My daughter who just turned 11
yrs old has been called many things over
her life so far. I tape a video of her each year at her birthday party and on
it I interview all the girls at her party and ask them what they like most
about their friend Beauty. Answers vary from hilarious, to caring, to the life
of the party, to not shy, to a good friend. Confident always comes up somewhere
in there.
Teachers over the ears often
say different things about her too. They say she is a natural leader, they say
she has a very positive influence on other kids; they say she is sparkly and
bright. Then they also say that she can be a little unwelcoming sometimes to new kids,
sometimes dispesfectful if she is in that mood, and can talk back or talk at
inappropriate times. However the word confidence always comes about too. That
my daughter if super confident.
So although confidence is a
great thing…Beauty’s teachers mixed reviews over the years have always
concerned me to a certain degree. She can be so sweet and soft and caring of those
around her, more caring in a lot of ways those other girls her age I have
noticed. But on the other hand, I don’t like this “mean girl” side that comes
out every once in whole. Yes it is infrequent, no it does not happen often but
it should not happen at at in my opinion. Why oh why????
The only people I hear it
from are her teachers ever now and then…besides that does not come out and she
has many friends and is invited many places. She has a close clique and she
seems to value and be valued by the girls and their parents alike. I am always confused .
Well today at ski
competition I saw the confidence my daughter has and I am grateful for it. This
girl is not a doormat. She is a force to be reckoned with. I don’ think it
would be possible to take advantage of her-she would just look at the abuser
and say “Go away!” I have to say I like this in a girl. And if she loves you she will protect you too.
Ski competition is a MASSIVE
commitment both on the parts of the parents and the kids. The only reason we
have gotten ourselves into such a things is because it is cottage friendly. We
are here and skiing is her. We want to be here as often as possible and this
gives us the perfect reason to be. Fall training leads up to the season every
Saturday morning Sept-Dec. Then Dec –April Saturday and Sundays 8:30-3:00 (aka
as 10-3pm for us!) Throw in there 12 full days of training over X-mas break and
6 competitions at other mountains from 7am-5pm and that is a whole lot of
skiing.
Our goal was to master her
skiing, keep up her athletic skills, please her and indulge her passion but most
of all for pleasure so that she would make a group of friends around the area
and have this activity to bond them.
Well all the Fall training-so
virtually for 8 weeks- the pleasure part was not really there. She would go with
her little green track pants, her little striped tuque with a pom pom, her Joshua
Perez hoody and her little bottle of water. Each time she would go for the 4
hrs and not speak to anyone but the trainers because she was the only new one
there and the rest were a tight clique. Each weekend she would come home and
when asked if she liked it she would say yes.
I liked it a lot
Did you make a friend?
No. Nobody speaks to me bc I
am the new girl
Are you sad?
No.
Why not? Isn’t it boring?
I am not sad because I know
it will change, By December on the slopes I will have plenty of friends
Are you sure you want to continue
on this team Beauty? (aka why the hell are we getting up so early on weekends
so you can hike up a mountain alone?)
Its fine Mom and Dad. I don’t
mind being alone. It will all work out just fine. I will have tons of friends.
So we just carry on. We take
her each weekend and feel a bit sad for her and for us.
And then like clockwork on
the first day last weekend of the real slop practices she makes a friend! And
then today her third practice she makes three more! By the end of the practice
today I had two Moms approach me and ask me for Beauty’s phone cell number
(ladies she does not have a cell she is only 11!!) Both moms commented how
confident she seems and that they think will be great for their daughters to see
this.They said they noticed it the moment they met her how self assured she was and what a gatherer and leader she was on the team and with their girls.
So she is confident and she
knows where she is going this girl. She knows her strengths and her limits and the
timing that is right for her in life. Why don’t I know this by now?
In the end I thought it over
and I was happy that she was the new girl for 8 weeks and learnt how it felt to
be on her own. Also how good it would feel if a popular girl who knew the ski
team would have come up to her at Fall training and invited her to join the
gang.Hopefully it taught her to be able to do that for the new girl one day
herself? To be more sensitive to others
But for the moment I am just
grateful that my daughter is strong, assertive and a leader. As she grow up in
this big and bad world it comforts me to know that the person I think will protect
her…is her. Yes. Yes we will work on ensuring her natural gentleness with
little babies and kids and animals extends ot all humans…but I will feel less threatened
next time I hear a teacher’s comment and work more on turning her unique traits
into strengths that work for both her and others around her in life.
Oh Beauty! The joy of girls
eh???
