This made us feel so incredibly good. So nice when a
stranger takes the time to be kind.
We were on our third lunch out in three days out. Since
we are going on vacation without the kids-one of our traditions is to take each
out for a lunch with us before we go and chat about many important things-along
with just fooling around and chatting and laughing.
We went for Sushi with Beauty on Saturday, Moe’s with
Bear on Sunday, and Mike’s with Chase on Monday.
One of the conversations we had with Chase very
informally over lunch (everything has to be chatty and informal or he
hears nothing it seems) is about our rules on drinking and on driving. We said
that obviously our expectation is not to drink at all until legal age , but
clearly we are not idiots either ad know likely in the next few yrs. he may
experiment . We told him that our most important value is his safely and
getting home without being in a car with someone else who has drank EVEN A
DROP.
We made a verbal contract together the three of us that
if ever he is in a situation where he or friends have drank and he needs to be picked
up..there will be no questions asked even if he has lied about his whereabouts.
We will also happily drive all his friends home and will not speak to their
parents about their whereabouts or drinking. Pointe Finale.
He looked at us with wide, wide eyes and said we were extremely
cool. We looked at him and said safety is cool and that is why we do it. Will
we be happy and pleased if he lies? No! Will we encourage it? No! But we would
rather a lie here and there than death or brain injury. Simple as that. And if my kids are
anything like me and my parents..I felt like I had no reason to rebel and so
any drinking or lying I did was minimal, in control and experimenting only with their limits.
I still barely drink (or lie that much). Mama would still
be proud of the good girl I still amJ
So that waitress made my day really. It felt so good to be
validated as parents. Hubby and I exchanged emails afterwards giving ourselves
a big pat on the back. Raising teens is hard and we felt today we were doing a
good job instead of the doubt we so often feel.
We also chatted (informally and causally) about sex too. Believe
it or not out of the three kids, our eldest is the most resistant to these conversations
so this was one of the first beyond the more biology talks of a few years ago.
It went super well and expressed that what we expect is open communication, to
be safe, to be respectful and to most of all be careful. We said in the ideal
world he would wait until he is with the woman of his dreams, who he will
marry, but once again that is unlikely and so we will deal with reality
instead. Try to wait until high school is over so you are more mature, try to
be with someone who you love and who loves you and respect her and be careful
so that your life and here is not ruined by a baby or diseases. He listened an
intently and actually participated in the discussions. He asked us what age we
had sex for the first time (with other partners!) and we told him candidly and
transparently.
So all in all a great weekend and lunch with all three.
We learned about our kids, and they learned about some of our expectations. I
felt we really opened up communications for the next phases of our kids’ lives
and I felt really, really proud of Hubby and me.
We did well. I feel we are finally equipped somewhat for
these turbulent teenage years ahead. I think it’s going to all be ok.. More
than ok.
A fireman is proud of us. Counts for something.
