We started a wonderful tradition last year (one of the rare ones that I actaully invented myself!) which we will repeat this
year. Bear buys be me a beautiful candle to burn each year and we burn it in our
solarium at the cottage in front of the fire and discuss the year past and the
year ahead. It really started off the year well.
We looked at our high and low moments of 2013
individually and as a family and set some goals for the New Year. And wrote
them all down in a book that we will bring out and look at again in 2014 Jan 1.
I chose a word (or a letter actually) that encompassed
all of my goals for this year. And it was “V” It stands for “Vanessa” one of my
dearest friends (aka Soul keeper on this blog. I wanted to become more like
her..mainly more peaceful..more serene..more accepting..less judgmental….so so
so many things that they could not be listed here as there is not enough space.
And don’t get me wrong it is rare for me to want to be like
anyone else ever. I am pretty happy with who I am. I am sure you have noticed
that I don’t lack self-confidence! But she has many qualities which I know she
worked darn hard to have. And I wanted them too.
To be honest when I choose that goal I did not have very
much hope I would be too close to being V by the end of the year. It was more
of a wish but I didn’t really think it is possible But….. Like any other wish
or hope or prayer that you consciously ritualize and tie actions to…they come
true.
I can happily say I am a whole lot more V by the end of this
year than I was at the beginning. To the point that I bet many people might
have “T” as a goal!!!
Awww..it feels good. So good.
And trust me-things have not been easy for me lately. If
anything they are the hardest they have ever been in so many ways. But the thing
about V is that it is there no matter
what is happening. It is an attitude. A way of life….it stays.
Last night I surprised myself and was super V when Chase whose
16th birthday party is Friday and has been planned for 4 months surprised
me with an announcement. Dad and I booked off work for Friday and taking 7 boys to ski in Bromont and then big dinner
at resto they were being dropped off (you know the party that I planned as
surprise and he found out and then wanted to cancel but then decided to keep it
on?)
Well he decided to cancel it again and told me last
night. Food bought. Time off work taken. 4 parents already called for final arrangements
and ski drop off..blah..blah ..blah…We were even attending a party in Bromont
that night during his party and arranged to have other two kids sleep at friend’s
houses. Lots and lots of organization went into this party.
And did I scream? No! Did I act disappointed! (a tiny
bit!) Did I give him a lecture about responsibility and making your mind up!?
No! Did I lose faith in my son? No! Did I respect him? Totally!
I sought to understand and then accepted his decision and
the mixed feelings he had about this. I complimented him on his articulation
and directness in his feelings.
And that was it. Fini.
(I deserve to move up to “W” after this).
And the best part was I have not given it another thought
since. I believe in him and I believe he knows what is right for his life
“V” is a beautiful thing (just like the actual BFF) this girl has offered me so much this
year. Mainly unconditional love and the understanding that no matter what in
life she will be there. That the thing that I can expect from her is always is
honestly, love, support, tough love and devotion. And that anything on my mind I
can share with her at any time whether it be about my life..her life or our lives together. And she can do the same. No matter what. It
feels actually like a gift from God. She has been such an incredible teacher
for me over the years of grace, walking the talk, never hiding from the hard
parts of life, authentic expression and unconditional love.
I don’t know what my word will be exactly for 2014..but
one thing I do know? V feels awfully good. I am actually not quite sure how I
lived my life before it.
And as I enter
some very personal and challenging times in early 2014…..Peace will be with me. I can feel it already. Something
that before last year was not necessarily part of my suitcase in the same way,
but that now I could never ever leave home without.