Stay Away Sickies!!!

 

The other day I went to a neighbor’s house to drop something off and I saw the funniest thing on her door!

It was a big sign that said “If you have the stomach flu or lice go away!!!” With a big smiling face after

After checking my head for bugs and ensuring I was not puking, I rang the doorbell and asked her about this craziness . She said that every year she has guests who come year after year on Christmas Eve and ruin this precious time of year for her and her family. She did not sound very merry!

She said the first year it happened she had four out of town guest one after and other and all brought the gift of the stomach bug and hair bugs. She said she was stuck with it for weeks after they left since she has 4 kids and it went through their entire family. She said it was Valentine’s Day before they got healthy again.

So she said she is just not taking any chances anymore.

Although I thought her method was a little rude and direct also thought it was quite funny! I mean it is equally as rude to arrive with contagious stomach flu or head lice right? Change your plans and sleep at the hotel or leave the little sick one at home with Grandma.

I felt quite certain that her guests this year just might get the hint! Or never come back! I felt pretty sure that she might be spending a lot more of the holidays healthy and alone!

 

RollarCoaster

Sometimes as I read back on my blog I get the feeling I am manic depressive. And I know that is silly because I am perfecting healthy both mentally and physically but it has been bothering me lately as I read my blogs. My blogs are so up and down. One day I am elated and the next day I seem down in the dumps. Often about the same subjects, my husband, my kids, my life.

When you had a Dad that was mentally ill your whole life, you tend to worry about mood swings.

So am I going a bit crazy or am I just really, really honest? Am I over the edge or do I wear my heart on my sleeve? Is there any chance that it is not just my moods but that this is what real life is and I reflect my experiences accurately and with honestly? Or maybe I should go to the doctor and get my hormones checked? Sounds like a good idea.

I have always had a love hate relationship with blogs. With mine and with others. One one hand I find it such a self-centered creation, I mean who honestly cares about what my daughter did or did not do at school today or if so and so’s kid is excited to make peppermint cookies?Or does it matter what my view is on God or what the good neighbor’s view is on premarital sex is?

On the other hand I love blogs. I love writing them,. It frees me up inside and let’s all the good and bad stuff out. I love reading other’s blogs and taking a look into their lives and hearts to see what is there. I love seeing what people feel and what they are interested. And I do love reading about the mundane things in life and about kids, there is a certain comfort in it. But I know it is odd, and I know that blogging (just like Christmas elves) gets a bad rap from many.

I understand it, but I don’t also.

So as I read the 5-6 blogs that I read daily, there is envy in me for often what seems to be such simplicity in lives. For such bliss and happiness. For having the biggest concern of the day of what kind of cookies to bake in particular? Or when the biggest obstacle of the day is what to dress your adorable baby in.

And then there is the comfort those same blogs bring me. Of making me question my own choices and decisions and making myself a better Mother and aiming for the stars. At looking at my life and asking myself the question “How can I be at my happiest?”

And the scarier question: Am I there yet?

But maybe people reading my blog are envious of my life too? Maybe they look at it and wish parts of it were theirs? And just like I long for the simplicity of baking the peppermint cookies, maybe they long for the quality of my complex life? Because as far as I see it the more problems and issues you have, and the more emotions you deal with, and the more obstacles and challenges you come across, the more gratitude and emotion you feel, and places you go, and relationships that grow and break…the more fortunate you really are.

And the more you love, the more you lose.

And the more failures you have the and the more risks you take, the more wins you also get.

And often during these times in particular, cookies are just not on the radar for many of us.

And maybe they should be? And maybe they shouldn’t? I guess that is what each of us have to find out for ourselves right? That is what makes each of us unique.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all of my cyberspace readers and buddies. Thank you for putting up with me . As I see my traffic go up and up.....I am grateful that you are all still around. And happy that something about my sharing both the good and bad keeps you coming back for more.

I truly and sincerely appreciate it.

Grateful for the Return from the Apes

My little idiot gorillas all turned human again tonight)

One thing that is a huge advantage of being an over planner is that you always get done in advance. Even though I have 24 people over for X-mas…I am 90% done with Christmas preparations. Gifts are wrapped, food is planned, and table is set. It’s all done this way on purpose because I don’t like taking chances. Chances of being super sick, chances of last minute work deadlines, chances of big crisis. So I get it all done days in advance and then sit back and watch the chaos around me. It’s always been my method.

I feel like I can breathe again.

Sure there is still the other 10% but I feel totally organized and ready to enjoy my holidays and family as of Friday night.Phew…it’s been a loooong three weeks. I honestly don’t know if I have ever been as exhausted in my life.

But tonight they got their Mommy back. Long tuck ins, good talks around the table, little chocolate treats, kisses and hugs, girls talking about boys and boys talking about burping.

It is the little things about Christmas I love the most. Chase came up to me tonight and asked if I had a little extra something for his English teacher because he wanted to single her out and give her a gift be she is so nice. Of course I had something hidden away! (So what if he was giving it to her be he has a lunch detention tomorrow…he still had kindness in his heart!) So he asked me to wrap it with him. And it was so sweet just talking our time together and doing that. Such a simple gesture but so lovely. He made sure to write her name clearly and used a pen that would not smudge. He put the prettiest bow. It gave me insight into the man he will be and it made me proud. I love these moments. This morning it was waiting at the door with his schoolbag ready to give. This present represented so much of the love I feel for my son…it captured all the good in him.

Then Bear in Bed having me guess at my gift and I making him laugh with silly little jokes about all the coal and fruit I will put in his stocking. And how I bought him a blanket yet again for xmas (remember he ran away last year?) This little man makes my heart melt when he is human and not animalJ.

And then Beauty..oh Beauty…..so sweet. Telling me about the boys she likes at school and how the way she shows them she likes them is to roll her eyes and look annoyed. And she shows me what it looks like. So funny. I love this mother daughter stage; it seems that I must have dreamed it to life.Feels like I have wanted these moments forever and now they are here

And at the dinner table last night spoke about the shooting again. Read one of BFF’s blog to them and they learnt a lot. Read a blog that I liked less and shared what I did not like about it and got their religious input on that. And then said a nice family prayer for the victims and the parents of the shooting. And that felt good, and just like Heaven, even if I am very aware that it may just be for comfort in many ways..so be it. We felt comforted and united. Religion is slowly taking up a bit of space in our lives along with a lot of speculation and strong views I may have on the subject.

And then this week in the evenings the calls that I made to discuss the ADD diagnose with people who I care about and who care about me and our son. It’s amazing how grateful I am for these discussions. And all people I respect so highly and each offer a different part of themselves (nurturing, clinical. supportive, directive) Each think so differently too-go for the meds, don’t go for the meds, take it fast, take it slow, read no books, read all the books . And I soak it all in and take the parts that make sense to me.

Gratitude for me though and my ways. For handling this journey as I would any important project. With education, and diligence and thought. Attacking it from every angle. Never allowing myself to get so busy that I don’t have time for the most important parts of my life. For the parts that have the biggest impact in the future. So yes I have read 5 full books so far within the week and that makes me proud. (and not obsessive). Makes me proud that my kids can count on me to advocate for them while I still can and ensure that decisions that are taken are with the most carful consideration.  A friend asked me this week ”how can you do all this research with Christmass and work demands” My answer:

“How can I not?”

So yes my mood has shifted since my raising animals post. Relaxation is setting in. Work is tying up and getting done and performance appraisals for the years complete. Things are looking up as my stress level is finally coming down.I need to keep reminding myself during frantic times that real life always returns at one point or another.There will always be time to go back to normal right?

 (Now..perfect night so far. Watch someone throw up in the next few hours.  Feels too good to be true!)

 

 

 

 

Really? Was God There?

How can a parent possibly explain to a child why someone would go and shoot children in a school? It is the question that is being asked all around the nation at dinner tables as Christmas is also paradoxically anticipated.

How can this be? And how can we possibly explain this to our children.

Since it was my eldest son that told me instantly about the shooting that day-as with Twitter now-information is almost instant….I have since struggled with this subject.

In the last few family nights we have read articles about tragic events in the news and although hard, I think good for kids to discuss these and their feelings surrounding these awful circumstances.

The cyber world in the last few days is overloaded with advice on this very subject

A great blog that I read daily offered some advice on how to discuss with children, but I have to say I was very disappointed in her approach. Although she is usually someone who I look up to on her blog for advice with kids, her approach this time I found a real let down: “And may all those families affected by the darkness from last week feel that light from those around them, and from God who loves them dearly”.  And to top it all off a picture of her own perfect smiling family reflected in a Christmas decoration.

As much as I find it a good thing to look to a higher power in times of sadness, and would imagine it could be comforting on some level, I somehow think this blog might be taking this a bit far. I am not sure these families right now are feeling God’s love for them right now. Better yet they might be asking why the hell any God or the world in general would allow their children to be murdered? How could this happen to their innocent children? Why would someone they pray to 5 times a day do this to them? A special lesson reserved just for them?

So I wanted to leave a comment on the blog but did not have the courage as I am certain that the words were not meant to offend since normally this is a beautiful, religious, amazing blog…….but I am sure that the writer did offend many who have lost a child or lived a tragedy and the last thing they feel is how much God must love them.

But it got me thinking. How do we explain this tragedy to our children? What can anyone possibly say? How do we as parents explain something so very sick and inexplicable? And how do we continue to believe in good in people and faith under such terrible circumstances? There is a part of me that really does understand those who turn to God in such moments of tragedy, I truly and sincerely do.

On the other hand to go as far as saying that God is loving these families at a time like this or other articles I have read this week saying it was “God’s Will and that there is always meaning in tragedy, “or that we should pray for the soul of the poor murderer”…this is where religion in my opinion causes war and not peace.
This is where non believers, or semi believers lose faith completely. When such a message is broadcasted. Instead of “it is important to keep the faith in what you believe in in such difficult times or “this time God was not able to help for whatever reason he did not hear our prayers I hope he can use his power to comfort us now”

I love that on  my own blog I am able to explore some of these thoughts and issues as so very, very complex. And also to read the thoughts of others, even if I may not agree. It opens my mind to diversity and that is always the goal for me

I have got some thinking to do about this…and a lot of it before Family Night tonight where I will try and tackle for the second time the discussion of this tragedy with our own innocent kids.

 

 

Raising Animals

I was going to sit here tonight and write a blog about how amazing of an evening we all had.

Monday night I am always alone with the kids and I have been trying to make that time always a little special. Whether it’s taking 15 minutes extra to tuck one in or chat in front of the fire about something that is on their mind with another…I find myself making more space for them on that evening. When my to do lists are at their worst and literally calling my name after weekends away at the cottage. But lately I have really been selecting how to spend time and spending these extra few minutes with the kids always seems to make me feel better in the longer term.

So tonight even if I am sick as a dog, I hid a note with the elf that we would all watch a 30 minute Christmas special together and eat in front of the TV. As they sat there eating their pasta and yogurt and fruit and loving the babyish Christmas tale. I thought life is beautiful. This is a perfect moment.

Well it wasn’t afterall.

I made a bad decision. I decided to take a chance and offer more. I told them that if they quickly did 10 minutes of chores and clean up calmly they could come back to watch another episode of Rudolph and we could all snuggle on the couch.

Well Beauty listened. The two boys did not. And like every single night in my house…chaos erupts as soon as there is transition or chores to do or as soon as a command is given out to accomplish something that is not individual. I am really,really fed up. And very very disappointed in myself that I have somehow let this go on for so long. Now it is not only my older son who is so disruptive it is my middle son too and it bugs the hell out of me.

Just shut up and do what you have to do.

Stop acting like a bunch of idiots for 10 mins. Is that possible?

 

So they wrestled and laughed and got distracted and fooled around and threw their wallets around the kitchen until all their cards and bus passes feel all over. I was silent.

I should have just go in and said go to bed.

But I totally and completely lost it. I screamed and screamed and told them exactly what I think of them. I told one that I may even smack him across the face if he dare speak another word. I told them that they were grounded for a second day tomorrow (they were grounded tonight for hyperness too from the weekend). I also told them no breakfast made by Dad tomorrow and that no carpool. Walk and take the bus.

And I meant every single word. And I am not the least bit sorry.

Ya..I am sure that there may have been better ways to handle the situation but apparently those better ways are not working. So I will try it this way.

I hope they feel cold outside tomorrow and tired and sorry.

I would feel guilty if one of my sweetest BFF’s this week SAHM did not tell me that she calls her kids idiots weekly.in a very loud voice. And makes them cry. Thank God for her honesty..it frees me up.

I am done with this type of chaos each time it is time to work and not play.

And you know whose fault this is? Mine!

I am like those Moms that I have to hear daily complain about how “they can’t get their kid to stop texting and face booking though homework period and so their kid takes 5 hrs. to complete studies” Well madam that is because you ALLOW this.

Well I have joined the ranks of these Moms. Ya the ones who come to me for coaching. Those ones. I allow a ZOO in my home every night and for some reason until now I have not put my foot down enough.

Well the time has come friends.

An no I will not be medicating you all after dinner to be calm and cooperative. Simply, if someone is not calm and concentrated during chore time, they will immediately be excused (from their chores too) and they will be asked to go to bed or to study in their room. The evening ends there. No more. They will immediately receive 3 x’s for chores not done on the chart which will equal less allowance on chart and I will complete their tasks (and be compensated for it) If goes on for a few nights in a row-then technology gone for days at a time.

That is it. Silent. Calm Friendly. Goodnight.

Still want o be coached by me??? Of course you do!!!!!!!! This is what you love about me right??? Real, honest and HUMAN. Mother to two and sometimes three gorillas.:)))

Confidence Clarity

My daughter who just turned 11  yrs old has been called many things over her life so far. I tape a video of her each year at her birthday party and on it I interview all the girls at her party and ask them what they like most about their friend Beauty. Answers vary from hilarious, to caring, to the life of the party, to not shy, to a good friend. Confident always comes up somewhere in there.

Teachers over the ears often say different things about her too. They say she is a natural leader, they say she has a very positive influence on other kids; they say she is sparkly and bright. Then they also say that she can be a little unwelcoming sometimes to new kids, sometimes dispesfectful if she is in that mood, and can talk back or talk at inappropriate times. However the word confidence always comes about too. That my daughter if super confident.

So although confidence is a great thing…Beauty’s teachers mixed reviews over the years have always concerned me to a certain degree. She can be so sweet and soft and caring of those around her, more caring in a lot of ways those other girls her age I have noticed. But on the other hand, I don’t like this “mean girl” side that comes out every once in whole. Yes it is infrequent, no it does not happen often but it should not happen at at in my opinion. Why oh why????

The only people I hear it from are her teachers ever now and then…besides that does not come out and she has many friends and is invited many places. She has a close clique and she seems to value and be valued by the girls and their parents alike. I am always confused .

Well today at ski competition I saw the confidence my daughter has and I am grateful for it. This girl is not a doormat. She is a force to be reckoned with. I don’ think it would be possible to take advantage of her-she would just look at the abuser and say “Go away!” I have to say I like this in a girl. And if she loves you she will protect you too.

Ski competition is a MASSIVE commitment both on the parts of the parents and the kids. The only reason we have gotten ourselves into such a things is because it is cottage friendly. We are here and skiing is her. We want to be here as often as possible and this gives us the perfect reason to be. Fall training leads up to the season every Saturday morning Sept-Dec. Then Dec –April Saturday and Sundays 8:30-3:00 (aka as 10-3pm for us!) Throw in there 12 full days of training over X-mas break and 6 competitions at other mountains from 7am-5pm and that is a whole lot of skiing.

Our goal was to master her skiing, keep up her athletic skills, please her and indulge her passion but most of all for pleasure so that she would make a group of friends around the area and have this activity to bond them.

Well all the Fall training-so virtually for 8 weeks- the pleasure part was not really there. She would go with her little green track pants, her little striped tuque with a pom pom, her Joshua Perez hoody and her little bottle of water. Each time she would go for the 4 hrs and not speak to anyone but the trainers because she was the only new one there and the rest were a tight clique. Each weekend she would come home and when asked if she liked it she would say yes.

I liked it a lot

Did you make a friend?

No. Nobody speaks to me bc I am the new girl

Are you sad?

No.

Why not? Isn’t it boring?

I am not sad because I know it will change, By December on the slopes I will have plenty of friends

Are you sure you want to continue on this team Beauty? (aka why the hell are we getting up so early on weekends so you can hike up a mountain alone?)

Its fine Mom and Dad. I don’t mind being alone. It will all work out just fine. I will have tons of friends.

So we just carry on. We take her each weekend and feel a bit sad for her and for us.

And then like clockwork on the first day last weekend of the real slop practices she makes a friend! And then today her third practice she makes three more! By the end of the practice today I had two Moms approach me and ask me for Beauty’s phone cell number (ladies she does not have a cell she is only 11!!) Both moms commented how confident she seems and that they think will be great for their daughters to see this.They said they noticed it the moment they met her how self assured she was and what  a gatherer and leader she was on the team and with their girls.

So she is confident and she knows where she is going this girl. She knows her strengths and her limits and the timing that is right for her in life. Why don’t I know this by now?

In the end I thought it over and I was happy that she was the new girl for 8 weeks and learnt how it felt to be on her own. Also how good it would feel if a popular girl who knew the ski team would have come up to her at Fall training and invited her to join the gang.Hopefully it taught her to be able to do that for the new girl one day herself? To be more sensitive to others

But for the moment I am just grateful that my daughter is strong, assertive and a leader. As she grow up in this big and bad world it comforts me to know that the person I think will protect her…is her. Yes. Yes we will work on ensuring her natural gentleness with little babies and kids and animals extends ot all humans…but I will feel less threatened next time I hear a teacher’s comment and work more on turning her unique traits into strengths that work for both her and others around her in life.

Oh Beauty! The joy of girls eh???

I Never Knew

I love moments of clarity. Pure and simple-they never seem to amaze me. Those moments where you may have been struggling for years with a certain decision or thought and it suddenly appears in your mind. Just like that!

Boom!

I have had moments of clarity in the last few years mainly as it related to being a Mother. Moments where I know exactly where my mind is at and where it needs to be. In these moments I feel unstoppable. My mind is made up, my framework clear. All actions after that fall into place and I stop obsessing without purpose.

As for my career I have had less moments of clarity. I have had an amazing education in school and in my careers and wonderful opportunities. The last 8 years at the company I work for now have been precious and my intention is to be here at least another 6-7 yrs. This job and company is made for me. It matches exactly where I am at in my life right now. I love it.

But what about beyond 7 rs from now? I am still young. I had three kids by the age of 30 and nice careers so far. My husband is 12 yrs older than me and the deal has also been that he and I will switch roles in next 7 yrs. from an income standpoint. He will slow down and I will speed up.

But what will I do?

How will I speed up?
How will I get to the income level I want to get to and surpass it even?
People often ask me “what is your dream career-what is your next big move?”

It has always been the question and one that I do not have the answer to. I have certain answers and ideas, and dreams. But no real vision.It’s also part of knowing myself well. I know there are phases in my life and this phase has been, and will continue to be for the next 7 yrs :career woman/family focus. Corporate vs Entrepreneurial. Job that has been travel a few times a year vs every few weeks. I know my priorities, and I know my limits. My husband will truly consider divorcing me if I ever left my current job….we need it..I need it, it is perfect. I live and breathe this company.

I had an extremely impactful transformational mentor a couple of years back, and I mean the very cream of the crop. The best of the best. He told me he felt I had” unlimited potential career wise”.  Even though it seemed far-fetched and a huge compliment, I believed him because whatever he says is true or becomes true. He seems to know what he is talking about. If he had such faith in me..then I needed to have faith in me too at the same degree.

At the time he and I talked about my career and he assured me that I would gain clarity when the time was right of what the future held. We both knew it would have something to do with writing, public speaking, possibly even TV, maybe acting, motivating etc…but it was never clear. It was totally grey.

Until last night. When I listened to my birthday CD and I heard that song..The one about  “I never knew that I could love someone the way that I love you….”

And it hit me. There I was. I was 47 years old (that is six years from now) God I am old then but I look really young still. I have continued to work for this big-wig pharma company I have been working for in a similar job with some global and regional responsibilities added to the mix over the next 6 years. I do this until my last baby is finishing up high school.

And then…I have my own TV show!!!!!! I write it, produce it, direct it and star in it. It’s sort of a talk show but not really, because it is so much more than that. In it the main focus is Work Life balance and Parenting but done in a very dramatical way. Tons of music, imagery, laughs, advice. Everyone will cry through my show and often. Not one person will be in the audience without shedding a tear, happy tears because are they are so touched. Then I will give advice, I will scream people to Just Stop It! (likley the name of my show as have wanted this as a book title for many years now better copyright it quickly!) I will scream and shout until they listen and do something to help themselves and help their families. To get out of the rut they are in and quickly.

People who come for my show will need to want to change or they won’t come. It’s going to be a totally tough love show but with a real sweetheart as a host and producerJ) I am going to verbally punch a bit of sense into them and hug them tightly afterwards. It won’t be what they want to hear at first but it will change their lives and quickly. I will help them change their lives and will have a team of experts following up and coaching everyone who comes on the show afterwards to hold them all accountable. It’s going to be amazing.

And then there’s me…..

I will be like Dr. Phil and never step out on the stage alone at first. I will always have my Husband or my Mom with me. They will be my Mangers. They kind of are already are!  And just like Justin Beiber has his Sister and Mom always in the audience, one of my kids will always be there in the front row. And I will have a bunch of my super intelligent friends as guest speakers and in the VIP row wearing elegant mini-dresses and high heels. I will pay for all their first class tickets and treat them all to fancy dinners and hotels. Nothing wrong with a little bribery to get some support is there?

Oh ya and a whole bunch of other famous people (besides all my friends) will also come on the show to be interviewed. I may even want a co-host but not really sure I can do this with anyone? They may not go for the screaming, hugging, punching, crying part. And I am not changing that. No way.

My mentor also told me that what your ultimate career is will always play very heavily on your strengths. I can write, I am creative, I acted my entire child and teen hood, I can sing moderately, I have rhythm, I can bring out the worst in people, I can bring out the best in people. I can teach, I can learn. I am full of truthfulness and honestly. I can handle hard decisions and make them extremely quickly. I love being in front to an audience. I like being paid big amounts of money for short periods and amount of work. I love a challenge. I work on adrenaline.When I randomly ask people over the years what they think my career should be many have said a talk show on TV. I usually laugh alot when I hear this.  It’s the first time I really internalize this.It's the first time I feel I want it. Or that it could even be possible

My show won’t be boring. It will be creative, and innovative and daring and REAL. It will tell the truth and change lives. I can see it so clearly.

Music, tears, gifts, advice, fun, balloons, smiles, surprises. So often people have no idea how easy it is to change do they? Just stop it! Stop what you are doing for god’s sake! Stop ignoring your sister, stop making promises to take the kids to Canada’s Wonderland and not take them, stop interrupting and listen well, stop ignoring your husband and deal with him directly, stop being depressed over the fact you can’t run anymore and start walking faster, stop eating McDonald’s every night separately and join your family at the dinner table over a roasted chicken. Stop having an affair and cuddle to the man right next to you in your bed and tell him you love him. Stop obsessing about your daughter and start spending time with her.Be grateful! Be proud! Be polite! Beleive in Heaven if it makes you feel good! Go for it! Believe in yourself! Do it! Now!

It’s all going to be perfectly ok. More than ok. I promise.

So it’s a dream, but it became crystal clear in my mind. Will it happen in 7 yrs., at the time that is right and perfect? Will it all pan out according to the vision and the plan? Will I be famous????  Am I crazy? Too confident? Out of my fricking mind am I?

The answer is: No. If I really want it to happen it will .I will make it happen. anyone who knows me know I go for it. I deliver. Stay tuned to your TV in the next decade people.

And today was the beginning of that journey.The very first tiny, tiny step and that step was clarity.And accountability since now my craziness is posted all over Canada, USA and Japan, China and Switzerland!

I feel pleased as punch.

And ready for the next person to ask me as they so often do ”So in 7 yrs what will you be doing?”

 "Having the time of my life Sir/Madam".