Paradise in Another 16 hrs

One of my BFF’s and I chatted yesterdayby text while I was at the airport yesterday saying how both of us hated packing and how both of us actually also did not like vacations the first 1.5 days.  Sounds spoiled I know but at least we are honest and know ourselves well enough! We both love very vacation we go on.

So tomorrow as I wake up I am looking forward to loving every inch of this paradise I am in of Turks and Caicos. Our annual retreat just Hubby and I kid less, I should be jumping up and down by now right?

But the first day and a half is always hard as our bodies and minds try their best to settle into vacation mode after being on so many other modes over the last year since the last adults only vacation. Having done this a few times before I know tomorrow is my day…the day I start indulging and relaxing and looking so forward to the rest of days of luxurious time ahead of me.

This vacation we were off to a tough start. I am sick as a dog as in really sick. Sneezing 200- times an hour, sore throat, on tons and tons of meds. Nothing serious just seriously annoying. A bad flu.

After a full day of travel where my ears hurt like hell even though I took the entire bottle of antihistamines. We had to do 650$ worth of groceries for the two weeks we are here at 9pm because…well because that is our routine and our way to save money since we cook all of our own meals here instead of eating out. We also love the food and so enjoy this and also have a car the first few days. So we had to go that night.

I almost died at the grocery store. I could barely stand up. But my husband needed me for moral support and so I went. Is that not the least I could do if he actually cooks all the meals right?

I think I am also still not in a great mood (yet) because I could not unpack and organize last night so feel so chaotic until I do. Hubby did it for me-so sweet except that my underwear are all hung up on hangers and my dresses in a ball in a basket. God only knows where my deoderant is making for a sticky enough day. Yup I need to go get organized now.

Well was so funny..We rent a condo here and another way to save money is to never have the place cleaned each day like a hotel or a turndown service…this drastically cuts costs and do cleaning upon request only.

Well last night they screwed up and did the turndown service. So we get back at the condo after a day of travel and 2 hr of groceries with me about to pass out and running into the place to change into my granny pyjamas, big socks and head to bed and as we open the door we see a pile of…rose petals! All leading to the master bedroom…and the bed done up with those fancy towels done as doves and rose petals spelling out

“ I love you “.

I think we were supposed to look at eachother with stars in our eyes and strip.

The romantic couple we are, we took one look…took a quick photo-to be posted at a later date and put me into bed quickly where I tossed and turned and snored and sneezed for the next 15 hours. So romantic!!

Today is a wind fest here so not much of the beach. Tomorrow will be better I just know it. So will all the rest. Just a slow start.

And I realize a few things about me lately:

I am under a lot of stress and rarely notice it until I go on vacation

I get sick every vacation I go on and never when I am at home

I am getting old-all these drunk wild newly, married couples get on my nerves

I love a good book

I think my husband is the sweetest man on earth

I don’t like wasting calories on alcohol

I don’t miss my I-Phone and need an email break every here and there

I love the way my husband accepts and loves me even if I am a big downer for 1.5 days

I love my daughter and her big hugs more than life itself

Adios! See you tomorrow or the next day or the next or all of the above. Writing you in a better state of mind, with cleared up sinuses, without wind pushing in my face, with an appetite back and relaxation in my heart. Ready and waiting for my rose petals.

Send it to me k Savvy?

 

Xoxoxooxoxoxo

Beauty if you are reading me I am going to write a blog all about you in a few days. It could go on forever and ever my darling girl.

A Fireman’s pride

 Yesterday a waitress at a restaurant took the time to stop my husband and I on our way out of a restaurant and told us that her Fireman husband would have been so proud of us.

This made us feel so incredibly good. So nice when a stranger takes the time to be kind.

We were on our third lunch out in three days out. Since we are going on vacation without the kids-one of our traditions is to take each out for a lunch with us before we go and chat about many important things-along with just fooling around and chatting and laughing.

We went for Sushi with Beauty on Saturday, Moe’s with Bear on Sunday, and Mike’s with Chase on Monday.

One of the conversations we had with Chase very informally over lunch  (everything has to be chatty and informal or he hears nothing it seems) is about our rules on drinking and on driving. We said that obviously our expectation is not to drink at all until legal age , but clearly we are not idiots either ad know likely in the next few yrs. he may experiment . We told him that our most important value is his safely and getting home without being in a car with someone else who has drank EVEN A DROP.

We made a verbal contract together the three of us that if ever he is in a situation where he or friends have drank and he needs to be picked up..there will be no questions asked even if he has lied about his whereabouts. We will also happily drive all his friends home and will not speak to their parents about their whereabouts or drinking. Pointe Finale.

He looked at us with wide, wide eyes and said we were extremely cool. We looked at him and said safety is cool and that is why we do it. Will we be happy and pleased if he lies? No! Will we encourage it? No! But we would rather a lie here and there than death or brain injury. Simple as that. And if my kids are anything like me and my parents..I felt like I had no reason to rebel and so any drinking or lying I did was minimal, in control and experimenting only with their limits.

I still barely drink (or lie that much). Mama would still be proud of the good girl I still amJ

So that waitress made my day really. It felt so good to be validated as parents. Hubby and I exchanged emails afterwards giving ourselves a big pat on the back. Raising teens is hard and we felt today we were doing a good job instead of the doubt we so often feel.

We also chatted (informally and causally) about sex too. Believe it or not out of the three kids, our eldest is the most resistant to these conversations so this was one of the first beyond the more biology talks of a few years ago. It went super well and expressed that what we expect is open communication, to be safe, to be respectful and to most of all be careful. We said in the ideal world he would wait until he is with the woman of his dreams, who he will marry, but once again that is unlikely and so we will deal with reality instead. Try to wait until high school is over so you are more mature, try to be with someone who you love and who loves you and respect her and be careful so that your life and here is not ruined by a baby or diseases. He listened an intently and actually participated in the discussions. He asked us what age we had sex for the first time (with other partners!) and we told him candidly and transparently.

So all in all a great weekend and lunch with all three. We learned about our kids, and they learned about some of our expectations. I felt we really opened up communications for the next phases of our kids’ lives and I felt really, really proud of Hubby and me.

We did well. I feel we are finally equipped somewhat for these turbulent teenage years ahead. I think it’s going to all be ok.. More than ok.

A fireman is proud of us. Counts for something.

 

Mission that Makes Sense for Me

It’s been a few years that a Family Mission statement has been on my mind. I love the idea and know so many people from all walks of life that have them. Some friends, some colleagues, well known authors,…everyone seems to tap into this and I love that.

Some of these mission statements when I hear them resonate and others I question “oh really?” and does not seem to suit that family at all from my perspective. Nevertheless they have a mission statement and I do not. Kudos to them.

So my way of this mission statement, has to been to allow it to develop on it’s own over the years..and it seems to have finally emerged in my head anyways. Next phase will be to present it at Family Night and see what the family thinks about it and if it is meaningful to them. If not we will use that meeting to work on one together.

My idea for it anyways is:

Beautiful in-Between

I love it.

What it means to me is that our home will always be a place where we strive for beauty outside of anything else and all other circumstances. It will be a place where we strive to be a haven from an often heartless world. It will be a place that despite the many many elements we cannot control in this world, people and situations, that we can control what we are to each other in our home, what we offer one another and what we provide each other. And that offering has, will and always will be unconditional love and acceptance. In our family-you will be loved no matter what. To me that is what family is.

It means that there is a lot of shit happening around us, to us and involving us (failing school sometimes, friends dumping us sometimes, illness, loss of jobs, not getting what we want, being stressed, and relationships on the brink, bad haircuts, broken computers, eaten homework, bigger butts, puberty hormones) but home will be where we put it all back again and figure it all out together as a team. Home will be the place where no matter what, you can depend on love and gratitude and affection and love no matter what else is going on for your life.

And yes we will have big expectations and would be nice if we all lived into them (university, success, determination, hard works, respect..) but our big expectations will never define our love for you or replace it.

Beautiful is what I feel I have always wanted to offer my kids in between life itself. A good family meal, a great skiing weekend at the cottage, a hug and kiss and a nice tuck in, traditions, great talks, lots of recognition and praise, lots of trust, openness and communications, lots of warmth and loving texts afterschool. Lots of friends and family, lots of cuddling on the couch, lots of trips and travel and discussions and love. Coming home should always be something a family member can look forward too amonght the chaos of life.

And in-between all that there will be an understanding that there will be a whole lot of screaming and stressing, and disrespect and rudeness, and failing , and mistakes and getting it wrong. In our own home and outside of it. But in the end we come together and we are together and we will figure it out together. Here..you are perfectly ok..so show up as you are please.

There were so many other mission statements I came up with over the years but none of them resonated 100% and most were too achievement focused than we are in reality when it comes down to our core values. Work hard play hard were there, determination, education, happiness and love, .etc. .All important, but not important enough to define us. Nothing for us compares to happiness.

Our only goal for our kids in the end is ultimately for them to feel self-assured and happy in whatever form that brings them (whatever profession, gay, not gay, alone, married, bald, tall, short, stuttering, hyper, wall street etc…) Ok ok I sort of  really want my kids to have awesome careers. And be married and have lots of kids…..like as in really a lot…but happiness still is most important! Real happiness.

People have always wondered how we are so close as a couple and a  family? How are our so close.? Closeness has been a cornerstone of all of it through the years..We are not good at a million other things but closeness and bonding of our family of five have always taken full precedence over hockey, soccer, being at different places at different times in the evenings and having activities that separate us for too long on the weekend, in the evenings and especially in the summer and winter. Mission accomplished for that. We never lost sight of these priorities-not ever. We may bitch and scream at eachother a lot…if you watch our family dinner dynamics you can question our closeness…but we love eachother a ton. All of us. Trust me.

So that is what I will propose for our mission statement along with 5 words or statements one coming from each of us that represents what we each feel we contribute to the family in particular. What do we especially bring to the table that the family would not be the same if it was not for this characteristic and this person?

Mine for me will be: making the impossible possible in a sweet way

There we have it! Three years in the making. I will keep you posted on family night in a few weeks and if the family found it meaningful or what else we come up with.

(Right now I am taking half a day off to pack for my 13 day trip with Hubby to Turks and Caicos! Then this afternoon and evening a whole bunch of work for the company I work for since now I have pretty much gotten over the loss of my blackberry and am in function mode again and major catch up time from losing a full day on Friday!!!!)

Belonging

I read a book this week-a fiction one that really got to me. Tears in my mind and everything. And it is written by a pretty cheesy beach writing type too-so strange reaction.

Was about a Mother who gave up her baby for adoption and then the daughter goes to find her at 18 yrs of age.  They end up in this weird happy go lucky situation of the birth Mother and Father with the adoptive Mother and Father at the graduation of the daughter from high school.

At first she is totally fascinated by the ways and riches and coolness of her “new” birth parents and the adoptive parents are scared they will lose their daughter to this coolness. After the girl realizes that it is her adoptive parents who raised her, and saw her first steps, and were there to record her first word, and sat with her as she had her first heartache. They were her real parents even if they were not really.

Anyways made me really ponder the point of how important belonging is. And how we, I, my family, my friends, my colleagues are so much better off when we feel we do. To feel included vs.  excluded. How belonging brings out the best in us.

And how we can never give this to our kids , beyond our own family. They have to find this belonging for themselves. They have to find their own paths. We can’t make them be popular, or religious, or be good in school, or sporty. We can’t make them musical, sociable or respectful. But we can introduce them to these behaviors and guide them with these tools….and somewhere along the way they will belong…somewhere.

I have seen a few examples lately of parents squashing passion out of kids and it has bothered me. Forcing them into a mold that is not right for them (but may be right for the parent). It hurts to watch because the kids could have been so much more if they were left to become who they are…without being told they are someone else.

So this book brought sentiment out of me for whatever reason. About belonging and the hard path it is to get there..for all of us.

The Vision

I have a vision and it is strong.

In it he has a jar of candies at the reception desk in a big glass container and she stops there with a friend afterschool on her way home to take one or two and to give him a kiss.

I picture him going to the depanneur and ordering a sandwich and taking it down to the lake to eat on a breezy but warm day and watching the sailboats go by.

I picture him shopping with his secretary at lunch for her daughter’s birthday gift.

I picture a cozy patio table on a deck outside that he eats at for three seasons with his staff or one of our friends who stops in at lunch.

I picture him going to work there  for a couple of hours a day in summer learning the ropes and responsibility of a job.

I picture him getting off the bus afterschool and going to tell him about his day and the great mark he got on an exam and asking for a quick lift home.

I picture us having important conversations there in his office and making important decisions. Sharing a shish taouk by the lake on a Monday.

I picture her stopping in and saying hi and brightening his day the way she does mine. Maybe bringing him a yummy treat from the village . I picture him going for a walk with him and chatting and being a listening ear for a man that does not often share, but will because he trusts and loves her.

I picture them helping him and choosing the deco, and the furniture and the layout because they are so good at it. I picture him helping him out most, bonding over the modern purchases. The oldest two guys of the family building the family business. Together.

I picture me planning the opening and inviting all of our friends and colleagues and family. I picture ordering sushi and cupcakes and hiring a waiter to serve. I picture creating a big creative marketing spalsh and asking some of my contacts to help me out.

I picture her going on her bike-before it is time to leave for good and stopping by to see him for a chat. Just because she fancies the location and wants to take a peek.

I picture my heart opening like a flower and sharing the happiness I have always had with him. I may picture it..and help make it happen.... but this vison belongs to him. It is his

I picture HIM mostly when I think of all of this with a cloud that will be replaced with sun. A smile on his face, with the pride of ownership, and investment and in building and in the knowledge of a legacy to be left. I picture him feeling good and happy and proud. I picture him loving me for my efforts. Being proud that I can add to making the impossible possible.

I picture him sending me this sign from somewhere. I picture the money he left me contributing to my husband and my family for a place my Dad loved and cherished and where my own roots are.

I like picturing him trying his hardest up there, in a way he was not capable of in real life, fighting to give me and my kids what he could not give me.

And I picture me receiving these messages and these signs and these experiences with a full and open heart

Moving into the next face of my life with forgiveness, charity, unselfishness and continued determination.

Knowing that resilience is a gift if you let it be. Letting it's power seep into my soul for the better.

Feeling like it might be time to finally come back home. Being old enough to create this life for our family and for myself.

And most importantly understanding that home is just where I had left it waiting again to be lived in again

Along with words and the music.

Small Disaster

Nothing compared to the hurricane Sandy but my own form of chaos.

What really, really, really puts me in the worst mood ever today and leaves me paralyzed?

Changing from a Blackberry to I-Phone at work, having my laptop computer gone and trying to give me a new one and my land line phone at work all not working all on the same day. Crap!!!!!!  

And when I have about 30 massive deadlines to meet before leaving on vacation.

So no not a crisis but an emotional disaster.

And I have to say having an international support IT desk at a time like this is just not helping. I know we are supposed to be capable people but there is a limit here!

Makes me doubt after the day that I had today if I ever should have put my kids in such a high performing high school. Sometimes I think they must have too much stress on a daily basis and too much pressure. I don’t know why  today trying to figure out all this technology and fend for myself amist trying to get done and deliver what I need to do made me think of my poor kids but it did…. It was just all too much.

And that is why for the first time ever I am writing a blog from work at the end of my day because Word is about the only thing I can access or do.

Yet hopefully…within the next 2 hrs..my phone will ring..(if I know how to answer it)..and my day will get a whole lot better….technology or not.

(a post for next week and update on how I am scoring with my four  impossible objectives I have committed to!)

Halloween Effort

I tell the truth on this blog so I am not going to start lying to you now.

I have realized over the last few weeks that there seem to be two types of people in this world: People who LOVE Halloween or people who HATE Halloween.

Unfortunately for our three kids both Hubby and I fall into the latter.

I console myself by saying that there are so many things I do as a Mom and that he does as a Dad that nobody else I know do( even the best stay at home mothers). I try and tell myself that physiatrists offices are very unlikely filled to the brim with adults who feel depressed because their childhoods were not filled with the joys of pumpkin carvings. I try to tell myself that we cannot be good at everything, or even most things.

But I still just wish I liked Halloween and costume parties. What is wrong with me?

And yes yes we have done our due diligence for years and years. We used to leave work at 4:30 on Halloween, and we used to take the weekend prior and carve three pumpkins, and we used to take rolls and rolls of pictures of the costumes. We used to take full weekends and search for the perfect outfits, we used to carry heavy UNICEF boxes and make sure they had the perfect flashlights on them.

But we still never liked it one bit. But we pretended very well that we did.

Now we don’t even much pretend anymore,. My Protector and I actually left work late and went out to dinner a deux!!! (Of course my Mom was at home sharing in all the festivities with the kids)

So last night when I read all my fave mommy blogs I felt incredibly guilty and pathetic and lame.  But that’s just life I guess right?

So this year we had Beauty as an  amazing Justin Beiber and Bear as a Morph (can’t really explain what that is I only know it cost me over 40 bucks)

Chase was at home and gave out candy and then juts hung out with two friends at our place and asked us to leave them alone in house (that was a bit scary and spooky in and of itself it!). But he is growing up, and changing,and maturing. And I know by almost 15 yrs old-dressing up as a cow and carving a pumpkin certainly was not at the top of my bucket list either!!!

Thank goodness their friend’s parents are Halloween lovers and so they go over there and get the whole hoopla every year.

They also bring back our excitement when they come home and we sort through all the candy and we eat some and get super into that part.

And I do have one tradition that I adamantly stick to at Halloween and that is: making spaghetti for dinner and shortbread ghost Halloween cookies;. Even when nobody is home (even us) to eat it. We make that (ok my Mom or sitter does) and then someone eats part of it.

Lame. Lame Lame. Yes. Yes. Yes. I know.

Thank goodness I am really great at Easter, and Valentine’s Day and birthdays. I am somewhat good at Christmas and in all of these cases AMAZING at having 30 people over for any occasion at anytime and  host about 20 events per year for friends and family.

(I feel I need to defend myself clearly even though you are not even attacking me)

As my friend and I spoke of the other day, is that maybe holidays are not as important to me because every weekend I really try and make a holiday? With the cottage, and our family time, and skiing and boating and our routines, and fun stuff, and planned stuff that is weaved into our family lives on a daily and weekly basis maybe I just don’t feel the need to put a huge emphasis on holidays?

But I still wish I liked Halloween.

(Although secretly I don’t really on any level understand why any adult would like it really).

But that is what makes the world turn right? Diversity. Everyone likes something different thank goodness.

So kids I do commit to this: If you are scarred and damaged by this attitude of both your parents, we will pay the psychiatrists bills, we will reflectively and actively listen to your concerns and we will force ourselves to change if it has been a really issue and go all our for Halloween with our grandkids and dress up as pirates and spice girls ok?

 Or we will ensure that by Oct 31^st when you are all grown up we go to a condo in Florida and not even be around to miss all the fun! And ask you to mail us a little crunchie bar and some rockets.