I was going to call this blog post “Coming Complete with Caring” but then I decided it was not that at all.
It actually has nothing to do with caring. I could never, ever not care or care less.
What I have to complete with is actually fueled by my immense caring. It’s caring enough to set myself free. It’s caring enough to let go in sometimes and often.
One of my Teachers of Transformation taught me the term “coming complete” and it is now part of the daily language I use. I have used this term on by blog before and referred to it. I have used it in the way of “coming complete” with a friend or family member on issues, or conflicts, or in terms of being fully honest and not holding grudges.
But what I am about to do right now is way bigger than that. It is HUGE for me actually and I won’t be doing this often because it not something you do everyday.
I am going to make a declaration. I am going to once and for all come complete on something that is actually ruining my life in many ways up until this very moment.
Here it is. It it time.
October 3rd 2011
I declare that I am officially complete with taking on the worrying for my kids about parts of their lives that belong to them. I declare that I am complete with projecting onto them in some situations incapability. I am done with this.
Gosh that felt good. Seriously-since now I declared this I have to live into this. I am accountable my friends. I may sway in the wrong direction at various points but now that I have declared it-I owe it to myself to always get back on the right path. At least now I know what the path is even….
Glad I declared this before my big 40th birthday coming up this week..it needed to be done.
I am putting this under the “Teen” section because I am finding that such a declaration is important especially as our children enter those all important and complex teen years. I think letting go (and sitting back and praying for them!) is actually a fundamental milestone that we all have to pass through to really be successful as parents. I have not been able to pass into this stage yet-I am struggling with it immensely.
I am so often the one to give the parenting advice that it is really an amazing feeling to be the one getting parenting advice every once in a while. I need to ask for it more. I need to be supportable by others much more often-it feels so good.
Today, I cried my eyes out on the phone to my poor Heartbeat, my Mom for almost a full hour. It reminded me of how capable she holds me as her daughter. She listened well, she advised, she comforted me. And then she went on with her day.
She did not fall apart because her daughter was falling part. I doubt she is taking at Ativan tonight because her daughter sounded desperate and miserable. I doubt that she has any doubt that I can handle what I am going through and that I can get through this….in my own way. She believes in me fully. She thinks more of me than I do of myself.
Does she run over here and make it all better? Does she stop everything she is doing and focus only on how to make it all better for me. Does she stay up all night and write a long list of solutions and hand it to me the next morning in a rainbow colored envelope with a chocolate inside? Does she sit there in fear of me being sad? Does she cry herself to sleep at night because I am feeling pain and struggling?
Does she try to make it better for me to make herself feel better ?
No she tries to make me…..heard and supported and validated as a person. She believes in me. She knows I am capable to handle whatever life throws at me.
So today as I was in pain and I listened to my smart Mother talk me through it, it finally clicked for me that part of getting some of her joy and peacefulness in my own life is to simply claim it back for myself. Let my kids (especially my teen and tween) take back some of the stress that I so heavily carry for them without them even asking for me to take on this load. Set them free. Set myself free.
It’s time to give Back one Big suitcase Baby. If you need help carrying it…. let me know I will be more than pleased to give you a hand.
