This weekend at a bbq we attended for hubbys college gang of friends i became aware of how quickly life stages change
Many were talking to me about a time when he was alone on his life for a few years and hung out with them so often back then ( many were couples with kids etc ) They hung out on weekends and travelled together etc .
I felt bad as it seems as soon as i came around his get togethers with them started happening a few times a year vs a few times a month. Our weekends were spent as a couple or with our young kids .
I know this is normal and not exceptional but still made me sad .. For them .And for my husband in a way too .
I read a blog daily and up until 2 yrs ago she was a 30 yr old single girl. Her weekends and life revolved around friends and girl get togethers and blogging and social media and occassion after occasion with her besties . Then she got married . Less and less posts about her friends and more and more about her husband .
Now last week she had a baby . I am doubtful if we will ever see another post about anyone else -let alone have her write long blogs or answer peoples comments ! Again its all normal ... It is all to be expected right? Or is it ?
But what about all the people left behind in the afternath ? The people who are still single , or adjusted their lives to hang out on saturdays with their single buddy ? Where are they left ?
Does being friends with someone single automatically equal that you are temporary until their real life with marriage and kids come along? Its a hard message and a harsh reality
I remember living it myself when i got married and suddenly we gravitated towards other couples with kids in our " free " time . Only after years did i realize i had two amazing friends who i left behind ( and selfishly started seeing alot more of when they married and had kids much later in life than i did . To this day i often still beg forgiveness from one of them . And i have not forgiven myself .
Also i remember feeling so sad who when one of my bffs who was divorced and we got into habit of speaking on phone for many hours at a time almost daily got remarried - of course our phone frequency adjusted too - which again was normal and expected - but i remeber sharing with her that my life had stayed exactly the same - and although it was sometimes hard for both of us those years to make the time for long phone calls with a young family and working - i ended up loving them and missed the closer bond she and i shared during that time ( thankfully she and i were close enough to discuss together and adjust to a level that was percect for us both us .) And i was married with three kids ..
But i always feel sad for those friends and blog readers who are single and counting on those weekends and travels and conversations . Like knowing that the blog i used to love will never again be the same now that the blogger has the baby ; she will never have the same time and space she had before, her priorities have shifted to a place that isnt about us readers anymore
Is marriage and children always first place ? Do friendships that revolve around being single together have any chance to survive when a man and kids enter the picture ? Are both parties aware of the temporary nature of their arrangement ? Doesn't it feel odd to be at a bar every friday night with a bestie and know that if she catches the right fish the next weekwnd she will be watching Netflix and eating popcorn snuggling with her beau ... And you will be out with another single friend or watching Netflix reruns alone ?
I even feel it with a friend now . We used to text all the time . Now we don't . Its all normal .. She is engaged ... Owns a house now ... Blending her family . Its all too be expected of course . But things have changed and our friend habits right along with it . Just like i changed when i was the one with the brand new life.
In a way frienships are like marriage . They go through many phases and obstacles and hopefully come back to a place that works for both parties . To a place that makes sense and brings joy amd fulfillment to both .
And social media is a bit of the same . It follows the wave of someones life ( and priorities ) and although easy to feel like runner up ... Sometimes it just a case of adjustment and expectations. Each day i grow older i realize how complex relationships are and how fragile and on so many level what a balancing act they are. Like a see saw back and forth dependant on which side of life you are sitting on in that moment.
