I give a lot of big presentations at
work. It’s a part of my job whether it is a 5 minute update to the leadership
team or a presentation in from of hundreds of Associates or a 5 day training
course. I am used to it-but never really get used to it. I am fine days before
and even hours before-and then I start getting really nervous about an hour
before.
My presentation is in 25 mins. And I
am going to write a blog about sex books now. And the answer is “no I don’t
write blogs from work” (or very seldomlyly anyways). I need to keep myself sane
right now and my mind off of work.
My Mom and I were having a
conversation about sex a few weeks ago (uck yuck yuck I know). It is rare. She
often tries to discuss stuff like this with me and fails. Just as she tries to
get a glimpse of my boobs when I change. It’s usually just not going to happen.
You see my mom is much more of a hippie and much less conservative that her corporate
daughter. She tries and tries over the years with little success to convert me.
She succeeded a few weeks ago and I confided in her a few little things.
And then she told me she had a great
book to lend me. About sex.
I was looking forward to the weekend
and reading and learning from this great book she mentioned that would save my
soul.
So I snuggle by the fire and open it
and the book is a bunch of naked people pictures!!! With large large writing
for like old blind people! And the naked people are really UGLY too. And mostly
they are old too! It is gross. WTF Mom!!!
I tried to find some hidden buckets of
gems in this book but just picture after picture of very embarrassing things
happening to people who have varicose veins and cellulite and dimples on their
butts and saggy boobs and potbellies. Somehow I was not so sure this would
solve my issues. I really did not feel too inspired!
I kept at it though as surely my Mom
would not lend me a book of weird porn? Or an instruction manual for the 75yrs
and over age group of how to spruce up your sex life?
Well I got to the end and it just
got weirder and weirder as the nakesd people in it started being really really bad. Without
thinking I just abandoned the book and thought about something (anything else!)
That evening I was in a silly
teasing mood-happens only a few times a month so have to take advantage of it.
I decide to go and flash a picture from the book in Chase’s face (ok ok I get
it not appropriate! I am not perfect and do have some of my parent’s genes
afterall!) And he FREAKS out!!! And runs after me all over the cottage trying
to get the book and locking him into bathroom to “read” it! Thank goodness the
two younger ones were not around for this spectacle. I loved hearing his
laughing from the locked door. I secretly hoped that this book would turn him
off sex forever. It probably did-if it didn’t there is something wrong with my
son. We had a good laugh together nonetheless. And I think my son was too taken by anyone naked in pictures to realize they are not the cutest bunch..
I hid the book in the bottom of my
husband’s clothes drawer in our room. Well last weekend Chase did homework in
there. And searched for the book and looked at every single picture!!!!!!!! He
is 17 yrs. old…I guess it is time and ok but still? Is it ever time to see such
a book owned by your parent nonetheless????? Is it ever?
I just felt I should follow the hippy
mom route and provide this experience to my first born. Then he clearly won’t
have any unrealistic expectations of woman’s beauty or sex! That book took care
of all that.
So now I am ready for my
presentation. I have knocked the hippy silly genetics out of me and back into
my corporate self. I am wearing a little tiny bit of risky but still very
professional outfit.
Who knows maybe the book did inspire
me in ways I cannot even begin imagine.
Thanks Mom..I guess?
