We..Ourselves..and We.

Bit of a pity party below-beware. And I also aware I am not the only one!

Hubby and I have been pretty much alone in life on many levels.  But maybe that accounts for the fact that compared to many couples I know we are much closer and connected and spend more time together.

Besides my Mom who is very involved in our kids’ lives in many ways, we are pretty much solo.

My brothers and their families both live in the USA..Hubby's siblings are much older than he is with adult children…are close extended family lives in Ottawa of USA.

We lost three grandparents within 4 yrs. My Mom is the only grandparent alive! (Hope she is for a very long time as she is also very young) Thank goodness my mom lives 5 mins away and is very involved in the kids’ lives. She is a very active grandparent and also works at our home for us 2-3 days a week over the last many years. When the kids were younger however she lived further and did not work at our house so was less closely involved then and the circumstances were very different than they are now (I would say  now she is like a third parent in many ways and this is SUCH a blessing)

But. That being said we are still solo in lots of way.

No grandpas or father in laws to go fishing with or baseball games or to ask advice of. No Christmas at family homes except ours or people to lift boxes and help us move, I have always had a dream to organize a party for my mom for her bday with someone else but there is no one lse to organize it with. No one to share driving with. Or lots of ancestors to learn or to be taught by. Solo in many ways.

I remember as we brought our first newborn baby home from the hospital-it was in the Quebec ice storm and we had to shovel our way up the stairs and go out and get some milk at the grocery store. There was not a warm fire going and meals made and snow shoveled. Like many of my friends and colleagues would have come home to; with all four grandparents and brothers and sisters eagerly awaiting them and their bundle of joy. On our own. And always have been. Even our home was freezing!

And this also has some pluses too as we are very very close as a family of five. And Hubby and I have always partnered in parenting so are really bonded in this area too. And we will be very involved in our kids and grandkids lives forever for certain (I already stole the idea of “Grammy camps” from a blog I read and intend to start the minute one of my later adult kids has kids!)

So all of this came in my mind today as Beauty woke us up this morning as had a stomachache before school at 6:15am.

You see Thursday  is the one day a week we “sleep in” (aka get up at 7am and not 6am) It is the one day the kids take the bus alone and we love it and adore it as get to “lounge” in bed until 7am!

Well not today. Beauty wasn’t feeling good. And often this will happen on a Thursday that someone needs something or someone and although it is perfectly ok and more than ok and we are happy they need us…sometimes I wish we had a little help or relief.

We do all the driving and all the picking up. All the problem solving and all the work. Often we are physically and mentally exhausted.

(And lately harder to socialize for that last 2 yrs. for many various reasons-so even that part has lessened in some ways and made it all feel even more solo).

Most people I know have a lot of family surrounding them and they all share their kids and chores and moves and lives on a much more daily basis. The grandparents highly involved and the kid’s personal chauffeurs along with the parent. Or divorced families in situations where there are often 4 parents raising the kids and going to then games, and buying clothes and school supplies and so much more time alone as couple (and trust me I am not naïve from the 5 divorced couples I am referring too divorced there is a whole other  slew and set of problems and issues and obstacles that would be crazy for me not to recognize and crazier to be envious of divorce of course as so complex…but the above obstacle  is probably not one of their issues!!). Then lots of families I know who even live right beside their siblings on the same streets… Many of my collegues go to their parent's houses for dinner 3 days a week after work with their kids! And the blogs I read! Don’t even get me started! All 10 siblings flown in by the parents each year who host huge family reunions…..wow….nice..

So sometimes I get envious of some of this stuff. And this is my blog so I get to admit it.

We are so blessed. We are. But with the daily stuff it all falls on us and we don’t have anyone to share the load with. Or to help with their loads. And that I miss. I miss a lot. And it makes me sad.

And thank goodness my Mom is there for some weekends and trips we take. This saves our lives!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Getting to be alone once in a while is a religion for us. Our faith.

So today when I lost that one hour of sleep…..that I had been so looking forward to as it is the only hour of the week that I have it seems- I felt both guilty and sad. I wish that little hour did not have to be so precious and had carpools and caregivers and family all around me to drive their kids and them drive mine. I wish we did not have to count on that one hour as much as we do. And I wish I had a reunion at Bear Lake..Organized by someone other than me!

 

And that is it. Simple. Not particularily hard or bad. Not terrible. Just it is what it is. And sometimes I wish were different.

And then I got up and took care of my little girl and all the disappointment went away

On the positive side..sometimes doing it alone..Is also very empowering and special too.There is something about being the two of us-very strong and powerful and bonding. Romantic almost? That we literally weather all the storms together-alone –the two of us. And we get through. Successfully

And thankfully for us-Hubby and I have each other and really share the load, physically, mentally and spiritually. And that I am very very grateful for.

 

Where does your Energy go?

In my work both for the company I work for and the smaller coaching practice I run on my own, I have this discussion with so many people. What do you focus on? Where do you put your energy?

I have found a common thread through many successful and high performing individuals and that is: they know exactly where they energy and focus goes and it is a deliberate choice. And often the exceptionally high performing are additionally able to identify  what is important to them is also where their energy is being expended. Their values and behavior are very much in line with their actions

And when they are not-they feel less peaceful and not in sync in their lives. Out of balance. These people also know how to recover on a daily basis. What they need to do to sustain their energy over time (which is largely what the book I am contributing too is about)

I like working with these types of people. This is what really energizes me. I am lucky to be surrounded my many of these high performing people in any given day. I count myself as blessed for this. I truly work among geniuses. And I am not kidding. The cream of the crop in terms of brains are attracted to pharmeceuticals.

And then there are the people we meet every day who are not in sync with what is important to them and have no clue where their energy is going. The ones that seek out help are the smartest ones. The ones who don’t often burn out over time sadly as it is not sustainable in the long term.

And then there is my pet peeve which I have no tolerance for. Wanting your cake and eating it too (does this cliché even make sense?)The people who make a choice but then can’t live with the natural consequence of that choice. That really gets to me for some reason. If you are doing something deliberately and consciously; then accept the consequences of it.

If you are not watching your food intake and working out a lot you may not be Miss America no? If family is super important to you and you go home for lunch to eat with the kids daily-you may not be on the senior leadership team. If you volunteer all your time at the school baking cookies but don’t have time to host a day party for you kid-she might be upset. If you stay late at work aimlessly  until 8pm and miss most dinners-you may get a divorce. If you treat your friends less importantly than any other priority in your life-you may not keep many or you will piss off the ones you do keep. If you ignore your wife often-she may leave you for another man. If your don’t brush your hair you will have knots in it.  If you don’t call your Mom on her bday day-she may not like you as much as she likes your sister who is much more attentive to her.

 

So if you are going to focus in an area-be prepared to let others slide. Decide what is really important to you and go for it. Hopefully there are many things important to you-and go for  them all if you have space and enery.. Try to balance out the rest and at least be mediocre in most. And expect you might even suck in some areas-but be prepared for the repercussion of those choices.

But don’t whine and complain ok? That is just not high performing at all.

I have learnt so much working among very successful propel. People much more successful than I could ever hope to be. And I adore getting curious and finding the common threads between them.And wondering-how did they get exactly to where they are today?. It’s an amazing process to uncover and one that will lead one day to my own ultimate success.

For the moment I am happy to bask in the brilliant light of so many of my esteemed colleagues who above all have taught me…that performance and success is very rarely luck.

It is a deliberate choice-just like anything else in this world.

So make sure you know where your energy is going and most importantly ask yourself “is this the right place and the place I want and need to be?”

Four things I want to remember about Four people I love

As school starts again this week,  each one did something that warmed my heart or that I will remember. Small things but important to me nevertheless.

Beauty-coming in last night to my room so gently and asking me to rub her shoulders and put Volartin on her. So sweet and loving and beautiful. The beginning of many shoulder rubs for this dancing group A girl. Her big hugs to me after. Her waking up so early each morning (not a morning person!) no complaints to make time to straighten hair and groom for school. The girl impresses me with her dancer’s discipline. Also the way she is so organized and passionate and happy about high school. She is afraid of NOTHING.  I love the ways she texts me afterschool right on time with” ILY”

Bear: OMG! Decided to ride to school on bike today with bunch of friends. And back. Ok..school is damn FAR AWAY! Left house at 6:30am!!! Also has 3 hrs. of defi sport biking in curriculum today..Biking home and then has 2.5 hrs. Of competitive kayak. The kid is a MACHINE!!!! And then he will do lots of homework and put on two loads of laundry and be pleasant through dinner. And he has an amazing academic record and the teachers all happy he is in their class and tell him (lots of pressure on his siblings as it is always “Oh are you Bear’s sister or brother!!!!!”) His energy, passion and motivation just impress me to no end.

Chase; He was so darn sweet and cute this weekend. Kept smelling my hair as I used the same shampoo apparently as the girl he likes. He is 4 inches taller than me now so kinda hugs me and leans my head on his shoulderJ He is just so loving and kind and affectionate and I am so glad he has never lost this part of him through growing up. Tonight he is going to "the girl’s" house for dinner to meet the parents (his suggestion!) and once a week at school they have to wear the whole kit “uniform officielle” with shirt and tie and vest. I must be the only mother on earth who doesn’t like my kid in this outfit…a bit geeky even I findJ so I tell him-“make sure to bring shorts and a t-shirt to change into” –he agrees the whole shirt and tie thing-just not the first impressions he wants to make (I know a bit weird I just have never liked young  boys in suits and ties!!!-men are cute at work though in them once ina whileJ))

i alos told him to bring a toothbrush. What kinda mother am I???

My Protector: this week especially I have seen passion that has come through in two areas for him-and it makes me happy. Reading-like me now…he can’t seem to get enough of it. We read almost nightly together  and both always have a book going.  He used to be only an avid vacation reader but now like me a daily reader. Love this. And classical choir singing. He chose 4 very important choirs to audition for in next 7 days and one of them very famous. Good for him! Problem is this morning his jaw locked (second time in last year L(((He is auditioning tomorrow night for the most important one to him L(Very sad as he can barely eat-so singing can pose a serious challenge. I am confident it will all work out—it has too!!!! It is so rare he wants something like this. The universe needs to take care of My Guy..serioulsy universe give him a break ok???

Life is Beautiful

Our three kids started school this week. Usually this is bittersweet for me…they are often grating on my nerves after 9 weeks home and I am happy to get them back into routine, but on the other hand the routine of waking up early, and school supplies and schedules is lethal. I always find it sad for summer to end officially with the return to school.

This year was different.

They did not grate on my nerves at all.

I did not want them to return for school. Yet another part of me was thrilled to see them all starting again. I was plain excited for them.

So here they are:

There is something so beautiful about this picture for me. I adore it.

And here they all are each individually. My babies who don’t look like babies anymore.

Hubby and I were just discussing this morning how if this is what the teens years are: we love these years. So far-it is truly amazing. We love watching them become who they are going to be, to experiment, to blossom, to discover, to make mistakes and recover. I love watching them choose who they will love, what they want and what they don’t want. I adore being privy to this process.

I consider it of the greatest honor. Truly. I have never felt happier as a parent at this stage –or more fulfilled. I feel like there is not a greater privilege in the world than to watch them grow. Nothing is more important to me now than being part of this journey.

And I feel so proud of what they are becoming and who they already are. I feel proud of us as parents as I know there are not too many feeling like this with teens. I feel blessed and proud and deliberate. I am in my element right now. This is my thing.

And yes of course I could do a lot less with of the attitude, and messiness and talking back. The late nights, and scary moments of uncertainly, and having to pick them up while we are supposed to be sleeping. There are a lot of hard things about having teens…but don’t aren’t all great things in life  hard?

They are not angels from a long stretch. I think I just like teens. I like keeping my mind busy and full and challenged and these three and their friends do the trick for me. It’s exciting and exhausting and hard and takes lots of effort. Like a great new career or project at work-I love being stretched. This is me.

And I always think: Will it continue this way? We all still have a long way to go together and we are far from over with a 12.5 yr old far from her true adolescence in many ways (and close to it in others). I see the difference of a real teen of 16.5 and a half way there teen of 14.5 and a beginner at 12.5 yrs. We are far from over or past the finish line (thank god). We have a long ways to go-but we are doing well.

And I am so happy to hear myself say that. Because it has been a damn hard time around here for the last 8 months. Damn hard. Hard Depressing. I think many people going through what we did and what we are could have even split up. We didn’t. We held on and are holding on tight. We are not letting go.  One day I will write a book on this year. All the elements in a row that led to the drama of it all. How it really was and what it really was. But I won’t until it is all a thing of the past. From a safe place. We are not there yet.

So for now-life is beautiful. And I am so glad to be able to feel it. And feel it fully and wonderful fully. Yes it may be fleeting-yes it may not stick. Yes euphoria goes away. But right now I am happily spent and soaking it all in. I am taking what I can get and right now I am feeling an abundance of good.

We have earned this every single step of the way. So if you think I am lucky, or bragging or patting myself on the back too much….think again. And GO AWAY!

Here are the moments of my kids starting school in Sept 2014 that I want to remember so much. They all completely 100 percent changed since school was let our in June and I want to remember it. And the school where they began (Beauty) and return again (Bear and Chase) is almost a faith, a religion. An almost cult even. It is a way of life-and protects them and shelters them, and allows them to grow physically and mentally. It is a place to grow up and explore and make mistakes, to be passionate and motivated and learn to love to learn. It is a place with a very specific set of values and ways –and one we believe in and respect and admire. It is a place that people love to be because of the focus on sports and dance. You have to earn your keep to do your thing.

It is their place. It is ours. And it is everything that I want my kids to learn and be.

Sec 1 2014 Beauty (aka Grade 7)

Semi-professional dance program. 2-4 hrs a day of dance in curriculum. On program for this year is ballet, flamenco, 3 types of jazz and contemporary. Then 4 years of bliss ahead of other types of dance. Bliss. Joy. Bliss.

She auditioned for the first two days of school and was accepted to group A. Highest elite group! Her dream! In a brace! This gives her a good chance of being in “la troupe” in Sec 3 which is highly competitive volet of dance where many become professional dancers. She will have a 1/3 chance. We shall see.

Dance makes her love this school. Plain and simple. Came home second day and did all her homework. Arrived at the cottage on weekend and did homework. She goes there to dance and to dance she has to have good marks to stay. A win win for all.

She has a million new friends all within 3 days and adores them all. She adores the four girls she was always five with the same vigor. High school for her will be dance and friends.

She looks adorable in her uniforms and I love how organised she is and lays them all out at night

She is hard headed, stubborn, attitude, babyish, sometime self centered and a handful to live with a lot of the time. The school and dance will even her out. We are hoping anyways. We can sit back and let the magic of high school do its work on our daughter

Our daughter…love that girl.

Bear Sec 3

Hardest year or science and math. He says will be the best year of his high school

Sports program at its peak with 4 planned overnights (2-4  night) trips throughout the year. He is in same defi sport class with all his “homies” aka best buddies. He is thrilled

All the nicknames he and his friends call each other. Such a close knit group.

Three months with girlfriend. Too you for sure. But she is a sweetie and they have a super supportive and loving and communicative relationship.

Competitive kayak this summer changed his body and his psyche. I love what has happened.

Determined to win athlete of the year again this year. Not easy! Good for him for his motivations

This kid is a dream. Athletic, open communicator, high acadimeic achievement, hard headed, temper. Has learnt to use his words and negotiate well with us. So far so good! I would take 10 clones of himJ

Chase Sec 5-Graduating year

He has changed the most over the summer. Found his thing-extreme downhill dirt bike. Found himself and his passion

Girl in his life-another cutie. Shy and feminine. Love watching them text and communicate and get to know each other. Love that he actually shares this with me too

Parties, late nights, friends. Some drinking and experimenting. All responsibly. All openly. Great teen

Best friend for a few years now who is literally a permanent structure in our home. He’s a good guy and I call him our adopted son. He grew on us and we have known him since kindergarten (only really spoke to us about 3 yrs. ago and now won’t shut up!)

Running today in forest 1.5 hrs to prep for 18 km run for sports program on Friday.

This year’s sports are parcours, snowboard, softball etc.. This program has been amazing with a total of 65 sports learnt and practiced!!!!!!!! And not just the sport but the maintenance of the sport (mountain biking and also being tested on how to fix a flat tire on the bike etc..)

I am in love with the man this guy is becoming. And god is he becoming a man.

Overall this summer:

Tons of chats about sex and drugs and teenage stuff. We do this well. They tell us we do anyways. Open and trustful atmosphere.

They all know we accept them for who they are and their friends too. When I do snoop about every 6 weeks here and there on text and Facebook to make sure all kosher I see it again and again “my parents will love you-anyone I love or like-they do too” It completely warms my heart

They test their limits. A lot. Lots of negotiations and disagreeing.

Lots of continued messiness. What can I expect when I choose leisure over tidiness myself?

They all still pretty much sleep with their clothes on no matter what I say or how many pyjamas I buy.

They all are harder to get to the cottage but when here the best side of themselves.

They all know who is right most the timeJ

Our best family times remain at cottage.(actually our only real quality family time). Yesterday hubby and I on water lying on Bali bad on the dock and all three came down and the five of us tickled and cuddled. And laugh and talked. They say silly things like babies like “penis” and then see if we get mad at them. It’s babyish and silly and hilarious and they get all red in the face. He smells my hair and says it smells like her, they ask questions, they tell us about the kissing they have done; they ask us about other stuff. They trust us. We trust them. Silly boys. I am not surprised they are being scooped up by girls latterly. Quality guys. And our girl just takes it all in and watches and joins the silliness in her own way.

Can I have her to the cottage? I want her to come two days and not one bc I want you to KNOW her. I don’t want her at the same time as brothers girlfriend as then they will both try to talk to you and I want you to talk to only her.

I have a problem there is a trip at school at Easter for sports program and that is when we are supposed to go on big family trip. What did we do mom??/

Mommy I am group A!!!! I did it! I am so proud of myself!!! Dance is my life

!!

Mom after the race we both have to shower so we smell good. It’s ok right if she showers at our house. And we might take a nap too as will be tired after 18 km run. It’s ok right?

I am not eating lunch now . I amgoing for a run in the woods-helps my stress levels and feels good. Are you proud of my mom???

Mama.. I love you. Thanks for always having my friends over

I am so excited for this school year-it’s going to be the best.

Seeing then grow, and change and all the fruits of our labour come to fruition. Some they reject, other parts they accept. They make us better people. They honor us by being who they are authentically. And make us more understanding of diversity of who they are not.

Thankful another year has begun and sad to see another summer go. Wanting every last second as a family of five and praying they will always come back to us over the course of their long lives

Life is long

Life is beautiful

We booked a family vacation for November school break in Punta Cana . With Didi too! I intend to have the time of our lives. We a normally take a two week alone trip but decided this year no time for alone trips right now. We will only have all three for vacations for a little amount of time. And can be alone forever. We are giving them everything we have right now. A race until the finish line we know is looming over is in family time

I know it is a braggy post. Might piss some people off to read about my happiness. And you know what?

We have been through hell-and back this year. And we are far from done. (but halfway there maybe?)

We deserve to feel good

We deserve it

This part of life? It’s what I am good at. Some people are good at other things..other people are good at many things. I am not good at lots of things.

But raising teens? I think I may have found my thing.

And you know what? I love my thing.

I am in my groove people.

And maybe in a year, or a month, or a week or a minute or a moment, I will feel differently. Actually I can promise you I will. I will doubt myself, or feel more stressed, or less confidante in my abilities, or sadder, or less capable.

(Even behind my sunglasses today there were tears)

But for now….

It’s all a Peach.

Joy in Friends

 

(Pics to be added later as not working)

I have felt a lot of Joy in the last few weeks. A lot. It of course all started with Beauty’s good news at hospital that bracing is working.

Then last weekend we had 8 kids up to cottage for two nights and two days and truly had a blast. I do have to admit..That I think we are both really cool parentsJ) their friends all told us all weekend long in those 48 hrs.  so I am starting to believe it. We LOVE having a cottage full of kids. Love it. Their friends told me we are a great balance between strict and structure and fun and relaxed. It was a HUGE compliment as it what we strategize and strive for.

We did 15 hrs of boating in total, tubing, wakeboard, surf, knee board, wake skate, slalom. It was amazing weather and amazing company. We had great meals and had great bonfires. We hang out with them all as much as we can a) bc we adore them all b) high and very important value of ours to really know our kids friends really well

And they all seem to love being there too. And our kids are grateful for this. Very grateful and express it to us. We eat a ton, and laugh a ton, and talk about a million topics the kids have probably not talked about before with adults. It was so fun.

We went through sooooooo much food and drink. And so many pillows and sheets and jumped in the lake over and over again in the best weather yet all summer. We were all exhausted by Sunday night-but truly happily spent.

I have been asked by a few people  and clients in last few months to write what we do with their friends and our “best practices: Here it goes!

We have them over a lot. Whenever they want. We reserve many weekends for just family time-but many weekend for their friends too

Kids don’t need to ask us for friend’s afterschool, coming over etc. (except full weekends at cottage) they know the rules and homework times and between that friends are always welcome. Dont even really need to ask for sinner either unless a schoolnight or a special event.

They are always welcome to anything to eat and drink and don’t have to ask (we buy what they all like, cater to palets and allergies of many, make them feel at home by encouraging reaching into the fridge)

 

We sit with them for all meals and have loooong dinners and talks and laughs. Often we have “themes” at dinner to talk about “What make the teen years good…how to do well in school…what chores each has at home…about school….opposite sex ..etc…what can parents do to support teens more etc..etc..

We open the conversations to many topics. We talk about anything and everything they want to talk about. Teens like this. Trust me I had it as a teen and my home was the place to go

We don’t worry about the mess until the end of the day. We do general tidying like bring plates etc. but don’t worry about house being clean and tidy. Leave your shoes on and help us sweep at end of day! Be yourself and relax and enjoy!

We try to do some “teen talks” share some of our values on stuff like safety and being yourself, and including others, and say no to drugs. We say of course our family values and may not be theirs. But I love this part and they all do too. The girls especially in our car rides beg for this (not my daughter but her friends!)

We hug their friends and kiss them goodnight a lot of the time whenever they let us. We tuck them in  often.

We tell their friends often how much we appreciate them and what specifically we appreciate. I often frame pics of weekend for each and write on back what I admire most about that friend and deliver it to them at their doorJ

We don’t judge our kids friends (unless a horrible person that is bad and mean and totally disrespectful which has never ever happened. ) we accept our kids friends and diversity and welcome all of them into our home. There are not criteria for entry or to be welcome. This also frees our kids up to tell us about who drinks and tries  drugs etc. as they know we won’t use this against them and their friends. It opens communication

We make all the kids do chores every night. Lots. One of the friends cleans all the toilets even! And when leave from weekend 2 hr cleanup all of us

We nag the kids just like our kids! (We try to nag less in general when friends there as juts unpleasant for all (its hard trust me but I have mastered it) those weekends are more relaxed, less structured. Just fun and easy

We try if we have an issue with our kids not to bring it up in front of their friends. Even if our kid provokes us we put on a list for later.

We take lots of pics and send them to all the parents

We take two cars so all the boys get to chat with Hubby and all the girls get to chat with me

We treat good friends of kids like family. Like our own friends too. It is a very inclusive and inviting climate when it comes to friends around our place. They become one of us . We don’t dress up (we wear pj’s usually) we don’t put on a show. We are generally ourselves with minor tweaks!

Lucky for us  and our kids have always had and have AMAZING people surrounding them. Truly amazing. All super super different and unique but good solid kids . Some come and go..Some stay around forever….but such an important value to us to encourage nurturing friendships

FriendsJ

 

 

 

No Time

 

I have absolutely no time to blog. None. And I can’t find a space to make time either.

And thankfully for me I make time for my IRL people (in real life people) and blogging takes a backseat to that always. (I have never personally agreed with the whole commenting all day long on other bloggers blogs and ignoring real life people!) But I do make time to read my 5 five blogs a day (two of which are my real friends)

So much has happened since last week and beauty’s good news at hospital. We had 8 kids at the cottage for 2 days….we had an adult date day and night at the pool and an amazing spa night downtown, I held a bday party last night after work for Childhood wonder and had a bunch of little adorable kiddies in my pool. My daughter started high school, my middle son Grade 9 and my eldest his graduating year of high school.

Over the last week I have “caught” one boy in the pool with his girlfriend tightly wrapped around him and mouths glued, and another son kissing like crazy on the bail bed I lay on every night. Quite frankly I did not know either had barely held hands with a girl!! Yes yes I know I am ridiculous and naive.

 

I have questions from teens flying at me constantly and big decisions to make “Can I drive my bike with one brake and sell the other?” Can I drive the car home with all the kids in it?” Can I make my shirt shorter for school? Can I go to bed later now that I am older?

And the wills. I will be seeing my girlfriend afterschool. I will be staying up later. I will be shortening my skirt. Or the wont’s. I won’t be wearing my uniform. I won’t be eating tonight. I won’t be coming to the cottage this weekend.

 

So much has happened. And I have so much to tell and share. I have so much Joy in in the last few days that I have not been able to feel for so long.

But there is work to do at work. And book is finished and now on final comments stage and then published!! And school to be organised for in the evenings. And trips to be booked for November with my mom. And PG to plan for. And people to see . and life to live. And friends to connect with.

And life will always come first

The present moment

The people in front of me or a phone call/text away.

And although blogging super important to me-it will never replace those moments

So as much as I want to tell you and record these moments-for now…I am pleased with just living them.

And not worrying (for the moment) that all of these moments will be stolen by surgery this fall.

I am pleased…just to breathe a little more.

And worry a little less

 

Something Nice Happened TodayJ)))

“Your daughter is doing well. Her curve has not gotten worse. The brace is working. So far -so good. We will see you next in 6 months and see then”

Breathe. Breath. Digest. Focus. Absorb. Process.

Someone is staying something good and nice and positive to you girl!!!

not possible.

Soak it in.

Every single bit.

Ahhhhhhh.

Since about Nov 30…its sounds horrible but nothing nice has been said. Except all the positives I manage to make out of all the negatives. Because I am good at making hard things beautiful. But nothing has been easy..Or said easily…or received easily. Literally one crisis after another (and the worst is I am not even exaggerating)

So today. Was amazing!!!!!!!

Sure my standards have lowered a bit maybe. Still two more years of bracing 20 hrs. a day. Other x-rays every 6 months where curve still has risk to worsen and need surgery.

But for Today and next 6 months….I can breathe. And live ..and feel good..and smile. I get to be the mom of “a somewhat healthier girl with lifetime scoliosis not having the immediate strong possibility of spinal fusion surgery that would limit her life forever”.

So today I of course arrived adorned in lucky charms, and body washes. with worry dolls. Prayers were said to God, Heavenly Father, and Moms already in heaven…….

And they all worked.

Because you know what?

My girl Meh-Meh..will be just fine.

And today for the first time in 6 months…my heart and head both believed this at the very same time.
Health is everything..and when you feel that is really threatned-the world closes in on everything.Meh- meh will start highschool in dance and feel joy and calm. She got a  very well deserved gift today.It's time for this family to get a break.

And me?  I felt..like I came back to myself just a little. And it felt damn good to be back home..to me.