(scroll down for my parting blog)
I recently read a blog that really spoke to me as a woman
and the many roles we juggle in our lives: wife, mother, breadwinner, daughter,
sister, friend, cook, cleaning woman, household manager, driver, shopper, party
organizer….the list could go on and on. It spoke to the voice that lives in
side us all that sometimes whispers, groans, or nags “You should…. “. “I
should go to the gym”, “ I should call my sister” “ I should turn off Dora and read that Robert Munch story again to my 3
year old for the 10th time this week”, “I should wash the kitchen
floor”, “I should be planning dinner today so I am not scrambling to throw
together freezer burnt peas and fish sticks at 6:00 tonight while my hungry
kids are pestering me for snacks….It was so liberating to allow myself to
imagine lifting the “should” from my
life and simply BE….present, in the moment, allowing myself the freedom to
choose what I would like to do… guilt free.
However, I realize that there are times that those “shoulds”
can actually be our guides, our inner compasses, our souls that hold greater
wisdom than we ever could and are exactly what we need.
About a year and a half ago, while having lunch with one of
my BFF’s she excitedly suggested that we
go on a girls trip to resort. At the time I was 8 months pregnant with my third
child. Exhausted, sore and desperate for some rest (I also have two girls, four
year old Ella and two year old Olivia).
I jumped at the idea but knew it was so far off, so I filed it with all the other things I plan to do when I am out of baby making stage..
Finally the months and week passed and it was one week before leaving. I didn’t even
own a suitcase anymore and borrowed one from my mother in law! As the days went
by I began to feel nervous, scared, sad anxious about leaving my 3 kids for 7
dodos…. It had nothing to do with leaving them with my capable husband….it felt
unnatural to be so far away from them….thousands of miles away….I had all sorts
of irrational thoughts…what if the plane crashed, what if Roman (20 months)
choked on his sister’s marble? What if the kids were so sad without me?
It was dramatic leaving the house in the wee hours of the
morning…I got the gastro in the night (throwing up…it had done the rounds
through my family that week and sure enough I was not spared! Hpw was I going
to fly like this? Would they let me on the plane? After popping gravol and
having my BFF’s hubby pick me up and put me in the car, I made it on the plane
with BFF and passed out for the 4 hour flight. I woke up 20 minutes before
landing.
The trip was nothing short of perfect. Perfect weather,
food, and friendship. It was so restful, rejuvenating and it brought me back to
a self I was before having kids…It was nice to reconnect to that self that was
footloose and fancy free. What I discovered during this precious time, was that
I was so thankful that I did what I felt I shouldn’t do because it was the best
thing I ever did and I am actually sad the trip is over but look so forward to
returning to my hubby and kids as a refreshed, rested and rejuvenated
moma……what I want to be for them. What I realize is that we as women and
mother’s feel so much guilt which is often at the detriment to ourselves, our
marriages and our children….what we and our families need is a mother who can
be the mother and wife that she wants to be because she makes her needs a
priority.
Ps-since my kids are not old enough to be able to read this...I might as well admit I secretly want to stay here an extra 3 days (or more!)
