s back and hair and Bear chats in the kitchen with his Dad about his upcoming school assignments while dinner is being prepared. We have good  emotional talks and things  settle down a teeny tiny bit. We are there for each other and go with the flow. We are supportive and sad but always emotionally bonded through the good times and the bad.

In reality-we live life together. As we always do. Nothing will ever replace the kind of support and love we have within our family . We are blessed.

PS-for the privacy of some of the members involved in this post- no details are being written. Let’s just leave it all to the imagination of having older  teens, in relationships, in love. I bet you can put all the pieces together.

PSS-just for some more fun if the above was not enough for you-below is  some pure and simple camera fraud for you. Just so you understand that happy families that post pics on blogs are not always that peachy in reality. Pay special attention to some of the expressions on faces. I could not miss capturing this amazing birthday celebration of mine (PS nobody ever mentioned it was my day celebration and everyone just wanted to get to over with. It was truly the worst day I have had in a long long while)

Downtown

I remember when I was a kid and teen my mom and I used to blast the song “Downtown” and dance around and sing. Great memory for me. I keep forgetting when my mom is over to put the tune on and grab my daughter and mom and dance. Bucket listJ

It’s ironic that that is my song as I am such a suburban girl. I even refer to our clearly suburban neighborhood as “ the city” …as compared to the country cottage- it is city to me.

Since being married and having kids I rarely go to downtown Montreal. For dinner and events yes sure. In a car. Lots of corporate offsite stuff of course and usually in a taxi as  downtown driving and parking I despise. I like downtown but don’t go there a lot.

Well this week I went most days of the week. On the train! On metros! I have honestly never walked so much in my life. Apt to apt…one train to metro to building to another. And I rather like it! Exhausting but still very pleasant with the warm sun on me and little bit cooler fall weather. I am all equipped too- with my comfy sandals and my heels in my carefully packed bag. My charger for the phone for the train and my blazer tucked away with my laptop. I am learning as I go along (aka: wear a knapsack vs  a shoulder bag. Bring a protein bar or you will want a bag of chips at every station etc.)

Today I had the best meal ever downtown. Usually during weekdays I am super diligent and healthy about what I eat and save my calories for the weekend, but today I could not resist. My fave little Greek greasy spoon was a 12 min walk from metro so I slipped by and had the BEST chicken pita with tzicki and fries and a diet coke ever!!! (I also drink no caffeine in the weekdays) I honestly don’t know if I have ever tasted a meal so fresh and delicious. I sat there just relaxing after (never do that either on weekdays!) and made a list of what to bring to Spain next Friday!!!!!

Strolled leisurely towards my next apt on the sunny sidewalk and stopped into the pharmacy and bought a whole bunch of little travel cosmetics (never shop in the week either). God I know I sound super boring but the week for me is all work and weekends all play.

A few observations about downtown:

How the hell do woman wear high heels on public transit? I mean seriously I would rather kill myself.

How does people’s hair look so good? Do they spend hrs grooming before they go out?

How much yummy food is there in this world? I mean seriously how can anybody ever be on a diet in Montreal?

Downtown is friendly. Lots of chatting with strangers

Which leads me to conclude this post with my plans for this weekend. Hunny and I will be in Spain for my bday (poor us eh?) and so celebrating with the kids this weekend early. I have selected:

-A sierrian dinner at a heated terrace downtown (love love the pomegranate salad)

-A night at the ALT hotel all five of us in the funky Industrial area of mtl

-A breakfast on the cool rooftop terrace of the hotel bought at the attached Starbucks. Breakfast Paninis, heated up chocolate chip cookies and lattes.

-a run for the boys who are all big runners now and all working out at least 4 times a week

-a long walk to Old Montreal and a visit to a museum that Chase needs to visit for school

-Partaking in the “journee culturelle” at Place des Arts where my husband’s choir performs. Public can join in freely with the 100 person choir and orchestra from 3-4pm. Cool experience and fun for kids to see what their Dad does on wednesday nights all year.

-lunch at some cool place we find

-drinks at some cool terrace we find

-likely some beaver tails

 -hit the road and get groceries along the way!

-Cottage Saturday night and Sunday. Lots of work up there to do outside but in-between a family movie, a family Jacuzzi admiring the changing leaves and FINALLY the five of us together (2/3 have tried to get out of the cottage part for parties etc but  I put my foot down this weekend!!!!)

I am damn excited about my bday actually. As I write this ..I realize might need to become my bday tradition from now on. Just sounds so great what we have planned-I am really pumped. This idea has been in my head for yrs and finally the “tourists of our own town tradition” is coming to life

And I am sort starting to like downtown more and more. Once I give myself my own bday gift (nice Michael kors knapsack I am getting for half price...., I have the feeling I will even like downtown even more!)

My Ignored Blog

I have gotten several emails and texts lately asking what happened to my blog? Where did it go? I am used to posting 3-4 times a week and now it seems one time if I am lucky.

The answer: I am building a company and it is taking lots of my time and energy. And surprising to me…? I am feeling quite passionate about it.So the passion I have been pouring into this blog the last number of years is finding its spot in the corporate world, the kick ass seminars I have been creating and delivering, on LinkedIn and in my heart.

But I miss my blog. I miss the moments that I capture here.. The thoughts still run through my head-they demand to be felt. They demand to be written too-but somehow pen to paper is not happening lately.

And that choice is deliberate.

But I still miss it.

Here are a few things that I don’t want to forget about the last few weeks:

-Hubby and I started working out together. At Monkey Bar Gym Montreal. A CrossFit torture cell. It is close enough to walk to in the mornings. We have gone twice and feel like it has been a lifetime. That is not how much our poor muscles hurt. I’m not joking has been a week we cannot get down the stairs and we have to get down on our bums and slide down and then figure out a way to get off the floor. That’s how much we hurt. Everyday.

We feel like the show the “biggest losers”. Not that we are fat-at all-we do have a few pounds to lose for sure-but we feel like the biggest losers anyways as everyone at that gym are total fit ironman athletes and we are the biggest losers on earth. BUT. We are there right? And we are publically humiliating ourselves and feel damn fine about it (and very sore) we are sticking to this! Hunny even jogged last week on two occasions! I’m proud of us.

We are doing this to hopefully lose a few lbs, get into shape, but more importantly get into health. We have many things to do and see in life and we need to keep healthy to be able to travel and walk, and hike and canyon and white water craft. We are in this together.

As John Locke on Lost says” Do not tell me what I cannot do”

-We are leaving in less than 2 weeks to Seville Spain Hubby and me! My brother and his family are living there for 6 months and we are joining the fun. I am seriously pumped for this trip. We can’t wait to be there and also will love just living the Spanish lifestyle all the way and spending time with our amazing family

-Chase bought a dirt bike. With his money of course –and spent a small fortune! He earned it by working so hard this year at 3 different jobs. The kids majorly impress us lately-he is growing up to be a very fine young man. So committed, so responsible, so connected, so autonomous.

-Beauty is going to London on a student exchange trip that she was selected for and leaving end of October!

-Bear is still heavily into kayak and did a 6km race today. It is just the three of us at cottage this weekend and so fun to just to hangs out. He is a mini version of his DadJ))

-Last night we had a night with Chase as we never see him anymore so he suggested we do a Pad Thai night (honestly the yummiest recipe on earth) takes  so looong but worth every delicious bite. The three of us sat on the deck and chatted for a long while and Chase said the sweetest thing. He asked us if when we are old and sick we want to live with him-and said that he really wanted us too and that he would want to take care of us (as long as his Dad cooks and I plan out his life and make sure he makes good decisions) I honestly thought this was the sweetest thing…..it was so totally unexpected for his to express these thoughts to us. It touched us to the core to even consider that he would want this one day and that this has been on his mind. It felt like true love.

-       - I had a great two day business trip in Toronto with a new company I am partnering with. Some exciting stuff ahead!

--Beauty and I are spending some great time together and starting a new TV series “Switched at Birth” I love this girl time on Wednesday nights. She is now getting a bit more used to brace again and things are calming down as much as possible. Got orthotics for feet and now look like needs glasses! The girl is superwoman as far as I am concerned-she handles so much for her age. I am so happy for her she is going to England! Also she earned Snapchat and Instagram and already very into it with many followersJ

-I am missing my Grampy2 lately and think about him all the time

-I am taking a day off Monday as a conference I had was cancelled last minute so I have a rare free day. Soulkeeper is coming up tomorrow night to Trent and sleeping here and we are spending the whole day Monday together (and Sunday night) I honestly cannot wait –it feels like much needed oxygen to connect with her as in between seeing each other we are not that much in contact lately as both so busy. She is more of a phone person and I am more of a texter and just not happening. She is often free in the day and me early morning or evenings

-I am getting frustrated with my protein shakes. Not working in the same way they did for me the first yearJ

-My Mom and I signed up for a course on Organizing your Spaces and clutter clearing and I am reading the book that became a best seller overnight about magical tidying. Stay tuned to a newly minimalist house (umm..maybe?)

-I have some big contracts ahead with my company. I am feeling really really proud of myself. This has not been easy. I am pouring my heart and soul into this and it is paying off.

-I miss my blog. But I am also having a lot of fun living life lately too. Doing different things, with different people, If I am honest...this might be the most fulfilled I have felt in a long while even though many parts of my life are frustrating me and not where I want them to be-the core of it all seems to be making a lot of sense lately. I am looking forward to what seem like a new chapter of my life opening up. The funny thing? Before now I didn’t really even realize there was a new chapter to begin!

Have a great Saturday night and Sunday Everyone!!! I am personally looking forward to doing a whole lot of nothing tomorrow in between a walk in the forest, going to get ski passes at the mountain and reading the rest of the delicious book I started. There is still nothing that even comes close to the luscious feel of weekends as far as I am concerned.

Time Together

Lately our family has not being getting along so well. Mostly the kids. And mainly in the last three weeks specifically. I have nightmares at night trying to figure out why this is. This is new for us. We used to call them the three little cubs not so long ago. They used to be inseparable.

The last 3-4 weeks the climate has shifted in our home and I am not sure precisely why. There are a few factors that I know are not helping:

Chase: being older and having much more freedom, different social schedule and different school schedule

Beauty: Having one ailment after another lately (both orthopedic and neurological) and having a really really hard time wearing brace since surgeon told her she has gotten worse despite mostly compliance in her bracing schedules

Bear: Went from being a fairly easy and  peaceful family member (with a ton of hard headedness) to being passive aggressive and sarcastic much of the time and a much more a traditional teen at now close to 16 yrs. old than he was last year at close to 15 yrs. old.

I don’t like this climate. (I am travelling on business this week and Hubby next week and we both secretly admitted that we are kind of relieved)

And the only things that solves it? Time together. Which we have much less of lately. As in most families the eldest child sets a lot of the rhythms and habits of the home. They go through everything first. He is now the first to be able to stay home some weekends alone…he is now the first who has a serious girlfriend whom he spends a lot of time with as has now been over a year and she is almost part of the daily life here at home in many ways. He is the first to drive and have the freedom of having the use of a car. He is the first one that we have had to learn to let go off in a lot of ways at close to 18 yrs. old.

And it is impacting the whole family. Our table is not the same at the cottage with 4. We have always been 5. Someone is missing. And when he is there….something has shifted. We have an almost adult in our home. It’s a whole new world for all of us to assume that after dinner at 11pm on a Saturday night he would watch a movie with us and eat popcorn when in reality he announces he is leaving at 11:30 pm to a late party we (or he!) had no clue was happening. Or that we have a nice cottage weekend planned and he is invited by his girlfriend’s parents to stay at their home the same weekend. I am so happy I did not allow this before 17.5-but there is only so far that you can push your limits as a parent and be taken seriously. I met a woman the other day in a course I am talking who doesn’t “let” her 18 yr. old “child” be alone with his friends in their home (and I don’t mean left alone in the house even-I mean he has to always be in family spaces with the other siblings when with friends and not in his room or basement). This is way over board for me….and although I would love chase to be forced to do many things I realize he is old enough now to be leading a lot of his own choices and that this is healthy.

Tonight I’m commanding the three of them to spend an hour together without screen time between dinners. I’m giving them the choice pulling sitting around doing arts and crafts and pulling out the stuff to make a “Sibling Vison Board” together….or to do something that doesn’t involve Technology to enjoy together and get re-acquainted.

Guess which one they are choosing. ? PS today is car I tried to suppress my laughter when one of them made a rude comment that the vision board sound like something the Duggard family would do (19 kids and counting) I tried seriously defending this nasty comment but kind of hard when one of their sons who has been an angel all the years on TV molested the three daughters and the family was aware of it and still portray themselves as devout and happy Christens on public TV for the world to see!

Somehow I am not sure the vision board is going to happen around here-but I still think it was a great ideaJ

So Time Together is the answer. Time is always the answer. Whether that is with a spouse, a friend, a kid, a mother. We need to communicate and indulge in each other to really connect. It is so easy sometimes  be too busy or to not find the time or space-but for me nothing in the world replaces a day spend spent at the cottage with the family or friend, or the impromptu meeting for lunch and live conversations

.

Time is everything

I need to get creative in creative ways to protect it through these ever changing stages.

I need to work on re-creating my own vision board and adapt it to our changing circumstances and the raging hormones in this house.

Hobbies and Tipping Points

I will always remember the conversations that Sister Savvy and I used to have about getting a hobby. And also about all the girl babies we were going to haveJ With 6 boys between us (and only two girls) somehow our conversations about hobbies came to an abrupt halt. Neither of us seems to have the need as much given that we have no time at all as career moms with busy and active family lives too.  I am certain that when we are empty nesters we will be speaking about finding hobbies at that stage of our lives-it will become important to us again.

I think back to these conversations and where my thinking was at during those times. My need for hobbies came from likely a need to fill my time with something more interesting than what I was currently experiencing at that time. I don’t have that issue anymore it seems. The moment I have a break I don’t feel like filling it with photography or scrapbooking or baking pretty cupcakes….I pretty much lie down on a coach and half sleep or read if I can.

I am thinking about my life and career now in retrospect and looking back on it. It’s interesting how in retrospect we see so much more than we can see while we were in the actual situation itself. Our lens seem to become so much clearer. A few important things I have realized about my past career at the same pharma company over 11 yrs:

It was so cozy I am not sure I ever would of left it. Good pay, great benefits, cupcakes all over the building at every corner, amazing people, amazing industry, surrounded by genius minds everywhere, ;like a family to me, 6 mins from home, flexibility in schedule, very interesting work I was doing, being promoted few years to shake up what I was doing and taking on new challenges, worked 3-4 days a week and was able to keep my company Lifeworks, travelled to beautiful places for business, learning and development opportunities everywhere . Never ever had a boring day, Pharma you have the most amazing environment and everything is available to you.

 As I write this it sounds almost like a dream that I spend to many years of my life in this wonderful place. I was blessed. I worked for the cream of the crop in amazing roles.

With every story though something is always missing. And I never ever considered that there could be something else above and beyond what I describe above. I adored this place with my heart and soul. My heart was honestly broken when my role was touched by the reorganization that affected so many employees.

What I realize now? Is that I did not find there the level of  meaning that I now find in my work as an entrepreneur. 

Everything I did was for the benefit of my team but mostly for the company I worked for. I was ultimately at the mercy of the company in so many ways and my rent to pay- was that mercy for the beautiful things and experiences I got in return. Nothing I did was given back to me-but was for the benefit of the company. The decisions I made were ultimately not only my own but belonged to a much bigger picture. I was autonomous in so many ways in a leadership role…but my life belonged to them in many ways as it always does when you work for a big company.

And I managed this very well over 11 yrs. almost expertly I would say. It is no coincidence that I became a life work integration specialist-I lived and breathed it every day of my career. I protected my home from my career and my career from my home. Tried as little as possible for one to be at the expense of the other. Usually succeede. Had to fight for it a lot.

There is always a tipping point in any perfect picture and mine I remember very cleary of when I became less satisfied with my beautiful career of 11 yrs. It was in 2014 and in a period of 3 months my family life crumpled. Almost all of it in what seems like was overnight. In a period of 12 weeks I seemed to have lost the stable health of my daughter, the health of my husband and the health of my mother. I was also fully on my own during those 12 weeks and had no help from my mother, my husband,  or any outside help. Nothing. I was truly in crisis and in survival mode. And oh ya..I had just been promoted too at work into a new role that I had not yet mastered.

And you know what? I did amazing well. Really impressive. I held it all together, I did well with the kids at home, I did well with my new role and delivered on my mandates, remained a great boss and team player. I held it together as much as I could. I have probably never been so proud as how I handled that period of my life (and all of 2014) Two doctors who were aware of what was happening at home (all at the same time) suggested I go on disability for a period of three months. I declined. I was loyal to my team and organization. They needed me too.

That being said, during this time I broke my own golden rule of not mixing home and work. It would have been impossible. At lunch time I would stay in my office and make private calls or cry. I would text a total of approx an hour a day for personal reasons. I would answer calls from doctors and update my family members on what was happening. I went from being 150% devoted the rest of my career of ten yrs. to a probable 90% devoted during a short twelve week period.

And I heard about it later. The first “mistake” I had probably ever really made and I paid my price. Suddenly I had to start watching how much I texted, getting myself a private phone besides my company phone etc. I did not feel I had let me team down in the least. I felt like they had let me down. They did not catch me when I was falling where I had always caught them. A series of beautiful events happened following this and I felt very supported by my team and company especially where my daughter’s health was concerned-but I never did forget the talk I was given by taking those 12 weeks of my life and being (slightly) human for the first time in my career . It affected me deep inside. It was my tipping point.

And I got through-for another year I delivered and was back to my 150%. I was recognized, won a big award, but I never forgot the message that was delivered:  Here-we control your life even under the most difficult of circumstances.

As I sit here today with the benefit of retrospect behind me...I realize I love my professional life right now as an entrepreneur with my own business. It may not always look this way as there are many parts of corporate life that I miss and adore. Also right now my business is doing very well and I am succeeding but as we all know there will be fluctuations and this may not always be the case to be so in demand. I am giving myself until the end of 2016 to fully feel this and discover it.

But so far? After those first initial months of grief and adjustment and new mastery? This career is amazing!!!!! Nobody tells me what to do (even if they still try! LOL) , I make my decisions, I take the wok on that is interesting to me and don’t bother with what is not, I delegate to the right level and focus on the important stuff, I call the shots, . I feel passionate, committed and devoted. I am doing what I love and what I am good at daily. And I am working my ass off but loving it so far.

Most important to me at this stage of my life is that I decide who I text and when, and I decide when I will be in the office and out of it. I put 200% when I wish and 15% when I need to. And you know what? I don’t feel bad at all about it. I am pouring myself into work I love and pouring myself into my family. I am in the boardroom many days and also home to take my kids to the doctor and rub voltarin on their back when it hurts. Sometimes I sit down to a bowl of soup with my Mom, and once in a while will grab a kid and take them out for lunch. Other times I travel for business for days at a time and the family works it out themselves. Most days I start off my day with a workout or walk outside with my Hubby.

I am for the first time in my life  getting what I need from inside of myself. I feel peace and passion from within. It belongs to me. It is my own. The final two P’s are mine: Peace and PassionJ

I am now painting another picture of ease and fulfillment but it has its cons and its many moments too just like anything in life. But I am growing into it and watching it bloom. It is where I need to be right now and I am happy for the opportunity. Like anything in life I may change my mind. Part of me thinks I am a corporate woman at heart and question how I could possibly be building my own successful company. How did I get here? Is this actually my life?  Will this success and fulfillment last? Can it last? Will I always be in demand?  (I doubt it and I will probably have to try a whole lot harder right!!!!)But it is the life that is good for me right now.

I will keep you posted. A work and life in progress. And a whole lot of question marks. A future not yet decided.

But I can tell you I don’t need a hobby-as this feels like it is a hobby in many ways. I feel less dependent on my friends, and my husband and my kids and my Mom for my happiness and more centered inside of me. I worry less, I stress less and I obesses less. And I definitely don’t have a need to line dance, or scrapbook or take pictures or garden (have I ever?).

I will one day. In that season of my life.

For now I am focused on exactly what my book prescribes. On More Life. And day by day I feel that that life I always wanted (that I thought I always had) is right here and now. I am embracing it with every bone in my body and every muscle of my heart.

Mental Breaks & Being Present

I have realized what the weekends are and have always been for me: Mental breaks. Also being present to my leisure needs, food needs and family needs. Time for good meals and hugs and cuddles, times for spontaneity and reading. Time for creativity and imagination.

I need mental breaks and connection like most people need a good glass of wine after a busy week. It’s my oxygen and what keeps me sane and in balance.

And I realize that the reason these breaks are so necessary is because our weeks mon-Friday are truly packed to the brim in every sense of the word. I have been trying to figure out why lately and asking other people how they run their lives. Many are home by 4pm..The earliest we are finished working is 6:30 pm and 2 nights a week my husband works until 10:30-11pm. Then we usually each have an activity that takes up another full evening.

That’s just us. Like everyone else I know- Our kids are in lots of activities. Not as many team sports for our kids but their sports and dance programs at school demand lots and lots of extra-curricular, weekend’s commitments and many hours of volunteer work. Like everyone else-our kid’s schedules are demanding. Add in  many hours of homework evening and weekends and two homes to take care of and it all adds up.

Normally we can handle it all and have  lived with it. Medical stuff is what throws us (and any family) for a loop. We have had our to share deal with and it is when this happens that we seem to overflow.

Bear had major dental surgery and 9 day recovery. Was fine 2 weeks and now huge infection. He is in that lucky 1% who has to pretty much such start the process over it seems. This has been a hellish week for him. Last night he had an almost full on panic attack in front of my eyes as he can’t take it anymore, has been one thing after another for him. Braces, 4 impacted wisdom teeth out, infection, many many jaw issues (TMJ) , front tooth broken, palette issues. The kid is afraid to swallow now.

Guess what he has wanted to be since he was 5 yrs. old? Orthodontist, dentist or dental surgeon. He will have some damn empathy for his clients that are for sure!

And with Chase transitioned to college a whole new world and his learning issues needs adjustment with ADHD. He was doing so well in high school but the lack of structure in English public college is throwing him for a loop,. A brand new world.

And Beauty. Poor Beauty. Something changed for her since she hot her bad news at hospital about her curve. Since she started grade 8 . She is brace resistant. Doesn’t want to wear day brace, depressed over it, cries over it, screams over it. So hard to watch. Try to be a 13 yrs old girl with a heavy period every 18 days and not be able to change your pad at school unless you spend 30 mins in bathroom and see what a good mood you are in at end of day. I don’t think i Have to explain that this is friggin hard. And friggin hard to watch as a parent. We feel helpless and stuck. Thank god for Soulpkeeper who is helping me through this and giving me some great ideas to get Beauty through. It’s very very psychologically hard to know you wear this for 20 hrs a day for three years and may still need surgery. Hard to digest. We pray a lot. And love her lots.

So we need mental breaks on the weekend. Time to connect to ourselves, our couple, our children and our creativity.

The last few Fridays we have taken off and left the kids 24 hrs and they drive up to cottage on the Saturday. We love it. So do they Yes the phone beeps all day with texts from them as in constant contact..yes our son goes to parties and calls to wake up up at 2am to say he is home, yes my mom stays over there so they are not alone and is a big favor to us and asking a lot, but it extends the mental breaks and connecting and we know it’s what we need most.

I turn off my email for these times as much as I want to check. I now turn off my LinkedIn too as find it another highly addictive element in my life. I turn off my texts. We use Hubby’s phone as the family phone for kids and my mom to reach us. And we focus on ourselves.

And that is hard too for as the emails await, and the texts are a calling, and the LinkedIn connections are calling out to see how many new friends I have. But I chose breaks. From it all. And in between we go to weddings on weekends, and host sleepovers for 8 friends after wedding, and do chores, and fix leaking roofs and broken fridges.

But we get good at the In between moments too. Really really good. And it fuels us for the next week and saves our souls. We get lots of sleep and give lots of hugs, and eat lots of yummy good food. And forget about it all as much as we can.

And then we go back the next week and do it all over again.

Some have suggested we do more work on weekends and les in the week and end up at 5pm at home and transfer some to weekends and spread it out a bit more. And although a great idea..It won’t happen.

We are wired for this. And this feels good.

As I sit here right now on my computer dying to open my new LinkedIn and see what awaits I choose instead to write this and chat to my husband writing his speech he will give at the wedding tomorrow. I chose to let my imagination work and use the gaps in between to take me where they may.

I love weekends and time off. And I love them because of the work we do to get here. The energy we have to expend to feel we deserve it. It’s like a hot shower and a glass of water after a workout.

 The weeks are my productive results adrenaline pace. Weekends are my happy place.  In combination is just all fits together somehow.