I feel like a hypocrite with my last two posts being
about Joy and Flow.
Joy and Flow? One would not have said that looking at my
family last night. Nope.
We had a family breakdown. Our first real one yet I would
say. Hit family rock bottom. We had ordered in Kojax and literally none of us
took a bite. We screamed, we cried, we pulled hair (ok.. I pulled my son’s hair
three times). PS Screw you if you no longer want to read my book!
And this lasted 3.5 hrs. I kid you not. It was HORRIBLE. And it was caused by pure pain. Each in our
own way-each in our own prison. All coming together because it happened to be a
Friday night that we were all home and had no idea what to do with ourselves to
relax. Relax? Did we used to do that? How do you do that?
Anyways it was HELL. So much was not said, so much was
said, and feelings came out, anger, sadness, pain, worry. I have never seen
anything like it. I have never felt so much guilt ever.
I stayed up all night full of guilt, a huge headache and
pain.
But you know what? It had to happen. Just like joy had to
come one day..and my flow had to come. This had to happen too. And it will happen
again.
It’s what is called a Family.
We heard the truth last night and so did the kids. We
needed to talk about it.
And through it all-I felt like I had a true partner. We
did this together. We created this big mess and we cleaned it up together too.
We were equals in parenting. Equally flawed and equally successful.
Life this year is nothing at all like it was last year.
One day I will have the guts to tell you why. In public.
We had our breakdown last night (and I mean BAD)…and this
morning we had a group hug in bed.
So this morning as I read my usual blogs about chocolate
chip cookies, and temples, and faces smiling into the camera…I wonder what
happened at their table yesterday?
Was it perfect like the blog? Or did they lie? To us..and
to themselves?
I am not a pretender.
This…is Family. This is Life. This is my Life. I choose
to Share it with you.
