My little idiot
gorillas all turned human again tonight)
One thing that is a
huge advantage of being an over planner is that you always get done in
advance. Even though I have 24 people over for X-mas…I am 90% done with
Christmas preparations. Gifts are wrapped, food is planned, and table is set.
It’s all done this way on purpose because I don’t like taking chances. Chances
of being super sick, chances of last minute work deadlines, chances of big
crisis. So I get it all done days in advance and then sit back and watch the
chaos around me. It’s always been my method.
I feel like I can
breathe again.
Sure there is still
the other 10% but I feel totally organized and ready to enjoy my holidays and
family as of Friday night.Phew…it’s been a loooong three weeks. I honestly
don’t know if I have ever been as exhausted in my life.
But tonight they got
their Mommy back. Long tuck ins, good talks around the table, little chocolate
treats, kisses and hugs, girls talking about boys and boys talking about
burping.
It is the little
things about Christmas I love the most. Chase came up to me tonight and asked
if I had a little extra something for his English teacher because he wanted to
single her out and give her a gift be she is so nice. Of course I had something
hidden away! (So what if he was giving it to her be he has a lunch detention
tomorrow…he still had kindness in his heart!) So he asked me to wrap it with
him. And it was so sweet just talking our time together and doing that. Such a
simple gesture but so lovely. He made sure to write her name clearly and used a
pen that would not smudge. He put the prettiest bow. It gave me insight into
the man he will be and it made me proud. I love these moments. This morning it
was waiting at the door with his schoolbag ready to give. This present
represented so much of the love I feel for my son…it captured all the good in
him.
Then Bear in Bed
having me guess at my gift and I making him laugh with silly little jokes about
all the coal and fruit I will put in his stocking. And how I bought him a
blanket yet again for xmas (remember he ran away last year?) This little man
makes my heart melt when he is human and not animalJ.
And then Beauty..oh
Beauty…..so sweet. Telling me about the boys she likes at school and how the
way she shows them she likes them is to roll her eyes and look annoyed. And she
shows me what it looks like. So funny. I love this mother daughter stage; it
seems that I must have dreamed it to life.Feels like I have wanted these
moments forever and now they are here
And at the dinner
table last night spoke about the shooting again. Read one of BFF’s blog to them
and they learnt a lot. Read a blog that I liked less and shared what I did not
like about it and got their religious input on that. And then said a nice family
prayer for the victims and the parents of the shooting. And that felt good, and
just like Heaven, even if I am very aware that it may just be for comfort in
many ways..so be it. We felt comforted and united. Religion is slowly taking up
a bit of space in our lives along with a lot of speculation and strong views I
may have on the subject.
And then this week in
the evenings the calls that I made to discuss the ADD diagnose with people who
I care about and who care about me and our son. It’s amazing how grateful I am
for these discussions. And all people I respect so highly and each offer a
different part of themselves (nurturing, clinical. supportive, directive) Each
think so differently too-go for the meds, don’t go for the meds, take it fast,
take it slow, read no books, read all the books . And I soak it all in and take
the parts that make sense to me.
Gratitude for me
though and my ways. For handling this journey as I would any important project.
With education, and diligence and thought. Attacking it from every angle. Never
allowing myself to get so busy that I don’t have time for the most important
parts of my life. For the parts that have the biggest impact in the future. So
yes I have read 5 full books so far within the week and that makes me proud.
(and not obsessive). Makes me proud that my kids can count on me to advocate
for them while I still can and ensure that decisions that are taken are with
the most carful consideration. A friend asked
me this week ”how can you do all this research with Christmass and work demands”
My answer:
“How can I not?”
So yes my mood has
shifted since my raising animals post. Relaxation is setting in. Work is tying
up and getting done and performance appraisals for the years complete. Things
are looking up as my stress level is finally coming down.I need to keep
reminding myself during frantic times that real life always returns at one
point or another.There will always be time to go back to normal right?
