It was funny the other night when we were out at a restaurant
with 16 others there was one friend who had one son. The rest of us had
anywhere from 2-4 kids each. She was observing that 6 h. evening a lot and
turned to us and said at the end of it:
Why did
you all invite chaos into your lives exactly?
We all thought it was hilarious as of course we totally got
what she meant, we also realized that she had no clue how wonderful how that
chaos could be. But most of us understood exactly what she was talking about as
we ask ourselves that question many a time going to sleep at night.
There she was all evening with her one little son. Quite
calm and quite obedient. Completely in tune with her son’s feelings, needs, reactions,
wants. Snuggling him at every moment she got, him coming towards her for extra
hugs. Politely asking for an extra soda and getting it.
And there we all were without 2, 3 or 4 kids and just basically
juggling balls in the chaotic air surrounding us. We actually all thought the evening
was calm and marvelous, but for her she thought it was a circus! Drinks
spilling, interrupting, no money for extra soda, no time for tuning in.
At one point on the boat we played a game with the kids
and asked them to each choose one word that describes their Dads and then their
Moms. All the Dads got “Cool, fun, easy, not strict, and laughing.
Four Moms got the following words:
Organized
Strict
Tired
Nagger.
The Mom with the only child got: snuggly.
How
cute!!!!
We all laughed all night about this (including her)
She said she becomes way less snuggly and calm when she and
her son do play dates with other Moms. All the sudden her kid starts jumping
and wrestling, and talking back and not listening. All the sudden she starts screaming,
and nagging and ordering them to be quiet and stop fighting. She asked us if it
is like this for us every day?
We
all answered yes. Our kids love each other, get along, play together,
but it’s a different life. You juggle many needs and not just one set. You sacrifice
more…and play less…you clean more and snuggle less. You have way way less money
and way less time.
But you get more love too. And you give more love.
Both situations are equally beautiful and equally authentic.
I remember as a kid I was an only child 5 days a week and
then my two half-brothers on the weekend and often my young Uncle and Aunt too.
The weekend had no similarity to the weeks. None at all. My Mom and I during
the week used to quietly lie together in her bed and chat about the day. On
weekends I barely spoke to her
I currently at work have two colleagues that both just gave
birth to their second children with 2 yrs. olds at home. The big question they
have emailed a few times to this “so called parenting expert” is:
Does
it get easier?
My answer:
Not
at all. Never. If anything it gets harder.
But you get used to it. And easy is fairly overrated.
There are other things in life to covet than calm and peace. If you don’t
expect one to be anything like two..and you are a master of ways to manage
chaos..you will do just fine my dears and roll with the punches. And then when
you get comfortable-you will like it all
so much that you will likely move onto
number three.
(That being said we did not convince our dinner friend to
move over to our territories. She said she likes peace and calm very much and
was very very content to be described as snugglyJ
