Very Busy Love Weekend

A Day of Love

It’s funny-I like Valentine’s Day for some reason. I am not a huge holiday person in general and valentines are such a commercial one –but there is something about it like.

When our kids were little we made the decision they would always have something fun to do on Valentine’s Day forever. Would not be a holiday for us-but for them. We would have fondue or go to some cheap resto like Ikea and share a meal. For us it was a family affair. I like the simplicity of it –chocolates and candy on the table. A pretty tablecloth lay out. Maybe a card. Certainly the traditional rose that follows my daughter from her Dad wherever she may be in the world. Simple and Sweet. We also give each other a little gift too of chocolate and a  card-sometimes make time for a date that same week to a movie or out for a quick meal.

This year was different as both our boys are in love. We are at the cottage on the real day so they celebrated the day before and it is adorable to watch on valentines. One went out and got a rose and a bracelet with a charm of a heart. Took his girl to a nice brunch out and came back to skate and play hockey with their friends for 4 hrs outside at the rink and then 8 of their friends back to our house for pizza  they all ordered in with their money (was a day off from school)

The other boy got a rose and Laura Secord chocolates and went out to fancy Italian restaurant for dinner, had his girl over for the day and watched the Good Wife episodes. I was ok with this being alone as we had a new cleaning team there for the first time since other ones quit and three Jamaican ladies who I gave strict instructions to not let them have sheets on the bed or let them alone in a roomJ) I get the feeling this  young couple was a little bit afraid of pissing off the Jamaican mamas!!!!

I was sick for a good part of the day and stayed in bed. Then had to get on with the weekend as is a big completion ski weekend planned for ages now.

But was so cute to hear about these boys and their loves. Real gentlemen and fun to see bloom. One of their girlfeinds gave one son 5 chocolate bars and he was so touched. The others son’s bday gave him chocolcate bars too and he was also super impressed. It is fun to watch them give their hearts to sweet girls and care for them. Part of it bothers me and part of it is really sweet to watch unravel. Ah..young love!

And I and Beauty and her BFF are having a lovely weekend too. They are such sweet girls together. Feels fun to juts be girls this year.

Today before 8am there were three shuffles to many mountains. Hubby got to cottage and bed at 1am and then up at 6am so not a whole lot of time for Valentines for us! Tonight a simple spaghetti and garlic bread meal with a salad and all the chocolates we got for dessert. Hoping to gather all around the TV and watch a sweet family movie. We might actually end at 8am and be  able to watch the movie (has been weeks and weeks finishing dinner at 11pm and everyone too tired so tonight I made a point to be organised). What I like lately about Saturday night at the cottage is after dinner (or during) everyone is so tired from their ski days that we all basically fall onto the couch and half chat and half sleep. This time everyone was kind of awake and telling logic riddles etc…it was just really nice.

It’s amazing how much the world opens. up when their phones and I pads are away…..when I experience moments like this at the cottage. I am so so so resentful for what technology has done to the world and opur children. Even during these moments I know they are uber-aware that their phones are upstairs “for just about 20 mins” while they have fun. It scares me for that generation to the core.

Nothing special about this Valentines but kind of feels like a whole new world in some ways. These kids are growing up! Valentines is starting to belong to them instead of the family-which is fine and normal and good. Beauty was very happy when I felt better to hang out with me and watch a horror movie and snuggle up. I was thrilled to have her by my side.

It has and has just a sweet little flavor this year. I like Valentines!

PS-Hubby gave me chocolate and a card for a 30 min foot massage while watching ScandalJ) and my blog book of the year has been ordered and on its way which is the best gift ever and I feel so lucky to get this each year from my husband who puts it together and order the front and back pics and quotes and binding for it.

PSS- Oh Calamity!  What a disaster today up and out by 6::15 am for the second competition for skiing. Right before our daughter race all was suspended as too freezing and all the communication systems literally froze up and was unsafe to proceed o race..so all that for nothing!!!!!!!! OMG And she stood at top of mountain for two hours in only a skinsuit!!!!. Left at 1:30pm and no races. And Chases’ all lessons were cancelled too for -35 degree windshield factor and he was there at hill as usual all day) working but not being paid! Such an odd job.

Standing in the Sun

I was reminded of this expression today at work as I left something inside my car and went outside to get it at lunch. And I felt the sun on my face in a literal sense and if felt so good. Made me feel less cooped up and warm and happy.

And I love this expression in the way that they use in on our favorite television show to check in with each other of where they are at. Are they doing evil or good? Self-nurturing? Using their full potentials as humans for good or bad?.

Thus, I find myself asking myself quite often:

Are you standing in the Sun?

And I think most times I am. I make creating sunny moments a very big goal of my life-probably more often than most. Fun and sun and happiness are part of my daily wants and worlds rather than simply on a holiday once a year. It’s not enough for me –not will it ever be. I need to stand in the sun often.

Like yesterday I noticed there were two things already in that one day that made me very happy. One at work and one at home-always has to be like that. I am whole and both together make me complete

At work it was with a colleague who is increasingly becoming more of a friend over time and we really enjoy each other’s company. He makes me laugh and we share stuff, and have these totally amazing conversations. I love having “my people” at work. So often I do and then they move away as we work in that type of business with offices all over the world. I need my handful of people here. It’s where I shine and am at my best. I stand in the sun when I have people at work. I am sure it is the same for him. Work is a lot about work but it’s a lot about people for me too. I need it .

And then at home Hubby and my framing project. I know it seems like this goes on and on but it is important. We pretty much do take about 2 days a year to frame pictures for the house and cottage. And the framing is the easy part! Choosing which pics-getting them printed or printing them ourselves. Getting the frames for vertical and horizontal, new pics for office frames yearly, collages for the kids grade 6 trips, downloading  pictures from all the phones and cameras, filing them all and making sense of them, burning them onto digital frames , printing out 300 hard pics a year for the yearly album, making sure we have at least one pic framed of every trip for our travel wall.It’s a big big job. But it makes me so very happy, and my family happy too to see these pictures so lovingly displayed and remember those precious moments. It is so worth ever grueling hour of the process as it can be very long.

It’s one of the things in my life I am most proud of , that I have stood in the sun when it comes to pictures and framing and creating moments and remembering them. Our home and cottage are filled with memories and it makes me feel good and happy on a daily basis.

And one day I would like to get full on into photography. I disappoint myself lately as have moved from my amazing lens cameras to stupid iPhone pictures simply for practicality sake. But in this move I have lost a lot-quality and fun with photographs. It lacks something just like everything else we use the I phone for now. It all lacks the specialness.

And I am naturally just a really good photographer with a camera-lots turn out really nice and  I think I have a true talent for this and I would love to one day expand this and learn a few things. But this season of my life is not the time…maybe at retirement one day. For now I have my plate full living the moments, creating them, keepssaking.

For now I have my hands full just by having the goal to most days of the week to be:

Standing in the Sun

It’s enough for now and it’s where I need to be.

Food for the Soul

I have been a bit bummed the last month as my weight loss efforts have stalled since the X-mas holidays. I was consistently losing .5-1 lb. per week and was up to 11 lbs. and then 2 weeks of Xmas vacation came and have spent my weeks now trying to lose the few lbs. I had gained back during that time.

The last three days I have gone serious and am on two shakes a day and one protein meal (with a cake pop I just ate in between) and man this works! 3 lbs. gone-yahoo Tonight it is dinner out with friends from work for yummy Lebanese downtown (finally real food!)All that to say I had to find other ways to “feed” myself in the last couple of days as life was pretty boring on mostly protein shakes.

Three things that have been wonderful are the tweaks my Hubby and I made to our couple hood priorities and schedule right after Christmas that we have been good in keeping so far

 Wed early mornings for 30 mins we do a home project together (last two weeks was printing and framing family pics, laying down a carpet in the basement, financial accounting) I thought I would resent this but I like it a lot. He still has his weekly home list and I still have mine individually of course as trust me with two homes it is never ending and alot of our time in evenings and on weekend is the maintenance of the house and cottage

On weekends now he also plans out the day and I like that too (between us both chauffeuring to ski mountain 8 times!). Usually he chooses something I like and sometimes not but I get used to it (shoveling is often his first pick) I like someone else planning though and its takes it off of me and also ensure we do things he likes. Last week I even helped with screwing in lighbulbs on the balcony!

The other tweak which we tweaked a few times and seemed to have settled on this one is: Tuesday nights after kids in beds no technology. No phones, computers or even TV. TV is a biggie for us as on last season of Scandal and love our TV shows in the winter. Kind of addicted. Huge sacrifice to not watch an hou at night. And Monday and Wedneday nights we either work super late of have other activgities so not many nights in the week.

 "Technology free Tuesday" night was a success and we read books in bed, Hubby listened  to his choir music in prep for rehearsal tonight and we had a nice warm bath and got under our amazingly cozy flannel sheets ( a bit earlier than usual at 12:00 am vs our usual 12:30am)

We felt good. And I feel good today. My soul is nourished and I am content

Ritualization, Ritualization. Ritualization. Can’t say enough about it.When something is important to you build it into your schedule and use persistence. It’s the only way REALLY. Thinking about doing seeming or wanting to do something is not the same as doing it. Consistently.

If you want to hear more , read the book I co-authored coming out on Amazon end of March 2015 “More Life, Please!”  there will be many more posts on this book! I feel so proud. Last copy publisher sent us this week and final edits have gone back. This is it!!! Two years in the writing and waiting! Dream come true for me and a really really good read if I do say so myselfJ)

Selfish and Self Centered

Lately I find myself going back and forth on almost a daily basis loving my kids and thinking they are the best .. to thinking they are the most selfish bastards on earth (sorry kids this is my place of true expression)

Welcome To adolescence! And now that I officially have three and all in high school ... I see that their worlds really do revolve around themselves only... The cornerstone of
Adolescence

Truly lately all we do is serve them. Drive them... Pick them up... Cancel our plans
for them. Cook for them, help them with chores.
And the worst is? We don't even really get any prize of acknowledgment or reward. They try to get out of being with us much of the time actually

I just surprised them tonight and told them I decided to take two days off at march break to chill at the cottage with them ..
And they looked at me in shock and said "What!!!" (Not in a good way) I even threw in they could have friends for two days and they looked at me and said” No. We don't want to go “and then they all stomped out of the room. Even my little daughter. So selfish and dumb.

 

Well then I said :

“Well You know what ? We are going bc I need a break and so does Dad and that is where we relax the most so yes you are coming " I should just go alone with Hubby but cant ever leave them alone now that they have girlfriends. Back to babysitting days and having to watch them every moment.

 

An hour later after all acting like brats they forget about it and start asking me to watch their dances or look at their art projects or tuck them in . As though they are really nice people and I still even like them. Weird 

 

I am telling your this thing called teenagers are one weird species. Hopefully they won't be selfish forever? I am not so sure anymore.

 

And on Mondays I wish truly they would all just shut up. Mondays are bad enough without the sounds of their demanding selfish voices surrounding me. Even at 10pm as I lay down to read for 5 mins, demands and requests and needing, needing needing! Enough already!

 

I am telling you thank God I am not a stay at home mom. These people would drive me crazy

 

Ps after I wrote this blog last night I text my Hubby and said that we really need to take an alone vacation every year (last year skipped it and brought the kids and I feel it now without any alone time for 15 months now-barely been one dinner or night I am serious. Need to get away the two of us this November for sure…)

We must be crazy-2 weeks Xmas vacation with these teens. Every single weekend for ski season with no break and right after ski season Costa Rica with them???? OMG!!! What were we thinking!!!!!! (Hopefully these kids get more grateful, more kind and more giving between now and then!~

 

Articulation of Loveliness

They say we all find our love and joy of life in various moments-and usually these moments hold a thread for us. Moments that takes our breath away. A BFF and a few others I have read call them “thin places” places where heaven and earth seem to come together. Others call them “in the flow” or “moments of joy.” They all make sense to me.

Mine very very often come from seeing my loved ones-especially our children, in relationships with others they cherish. Friendships, loves. For me it gives me that true glimpse into their souls..Deeply who they are without us guiding the. Who they are without us, which are our ultimate roles as parents. To grow them and set they free. It is always bittersweet for me as I often feel as though each time I see this joy in them for someone else there is a part of them I lose. 

For me it always has been and always will be “togetherness” that is my thin places. Surrounded by each other and love and friendship. Making that space for that togetherness to bloom and always ensuring I am never busy being too busy to do so.

Bear’s thirds celebration was his girlfriend coming over for a nice dinner and Beauty’s BFF coming over too (Chase was on grad ski trip). We set up the dining room nice and cozy and had a beautiful evening over fancy raclette. It was so peaceful and cozy and nice. Everyone was so happy. I loved seeing the gentleman the Bear is. With manners and warmth and goodness. I adore his girlfriend (I have to stop myself from adoring her so much as they are so young at 15 yrs. old and I could just eat this girl up she is so lovely). I loved seeing Beauty and one of her favorite long-time friends dance for us and plan their weekend together upcoming at our cottage. I loved the relationships I have with not only my own children but they people that matter to them. These are my thin places as it gives me insights into the future. Their futures. Our futures.

Our children and I are our best selves with the ones we love. We bloom in friendship.

There is nothing more I want in the wold than to be a close part of our children’s lives as they have their own lives and family. Hubby and I have not discussed this much between us yet but even the other day he articulated it so nicely himself making me realize how much of the same page we are on this future “I hope I am alive and well for our children. I would choose a day each week for each  of them and go to their homes and fix all the stuff that is broken and make a nice meal for them for when they come home from work and do all the grocery shopping” I picture this too and helping them raise their kids too. Funny as this sounds strange to me even but it is what I want in my heart. To be a big and close part of raising grandchildren and also making our three kids lives easier and carrying the load of adulthood with them. We want this. Will it work out that way? Will they want this too? Maybe not and we would adapt and adjust to that too and whatever their hearts desire-but probably yes. I can’t imagine a more beautiful life for all of us. A village. I am old fashioned this way.

Beauty’s friend’s mom got at our palace too early to pick up Charlotte so she came in for about mins and joined us for desert (torsional bay BIG cookie for Bear) and we sat and joked and talked and laughed. We have known her for years so different from us, so full of laughter and so free, we have always adored her.

It was a lovely dinner and made me realize that what I am losing a lot now as the kids get older; I am also gaining in other ways.

We couldn’t have asked for more beautiful evening really.

And I am so thankful for this blog to give me the space to be able to record and remember what so often without this blog would get lost in the shuffle and busyness of life. Thank you sister savvy for providing me this idea years ago-it is priceless for m and has added to the quality of my life immensely to have the place for creative expression.

A few other lovely moments this weekend. Much Better than the disaster of last weekend!!!

this weekend our hearts felt freer after finally some good medical news for Beauty where spinal fusion is unlikley

To Breathe Again

I am posting what I wrote to frinds and family early yesterday morning from hospital. We are so lucky to have the support we do..thank you all soooo much!!!

Hi Everyone

Thought I would answer properly by email as so many nice texts early this morning. Beauty is fineJ)) Her X-rays are exactly where they were at 6 months ago which is great news! Her curve holds at 35 degree which is really great considering she has grown over 6 months. She is now 5’5 feet tall!

Both of her braces (day and night) are doing their job well. She was also fitted for a new night brace today which we will receive in 3 weeks and she will  wean into...(pics above!)

Phew….this was a BIG relief and a very important appointment as now she is at what is considered Riser 2 which is a lot closer to finishing her growth than when she started this journey.(Risser 0). Once reaches Risser 4 she will not need bracing. She is almost halfway there likely
She will remain in brace for likely18months (maybe  a little more or less) but spinal fusion surgery is very unlikely at this point unless she is a very unlucky case

And that? Is great news!

I have attached a little short dance that Beauty horeographed for an exam at school. There is nothing extraordinary about it-one of her more basic and simpler ones but reminds me of how lucky she is and we are in this journey that she can still dance this way despite all the obstacles she has and still faces daily with scoliosis.

There is something about this particular dance that touches me and reminds me of the resilience  and strength of our daughter to be able to do so well physically and emotionally in wearing two body braces 20 hours per day over such a long period.. Who she is at the core I find comes through this little short clip and the grace in which she is handling all that is and is and has been  coming her way.

.I wanted to share it with you on this happy day.

The Sex Book

 

I give a lot of big presentations at work. It’s a part of my job whether it is a 5 minute update to the leadership team or a presentation in from of hundreds of Associates or a 5 day training course. I am used to it-but never really get used to it. I am fine days before and even hours before-and then I start getting really nervous about an hour before.

My presentation is in 25 mins. And I am going to write a blog about sex books now. And the answer is “no I don’t write blogs from work” (or very seldomlyly anyways). I need to keep myself sane right now and my mind off of work.

My Mom and I were having a conversation about sex a few weeks ago (uck yuck yuck I know). It is rare. She often tries to discuss stuff like this with me and fails. Just as she tries to get a glimpse of my boobs when I change. It’s usually just not going to happen. You see my mom is much more of a hippie and much less conservative that her corporate daughter. She tries and tries over the years with little success to convert me. She succeeded a few weeks ago and I confided in her a few little things.

 

And then she told me she had a great book to lend me. About sex.

 

I was looking forward to the weekend and reading and learning from this great book she mentioned that would save my soul.

So I snuggle by the fire and open it and the book is a bunch of naked people pictures!!! With large large writing for like old blind people! And the naked people are really UGLY too. And mostly they are old too! It is gross. WTF Mom!!!

 

I tried to find some hidden buckets of gems in this book but just picture after picture of very embarrassing things happening to people who have varicose veins and cellulite and dimples on their butts and saggy boobs and potbellies. Somehow I was not so sure this would solve my issues. I really did not feel too inspired!

 

I kept at it though as surely my Mom would not lend me a book of weird porn? Or an instruction manual for the 75yrs and over age group of how to spruce up your sex life?

Well I got to the end and it just got weirder and weirder as the nakesd people  in it started being really really bad. Without thinking I just abandoned the book and thought about something (anything else!)

 

That evening I was in a silly teasing mood-happens only a few times a month so have to take advantage of it. I decide to go and flash a picture from the book in Chase’s face (ok ok I get it not appropriate! I am not perfect and do have some of my parent’s genes afterall!) And he FREAKS out!!! And runs after me all over the cottage trying to get the book and locking him into bathroom to “read” it! Thank goodness the two younger ones were not around for this spectacle. I loved hearing his laughing from the locked door. I secretly hoped that this book would turn him off sex forever. It probably did-if it didn’t there is something wrong with my son. We had a good laugh together nonetheless. And I think my son was too taken by anyone naked in pictures to realize they are not the cutest bunch..

 

I hid the book in the bottom of my husband’s clothes drawer in our room. Well last weekend Chase did homework in there. And searched for the book and looked at every single picture!!!!!!!! He is 17 yrs. old…I guess it is time and ok but still? Is it ever time to see such a book owned by your parent nonetheless????? Is it ever?

 

I just felt I should follow the hippy mom route and provide this experience to my first born. Then he clearly won’t have any unrealistic expectations of woman’s beauty or sex! That book took care of all that.

 

So now I am ready for my presentation. I have knocked the hippy silly genetics out of me and back into my corporate self. I am wearing a little tiny bit of risky but still very professional outfit.

 

Who knows maybe the book did inspire me in ways I cannot even begin  imagine.

Thanks Mom..I guess?