(Pics to be added later as not working)
I have felt a lot of Joy in the last few weeks. A lot. It
of course all started with Beauty’s good news at hospital that bracing is working.
Then last weekend we had 8 kids up to cottage for two
nights and two days and truly had a blast. I do have to admit..That I think we
are both really cool parentsJ) their
friends all told us all weekend long in those 48 hrs. so I am starting to believe it. We LOVE having
a cottage full of kids. Love it. Their friends
told me we are a great balance between strict and structure and fun and
relaxed. It was a HUGE compliment as it what we strategize and strive for.
We did 15 hrs of boating in total, tubing, wakeboard,
surf, knee board, wake skate, slalom. It was amazing weather and amazing company.
We had great meals and had great bonfires. We hang out with them all as much as
we can a) bc we adore them all b) high and very important value of ours to really
know our kids friends really well
And they all seem to love being there too. And our kids
are grateful for this. Very grateful and express it to us. We eat a ton, and
laugh a ton, and talk about a million topics the kids have probably not talked
about before with adults. It was so fun.
We went through sooooooo much food and drink. And so many
pillows and sheets and jumped in the lake over and over again in the best
weather yet all summer. We were all exhausted by Sunday night-but truly happily
spent.
I have been asked by a few people and clients in last few months to write what we do
with their friends and our “best practices: Here it goes!
We have them over a lot. Whenever they want. We reserve
many weekends for just family time-but many weekend for their friends too
Kids don’t need to ask us for friend’s afterschool,
coming over etc. (except full weekends at cottage) they know the rules and homework times
and between that friends are always welcome. Dont even really need to ask for sinner either unless a schoolnight or a special event.
They are always welcome to anything to eat and drink and don’t
have to ask (we buy what they all like, cater to palets and allergies of many,
make them feel at home by encouraging reaching into the fridge)
We sit with them for all meals and have loooong dinners
and talks and laughs. Often we have “themes” at dinner to talk about “What make
the teen years good…how to do well in school…what chores each has at home…about
school….opposite sex ..etc…what can parents do to support teens more etc..etc..
We open the conversations to many topics. We talk about
anything and everything they want to talk about. Teens like this. Trust me I
had it as a teen and my home was the place to go
We don’t worry about the mess until the end of the day.
We do general tidying like bring plates etc. but don’t worry about house being
clean and tidy. Leave your shoes on and help us sweep at end of day! Be yourself
and relax and enjoy!
We try to do some “teen talks” share some of our values
on stuff like safety and being yourself, and including others, and say no to
drugs. We say of course our family values and may not be theirs. But I love
this part and they all do too. The girls especially in our car rides beg for
this (not my daughter but her friends!)
We hug their friends and kiss them goodnight a lot of the
time whenever they let us. We tuck them in often.
We tell their friends often how much we appreciate them
and what specifically we appreciate. I often frame pics of weekend for each and
write on back what I admire most about that friend and deliver it to them at
their doorJ
We don’t judge our kids friends (unless a horrible person
that is bad and mean and totally disrespectful which has never ever happened. )
we accept our kids friends and diversity and welcome all of them into our home.
There are not criteria for entry or to be welcome. This also frees our kids up
to tell us about who drinks and tries drugs etc. as they know we won’t use this against
them and their friends. It opens communication
We make all the kids do chores every night. Lots. One of
the friends cleans all the toilets even! And when leave from weekend 2 hr cleanup
all of us
We nag the kids just like our kids! (We try to nag less in general when friends there as juts
unpleasant for all (its hard trust me but I have mastered it) those weekends
are more relaxed, less structured. Just fun and easy
We try if we have an issue with our kids not to bring it
up in front of their friends. Even if our kid provokes us we put on a list for
later.
We take lots of pics and send them to all the parents
We take two cars so all the boys get to chat with Hubby
and all the girls get to chat with me
We treat good friends of kids like family. Like our own friends
too. It is a very inclusive and inviting climate when it comes to friends around
our place. They become one of us . We don’t dress up (we wear pj’s usually) we don’t
put on a show. We are generally ourselves with minor tweaks!
Lucky for us and our kids have always had and have AMAZING
people surrounding them. Truly amazing. All super super different and unique
but good solid kids . Some come and go..Some stay around forever….but such an
important value to us to encourage nurturing friendships
FriendsJ
