Bit
of a pity party below-beware. And I also aware I am not the only one!
Hubby and I have been pretty much alone in life on many
levels. But maybe that accounts for the fact that compared to many couples I know
we are much closer and connected and spend more time together.
Besides my Mom who is very involved in our kids’ lives in
many ways, we are pretty much solo.
My brothers and their families both live in the USA..Hubby's siblings are much older than he is with adult children…are close extended
family lives in Ottawa of USA.
We lost three grandparents within 4 yrs. My Mom is the
only grandparent alive! (Hope she is for a very long time as she is also very
young) Thank goodness my mom lives 5 mins away and is very involved in the kids’
lives. She is a very active grandparent and also works at our home for us 2-3 days
a week over the last many years. When the kids were younger however she lived
further and did not work at our house so
was less closely involved then and the circumstances were very different than they
are now (I would say now she is like a
third parent in many ways and this is SUCH a blessing)
But. That being said we are still solo in lots of way.
No grandpas or father in laws to go fishing with or
baseball games or to ask advice of. No Christmas at family homes except ours or
people to lift boxes and help us move, I have always had a dream to organize a
party for my mom for her bday with someone else but there is no one lse to organize
it with. No one to share driving with. Or lots of ancestors to learn or to be
taught by. Solo in many ways.
I remember as we brought our first newborn baby home from
the hospital-it was in the Quebec ice storm and we had to shovel our way up the
stairs and go out and get some milk at the grocery store. There was not a warm
fire going and meals made and snow shoveled. Like many of my friends and colleagues
would have come home to; with all four grandparents and brothers and sisters
eagerly awaiting them and their bundle of joy. On our own. And always have
been. Even our home was freezing!
And this also has some pluses too as we are very very close
as a family of five. And Hubby and I have always partnered in parenting so are really
bonded in this area too. And we will be very involved in our kids and grandkids
lives forever for certain (I already stole the idea of “Grammy camps” from a blog
I read and intend to start the minute one of my later adult kids has kids!)
So all of this came in my mind today as Beauty woke us up
this morning as had a stomachache before school at 6:15am.
You see Thursday is the one day a week we “sleep in” (aka get
up at 7am and not 6am) It is the one day the kids take the bus alone and we
love it and adore it as get to “lounge” in bed until 7am!
Well not today. Beauty wasn’t feeling good. And often
this will happen on a Thursday that someone needs something or someone and although
it is perfectly ok and more than ok and we are happy they need us…sometimes I
wish we had a little help or relief.
We do all the driving and all the picking up. All the
problem solving and all the work. Often we are physically and mentally
exhausted.
(And lately harder to socialize for that last 2 yrs. for
many various reasons-so even that part has lessened in some ways and made it all feel even more solo).
Most people I know have a lot of family surrounding them
and they all share their kids and chores and moves and lives on a much more
daily basis. The grandparents highly involved and the kid’s personal chauffeurs
along with the parent. Or divorced families in situations where there are often 4 parents
raising the kids and going to then games, and buying clothes and school supplies and so much more time alone as couple
(and trust me I am not naïve from the 5 divorced couples I am referring too
divorced there is a whole other slew and set of problems and issues and obstacles that would be crazy for me not to recognize and crazier to be envious of divorce of course as so complex…but
the above obstacle is probably not one of their issues!!). Then lots of families I know who even
live right beside their siblings on the same streets… Many of my collegues go
to their parent's houses for dinner 3 days a week after work with their kids!
And the blogs I read! Don’t even get me started! All 10 siblings flown in by the parents each
year who host huge family reunions…..wow….nice..
So
sometimes I get envious of some of this stuff. And this is my blog so I get to
admit it.
We are so blessed. We are. But with the daily stuff it
all falls on us and we don’t have anyone to share the load with. Or to help with
their loads. And that I miss. I miss a lot. And it makes me sad.
And thank goodness my Mom is there for some weekends and trips we take. This saves our lives!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Getting to be alone once in a while is a religion for us. Our faith.
So today when I lost that one hour of sleep…..that I had
been so looking forward to as it is the only hour of the week that I have it seems-
I felt both guilty and sad. I wish that little hour did not have to be so
precious and had carpools and caregivers and family all around me to drive
their kids and them drive mine. I wish we did not have to count on that one hour
as much as we do. And I wish I had a reunion at Bear Lake..Organized by someone
other than me!
And that is it. Simple. Not particularily hard or bad. Not terrible. Just it is what it is. And sometimes I wish were different.
And then I got up and took care of my little girl and all
the disappointment went away
On the positive side..sometimes doing it alone..Is also
very empowering and special too.There is something about being the two of us-very
strong and powerful and bonding. Romantic almost? That we literally weather all
the storms together-alone –the two of us. And we get through. Successfully
And thankfully for us-Hubby and I have each other and
really share the load, physically, mentally and spiritually. And that I am very
very grateful for.
