I am trying to analyze what feels different about our
schedules and life in the last little while-and I figured it out. As parents we
kind of work in shifts now which is quite unusual for us. We spilt up a lot-do
different things, each take turns to go get the kids etc.
I think most of it has to do with that we have no
carpool to school during the week. We made this decision to reduce bureaucracy
and back and forth emails and also to spend more time with the kids in the car.
The result of it is a lot of early mornings that one or the other is driving.
Then there are the weekends of course with ski so one
day Hubby drives them for the early morning and one day I do. usually twice to mountain before 9am (one shift 7:30 am and one shift 9am) Also now with so
many activities and friends since all three teens- very often on a Friday night
we could leave house 3 times to pick them all up at various places and so take
our turns. We do shifts. And it feels strange. A little lonely actually.
Then we also like getting to know the kids friend and
girlfriends better so we often offer to drive them home etc. Yesterday was a
day off from school and I think between day and evening we drove and picked up
about 13 times!!!! Craziness!
A BFF had asked me a while ago if kids have to ask
permission for friends over etc..No they do not. When we are at home we assume
they see friends as so little time not studying. And the expectation
which they all love is that if friends over during a meal we all eat together. And we expect we will always have at least one kid sleeping over if not many. At cottage I assume they spend family time (although now that is also blurred
as two out of there have social lives now at cottage as of this season and we
often drive them in evenings to stuff which is a big adjustment and hard on the family time) But hey we all know that the adolescent years are made for this peer orientation..but it's still hard to share them and let go.
Add onto that in the last year and a half my own
career (s) has become much more demanding so my list of things that I ignore at
home increases-so as soon as I have a spare moment at home I get to my list of
all the ignored stuff that need to get done. We find because of this as a
couple we spend much less quality time together-focusing more on efficiency
than anything else lately. We actually spent the day together at the cottage
Monday trying to find strategies as a couple to increase time spent together
and more quality time. It was interesting to see that Hubby has much more of a
need than I do to be doing tasks or activities alongside each other at this
stage of our lives. It was interesting to hear him articulate it and the impact
it has on him when we don’t have that time together. We came up with some
interesting strategies that we are putting into place for next week-will be
interesting!
Throw in broken dishwashers, MIA cleaning team, two
broken garage doors etc..etc..etc.. And there is always a reason to be more
organized and efficient than focus on quality time together. With a home and
cottage something is always breaking or a toilet blocked (hence the plunger
bday gift got my guy!)
One thing I am very grateful for is my Hubby's office
being 3 mins from home. Never realized the advantages! He does a lot of the dr
appts now and pick-ups from special events at school, and emergencies etc….wow
this is awesome to share this load. He does more than his share now. I feel me needing to be the breadwinner coming on!!!
We both decided two years ago that with three busy
teens driving them everywhere as often as we can is the way to see them and
spend time. It is great quality time and they truly appreciate it too and a
time when we always get “thank-you” from themJ. It’s a win-win.
So although shift work is not what I want to do for
the rest of my life-I can be grateful for it now as in a few years when they
are all driving, and then a few years after that when they are all moved out……I
will grieve these special moments. Although often I feel I waste these special moments by feeling irritated, being angry or not being present in the moment. I can never win it seems. I have a plan of how I want to me-but I am often so irritated by life and my kids it often never goes as planned.
Even if for the moment it exhausts us and keeps us on our toes (last night set alarm for 1am to make sure son was home-and had to get up 5:45 for other son to ski with school!)
-I know a good thing when I have it. And having our kids
have plenty of friends and activities and wanting us involved in their lives-is a
true blessing. I will look forward to it even more next year when Chase can drive by himself and share some of this load!
