So... in line with my goal to be more deliberate in some of my traditions in our home I am starting with our Friday night routines.
When the kids were little we had a really good tradition of every Friday night-coming home from work early, ordering in pizza and cuddling up on the sofa and watching a family movie all together. It was the only time that we ate in front of the TV and the kids loved it. It was so relaxing and a great end to the week.
As of a few years ago this tradition of ours seemed to change. Often the kids would have a friend over and want to watch a movie that we had no interest in, or they would go to a friend’s place on Friday night and not be here at al. We would often have only one out of the three kids and then sometimes 6 kids if they each had a friend over. We decided ordering in was too expensive and the food wasn’t good anyways. We started letting our Friday night slip through our fingers and lost that precious family time together.
We are claiming it back!
My rationale is the following: The kids are getting older and I am finding, ironically less inclined to be with friends on Friday nights as when they were younger. I always want them to feel that they have a good, fun family alternative to spending it with friends. It is important for me to stress to my kids that we always want them with us. Friends are good too-but family is forever. I want to hold onto my kids for as long as possible. I think regrouping together at the end of the week in a fun and relaxed setting is really important for a family to be close and cohesive.
Friday night we all watch three shows together that have been taped throughout the week: Amazing Race, Modern Family and Parenthood. The kids chose them together and look forward to them.
We will order out about 1x per month but the rest of the time will be pasta night on Fridays. Spaghetti sauce, pesto, and tortellini rose etc…. Always with a nice big Cesar salad and garlic bread. On WHITE pasta-the big privilege since my health kick! Or hubby will pick up sushi or some other special thing on his way home from work. I will always go with one of the kids to choose something for dessert and share it all together. Relaxed family fun-cuddling together on the couch, no chores, no homework-just enjoying each other’s company.
We will order out about 1x per month but the rest of the time will be pasta night on Fridays. Spaghetti sauce, pesto, and tortellini rose etc…. Always with a nice big Cesar salad and garlic bread. On WHITE pasta-the big privilege since my health kick! Or hubby will pick up sushi or some other special thing on his way home from work. I will always go with one of the kids to choose something for dessert and share it all together. Relaxed family fun-cuddling together on the couch, no chores, no homework-just enjoying each other’s company.
They can always choose to go to a friend’s house-that is perfectly fine. They can always invite friends over too-and that is perfectly fine. The difference is none of these options will be encouraged, but will however be accepted. The other rule will be that Friday night continues on if we have 1 kid here or 3 kids-the tradition will take place regardless of who shows up. Great example is tonight I will not be there as my brother is in town from the USA and we are going out for a nice long and leisurely dinner together and so I will be abscent, but the rest of the family will continue the tradition together. This is an important aspect, as with 3 kids, two careers, lot of travel on my part for business and a cottage-there seems to often be someone missing..
I am excited about our deliberate new tradition and think it will be a nice thing to have in our home throughout the teen years especially where the biggest message I want my children to understand it” You always have a place here right at home. We are a group of people who love you and we will always be here for you. We want you here, and value you and are interested in you. We enjoy your company”
As I re-read my above post I recognize its simplicity. No big deal-most people probably do this in their homes on a Friday night and we have often done this too on most Friday nights anyways in the past. What is different for me it’s that it is now a deliberate choice that I am committing to from this point forward. Its simplicity is the key to its success for me.
As psychologist and physician Dr. Gordon Neufeld says “join forces to tackle one of the most disturbing and misunderstood trend of our time-peers replacing parents in the lives of our children. It’s important for families to find solutions to restore the intuitive child- parent bond to its rightful place to what nature intended: the true source of contact, security and warmth”
