Teaching Moments

I am pretty proud of some of the consequences that we have been dishing out in our house lately. As we get older as parents, we seem to be getting smarter. I think our kids are noticing too.

Bear  last week was extremely disrespectful and it was really mind boggling how someone so adorable and loving  most days of the week can turn so quickly into a hard head-headed rebel almost instantaneously.

He’s a tough one to deal with a few days out of each year. A puzzle to be solved.

Well did we come up with a great consequence for him!

Here it is on this poster he prepared:

 

On Family Night tonight he had to do a big presentation on respecting authority figures and we had come up with 5 questions and he had to research his own thoughts on these topics and the questions were:

Why kids have parents to guide them?

Why is it important to respect authority?

What I will do differently in the future in a similar situation?

What I will ask of my family to do differently in a similar situation in the future?

How I would deal with my my own kids one day  around respecting authority?

He was amazing. A+ plus, It was soooo interesting to hear him present and he stood up and everything and made it super formal. Had a treat for all of us and ended with ” And to my family I am so sorry that I behaved liked this and ask for your forgiveness”

Aww…..

He even started with a quote that he chose himself about respect (and this was not part of the consequence-bless this boys’s soul)!!!

“The first duty of love is to listen”

Wow. We even found that one a bit tough..-sounded like it came out of the Bible! We told him good quote but that even if he doesn’t listen we love him anyways no matter what. But that very true listening is a real sign of love and respect.

His presentation was almost so much fun I almost wish he would be disrespectful again to have an encore! (Ok maybe not)

And Beauty a few weeks ago took a loony at the cottage that did not belong to her which she found lying around. We told her that that is considered “stealing” and that she would hang that loony on her beside wall until she was absolutely positively sure that she would never again in her life take something that was not belonging to her without permission.

She left it there for 3.5 weeks and tonight (I think inspired by her brother’s presentation) took it off her  wall and came up to me and said:

“I have decided this is coming off my wall-I am ready and I will never ever do that again”

Let’s see if it is the truth!

As for Chase..well he for whatever reason decided to sleep on the couch through most of this tonight. I think his part time “job” of becoming and internet trader-aka buying things off internet and selling them at higher prices –has become a lot of work for him. I am telling you this kid will be a broker. It’s quite fascinating to watch his brain work…he pretty much looks for opportunities to buy and sell all day long. Nothing so far has actually come out of it. To complex of a process but tomorrow is the big test as he has his first “sale” in the parking lot at school. A longboard. Hmmmmmm…let’s see how that all goes.

This teenage stuff is complicated!

So I go to bed now very happy with the consequences dished out and lessons learned. I tonight sat back on my chaise lounge and watched it all play out. Hubby was extremely implicated and talked a mile a minute and shared his two cents. He seems to get heavily into this family night stuff-it’s fun to watch him. He is  such a great Dad.Our kids lucked out with him.

I was personally very happy eating my half of a Mars bar treat and quietly thinking to myself….”this is so much fun”.

I think after 14 years of trial and error in some ways ..I am beginning to understand what type of consequences actually have an impact. Timeouts were always the savior for years but now I have to get more creative as they get older.

They are upping the anty on us now...too smart to sit on some steps.

Undone

 

This morning I felt what it feels to be all grown up. Sometimes it’s easier to just not be a grown up and have the responsibility of making adult decisions.

So we signed at the Notary for the sale our family cottage. And in return we got a check. I honestly could not care less about the money.

I cried my way through it-silently with tears streaming down my face. So did his sister. Both reactions equally completely unexpected.

It ended an era for me. And important one-a big one. One of the happiest times of my life. It ended more than an era for my husband-more like a lifetime.

I was left feeling undone and  a tremendous loss on so many levels mixed in with a new life and so many opportunities ahead too .For all of us.

My husabnd came undone along time ago on this-he was here where  I am now a year ago when we bought Trent. He seemed fine today.

Its funny how even the closest of couple’s can be at different places at different times.

That we experience the same thing differently.

So we both came undone at different points.

He is finished now.

I think I am too.

It’s time to officially move on.

I hope we did right by you Max. Thank you for leaving him your blessing.

So today while we were already being all grown up anyways, we also decided to redo our wills, guardianship of the children, living wills, power of attorneys and mandates.

We decided to get our acts together.

It’s about bloody time. I mean I am married to a Notary (in other countries Title Attorney).

We have always had  Wills of course and named guardians but this is only the minimum, but we have been lazy on a whole bunch of stuff in the last years that would be very complicated for our kids if we were to die.

Wills were not updated to current situation, no second tutor was named for kids, executor was not named, living wills not formalized, heirs if all of us die together in a plane crash not stated.

Some midly important stuff right?

I feel it is my biggest responsibility to protect my kids if I am not there too and because these thoughts cause anxiety in me (lots of it) I decided to repress some aspects for many years. Leave the mess to the kids to figure out? Not very responsible at all or kind.

No excuse for this.

Well this week we got it all figured out. And also re- looked at our marriage contract and our overall finances with our financial advisors.

So we grew up this week and we also we became undone.

We started the process and now it is finished and complete.

I think we both feel exhausted.

One thing for sure I learnt about myself today in that room and that everyone there also learnt me- money doesn’t touch or move me in the least. Relationships do. They always have-they do and they always will.

The rest….so what.

I will remember the hug  and the words spoken forever. I don’t know if the check made it to the file or fell on the floor.

So a chapter has closed.

I am very much looking forward to getting all cozy with my brand new book just waiting to be fully opened .

I am excited to read ahead.

Her

There comes that day when her being a girl is really different than her being a boy.

There comes that time when you really and truly relate to her.

Because you have been her at one point in your life.You still are her on many levels.

You were also in grade 4 and you were a girl.She brings you back to a sweet time.

She tells you with a little tiny smile on her face that she is trying not to show, that she walked with a boy to her tutoring session from school.

Not only did she walk with him on purpose but he bought her a candy at the depanneur.

And that is when the real smile spreads across her face like sunshine.

She tries to make it seem as though this happens to her every day of the week ,but in fact you know she will hold it with her forever.  She goes to bed a tad early to think about it some more.

She tries to be casual, but you know it is a huge deal.

She tries not to me made fun of by her brothers, but you know that secretly she could not care less. She wants her brothers to tease her.She loves being liked by a boy. Especially that cutie-pie one.

Later that night she tells you she would wish to have a pool party at end of years and invite boys. A boy girl party she calls it. She says she wants to have really good food and music to impress the boys.You get it.

It’s all beginning all the girl stuff and it’s a whole lot of fun. So many moments ahead to share together; so many secret smiles and wishful thinking and broken hearts.

On nights like this you wish you could just pick her up in your arms and go spend a week together just the two of you at the cottage. Leave life behind and do manicures all week and eat candy in front of the TV. Maybe you should?

She is your baby girl and she is growing up into a little lady before your eyes. Part of you wants to stop time and the other part is so very excited for her and for you too.

So today I had a real taste of what life is going to be like with a daughter. What life will be with my daughter.

And when you have a girl…..a lot of life is ironically spent speaking about…boysJ

When I think of her…the word Indulge always comes to mind-it always has. I wonder at which point I will fully allow myself to fully soak in all of these delicious moments? To fully allow myself to believe I deserve them.

Things are Changing

I have never been very good at change. Neither is my Protector.

Takes us a year minimum to adapt to change.  We are very quick with most things-change is not one of them.

This week holds a lot for us. Stuff is happening and thank goodness we have had some good time to prepare for it. Still it is a big time in our lives.

We said goodbye to our boat “Trent Obsessions” We sold her.

Not at all like saying goodbye to “Five at Sea”. That would have been for me like most people feel like when their pet dies. We will change her propeller and motor and put a wake tower on her and get her on this lake. I can’t wait to show that boat Trent.

This week we will officially say goodbye to our old cottage . I will say goodbye to 17 yrs of happiness in it and my Hubby will say goodbye to generations of his lifetime. We sign it over to his sister on Thursday at the Notary. I am happy to report that we actually feel ready in most  ways. Shocking but true. Best decision we made ever was to keep that cottage for an extra yr to feel secure in letting go now. We are sad but ready.

We get to go gather up a whole bunch of sentimental furniture end of April and heirlooms from his parents generations. Our new cottage will finally welcome some of our most cherished memories. Couches, clocks, boite a bois……..it’s been a long journey and I can’t believe we are here now.

I would say that we almost went through a divorce on many levels with our cottage-that’s what it felt like anyways. I think my husband would say harder than divorce for him personally. That cottage was so much more than 4 walls...it had our hearts wrapped up in it. Our relationships, our dreams, our lives, our memories.

And to top it all off this week I went blond. Less blond than I intended but still enough to make everyone at work-even guys who are usually clueless-notice. In 6 weeks will go even blonder.

And here I am alone up at Trent blogging and working on all my works stuff that I need peace and quiet to concentrate on. It’s a big week at work and wanted to have the space here to myself to focus. So stayed up here last night and today to  do my work in peace and take some clients on the phone later afternoon from here. It’s like an oasis for me and that is new too. I got so much done today with a beautiful view of the mountains and a good walk as a break up the hills on the country roads.

A year ago I could barely find my way to the depanneur  and now I can find my way back home.

And a couple of new friends lately too-people I never really dreamed of knowing so well. Feels like the kind of thing  like  “how could we have not been friends before?”  Finding new relationships in adulthood is a gift –it feels really good. It’s something I have been searching for and wanting more of.I feel very clear on what I need these days and am seeking it out.

I am changing. My kids are changing. My marriage is changing. My friendships are changing. It feels like a definite Phase 2 of our lives has begun.

Part of me is ready. Part of me is scared.

I guess in about a year or so I will look back and fondly say “it’s all good”.

For now? Let’s wait and see. Denial. Resitance. Exporation. Commitment.

Poisson D'Avril !

Except when I was really little, I stopped caring much about April 1st..until a few years after I had kids that is.

I think I am now going to war with my French family when it comes to April fool’s Day. Sorry guys I like the English way better!

Years and years in our household of little cut out fish being stuck on my back, in my lunchbox, and posted on my workbag have become fairly predictable at this point. It’s amazing how our household just seems to go crazy over this. I just had to cut out 5 fish and write little messages on them, pretend to hug my daughter and stick them on her back..and my son was sad that I didnt’t do it to him-and he’s 14 yrs old!

Next time Chase I will be sure to write you the same “You are a pretty little loser”

Sorry about that Buddy.

I even feel guilty that Bear is at a friend’s this weekend and is missing out on this “fun”. These people have gotten to me!

So today I revolted against them and did some of my own English April 1^st fun. With technology makes it even easier!

Two brothers thought I was with child, 1 friend that I won a trip away on the radio, a boss who also thought I won a trip to Australia and was pretty much leaving tomorrow , a Mom who thought I was pregnant with another man’s child, and a whole lot of other stuff.

Why is the pregnancy theme so popular? Trust me people, would not be tears of joy so stop offering your heartfelt congratulations!.

My Hubby decided to play a rotten joke on me (not a fish thank god) before I even realized it  was April fool’s Day. Sent a fake email saying our Italy cruise with Bear was cancelled. I was so sad.

All that to say…fish and all, I take this day any day over Halloween and for some reason it all makes me laugh. I like being silly.

It’s funny how I need an excuse like April 1^st to let this part of me shine. I
might highly consider the fish thing for other days of the year. It is just plain old funny somehow.

Was good that if fell on a Sunday this year and get to  share it with my family. Usually I am at work all day and somehow all the fishes that make it onto my colleague’s backs..don’t always go over so well! (although one year I had a boss that was super serious and strict and I did this to her and she thought it was HILARIOUS). I think I changed her that day-she never quite recovered and always had a secret little smile when she looked at me thereafterJ

The Power of a Personal Brand

My daughter Beauty was in her second Glee production this week night. It was fun to watch.

She played the “lead” mean popular girl Kayla and danced and sang her way through the show (which had some good parts but was also a bit chaotic at times)!  We were a little shocked that some of the lines “Kayla” had as the “meannie” sounded like what comes out of our daughter’s mouth at home often! (Although with friends she is a sweetie all the time).

She did a great job. Music is made for this girl-she completely comes alive when she is performing. I love watching her sing and dance-she is so very talented.

What strikes me about Beauty is her Personal Brand. How each child has their own and we are best not to interfere with it. My mother and I begged her before the show to wear what the teacher has prescribed: Black pants, white shirt, something sparkly, and accessories. Hair was to be put up.

She looked at us outright and said “No I know what I need to look like”.

She wore black legging a bright pink tight tank top, hair down and sunglasses. And tall black boots.

And she convinced her friends to all do the same except tank tops in all different colors.

Until this weekend, her idea was soccer shorts and tank tops until one of the more fashion conscious Moms stepped in and saved us all and insisted on at least leggings instead.

So I have to say I was a little frightened to go to the show (and so was my Mom). I mean here was my daughter with a lead part in this and she could not conform to the costume? Or look a bit special? Or fancy or glitzy? What kind of girly-girl is this that I got after 2 boys? Soccer shorts for a show-please? Look the way you look everyday at school? C’mom Beauty be nice to your Mommy please?

Well I was wrong. As usual when it comes to Beauty. Her style was impeccable-the four of them looked incredible-amazing-sporty-athletic-stylish-laissez faire. No other costume could have better depicted the mean popular girls they were supposed to be. They totally rocked.

I just can’t believe that time and time again I dare to have the instinct to change and little details of fashion when it comes to my daughter. She is her own person and who she is likely ten times what I ever was or could ever hope to be myself in terms of a fashionista.

She has her own personal brand and how dare I mess with that kind of power.

So as I saw her last night on stage with her little simple outfit and big sunglasses and her wild hair bouncing all over as she turned and twisted her head throughout the dance routine. As I saw her eyes sparkle in the light with purple eye shadow on as she sang her heart out with every note in tune-I made a decision. Not only to leave her alone when it comes to fashion as she clearly knows exactly what she is doing but also…

To ask her advice next time I step outside the house for my own special occasion.

Gratitude For:

New friends. For the simplicity of childhood friendship and the handwritten notes of love and affection. For the simple truths from the mouths of babes. For newness, big hearts and big hugs. For watching little girls and their friendships blossom. For knowing what is important in life and caring for it.For making time for what is truly important to us.

 For lines on the wall that are getting taller and taller!! Height charts that are increasing for kiddies that often don't move their marks on the wall all of that often in any given year.. For friends who comment and notice and tell those kids when they do. For the difference and confidence this provides and the secret smiles.

For pillow talk at night between brothers and sisters. For being downstairs and getting to hear them calling out room to room "You know you guys are the best brother and sister ever"(Chase) "Compared to other people's brothers and sisters you are amazing and I am so glad to have you" I mean could a Mom ask for more than this? Each time I hear it..makes me tear all up out of sheer joy for them that they have each other in this big bad world. This haven of protected friendship that will last forever.

For friends who have blogs that I shamelessly steal off of!!! Quotes on Family nights, Tons of Treats, yummy recipes about Hello Dollys and booklets of CD's that may change my life forever:) For that friend who always wants to share her amazing ideas, and ways, and things that work...... with ME. Love that my life gets to be better because she is so smart.

For Moms that have art masterpieces that may or may not end up at my cottage. Of Moms that just..plain "get" me in everyway possible. For  me getting to have the perfect Mom EVER.

For husbands who are capable of dishing out the consequences to kids when they know their wife has had enough. For husbands who listen to me go one and on and on about my days at work lately-who are actually interested day after day after day.

For colleagues who make me laugh. Who write me funny emails at midnight and who are up at that time just like me. Who support me, listen to me and care about me.

For four year old beautiful girls who march up to my teenage boy at Tim Horton's and say "Can I have some money?" Love that little Ella Bleu!!!!