Sometimes as I read back on my blog I get the feeling I am
manic depressive. And I know that is silly because I am perfecting healthy both
mentally and physically but it has been bothering me lately as I read my blogs.
My blogs are so up and down. One day I am elated and the next day I seem down
in the dumps. Often about the same subjects, my husband, my kids, my life.
When you had a Dad that was mentally ill your whole life, you tend to worry about mood swings.
So am I going a bit crazy or am I just really, really
honest? Am I over the edge or do I wear my heart on my sleeve? Is there any
chance that it is not just my moods but that this is what real life is and I reflect
my experiences accurately and with honestly? Or maybe I should go to the doctor
and get my hormones checked? Sounds like a good idea.
I have always had a love hate relationship with blogs.
With mine and with others. One one hand I find it such a self-centered
creation, I mean who honestly cares about what my daughter did or did not do at
school today or if so and so’s kid is excited to make peppermint cookies?Or does it matter what my view is on God or what the good
neighbor’s view is on premarital sex is?
On the other hand I love blogs. I love writing them,. It
frees me up inside and let’s all the good and bad stuff out. I love reading
other’s blogs and taking a look into their lives and hearts to see what is
there. I love seeing what people feel and what they are interested. And I do
love reading about the mundane things in life and about kids, there is a
certain comfort in it. But I know it is odd, and I know that blogging (just like
Christmas elves) gets a bad rap from many.
I understand it, but I don’t also.
So as I read the 5-6 blogs that I read daily, there is envy
in me for often what seems to be such simplicity in lives. For such bliss and
happiness. For having the biggest concern of the day of what kind of cookies to
bake in particular? Or when the biggest obstacle of the day is what to dress
your adorable baby in.
And then there is the comfort those same blogs bring me.
Of making me question my own choices and decisions and making myself a better
Mother and aiming for the stars. At looking at my life and asking myself the
question “How can I be at my happiest?”
And the scarier question: Am I there yet?
But maybe people reading my blog are envious of my life
too? Maybe they look at it and wish parts of it were theirs? And just like I
long for the simplicity of baking the peppermint cookies, maybe they long for the
quality of my complex life? Because as far as I see it the more problems and issues
you have, and the more emotions you deal with, and the more obstacles and
challenges you come across, the more gratitude and emotion you feel, and places
you go, and relationships that grow and break…the more fortunate you really
are.
And the more you love, the more you lose.
And the more failures you have the and the more risks you
take, the more wins you also get.
And often during these times in particular, cookies are just
not on the radar for many of us.
And maybe they should be? And maybe they shouldn’t? I
guess that is what each of us have to find out for ourselves right? That is
what makes each of us unique.
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all of my
cyberspace readers and buddies. Thank you for putting up with me . As I see my traffic go up and up.....I am grateful that you are all still around. And happy that something about my sharing both the good and bad keeps you coming back for more.
I truly and sincerely appreciate it.
