I adore this expression-probably one of my favorite of
all time
Pain
demands to be Felt
How true indeed
You can run and hide. You can try to get away from it, or
not feel it. But really in the end it catches up with you and it needs to be experienced.
You won’t move forward if you won’t let the pain in-and forward is the only place to go.
So today at 5:15am I woke up and my pain demanded to be
felt. From 5:15am-7:15am-I felt it.
Was it that I forgot to wake my son for his skiing outing
all day because I am so preoccupied, was it that I forgot my daughter was at a sleepover
and went to see her in her room to kiss her, was it that my son got his second acceptance
to college and I was not even that excited, was it that I am so tired that even
cuddling with my husband at night is a huge effort and I never manage take the
time?
Was it that I have been sick for three weeks with a cold
and also have major back and neck pain, that I feel like I want to be at work
more than home lately, that I am not able to look forward to our trip to Costa
Rica that we have been planning for many years, or that I feel we don’t have
enough money to go?
Was it that I realized I have never felt happier or more
peaceful in my lifetime at this moment in my career and at home and I wanted time
to freeze and not change a thing? Was it that happiness my career gives me and the realization of just how good and powerful I am at what I do? Was it all the things I cannot say on this
blog? Or all the things I have said? Was it because I know exactly what I want,
or have no idea at all? Was it because I have good instincts or have none at
all?
All
I know is that the pain was demanding to be felt
The tears were flowing
And my word of 2105 kept coming to mind and also demanding
to be felt
Flow
And that very word-its very essence scaring the living life
out of me. The grey zone, trusting the process, trusting the people around me
are well intentioned and kind and trustworthy. Trusting the process.Truly trusting it.
I felt it all
And it demanded to be felt.
On the one and only morning that I allowed myself f to
set my alarm for one hour later, the one day in 3 months I slept in with no
kids to drive to school and a decision to not work before I go into work for an
hour. The coveted sleep and I use it for pain and to cry?
I used it to trust the process
I used it to trust in this universe
I used it for these things simply because the universe
demanded me to do so.
I gave up control and set it all out to the universe. And
for the very first time in my life I think I really really prayed.
