…..And we all live different things. These are two
concepts that hit me over and over as I grow and mature. We each live life in
completely different ways. Our realities are owned by us and defined by our experiences,
our values, our beliefs and the way we individually see the world.
What I am living is not what you are living…and vice
versa. Even a tiny example today I reached out to Savvy to say Merry Xmas and
she is stuck in an ice storm with no power the day before the Xmas celebrations!
I am up here at my cozy cottage and have not looked at news for 2 days and had
no idea! I remember that same feeling during the Quebec ice storm when the largest
storm I think in history hit Quebec and I had my first baby I had just brought
home from the hospital….and I had friends and family in Ontario and USA having
no idea the hell we lived for 3 weeks nonetheless! And even when they did know..they had no
understanding of what this was really like with a baby.
Different realities….different experiences.
And people’s perspectives too….are all so valuable yet all
so different. As I mentioned on blog before one area of myself I have been
trying to improve over the years is sharing more during crisis or problems vs after
they have already been solved and then sharing. This is hard for me. Very hard.
But also very valuable because then I get the true
benefit of perspective of others before decisions have been made. But man oh
man can people see the same issue differently. And people so close to me
too….completely opposite. The support people offer is also so very different
too….it really makes me realize that in general people offer what they
themselves would expect. Or offer the kind of advice that would work for their
particular life.
It makes me realize that I do this too all the time.
Recently a friend of mine has been going through a hell of a time. My advice to
her has been primarily based on what I would want from a friend…but has it been
based on what she is ready to receive or hear? Probably not? Is that bad? Is it
good? Does it stretch her or crush her? All good questions and questions that
have been roaming through my mind as I am on the receiving end of support and
advice.
And everyone is so wonderful and loving and kind. We just
all live different lives don’t we? That is why I know for me I could never not
be married…I need and want a partner that I love desperately. I need that daily
sharing of realities..our realities….together that we share. I can’t have
something to share that is important and wait a week to share it because the
other person is busy…or travelling ..or at work..or with family (all normal
things!). I realize how fundamental it is to my existence to share daily and
share together. To share a life with a soulmate.
And sharing can be hard too as it brings up questions and
facts we may not have already considered. So new ,material to deal with. Points
that are there but may not occur or be relevant to us..but may be relevant to
someone else close to you which them makes it more relevant for you,..When your
feel you already have enough on your plate? Or is that just repression? It’s a
fine line to know what you are ready to hear vs what you need to hear. It’s
really hard to know which is best.
All that to say this vulnerability thing is hard and tough,
but I totally see the benefits (and some of the downfalls too). I feel raw.
Exposed…. judged (not in a bad way but a normal way)…I feel open for business
and closed in my mind. I feel whole but yet cut up into pieces.
But after all all the realities seep through my
mind…others peoples values and reflections. My own..my spouses..my
families…other people’s beliefs sit with me…my own sit with me…..until I feel
so full and heavy I can barely breather…I come back to my heart. And the hearts
of the people involved directly in it ….and I listen to the beatings of the these
hearts and what there are saying.
And it all comes together.
Just like that.
Despite it all and because of it all.
And I try to connect my brain and my heart into one
coherent message.
And often it is a struggle but overall I am a really
smart and really feeling girl.
So it all starts to make sense.
And once I can separate the fear from the point and
define the unknown as the prize vs the enemy…
I feel like I can breathe. We can breathe again.
Together. Through invisible icestorms. Through the woods
and the rain and the sun. Through it all. Finding our way…..always back home.
Home.
