To Be Adored

Sometimes I wonder what it must feel for Her…..

To be so adored by these two Boys?

I see glimpses of it often. And more and more often as they get older of just how much these two brothers adore their little sister.

I mean let’s get real, there are a whole lot of fights and insults thrown in there and often (thier new insult for her is to call her PENIS)…but there are so many moments of pure and precious adoration too.

Before camp (this year she has chosen to go to camp alone where the camp is run by Nuns-a post for later on!!!), each of them were fighting for her attention in the days before.

They wanted to each spend alone time with her hugging her and holding her and hanging out with her.

On the boat Bear and Beauty lay in each other’s arms and actually fell asleep for 30 minutes with these huge smiles on their faces. Hubby and I thought that this was the sweetest thing we had ever seen in our lives…..since often the two of them are more drawn to Chase then they are to each other. It was such a sweet moment.

Before she went to camp they listed the things they loved about her so she would remember including: “funny, hilarious, cool, stylish, friendly, beautiful and like to be beat up and doesn’t mind when someone farts on her!”

She was so happy to her these lovely compliments about herself.

I am just so happy for her. Because I know full well how it feels to be so loved by two older brothers. It feels like you are on top of the world really; like you are protected from evil and that men are looking out for you.

I have two wonderful half brothers, and our childhoods was very different than my own children’s as we mainly spent weekends together and only shared part of our lives together because of this schedule. However, there were plenty of these adoring moments over the years and I always hold a secret smile; that I am lucky enough to have two older brothers. It’s a great spot to be in as a girl.

So I am happy for my little Tic-Tac, Bieberette, Peach and little turnip among many other names for her that no matter what….these particular boys are crazy about her! And they have been for a very looong time:)

Ready? Set? Go! Bye-Bye

Ok so I am done with the goalless summer after 2.5 weeks of no goals, no plans and no routines for the kids.

It has been a blast truly (up until the last 2 days where I have nearly lost my mind). Besides that…amazing.

Now it is time for me to have 12 days off…my own goalless heaven. Well partially anyways since I will be at work for a good part of those days. Goalless evenings and nights though..I will take what I can get.

Off to camp they go those three kids. Ahhh…………..

So we will work next week while they are at camp and then have 5 days at Trent without any kids at all. My mouth is watering already. Paradoxically , I also miss them already. I will try loving them from afar:)

And then we will get the kids back for a two week break of vacation at the cottage. And I will be ready to welcome them back with open arms, ready to embrace the fun, the craziness, the chaos, and the non-structure again.

All of my friends and colleagues seem to be at home with their kids in summer, on vacation or have their kids in camps as soon as school ends. In soccer at night and up early for hockey.

I choose a goalless summer.

Yay! (maybe?)

I will always have a love/hate relationship when it comes to my kids and structured time vs. non structured time.

I will always wonder if I did good or bad.

Goalless summer will not be part of any parenting book I write (yet). I have to see what this yields ..to be sure first. Part of me is convinced my kids will profit from all of this long term, part of me doubts it too and wonders if more routine would be good for them?

As I hear them now in the family room at Trent, the boys fighting wit eachother for their sister's attention so they "can spend time with her before she is off to her different camp tomorrow". All on the couch, cuddling, laughing and enjoying eachother as they have so much in the last 2 weeks...I am pretty sure I have done good. At least in this moment anyways. Life seems especially sweet today

Motherhood..is always full of questions-that is always the way it seems.

Who’s the Boss?

I have been privy lately to a number of people who I don’t know very well telling me how blissfully happy they are in their marriages even after plenty of years of being married.

I mean don’t get me wrong, my closer circle of friends and colleagues (including me) are also very happy too…but bliss may not be the word we use to describe our relationships necessarily on a more constant  basis. Amongst the happiness, are complaints, and disappointments, along with happiness, joy and love. It’s often a shade of gray when it comes to marriage for many people I know.

But lately I have heard of these blissful, long term, long standing relationships and it has peaked my curiosity. More than a bit.

What are they doing differently? Or better?

What I think it comes down to one one level is that in these relationships there seems to be more equality than in the ones where there is much happiness, but not necessarily continuous marital bliss. There is not necessarily a leader and a follower but a mix of both for both individuals.

In most marriages I see that surround me, there is a clear leader and a clear follower. Put all of my friends with their partners at a table and I think out of all of them (except one couple) everyone at that table would be able to clearly identify who is the boss in that family.

AKA:

“We love line dancing courses on Mondays honey don’t we???!”

“We decided he is not going to his friends’ bachelorette party because there are too many strippers there”

“We don’t like when she wears tiny little bikinis so we cover her up in these moo-moos”

“We decided that on Sundays we are going to join my parents and go to church together”

“We decided no more chips or chocolate in the house for the next decade”

“We decided that we are going to have a great time on our two week vacations spending it with my parents-hooray!”

“We decided that we can’t go to that wedding of your friend, we are not available that day and have more important things to do”

We all know who that WE is. It’s the BOSS of that family. The one who decides. And more often than not.

And it is hard to be bossed around right? But equally hard to always have to be the boss too.

So that is one of the factors in a relationships that I have a feeling does not contribute to bliss over time.

It’s one I need to work on a lot myself. Guess if I am the boss or not?? Hard to know eh??

It’s one that will be very hard to changeL

And the funny part in all of these relationships where I see the couples sitting around and it is clear who is boss…the boss is often under the impression that the marriage is bliss. It’s the one being bossed around that potentially does not share that vision, or if does, won’t in a decade or so.

Or maybe they both think and feel they are in marital bliss.

But to the outside world looking in…it sure does not appear that way Honey-looks painful sometimes.

And that is Part 1 in a series of one of this reasons I think some couples are more blissful than others.

Ya it’s  kinda been a crappy last few days for me. Better start number three of “Shades of Grey” to perk me up again.

Sweet Atypical Schedules

I have been asked recently a few times based on my blog why we end up eating so late (especially on weekends) in our family?

The answer is really very simple…..we are too busy doing other things than to cook at regular times. We extend the day as long as possible when it comes to our leisure time.

During the week we work late often, so by the time we get home unless we are forced to be on a better schedule because of school schedules etc…we always choose, no matter what time it is when we get home, to sit and chat and have a drink together (well I watch my Hubby have a drink)

Then we get dinner prepared and then we eat it.

So often that is very late. Sometimes even 10pm. Once even 10:45pm at the cottage! Crazy people we are. No wonder our kids grate on our nerves sometimes, we hang out with them too long in any given dayJ

So here is a typical day for us on weekend so you get the picture (I am often asked this question).

Typical weekend at Trent on a Saturday in Summer:

7:30am-adults wake up

10:00am-adults actually drag their lazy asses out of bed and get up and male adult has coffee

10:05-10:45am-two adults talk in bed and chat

9:30-10:30-3 kids get up during that hour (rule is no one in our house gets out of bed before 9am on weekends EVER!). Even guests are asked to PLEASE sleep in!!!!

10:30-11:45-kids watch TV and make breakfast which is usually homemade couscous. Weird kids

10:45am-adults go and drag their asses to the dock and sit there and chat and talk and read for an hour

12:00-we all do our chores around house and clean up and put sunscreen on

12:30-2:00pm –we go on the boat and practice slalom skiing, wakeboarding and other stuff. Adults used to do this..getting too old and more scared every year especially that our kids are so much better than us now.

2:30pm-we eat lunch very leisurely and sit at table

3:30-6:00-often boys go play golf for most the afternoon with Dad, or just Bear does, or we sail, or trampoline, or boat and swim or just hang out, go tubing, kids play with neighbors, kids go to village for bike ride and treats

6:00-8:00pm-kids watch TV and take showers. Adults sit out on dock and wife watches husband drink and we watch the beautiful sky. Or we all do Happy Hour on the dock and use our discussion cards game with the kids.

8:00- We all do end of day cleanup. We decide to relax a bit more before starting dinner so usually all pile on the bail bed and snuggle up and half fall asleep

9:00pm-we decide to start making dinner. TV goes off-music goes on. Kids help or board game is played by kids. Mom writes blog while Dad and kids cook!

10:00pm-we sit down  to a nice dinner on deck or sometimes a simpler appetizer sampler night on dock. We have candles and dessert and sit there a looong time.

10:45pm- we watch part of a movie or 2 episdes from Modern Family Season 1

11:30-kids get on our nerves and we send them to bed. Why are they acting up??? The night is young!What is all the whining and fighting about? Get a grip children! Are you tired or something?

Midnight: we go outside and fall asleep on our bali bed

2:00am-we get scared of sleeping outside in case a bear comes and tired of sleeping on a chair made for one person and fitting two. We come in and go up to bed.

And so that is why we eat so late!!!

Now Spring and Fall are different stories all together. Work, work, work. To have bali beds, and boats, and docks and food. Hardly any fun. All we do it seems is work at work and work around the 2 houses at home. We save  all the fun for summer and for winter ski season.

I wonder why I prefer summer???

Welcome Baby Blue

He arrived!!!  Last night in time for dinner on Canada Day.

Happy Healthy, little blue package.

We got the phone call that baby was healthy and a BOY during our dinnertime and we all screamed and shouted for joy. It was sooooo exciting!!!!

There was something about her having him that just made my heart melt. Three kids just like me…two of one gender and one of the other.

With two beautiful daughters at home, After so many miscarriages, and very difficult ones, and so many painful periods, and fears and worries..she got her little boy. Her healthy third child. Boy or girl always feels like such a miracle.

She told me on the phone she felt peace and that made me really, really happy...

And as usual she was calm, serene, sweet and wonderful, my Soul keeper friend. The picture that was sent to me today could have been pulled from the pages of Vogue…she looking like she just got off the runway instead of in the hospital juts having given birth.  I love her too much to feel jealousJ

She radiated peace and beauty. Those lucky kids....they will spend their lives being adored by her and adoring her that is certain..

So I went to bed last night all wound up, and all content, and so happy that I could feel such happiness for others. So happy that I am at a stage of my own life that I have time to enjoy others children as mine get older, so proud that I am able to access within my self so much happy, pure joy for someone else I love.

To have her happy, happy life be just so beautiful to watch unfold.

I am more than glad that she has a son. To me…..there is nothing in the world…like having a son. Having a son grow up and loving him and having him love you…..it is an amazing feeling. And just like having a daughter is beautiful, having a son is too-in such a different way. I am happy I can share this with her now.

After what seems like a lifetime of dreaming of girls, and wishing for my own girl, and wishing for other people’s girls…I am glad that what made my heart leap last night was her boy.

Knowing full well the love, and joy and path that are ahead of her as a mommy to a son.

Going to sleep last night so grateful and so thankful for the miracle of life that I am so happily part of.

Thinking and dreaming of all the ways this woman has changed me over the last two years in the direction that I needed to go..through pure and unconditional love for me. Letting me be me..and accepting me as I am and holding my hand firmly ,as I have shyly but surely altered parts deep within myself. She has changed me as a Mother.

I can’t wait to meet your son tomorrow, Bella…….sweet dreams.

Five at Sea (often minus three..)

There is nothing..and I mean nothing as lovely  as messing around on boats”.

I don’t know where I got this quote, I think my late Grampa cut it out of the newspaper for me ..and I love it.

In our family I don’ think any of us are happier than when we are playing on boats. Motorboats, sailboats, kayaks, paddleboats. We live on these things and have since the kids were born (aka walking into cdn tire and asking if they have lifejackets for 3 month olds-I mean if dogs wear them why not little infants)!

Boats have been so much a part of our lives for what seems like forever. Essentially we have brought up our kids on Five at Sea.

We have taught them wakeboarding, waterskiing, slalom, and kneeboard. They have been flipped thousands of times on the tube over and over and been taught signals for fast and slow.

We have screamed at them endless times to practice harder and to get the sport right (we are huge tiger parents when it comes to watersports and the achievement of them). It certainly has paid off; they are all wonderful to watch on water and very skilled, but it has been an exhausting process at times!

We have told endless jokes on boats and laughed our heads off . We have blasted music and danced often.

I have cuddled them, and held them and played with their hair endlessly on boats.

We have screamed at them to get up and try again, bribed them with gumballs and parked at many islands to swim with our boat.

We have named all the surrounding islands, BlogSpot, Malibu Bay and Covey corner.

There is something magical for me about the wind blowing in my hair on the boat. I do my best thinking there. I feel free there.

We have slept on boats and woken up on them. Our kids have loved them, gotten bored of them, begged for them and resisted them.

Boats have mirrored our lives and the way we live them and I will always, always hold that in fact that quote was true and that there is nothing much in life that comes close to playing and messing around on boats . Boats have kept our family together and close….and I will be forever grateful for them in my life.

Boats will always be part of us-each one of us. Boats have defined us in somany many ways.

Precious Time

Lately I have been giving some thought to the way that time is used by me, by my family and in life in general.

I have been struck with the thought  that if I were to list my activities outside of work activities, so many of them seemed to be aimed at preparing for or wrapping up from leisure activities. And that’s what gets me. Here we have a fun activity (sleep away camp, going to the cottage for a long weekend, going to a family reunion on Ottawa, having friends to cottage etc..) and all my time seems to be used and spent  on preparing for these great events. And then after they are over, cleaning up after them.

So all that is essentially left is the activity itself and not much else. Hope I enjoy them! Enjoy those moments!

So am I normal? For some reason I think not.

So either I take way more time to prepare or I have just way more of those activities to plan for –which is very possibly true.

I think if my kids were in organized sport 4-5 times per week, I would just lose it. Thank goodness I understand my own limits.

I seem to need a lot of unstructured time in the summer, maybe because my work and days are so demanding? I don’t know.

I just know that the most precious moments I have in life, the ones that I get the most pleasure from, the ones that will stay etched in me forever are all during unstructured time.

They are not when we are running to get to a party

They don’t happen at the ice rink watching hockey

They don’t occur when I  am packing for the cottage

They are not present when I am doing the laundry after a long weekend

They don’t happen at the waterslides, at camps or by text.

They happen when I am in the present, enjoying the moment and available both physically and mentally.

When there is time for the unplanned.

For peace.

For connection.

For just being together.

Like last night with Bear at the table just the three of us and all the precious and secret stories about graduation.

Like stopping at friends for a cupcake unplanned and staying for a bit when I got my daughter.

Like having made time this week for a lunch with my wonderful friend, SoulKeeper who is about to have a baby any day now (out of anyone I know this  paricular friend is the mots peaceful and present woman I know-great example for me)

Like taking an extra day at the cottage with my Mom instead of taking 3 clients

Like being in the Jacuzzi with my Hubby at 1am under the stars even though I should be sleeping

I will always believe that it is in these precious moments that real life is experienced and felt. For me anyways.

And I will never have enough of these moments or make enough time for them.

And if I have too many-I won’t appreciate them as much as I do right now because they would not be as special.

And I will try as hard as I can to ensure that outside of my work which is of course very structured, much planned, very organized and very busy (which I love to have this there)…that I try to stop and smell the flowers often outside of this.

To remind myself that I am at my best when I am present.

And to be present as often as I can and still have the kind of life that keeps me packing, moving, socializing and going all the time.

Like an Energizer Bunny who wants to once in a while run out of fuel and is very content to take a break.