Clean up their rooms?
Sing with them “Clean Up..Clean Up..Everybody does their share” smile a lot-act really cheerful and happy and pleased when they finish. Do this every night after dinner and hopefully by the time they are older they will do a natural “evening tidy” without you having to sing.
Make them get into their car seats if they are screaming and wailing?
Tell them that you are going to close the door of the car and stand right outside of it at the front of the car and you will stay there and ignore them until they are calm and you are able to come back and put the seatbelt on. Ignore them and make no eye contact. When they are calm, return with a smile on your face and thank them for their gracious and cooperative behavior.
Stop hitting another child or you?
Do not allow this and stop this behavior in its tracks. Tell them "NO" firmly and take their hands away from the victim. If it happens again immediate time out or separation to ensure that the message is “this is not tolerated in our home”. If it continues beyond the first time out…..privileges such as story time, long tuck ins etc need to be withdrawn. Do not allow hitting-as it turns into a much bigger problem later on. I remember one therapist saying that this is one of the few behaviors of childhood that demands that the parent give the child “the cold shoulder” for a while, to ensure that the child knows this is not to be tolerated under any circumstance.
Go to bed without a fuss?
Have a strict routine before bedtime and plenty of cuddles, stories and pleasant moments. However separate all of these rituals from falling asleep and ensure that younger children have the capability of falling asleep on their own without any type of sleep association that are created such as feeding, bottles, pacifiers, watching TV etc… Even if it takes days of crying to get your child to be able to fall asleep without help it is a worthwhile task.
Did you know that over 40% of the adult male population have sleeping issues as adults and strong sleep associations left over from childhood? (Feber, 2000) These men and women need to be listening to music, TV or any sound at all to be able to go to sleep mostly because this was created and enabled in early childhood. My husband knows a couple that go to bed each night with a blow-dryer in their bed for the “white noise”. This is not a joke!
Do all the rocking, cuddling, whispering, feeding and anything else at night you wish, but make sure it is well before the child is expected to go to sleep and disassociate it from a sleeping aid. Remember all of these comforting rituals are awesome and fun and great-but if they comfort you (and probably your child short term) it is more important to think of the lack of comfort this will cause your child longer term.
Have good self-esteem?
Model it yourself mainly. Also trust your child and encourage autonomy. Let them do things on their own and praise them when they do. Let them fall and make mistakes and don’t make a huge fuss about it and help them get right back up and try again. Encourage them to enjoy people around them and to get to know them.
(I am going to ask my dear friend my Soulkeeper to do a guest post soon on my blog for the 0-5 crowd. I have never met a more calm, confident and capable mommy and her 3 yr old is the most polite, sweet, capable and confident young lady I have seen in a long while. I am so impressed by Soul keeper’s and her Hubby’s parenting style so much that I am constantly asking them advice about my older kids even though their two little ones are 3yrs and 1yr. Helps they both have tons of social work experience with teens….sometimes when I don’t know how to handle my kids I seriously consider sending them to their home for a week. They would come back all shiny and new I kid you not! Soulkeeper Summer Camp..hmmm catchy.
