I
have always been one in life that has a strategy and sticks with it . Accesses
in myself what is needed to achieve those particular goals. There are many
parts of me that are there but not fully accessed unless I make the decision
that they are important. And be willing to shift gears.
Having
a career and balancing my family are two very important aspects of my life and
have been for a very long time. Part of me has often wanted an even bigger
career but I consciously stop myself from taking on as much as my heart and
head may want.. As I know it can be detrimental my other goal of being the mom
I want to be while my family are still at home and need me
I
am surrounded by very very high performing, climbing the career ladder type of
ladies who always make me question my decisions. Many of them have nannies at
home and would give up a planned family vacation or family planned dinners
etc.. any point or time when the business calls (which is a lot and very often)
I
have consciously tried to stay at one level below this in my career in order to
not have to be forced to make these choices (in the way I perceive this) In my
new role in the last year these lines have become gradually less clear and it is
interesting to look at the impact it has has on my life and my work.
I
have never been happier career wise in
pharma heading a Centre of Excellence at my work or at Lifeworks which has taken on a completely different
spin this year than in the past. I feel busy energized full of adrenaline and
very capable. I am in a good place and for the first time in a while I feel the
career fire in my belly
But
there is a cost to this. There certainly is. I am much more distant as a wife
and a mother. And my distant is probably considered very close for most!
But
I see the difference for Sure. Because of my much larger focus on work I have
less brain space for all is them. I am much more out of tune with them as my
family and even them with me. We are still very close of course but it is not
at the same level it always was.
I
can go full 16 hrs without really even thinking about my family as I am in
meetings with the senior executive team which needs all my focus and
attentions. Yesterday my daughter when to a scoliosis apt with her Dad vs with
both of us. I hid the elf once in the last 6 days (and frankly don't give a shit)
I
am less successful as a mother and more successful in my career. That is a fact. For my high standards anyways this is how it occurs to me.
Is
this good Or bad? Neither. Different season of
Life
it is. My kids are now 13-15-17yrs and times are changing. ! And for me it is at this
stage where for me personally I can be even Close to accepting that I can be even a bit more emotionally distanced than I was all the other years and focus a bit more on work.
But
if makes me so so thankful that I made the choices I did all of these yrs. as if
I had this kind of career back them ... Never would I have the marriage and
relationships I do with my family. I would Not have been able to build the
foundations we have at the same level
(And
trust me I still had a great and fulfilling career. Have been at a front line
management level or above since very young and graduating from university overall.
But this new role ( well a year now ) is a notch up from anything I have
experienced so far in my career)
Today
I realized as I sit beside my daughter on the train and have no energy left to speak
to her bc of my day that began at 6am
and on my feet and presenting all day ... That nobody is a bottomless pit of
energy and we all make choices and prioritize daily.
I
look back on my choices and happy that they were made for a reason. And the
future is friendly too. There is a lot of mothering left to be done and a lot of
career to grow and to be had. I have two fires in my belly right now and career
is taking a much more center stage than ever before. I am meshing it with home and open to the possibility of taking on a whole lot more intellectually.
An
to constantly be reminding myself: That
life ... Is long
