My Calm Benevolence

(Happy Birthday Me! Me posting a picture of myself straight out of bed and on the boat..in my nightgown...hair unbrushed for days and no makeup. Au natural and embracing who I am at 42yrs. I love October).

 

 

 “Do you believe in me Tarina?”

“I am not sure God…probably not…but for the first time ever..I have felt you I think”

On the yoga mat last night in the upward facing dog -I felt something I have never experienced before. The sun streaming in from the window as it set onto my lime green yoga mat in particular. I felt light shining upon me (literally). I looked around and  it was only my mat..only me. The class felt almost surreal-I followed the poses but was also on a deep state of relaxation in in my mind..in my heart…in my body. I can honestly say this has never occurred for me before. Not even for a minute unless maybe I am asleep and even then it races.

I think I may have gotten my gift for my 42 birthday today.

Is it possible that my gift is Peace?

Could God be in the form of peace, compassion, kindness and love. Letting go of control,  living in grey and ambiguity? In not having to find a solution to everything right now, trusting in relationships, using compassion as my compass and accepting feelings of uncertainty will exist? Could God be in the way I have allowed myself more and more and more as each day passes to believe in the world and the ways of the universe?

To finally finally feel that maybe (and just maybe) without the wave of my magic (and very effective and efficient) control wand that the world may keep turning around me. That people can succeed (very well) without me?. That I can succeed without them too if I need too? That I can love and hurt at the same time?  

That I finally understand what my three mentors of a lifetime have told me from the moment they met me in various ways . I finally seem to be able to take their advice.
 

I have learned my lesson and yesterday it has come in the form of peace and sunlight and love. All by myself on that yoga mat with the leaves outside the window flowing in their orange and red splendor. Beautiful October. Mine.

I felt complete within one of the more complex and complicated weeks of my life. I was able to handle two opposite and opposing feelings at the same time: Love and Hurt in so many situations. It felt like my final test.

And I passed: Just barely-but I passed.
 

That beautiful peaceful spiritual moment was topped off with a touching encounter. A woman who I have gotten to know over the last few years slowly but surely made me smile ear to ear and left me with the feeling that this year was full of wonderful things ahead. She and her husband are the janitors of the big building where I work whenever I work past 7pm I see her and we shyly chat about her kids, my kids, her life, my life. She is African and a wonderful happy soul. We are two very differrent people.

Last week she came in with the exciting news that her daughter had her graduation from medical school. I have never seen such pride in a Mother’s eyes. She told me that the audience watching the ceremony was asked to refrain from any applause until the hundreds of students received diplomas. She told me her and her big clan got up upon her daughter’s names being called and did an African dance and call.That many people in the audience joined I!!! Loved this. I am such a rebel and hate these type of silly rules in many ways. Clearly so does she.

Anyways after her story I told her Beauty was writing exam last week and she was so excited for us.

Yesterday after my soulful yoga moment on my way up to office-there she is with all her cleaning truck in elevator. She jumps out of elevator and leave the cleaning stuff in there (and so  it goes up and down 6 floors by itself). She says “So???????”

And I say “She got in!!!!”

And she grabs me into a massive hug……does a bit of an African yelp for me…and tells me in her beautiful and rich accent meaning every word with utter sincerity and honesty

“You tell your daughter…me and my African clan will be there for her at her dance show next year. And we will get up and cheer for her too”

For some reason….on some level….oddly enough…strangely and out of character for me….this was by far the best gift I ever expected to get for my birthday today. A bunch of love from a strange and new place. Love I was not looking for or expecting but that I had created and deserved.

In the sunlight in child’s play pose and again in her white teeth smile wrapped up in her beautiful dark skin and piercing eyes, I felt something move and shift in me.

I felt something that reminded me of what people might call God . For which I call letting happiness and abundance flow and feeling I deserve it. Feeling like Peace...could not only be mine..but is mine.

 

(Calm Benevolence is there for you to receive whenever you may need it)

 

 

 

 

Friendship

I usually try to come up with some sort of semi-interesting title. This one however I just wanted to leave it as it is….fresh and clean and simple. Friendship.

Is friendship simple though? Definitely not. Like marriage..or any close and meaningful relationship it can often take hard work. And not in a negative way…but in a way that takes deliberateness work and effort.

I have been thinking a lot about friendship lately especially as it relates to our three kids growing up and peers becoming increasingly more important. What friendships means to them? To me? Where does it fit into the overall scheme of our lives?

It’s funny because when I think back to my childhood and adolescence friends were very very important to me. I was also very very close to my family. Despite having a father who was mentally ill most of my life….our family was close. My mother was always my best friend too. My days and evenings were happily spent confiding in her, lying in her bed afterschool and in evenings chatting, shopping with her and hanging out with her. But I also had a lot of friends too who were very important. As I got older boyfriends and their parents became super close. Relationships were always top of the list for me. I still feel a day is not complete if I don't hear from my Mom-and she feels exactly the same way.

I have always had big dreams for our kids when it comes to friends. I guess I always picture a ton of them around, almost like part of our family, in and out of our house…our kids at their houses for sleepovers… gang of kids calling for our kids to come over and begging to come over to the cottage for the weekend.

And then I had two boys first.

And things were not exactly as I imagined.

The first one always had friends..lots of them actually..but he was never a groupie. Friends were not all over the house all the time..nor was he at their all the time for many years. Sure he had sleepovers and play dates and was invited to birthday parties. He even went on a 2 weeks trip to Iles des Madeleine with a friend’s family for two weeks! But there were not so many friends that we had to buy two blows up mattresses to accommodate them. He was more of a 1-1 guy and also a big homebody. He had a very active social life at school but less on weekends. Friends were way more important to me for him than they were to him.

Boy number two……super popular. Everyone has always wanted to be his friend. He has like a thousand girls swarming him. Friends all over the place. And like Chase..likes friends a lot. Sees them a lot…enjoys them all a lot. But he is also very content to be home a lot too-hang with his siblings….decline invitations. Not necessarily make plans with the friends. Is happy to plan one day before. Some weeks he can have 6 friends over and other weeks he can ignore friends for weeks. At school he is a big groupie and home he doesn’t care very much.

All this to say I have had households of kids over sometimes and often and empty home. Kids coming to the cottage with us with their friends and then months and months without friends coming. And all of this is fine and has had many advantages too as our family is very close and together and our kids are all best friends (who fight a lot while they are besties!)

But the truth is……it has always gotten to me a bit and made me anxious. BECAUSE AREN’T THEY SUPPOSED TO WANT TO BE WITH FRIENDS ALL THE TIME? AND ARE'NT I SUPPOSED TO BE ORDERING PIZZA BY THE DOZEN ON FRIDAY NIGHTS?

Then my daughter came along. She has always been surrounded by friends. Has a group of 5 best friends. But same old same old….she doesn’t really care. Often the four of them will join a swimming lesson together or a dance course and she doesn’t care at all. Doesn’t even ask to join. Other times she is with them all the time…others times she isn’t. She goes through many stages on this.

They are all remarkably happy at various stages of their lives to be home..with us..With each other. Good thing eh? Over the years I have learned to love this vs get anxious about it. Good for me.  As just as I have gotten used to all of this over the last few years and adapted my expectations and started not to give it so much attention…

Abracadabra………the friends come piling in J))

Chase has had a BFF now for 2 years straight…pretty much sees him all the time he can. And lately a group he hangs out with on Friday nights. The BFF hugs my daughter goodnight and he takes lifeguarding lessons with my other son. I text him about once in a while (in English) and he texts me back about this or that. I love that.

Bear is Bear and can have 5 people over at time and then see no one for a while. But he often very constantly now has a stream of new friends in our home and just as often is by himself. His friends are some of the nicest people I have ever met. One of his friends who we have known forever is like part of our family-we all go and run and hug him when he comes over and lift him up in the air (he is so sweet and cute.) I love this.

Beauty now is the most social butterfly ever (but still also loves being alone). Now that as of this summer we gave her much more freedom-she biked and swam and saw friends every single day. She goes to her Dad’s office daily afterschool to steal chocolates form the reception with a different friend everyday (and not even the girls! Other friends) She has a steady stream of lovely girls in our home and also today even went to a boy’s house after the second exam. Last night with the five girls over and our little celebration for the acceptances I realized how happy I felt. How much this gives me adrenaline. I loved having these lovely kids over….joking with them all. Laughing…coaching them on issues…..feeding them. Spoiling them….watching them blossom. I was so happy. Having a daughter really rocks in this area…the loads of girls and fun conversations with her friends and she etc… I adore this.

So you see they all go through different friend stages…they are always content….but I am happiest when there are many and it has always been like that. And I know that I have nothing to do with it..I don’t’ matter in this..but I still know what I feel and admit it!

Some of my happiest happiest memories in my lifetime were sharing my family with my friends. It is what my friends loved about me that we could hang out with my family and have fun. At my Dad’s funeral most the guests were my brother and my friends from childhood giving eulogies. I had a wonderful balance in my home and my heart of friends and family and I crave it on my kid’s behalf for them.

This school year my craving has been satisfied. Even if it does not stay like this I got a taste of it….and it has been great.

And I see it all spills into my own life too….my love of friends.They are on my mind often..so often and I adore the joy they bring to my life. And I don’t really like parties or even acquaintances…more of an introvert when it comes to that. And I don’t need friends around me all the time either as am very solitary and love being in a couple and in our family much of the time. But I also adore my friends too and my talks and texts and times with them. When we all get super busy…something feels like it is missing. PS I won’t be a great empty nester..just saying.

And it all gets complicated I tell you. Diversity..Different needs…different perspectives…different feelings. But just like marriage it is a long and forever journey filled with obstacles and winding roads and rainbows sunshine and rain.

AND I WANT IT ALL. For me..for my kids. For the richness of our lives.

I will always be the girl who even in these crazy busy lives wants to balance my family with friends…like red velvet cupcakes with cream cheese icing. The two necessarily go together right? I can’t eat it plain.I will always be willing to order a million pizzas and open a zillion bottles of wine and gather the people I love (and only the ones I love as I am very selective when it comes to friends) in a messy and crazy house. And watch the love flow……

And I will always be happy clean up the mess afterwards.

I love my kids to bits and I love being witness to their journeys. Watching the friends they choose love them and them love them back, seeing the bonds they form and that they choose to break…..having some of their friends as familiar to me as my own kids at various stages of their lives.

Watching those little girls in my living room Friday night-all accepted to high school and so excited for their futures….imitating Hubby and I and our funny habits..laughing, pinky swears…brought me to the best memories of my life and the best part of me. Seeing it  all…being part of it all. Remembering it all…reminded me of who I really am at the core.

And made me thankful that my kids are getting a taste of this happiness in their lives. So happy for them and their villages ….that will live on an on and figure out who they are and who they want to be...in the often wonderful company of others.

Joy:)

This is what a face looks like when the body/brain has worked it's ass off for the result she got!!!

Beauty was ACCEPTED!!!!!!! Not waitlisted…not refused..but ACCEPTED. This was even better than in our dreams. Meaning the school deems she is the perfect fit for them and their academic standards. We assumed would not happen because her French marks are lower than they normally look for this to be super high , but she is very very strong (especially for a girl) in math and other subjects and I think that was very attractive for them.

Also at the end of her essay she signed her name and xoxoxoxoxo and I think it melted their heartsJ

Yesterday was such an awesome day. And so well deserved as was part of a very hard week overall.

Here is the story:

Dad gets the email at home at 9:30am that she has been accepted. He sings and dances and screams in  house alone

This Mom gets a call on way to work and pulls over in parking lot and is in total shock and is shaking

I call my Mom and tell her and she is the only one bc I can’t live a moment of life without telling my Mommy. Impossible.

Texts and emails start flowing in inboxes of all the others Moms saying their kids got in or not in and what about my kid?

I ignore all emails and texts until 3:15pm as want Beauty to be first to know. The world thinks I have gone MIA

I work but leave at lunch for a break to see my Ironmen at lunch. Of course on Facebook between breaks they are on phones and know who in the world got in and who did not and they want to know about their sister. I tell them I don’t know and am only checking at 3pm with Beauty. They think I have lost my mind and with all their Ironman friends nearly trample me and beat me up.

At 3pm I meet Hubby at his office and we get to work setting up the scene the speaker system and warning his secretaries. Beauty shows up at office at 3:10pm and we tell her we have not looked at results. We tell her to open the email herself. She sits down at desk and opens it and in first line reads “Admis”. She turns her head and says to Dad ”does this mean accepted?” He says yes. He turns on her high school song (each kid has one) and it is “Good Time”. It starts blasting in office. (PS we have way more rituals around high school acceptance than we do for Christmas!!)

She goes into his arms for a 7 minute hug and cry of joy and does not stop crying and crying and crying.

Then it is my turn and I get a 2 minute hug and crying crying crying.

(secretaries both crying and watching all of this)

Then she calls all “the girls” and they have all gotten in (almost impossible as only 1-5 ratio  of chances but they all did it and I guess they choose likeminded friends! They all cry for each other this smart team.

Beauty and I go to Ironman together. On the way Bear calls her and says his congrats and my heart melts for their sweet conversation. Chase calls her too…and I am so happy they all have each other. Beauty texts all of Chase and Bears friends to tell them which also makes my heart melt.

At Ironman since so many students there they are all hugging her and kissing her and saying what fun she will have for 5 years!!!

Beauty makes me drive around the school forever and keeps saying “that is my school..that is my school”

Then we decide to have an impromptu last minute party for the girls and celebrate with them. We take them all to Menchies and they all have a blast. A separate post on these friendships and others this weekend as I was in awe.

I love this picture as they don't know I am outside taking it. It is all of them writing on the resto chalkboard the school name and we got in for over 30 minutes!!!

 

 

The girls minus one that was at a restaurant with her Grandad celebrating

 

We all go to bed spend and exhausted!!!! One of the Ironman goes out until late at night so I have to get up and go pick him up late (he is not tired????. The other takes a hot bath and tries to lock the door from all the girls in the) house.

Both boys competed the challenge of a lifetime which happens yearly. Ironman 2013!!!

 

THE Ironman (Chase did not want pictures what a shock!!)

Famous IronMan tents

 

 

 

It starts all over this morningas Beauty is now writing second choice school exam just in case as a backup as we never know what life holds. Also she says she wants to see her second acceptance just for fun (she hopes)

And I am left here completely speechless. How did this happen three kids at this school? How did it happen that they all see this acceptance as one of the best moments of their lives-most older girls at school compared it to wedding days, birth of first child etc…OMG!!!!!!!! I am speechless and thankful that this school has this affect. What a gift. I certainly never felt that way about my own schooling.Liked it enough...but covet and celebrate it? Not.

Next comes dance auditions in two weeks. That one as far as I am concerned is in the bag but we just never ever know.

Beauty…..you are something else girl. Determination and confidence can get you far in life and this girl is stacked to the brim with both I tell you. Screw the French and Science mark!

 



At the office

I adore these girls. I have known them forever it seems and I realized last night how fun these next few years will be....another post on friendship to come soon on this and more



Day of exam. Daddy and his girl. This Guy is a solid Rock when it comes to the work he puts into the kids education, success and happiness. You have never met a more devoted man to them when it comes to which highschool he wants for them. He lost so much sleep (and time!) over this.

 

Their Big Days

 

As our children grow older and older…I realize that what we consider OUR big days..are really about them. THEIR big days.

Tomorrow is one of them for all of us.

On the less important scale for the big date of Friday October 4th (but still very cool and of honorary mention!) is both boys doing an Ironman Triathlon for their school all day and evening. Bear’s team they are 5 and Chase are 8.

I don’t remember the amounts of what they do exactly but Bear is running something like 18km and swimming for like two hours and biking I have no idea. Chase a bit less as team slightly bigger but still a ton of swimming running and biking. Hubby volunteers for a portion of the day and I for another portion. Supposed to be a gorgeous Summer/Fall day and this all take place around a beautiful lake near the school.

Today Bear is also doing a Cross Country event for his program all day and in the last few weeks has run 5-14 km each weekend in various Montreal marathons.

I am simply stunned at the athletes these boys are. Not in one particular area but just all round great athletes. I thank this school from the bottom of my heart for these amazing opportunities. This year Chase had to choose a specialization for last 2 yrs and his is skiing, snowboarding, gold, “parcours” (jumping building to building!), Tai Chi and Badminton.

Bear this year is focused on running, flying assimilation, kayak, volleyball and kite surf.  God I wish I was their age and capable of such things!

 And then most importantly it is Beauty’s big news about the high school she wants to attend that awaits us tomorrow on the computer. The high school the boys go to where while they will be doing Ironman she will be dancing on the ballet bars set up beside the same lake and  potentially going with the dance troop to Disney and SeaWorld to perform if she gets in. It’s a whole lot of happiness wrapped up into a big possibility. And a big fat question mark????????????????

For her. For us. For the boys too as they know how much this all means.

Tomorrow we find out. And we tell her. One of three verdicts: Accepted-Waitlisted-Refused. One of three reactions from her sheer delight-cautious happiness-outright depression and crying

We will be thrilled with Accepted or Waitlisted. Clearly not happy with Refused. The waiting is lethal-I hate this week! Has a week ever been sooooo looong. And the texts rolling in saying…….”So???????” Me writing back and saying” Only on Friday!!!!!”

And Beauty is registered to write for three other schools this weekend just in case (which could change based on verdict tomorrow). That is 12 hours of exams over 1.5 days. I feel sorry for the kid. Thank goodness she handles this all well. I think she actually like it all.

So waiting. Waiting for the two boys to (hopefully) survive their Ironman and waiting for the verdict of the next 5 yrs. for our tiny dancer (and then comes the actual dance audition!!!)

Waiting we are. For our kids. For their health and happiness. Waiting.

For their big days to begin and end.

Waiting with bated breath because their big days also clearly still belong to us as parents. There is nothing we ever want more in life than for those we love to be filled with happiness is there??? Their happiness fuels us doesn't it?

(I hate to put this in writing....but I think Beauty will get in. Nothing to do with luck but sheer determination. I am confident. Waitlist or Accepted. Let's hope Mama is right!!!)

This Bloody Week

 If you are a man..just don’t bother reading this. If you don’t like swearing or are offended by reading about woman's bodily functions-don’t read this either.

Sometimes I wish that the three days leading up to my period I could just dig a hole and climb into it or ask my family to move out of our home and leave me alone. (Until I started on a light medication 6 months ago which is a miracle drug. I used to have this feeling half the month by the way)

Yup heard me cleary. 15 days of this crap for the last 2 yrs since have turned 40. Now 2-3 days only thank god.

My mood is so bad now 2 days before my period I actually hang a sign on the fridge monthly to warn the family of the date (not a joke). It is a bit awkward when my son’s friends ask why there is a big sign that says “Stay away Sept 28”  but it is worth the mild humiliation to be able to provide adequate warning.

I just can’t stand you all on those few days or stand myself either. Yesterday I was actually sitting on a boat in the sun reading a good book and I felt nervous, jittery, and anxious, bored and like hitting someone. It’s ludicrous to be a woman I tell y’a. I had no idea what to think or feel. I am seriously afraid of the day my daughter gets her period. Of the decades ahead of this likely genetic instability. I find her moods hard to deal with now…imagine after her menses commence???

So all that today after a peaceful, sunny gorgeous weekend with my husband and my two quietest kids (one stayed home last minute at a friend’s house) I came home to my not quiet son who had cleaned the house and made dinner for us all. And within minutes friggin ripped his head off (almost)!!!

Note: pls don’t be disrespectful to me the day I am supposed to get my period. Pls don’t push my buttons and pls don't not look at me when I am talking to you. My husband must also have his period as he nearly ripped his head of too. And hell just today I was thinking how well life is going. Guess not!

(PS I secretly love hearing my husband yell at the kids as only happens about three times a year and makes me look more normal and nice).

As tonight as I go to bed I just pray there is blood in my underwear by the morning so I can feel remotely human again. If this doesn’t end soon my family is going to (fucking-sorry!) fire me.

Reminder:AND PS IF YOU DON’T LIKE THIS BLOGPOST JUST DON’T READ IT.

And PSS I feel like the WORST Mother on earth today. I am so stressed about my daughter’s exam yesterday that I am losing it. And I am getting my period. When I get like this I am unbearable I agree. When I feel love for my kids too much (like the exam worrying) I turn on them-it totally sucks. When it the normal part of the month I can control myself but period times I cannot. No self-control whatsoever.

And no ability to apologize as too tiring and too much energy needed. And it’s going to happen right over again next month so why even bother anyways?

But it is kind of liberating not to always feel like I have to be a great Mom. Today I am not so deal with it. Yesterday I was not so deal with it too. Tomorrow I will be good again. The next day probably great.

And Hey I am sorry…having three kids almost 12, 14 and 16 yrs is not always easy. The hormones in the house are raging and I include my husband who I firmly believe is going through male menopause. (moody, sweating at night, talking in sleep, disagreeable, clenched jaw, more body hair)

YUP it is a FRIGGING zoo around here people!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Hopefully tomorrow I will return to the human race. And if my family is fed up and have left the house and are fed up with me-then oh well. A house to myself all week would be nice.

 

 

Magical (again!)

 All I think about is the word “Magical” when I step into this setting.

How do they do this?????

How does a high school take tweens who are often lazy, not passionate, don’t really love going to school…and make them CRAVE going to their school the following year?? In huge amounts….literally every tween in Montreal has this craving. And this..is big.

I don’t really get it???

Last night a very shy friend of Chase was over last and I told him that Beauty was writing the exam the next morning. Completely out of character he ran down the stairs and wished her good luck….so excitedly for an almost 16 yr. old boy. He said he remembered the exam day (and his acceptance) as one of the best days of his life and he felt so excited for Chase’s little sister..Awww,,,

Today is HER day. All hers. She has been working up to it since Spring-so four months to be exact. An average of about and hour extra a day of studying on top of her regular studies at least 5 times a week. Even all summer vacation and everything. She is ready.

 

It is the evaluation combined with the report card . Hers is great but anything under  87% average is considered borderline and she is lower than that but still very good average. It is not a sure in…but not a sure out either. She has a good chance but not guaranteed at all. Never is.

But is it a combination of the grade 4/5 reports cards, a 3 hr. exam on general culture, logic and French and a personal essay question in French. Based also on creativity and innovation. Probably about 1800 write . 1 in 5 will get in.

So there it is! I know people have varying perspectives on this….having kids compete for spots in high school and programs. I know from varying comments I have had on the blog about my sons there are different perspectives on it (and I love this healthy debating keeps the brain juice flowing and challenges some of my own beliefs so keep the emails coming pls those of you who agree and not agree all welcome in equal measures!!) It reminds me a bit of religion the whole education bit…..very and deeply personal. I have even doubted it myself sometimes. “Why do we do this exactly???”

But I know why. Beauty told me yesterday in no uncertain way on a per walk we tool together. She articulated everything that pushes us to do this, and go through this.

“I want to go to this school more than anything I have ever wanted to do in my life. I have dreamed of it, thought about it and fantasized about it. If I get in (which I know I will)…I will be grateful and know that the 5 yrs. are a gift”

And that is why we do this. This particular education at the particular school is the reward of all rewards for some odd reason.  It makes education exciting and coveted and wanted. Could you ever ask for more than your child????? For their lives???

If there is a Heaven and my Dad is in it-he is so smiling right now. Education was everything to him. And it’s to me too. And it is too his three grandchildren apparently too! I may not have been able to turn them into readers Dad….but they know the importance of education that is certain.

She wants it more than chocolate…more than candy…more than a sleepover..more than any boy. I might even go as far to say as a kiss from Justin Bieber (I will confirm that assumption this evening)

She told me on our walk that she doesn’t care of one single friend gets into the school-she only just wants to go there. And be accepted to their prestigious 5 yr dance program (audition in a few weeks upon acceptance)

So it is a roller coaster ride I tell you. And our last one. We are literally going to burn all the books when this is over. We are so done. So are they.

I don’t think I ever realized until last night how much this school means to her. I thought the other three she was applying to would also be good enough but apparently not so. She is just like her two older brothers. It is this place or nothing in her head. And this is scary. Very very very scary. To want something so much.. I saw deep inside of my daughter last night. She totally let me into her heart.

We went out Friday night for the traditional dinner just the student and the two parents. Then the card (that contains a shocking 100 dollars which is a kept hidden and secret from the older kids for years). The look on the face!!!!! The shock and surprise!!! Very symbolic that it is not the results on the exam that we find out in a week-but the hard work and diligence that went into the preparation. We want her to get in of course,..but that is not what is important to us. Friday is the celebration and not when the verdict is in.

Then the massage at the spa especially for her before she sleeps before the big exams. A tradition we did for each kid. And will joyfully never have to do again.

So I am posting this blog as she is writing the exam. Timed to perfection.

Wishing you my love the very best of luck on this very important day for you. I know that you will be awesome and I know that you will end up at the right place for you. This school would be lucky to have our tiny little dancer.

 

The first time she has ever held a 100$ bill in her hands.......what excitement and shock!

 

My baby girl Crumpet going to highschool??????

 

 

Chase, Bear and Chase friend left sleeping beauty (bed at 9pm) love notes and notes of good luck on the kitchen counter. Will wake up to these and lots of phone msgs and texts that I  were sent for her tonight  to lift her spirits before the big exam:)))))) Life is good with notes and kids like this around.

 

 

Whatever.Whenever.

This is the “W” hotel branding for their concierge service that I may  need to shamelessly steal one day for a title of a book. Since I live at this hotel at least 3 weeks a year for the last many years and know every food, cupcake, corner and  sweet smellling soap by heart-I also use Whatever Whenever a lot.

This week my colleague forget his shoes in Swiss to run- and so magic a pair was on his bed in his size and budget within an hour. He also broke his glasses in the middle of a program and abracadabra they were fixed within 30 minutes and delivered to the bench outside where we were taking a breather.

All I personally needed was one red velvet cupcake and some dental floss this week-but usually my needs are more complexJ

But this expression and branding truly resonates with me. Adore it.

On that bench outside for a breather my colleague and I discussed its meaning for us. Since he is like the smartest person in the world I rely on his brain alot. An ex professional athlete himself, the ex-mental coach of Roger Federer, a doctor, a psychologist. It was interesting to see how this brand affected him too.

For me,as I slept that night after two 15 hrs days and a couple of more normal ones in between, I realized that this branding is what I expect from life in a lot of ways …what I want from others …and what I want to give.On both a professional level and a personal level. There are parts of it that I am well on my way to and other parts I need to further develop (especially the Whatever part)

I have always dreamt of a career as a ”fixer”. Tell me a problem and I will fix it. Let me sit at a desk with some purple lights and a Believe sign in platinum and I will fix all your worries in a jiffy. This always has been my dream of a career (beyond shoes and glasses of course!).

“Open for business to fix anything broke inside of you”

Any why??? Good question.

Because I excel at that. I am good at it. Really really good actually. I this feedback all the time in my career. I love this recognition and it fuels me to no end.

But what I discovered covered is that I need to be fixed along the way too. I am broken too. I get fixed somehow through all this too. In ways I could not have imagined. And lately too I have been wondering  if there is anyone open all hours of the day for business me too?

And most importantly-is that even the solution???

Last night when I sat up in bed thinking about Whatever Whenever…… I  also realized some nasty truths about myself. Maybe it comes from hanging out with doctors and psychologists a lot, and having hundreds of brilliant collegues surrounding me daily…from the teachings I give about leadership and learnings, self assessments and discovery. I am hyper aware of my own (and others!) strengths and weaknesses. This is basically what I do for a living.

Maybe I have gone to deep. Or did not go deep enough all of these years and now everything is surfacing as I allow myself to be more open.

All I know is that whatever whenever appeals to me in every sense of the word. I stand for it and will stand for it. I have high expectations of myself and the world and this branding seems to say it all.

Swiss Colleague and I looked at each other and just get it. What it means..what it signifies…what it means for balance in life..and lack of it..family..friendships…work..truth.

Gives us a paradigm of the way we want to live life.

No matter what shit is hitting the fan at whatever time of day-you have ONE Life. Only one. Be who you are throughout it all-all of it. Carry yourself from work to home, to friends, with colleagues standing up straight and being who you are consistently. Don’t let others down without telling them first. Don’t let yourself off the hook so easily. Be true to yourself and your image. Live with love and laughter. Be vulnerable and open. Breathe in beauty. Live your life with pride. Be Authentic. Always always want More.

Whatever. Whenever.

Be open for Business all hours of the day.

In the business you specialize in. Be Amazing.

Sparkle.