(posts out of order as was away this week...scroll and read other two first)
In
every course or certification, I take there is always one part that truly
stands out for me and is almost life altering. Because when I agree with
something and learn something new that resonates with me: I apply it with rigor
to my life. It goes on the to do list. I am not always fully successful in
applying it ... but by making a Conscious and Deliberate effort something
always shifts and alters.
This
Course was:
Always start small
and escalate when you want to interfere in things you may not have business in.
Or more importantly ... When you are angry start as small as you can and
escalate only as things get worse and worse.
Don't
pull out all the shots at the beginning be a) people will lose respect for you
b) you show all your cards right away c) it is a very low thing to do by shouting or screaming what you wish to communicate and very hurtful to others
and shows deep lack of respect
I
thought about my own life and about two instances where by escalating right
away vs sitting back and observing and getting curious; I messed it all up. (Many
times I have done this on a lower level but two situations that I can really
identify and stand out) One of Those situations Big Time .When you escalate too
quickly you can't really recover.. But you can always choose to escalate to a
higher level if you start low.
I
also think of three very specific situations that have happened to me in my
life with family or friends which I will never forget. They are with me forever
.I has never recovered. All three situations have this is commen: the people
involved escalated at the highest level right away as their way of dealing with
the conflict presented. In all three situations I lost so much respect so
immediately and So quickly for the
people involved and felt so devastated and treated unkindly ... I simply just
did not engage.. I withdrew and pulled out (not normal for me ) I decided not
to go further with the communication or conflict and just avoided the conflict
and moved on wit the relationships . But something inside of me changed forever. And I hold grudges
on these ones. (not a great way to deal with conflict but certainly better than
the escalation route)
When
I took the course this week I realize that the people involved started at their
very highest level of escalation for situations that warranted almost for them
to do nothing. They may have gotten all the satisfaction of letting it all out
in highly inappropriate ways ... But the
image I had of their ability to handle conflict was severely affected because
of it .
There
is going to be conflict in life. It is inherent to any relationship.. Any business..
Any company. What this course taught me is that there are very different ways
to handle conflict ... And some are way more effective than other ways.
Escalate
slowly and surely before you pull out your cards. You know why? If you are
always screaming and telling or being direct or critizing or judging? When what
you want to Say really matters?
Nobody
will be listening to you anymore !
