On the Right Track

While I listened to a famous motivational speaker on TV this week I loved his answer to the following question:

“I am a spontaneous person and don’t really agree with over planning and strategizing long term in life. I try to live moment for moment. Is there a need to plan so much when it comes to things like health, family, raising children and marriage?”

His answer: (something along these lines)

If your life is very fulfilling and happy as it is and you are pleased with the direction it has taken..stick with it.You are one of the lucky ones that living in the moment works for longer term.

If you are not very satisfied with one or more areas of your life…very likely you need to plan considerably more. The  very purpose of planning for most people is to ensure happiness long term.

Happiness does not just happen to lucky people..it happens to the people who plan for it.

Would it occur to you to practice your profession without proper training or education? The same goes for your life.

Get used to the fact that life is hard work if you want to be really good at it.


(it turns out it is another one of those "inconvenient truths" I have talked about before -just like recycling).

Inspired

I have a Swiss colleague with whom I work very closely. Ironically out of all of my colleagues, because of the nature of our work together, it often feels like I end up spending more time with him (even if we live in different countries) than with many of my local colleagues.

We deliver high level leadership programs together, mostly offsite.
This week he delivered his own Performance Keynote to our organization. And I was completely in awe.

It is rare that someone can move me in the way he does.
I could literally listen to him all day long as he speaks about sustaining high performance, energy management, wellness and ensuring you have passion for the game which you play.

I have heard his concepts many times and each time it ends up accessing something different in me.

Today it was acceptance. Acceptance of my own authenticity. Acceptance of who I really am. From an energy management point of view to focus more on what my natural rhythms are and less on what they are not.

I leave the keynote today humbled. By the sheer brilliance of this man. By his magnificent power as a professional, an athlete, as a husband and father to his family and by his ideas and the way that he shares them with me often.

His mind and his articulate words that touch so many people in any given room and change them at the very core.
I respect him and learn from him.

I feel grateful for our professional complicity and for the confidence and trust he places in me as his often co-facilitator.
I am lucky to have him teach me time and time again and feel honored that he feels in some ways that it is I teaching him. Wow-what an incredible compliment.

I feel blessed tonight and lucky to be surrounded by so much greatness at my place of work that I find in many of the people I interact with often. Inspired by so many different people who surround me daily. How did this happen to me?

As I told my esteemed Swiss colleague at dinner as he marveled at the relationships that I had with his audience today where he said he sensed that I adore so many of them and that they adored me.....I responded with:

"On most days, going to my place of work is no different than a child going to the playground. It's where I have fun, and even though I work extremely hard and it causes often a lot of stress-I adore it. It is exactly where I want to be at this point in my life."

So I am left inspired, as I always am when I host my Swiss colleague. Inspired to be the very best I can be in life in what I do-and ensure that along the way......I try and squeeze in a whole lot of fun.

I sit here tonight with a piece of Swiss chocolate in hand in a beautiful hotel room wrapped up in the white fuzzy spa robe after a nice bubble bath marveling at how good single moments can be if you let them. If you allow yourself to have them.
To allow yourself that delicious and luxurious gift of time on a night that is not the weekend. And allow yourself to feel that it's ok to simply do nothing and take a break every now and then.

Recovery time. Remarkable. Very nice indeed.

That's Life

It’s always surprising to me that the only way I learn in life is to experience it.

People around me can talk their way silly about how awful it feels to have your partner betray your trust, how anxiety provoking it feels to have your child start high school for the first day, or how painful a bikini wax really is. But until you go through these experiences yourself you just really don’t get it at all.

Life is our biggest teacher

Tears can be our biggest motivator to change.

Heartbreak is often followed by joy.

I know this all intellectually, but each time I go through it emotionally it all seems to make more sense

Pretty much all of my happiest moments my  in life have somehow been preceded by some form of pain or heartache.

Life has a way of wanting to teach us in the rawest forms. It’s as if at a certain point we only listen if life is really loud and essentially forces us to hear.

So the same applies to our children right?

I have encountered a couple of situations in the last couple of weeks with my kids that bring home two very important messages that I try to ensure I never forget:

1-Experience in life with kids is key. For them to learn properly they need to experience sadness, pain and heartaches along with the happiness, roses and lollipops.

If they don’t experience and live life, and we try to live it for them, they get stuck. They lose out. Massively.

2-When kids experience sadness or worry it has some good aspects. It is a motivator for change. If they never experience these things,they won’t change behavior and may get stuck doing the same unsuccessful thing over and over and over again which long term will create even more unhappiness for them in the long- term.

Without these things it’s all theoretical really.

A heart needs to feel. Their hearts need to feel.

I witnessed a Mom at the school the other day who’s son started at school in grade 1 mid year and cried when she left the schoolyard..and so she went right back and took him home telling the teacher “he was not ready and she would try again the next day if he felt ready”

("Oh Pleeze!!!!) 

Both the teacher and I looked at the child with sadness..and fear.

Not because he was crying but that his Mother so quickly judged him incapable and basically robbed him of getting through a difficult experience himself. The message she sent her son that day was:

When the going gets tough; you are not capable of handling it and so I will save you.We will do what feels best short term and ignore the long term impact of this important action.

Both the teacher and I knew that the son might appreciate this saving now, but years from now-it will harm him, his self confidence and his need in life to learn from experience. His mother set the stage of running in quickly and saving her son and she is sure to repeat this pattern time and time again.

We have all been that Mother-and had the urge to go in and save out kids from a tough situation. That would be the easy thing to do.

The hard thing is often doing the right thing.

In times like the last few weeks I have been very grateful that I have prepared my kids when they were young for “real life” by ensuring that the had opportunities to miss me..and realize the were capable of overcoming that….fail…without falling apart…getting hurt and still playing despite the boo-boo, getting in a fight and having the courage to say sorry without me by their side and face their peers…having a bad cold at night and after a few snuggles and hot water bottle going back to their own beds and putting themselves asleep.

I am thankful that I gave my kids these opportunities to be capable in life early on. Thank goodness now as I see as soon as the double digits hit-or sometimes before then-they need these skills to survive at school and with peers.

It is easy to tell the difference in the schoolyard between the kids who have been fully protected and the kids who have had to fend for themselves a little bit. The difference is in their confidence and their ability to deal with the meanies and nastier kids at school. The more confident kids are able to get through it all; the less confident ones crumble and they fall apart; these situations traumatize them at the very core.

 

So on the diet of life, although not  necessarily as tasty, what I prescribe for healthy living is small doses (and sometime unwanted larger portions) of  difficulty, hardship and tough encounters.

Somehow carrying this load and getting a little more used to it-prepares us for the larger loads we will with certainly come across as we get older and hopefully wiser.

The Problem with Blogging

I often have said that I don’t want to depress anyone by my blog……but on the other hand there are times when I don’t want to depress myself by writing stuff down either.

When there is stuff you are going through that is very personal sometimes it’s hard to find that balance between being honest and upfront and protecting your privacy and the others around you.
It’s sometimes ok to let your own laundry hang out but what about your partner’s dirty laundry or the things that happen at your work? They never asked to be blogged about did they?

So today it really occurred to me why so often I open blogs to find sunshine and lollipops and roses-because very often that is all someone is willing to share of their lives.
The storms, the thunder, and the lightning are kept neatly tucked away and only peek their heads through when they have likely been solved and dealt with.
When the person actually has a handle and a perspective on their personal disaster.

The real, real things get caught deep inside of you somehow.


So all that to say, although today I am tempted to post about my great trip to Indiana with my daughter, and the next best parenting tip that will change your life and your home, and post wonderful pictures of my kids smiling in all of their spendor; today it will have to suffice to say….

Another day….

Naughtiness

How often do we hear when we are little “Don’t be Naughty!”

How often do we hear ourselves say it to our kids as parents?

But being naughty…can certainly be a whole lot of fun too. No wonder kids like to be naughty!!!

There is something interesting in doing something that you just know is not the best decision, but is somehow exciting and appealing anyway. It’s the very fact that you should not be doing it that makes it seem so appealing.

Sometimes being naughty happens when you feel a whole bunch of stress. It’s almost like at a certain point you kind of break and just think:

“Whatever”.

And whatever really means: I don’t have the time or space in my brain to really care about the consequences, I am just going to do what feels good at this moment. And hope for the best.

I have a feeling many people go around life being what I consider naughty.

As for me? It’s rare-but oooooooh how fun when I do.

Now let’s be clear so that there are no questions on this post ok?? No clandestine affairs, no bad behavior, no bad gossip, nothing done that could harm anybody.

More just in the realm of doing a simple silly thing or two because I simply feel like it. Caring less. Thinking less. Joining the human race for a few moments.

Sort of like when you are little and making a prank call to the boy you like and singing a song and hanging up. That kind of thing. Harmless. Fun. Exhilarating.

So don’t get all excited.

Funny though that no matter how little naughty you are or how BIG naughty-there are always consequences right? Naughtiness catches up with you whether you like it or not. So do lies and that’s why I try never to tell them.

It’s like we tell our children so often: Whatever you do or say you better be willing to face the consequence-so keep that in mind as you “have fun” being naughty.

What I like about being an adult with kids a bit more grown up now is that there is space for me as the Mom to digress a little bit now and then myself. Put myself on the time out chair…..let a swear word slip out of my mouth and make the kids laugh here and there….have a food fight in the kitchen. One day perhaps even help my daughter choose what song she will sing on the phone to which boy?

It’s funny that I still hold- that this part of  me…is the best me.

Naughty more often I shall be (don’t tell my kids)

To Be or Not to Be (Gretchen)

This phrase rings in my head from the book I read twice “The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin.

It struck me the first time reading the book because I found it odd that someone would embrace things about themselves that were not necessarily working for them in their life..rather than trying to change these things. Gretchen said she didn’t really like socializing with people so instead of working on this..she just accepted it.

Other things about herself that she wished were different; such as her innate nature to only really enjoy reading or writing and not much else, instead of trying to expand her horizons-she went with the flow.

This concept initially bothered me..did not resonate with me right away.

Lately on my walks in the morning and thoughts before bed however, I hear myself saying to myself ” Be Tarina”

So below I am listing a few things about myself that just are. That are simply there and that I am considering just accepting and embracing. Things that as often as I may have tried to change them over the years or resisted them in one way or another-don’t really change.I seem to  lack the motivation  to be honest with you because I know they won’t budge very much no matter how hard I try.

This feels like a bit of coming out of the closet for me..in my own way. Things many people may not know about me (or may know all too well!) or that I have never really said (or admitted aloud).

1-A blackberry in my hand feels a thousand times more natural than a spatula, a pan or a crock-pot.

2-Doing most types of domestic duties (washing a floor, cleaning out a fridge,  changing a diaper, or making a simple sandwich) irritate me and take more energy from my brain than managing million dollar budgets or giving large presentations ( partially in Spanish) ever will.

3-I complain I hate being so busy a lot of the time, but secretly love it.

4-The sounds of children’s laughter is often too much for me. I find that if it is too frequent, it gets too noisy and irritates me tremendouslyL

5-If I don’t speak to my Mom or best buddies enough by phone or email within a given week, I feel super lonely and sad.

6-My mind never shuts off. Literally runs 24 hrs. per day even in my sleep I seem to be solving problems.

7- I am scared of vacation and time off in reality. Even weekends. I end up loving it all endlessly once I get into it-but non structure and lack of routine scare me intially.

8-When my husband wants to hide a gift for me he puts it in the laundry machine or dryer because he knows there is no chance I will  will ever find it there.

9-Something about alcohol scares me and I have not really figured out what yet. People make fun of me for not drinking regulary, but there is something there for me.

10- I am a better Mom on paper than I am in real life. I do a lot of the right things (I think) but I am not naturally a very maternal person.

11-Very often I feel way too tired to roll over and just cuddle up with my Hubby who so deserves it. It’s as if a hug  or a kiss often feels like a big effortL. This really sucks about me.

12-I never shut up-(just like my eldest son).

13-I am judgmental and critical in many ways.

14-Often on any given day, in any given situation I feel irriated for no reason.

Since I went over the 10 things that I intended to limit myself to, I will add four things about myself that although weird a bit, I embrace them fully and they are a bit more on the positive side. After writing those 14 things above, I now feel a bit down!

1-I love fully in relationships. When you are loved by me-you always count. I always consider you, your feelings, and want to spend time with you. If I love you-I fully adore you and you are mine.

2-You are always on my mind. I will always make time for what is important to me no matter what. I know my priorities and shift and organize them daily to ensure I focus on what is most important in my life and what is most meaningful.

3-Underneath it all-I think I am a really sweet girl. Ready for a hug, ready to give one, I will make you laugh until you pee your pants if I am in a silly mood and always ready to have fun and seek out the pleasures of life. Unfortunately for me and you….you may just need to do some digging to get there and keep me in that state of mind. It may be hard work for you.

4- I am a believer. I believe we all can have whatever we want in life if we work hard enough to get it. There is  truly not much in life that I think of as impossible. If I want it enough…I get it. If I know you want it enough-I will help you get it too.

So there it is. My first shot at “Being Tarina” out in the open.

Let’s see how it all goes.

Hormone Hell

Often people ask me if there are downfalls to over- planning since this is what I have done for most of my adult life.

Here's one for you:

Plan to have all 3 babies exactly 18 mnths to 2 yrs apart born between Dec-Feb since that is the only time of year your husband could leave his work, still pay your mortgage and take a 1.5 weeks off with each (without messing up our vacation time or boating season that is).

Get pregnant on your first try with each of them and have them born all within 4 weeks of Christmas and evenly spaced apart just as you had precisley planned but actually never expected would actually work.

Yes..yes.. your husband gets to stay home a week with each-minus the first where he shoveled all day on the roofs of every house we moved to in the  historical Quebec ice storm.

However-no one ever warns you about hormones so you never plan for that part.
No one ever told you your eldest would be diagnosed officially with delayed puberty by exactly 2 yrs, your youngest in advance of pre- puberty signs by one year of most girls and your middle one dead set on track with all of his peers.

What does this equal?


You got it!


A house full of raging hormones most days of the week (more like raging  animals really).

Three tweens, preteens and teens at the EXACT same stage of development ironically. Did I plan for this? Did I covet this? Really?

I get asked at least once a week if I have triplets.
And how I am surviving.

So yes planning has tons of benefits-but also has some downfalls too when you don't take into account some of the unplanned circumstances of such wise strategic thinking long term.

I figure 10-12 yrs more of this chaos  and then I will have the three of them fighting widly over who gets to have us over for Sunday dinners and push our wheelchairs in the malls in the near future:)

Love them all to  to bits of course, but I have had enough attitude to last a lifetime from the mouths of babes.