Shift Work

I am trying to analyze what feels different about our schedules and life in the last little while-and I figured it out. As parents we kind of work in shifts now which is quite unusual for us. We spilt up a lot-do different things, each take turns to go get the kids etc.

I think most of it has to do with that we have no carpool to school during the week. We made this decision to reduce bureaucracy and back and forth emails and also to spend more time with the kids in the car. The result of it is a lot of early mornings that one or the other is driving.

Then there are the weekends of course with ski so one day Hubby drives them for the early morning and one day I do. usually twice to mountain before 9am (one shift 7:30 am and one shift 9am) Also now with so many activities and friends since all three teens- very often on a Friday night we could leave house 3 times to pick them all up at various places and so take our turns. We do shifts. And it feels strange. A little lonely actually.

Then we also like getting to know the kids friend and girlfriends better so we often offer to drive them home etc. Yesterday was a day off from school and I think between day and evening we drove and picked up about 13 times!!!! Craziness!

A BFF had asked me a while ago if kids have to ask permission for friends over etc..No they do not. When we are at home we assume they see friends as so little time not studying.  And the expectation which they all love is that if friends over during a meal we all eat together. And we expect we will always have at least one kid sleeping over if not many. At cottage I assume they spend family time (although now that is also blurred as two out of there have social lives now at cottage as of this season and we often drive them in evenings to stuff which is a big adjustment and hard on the family time) But hey we all know that the adolescent years are made for this peer orientation..but it's still hard to share them and let go.

Add onto that in the last year and a half my own career (s) has become much more demanding so my list of things that I ignore at home increases-so as soon as I have a spare moment at home I get to my list of all the ignored stuff that need to get done. We find because of this as a couple we spend much less quality time together-focusing more on efficiency than anything else lately. We actually spent the day together at the cottage Monday trying to find strategies as a couple to increase time spent together and more quality time. It was interesting to see that Hubby has much more of a need than I do to be doing tasks or activities alongside each other at this stage of our lives. It was interesting to hear him articulate it and the impact it has on him when we don’t have that time together. We came up with some interesting strategies that we are putting into place for next week-will be interesting!

Throw in broken dishwashers, MIA cleaning team, two broken garage doors etc..etc..etc.. And there is always a reason to be more organized and efficient than focus on quality time together. With a home and cottage something is always breaking or a toilet blocked (hence the plunger bday gift got my guy!)

One thing I am very grateful for is my Hubby's office being 3 mins from home. Never realized the advantages! He does a lot of the dr appts now and pick-ups from special events at school, and emergencies etc….wow this is awesome to share this load. He does more than his share now. I feel me needing to be the breadwinner coming on!!!

We both decided two years ago that with three busy teens driving them everywhere as often as we can is the way to see them and spend time. It is great quality time and they truly appreciate it too and a time when we always get “thank-you” from themJ. It’s a win-win.

So although shift work is not what I want to do for the rest of my life-I can be grateful for it now as in a few years when they are all driving, and then a few years after that when they are all moved out……I will grieve these special moments. Although often I feel I waste these special moments by feeling irritated, being angry or not being present in the moment. I can never win it seems. I have a plan of how I want to me-but I am often so irritated by life and my kids it often never goes as planned.

Even if for the moment it exhausts us and keeps us on our toes (last night set alarm for 1am to make sure son was home-and had to get up 5:45 for other son to ski with school!)

 -I know a good thing when I have it. And having our kids have plenty of friends and activities and wanting us involved in their lives-is a true blessing. I will look forward to it even more next year when Chase can drive by himself and share some of this load!

The 7 year Pen

I have whole arrays of symbols around the house. Little trinkets that tend to mean something to me. Objects to which I attach significance.

I have rocks and bookmarks, playing cards and quotes. I have a lucky necklace and even luckier charm bracelet and a zebra and Buddha on the fireplace. Even my late  dad’s urn  is a symbol. I have a little stress man at the cottage who is made of rubber and the same one at home but who is bald (I purposefully ripped his hair off in honor of my bald friend who is calmer than me and this symbol reminds me when I pack to pack like her (less irritably and less!)

When one of my sweet colleagues gave me for my bday the seven year pen (in pink!) I was very happy.

If you know me- you know I literally have about 20 pens scattered on any surface I am near at any time. I do not just use one pen. This shows how much I write. I write in the morning noon and night and even in the middle of the night often on a post it note. I use pens a lot but don’t really prefer one to the other. Having ink is pretty much my only requirement.

Well the 7 yr. pen-guarantee became a ray of sunshine and hope for me.! Not run out of ink? Became my fave. My one and only. Has been three months now I don’t let this baby out of my sight. I adore it. I have made it another luck symbol and have given myself the challenge to have it in 7 yrs. –with ink. It would be a lucky symbol if I can manage it.

Well well… not all story endings are happy right?

After just 3 short months the 7 year pen is already running out of ink!!! What a disappointment and betrayal eh? And there is only so much pen shaking you can do at work and not look like a complete idiot who can’t afford a new pen!

So I told my colleague and like everything else she does so diligently and well (so glad she is on my team!!) she wrote to the company and told them! Hurray!

We expected a truck to pull up the next week with a thousand 7 yr. pens! How fun we could distribute them across the company! This company would never want to piss off two people from a large global pharma company now would they???

Clearly I guess they do not care.

Today my colleague gets in the mail a new cartilage for the pen. No new pen? Just the damn ink? Are you kidding me?????? How cheap is cheap? This is pretty bad. We laughed and laughed and laughed at the absurdity of this move for customer service sake  Company may doing so poorly can’t even afford to replace a pen? Still recovering from all the outstanding lawsuits of promised and failed seven year ink?

The best part of this all is that I went to replace the cartilage and realized I can’t find my pen!!! I lots my lucky pen!!!!!

So now and on a mission to find it.

And just like everything else in my life that is a little symbol in our home this gives me massive adrenaline. When I run out of crisis to fix around me-I move onto the fun stuff! I actually enjoy sweating all the small stuff! I It's the bigger stuff I could definately do without.

Moral of the story: Don’t be fooled by unrealistic promises/ don’t put pressure on yourself to keep a pen 7 yrs/ always send a replacement gift to an unsatisfied customer if it is under 5$ (plus shipping and handling)/always have lucky symbols around your house. They count-especially if you don't lose them

Blog and Moods

I love looking at past blogs and patternss as it tracks my mood and state and life.

It is fun to look back and see where I was at and where I am at now. I am lucky my Hubby makes me a Velntines gift each year of a bound blog book –it is truly the best gift I have ever had.

This week theme is: BUSY and PREOCCUPIED.

Because I took one measly day off Monday to be at the cottage with my guy and plan our year and strategize (we do this twice a year as a couple and as parents)…I am paying for it big time now. (it was still worth it!)

Every single second is taken up by crap. Work is work but every other minute is house stuff, kitchen stuff, cleaning people cancelling stuff, allowance stuff, lunch money stuff. Boring boring useless CRAP.

So what gets ignored is anything pleasurable and relaxing including this poor blog.

(Pity party for me eh? I tell you..In life once we get rid of some of the big stuff to complain about we so easily fall back on complaining about and sweating the small stuff!)

Winning in Pictures

Our daughter had a GREAT start to the ski competition year. Her first race she totally rocked! It was incredible to watch-came in as number two girl on her ski team. I have never seen her look so proud and happy.  It was a great day overall and felt amazing to be there on Hubby’s bday watching it all.

What made the day special more than her great racing was the people there. As mentioned before the “girls” were there (Beauty’s long time 4 BFF’s) and they all ski at Morin Heights. Their parents were there too.

Love love love these girls!! (Beauty and Charlotte Missing-love them too!!!) We feel so close to these girls and have known them forever-I hope they all invite us to their weddings one day!!!!

It was a day of hanging out with the girls, having them dance around hubby all day for his bday, hugs, singing happy birthday, watching Beauty’s races, skiing in the friggin cold, hanging out at the bar and catching up with our buddies.

Just an all-around great day.

The two stars::))))

Circle of love always

In Beauty’s second race her time was more average and she fell so lost a couple of seconds there too-although still made the gate. She was greeted at the end of the race by all these beautiful adoring girls in a literal circle of love. I love these girls so much. They have truly made my life better in knowing them all and knowing that our daughter gets this circle of BFF's everyday.

This is Beauty after her best first race ever looking at her scores. Her Dad and I stood behind her admiring our daughter, Admiring her lean, long silhouette in her racing gear. Admiring the body that she always uses to push her physical limits with. Did we create this creature? Did we do this?

Yay Beauty! You are such a great racer!

Focused Flow

A good friend and I chatted about my word of the year over text this week. I love this woman so much and admire her in so much in so many different way ways. We are very good friends but also worked together-she really understands me and I her. We have a very unique relationship.   I take her advice very seriously. I asked her about my word and asked her for some advice on achieving it.

She and I have a lot in common. A lot. But at the core we are fundamentally different people. Probably the most different than any friend I have. We are each high performers and achieve success-but in very different ways.

I loved hearing her perspective on flow in my life and how I could get it.

When she texted and said I had to be more focused-I re-read the text three times. Me more focused??? No one has even told me that before-I am Mrs. Laser Focus always?? But she meant much more focused in what I expect of myself and want to achieve in order to let more be spontaneous and happen naturally and flow by itself in my life. To make much more  room to flow basically.

To narrow my focus from sooooo many areas that not only do I want to succeed in, but do succeed in and not that I want in my life but expect in my life to. She wanted me to reduce these areas of focus considerably:

 To two areas

Two things????????????????????????????????? Two hundred or two?

She insisted on two. Two areas that are super important to me that I would be very high performing and deliberate in-and the others…..not so much and let the universe take care of them and trust the process.

And then I would have time for flow in my life.

No wonder I have a hard time achieving flow!!! I am not joking here I have at least 25 important areas that I focus on and probably more like 50-60 if I am honest. Reading this text was like Chinese to me-it was a different language, she talked about trusting the process and having the belief that others could provide strategic direction to my children besides me. About an eco-system in the universe that works towards making it all ok in the end. To start considering what would happen if I did not always take action. At first it made no sense to me-but suddenly it did. It made a whole lot of sense and made me realise that the way I am currently running my life and in parellel trying finding flow are opposites in many ways

I have no space to flow anymore. Or did I ever?

So it has been on my mind all weekend this ecosystem and has influenced my mood and my actions and behaviours. On Hubby’s birthday I had no expectations of myself or the day at all-and turned into a great one. It seemed to work that day. I think it was amazing to hear this new way of thinking and of behaving. I am so glad I got curious and asked the question as would never ever have considered this perspective. And the fact that someone I respect and admire so much that is very successful was the one handing out the perspective was even sweeter. It works for her! Why not for me?

For me I think it will be something I toy with-try on for size-have fun with. Invite more into my life. Practice sometimes. It will be beneficial for sure.

But deep down I know it will not be the way I run my life for the most part. Trusting the process is one thing…but having two areas of focus is not enough for me. Like the name of our book “More, Life Please!”…I will always want more. Two just won’t cut it. As I told my friend there has to be a minimum of one focus per family member for me!!! My deliberateness as a parent has paid off many times over already in so many ways…deliberate parenting and planning to me is key and is what I stand for. In the last little while I have seen so many great outcomes of this deliberateness and strategic and long term vision that I have relied so heavily on during my life. I like being deliberate. I adore it actually. There is nothing in life that makes me prouder than when I know I focused on something important and made a difference for myself or people surrounding me. When I have it in my head to help -and I create magic around me..When I strategically decide to make a difference and I do-by careful planning and  action. And I do this a whole lot. Maybe too much. I have a hand in many successful outcomes, I am a fixer . It’s what I love to do and what people love me for. I have never known any other way.

(Olivia Pope is who I am for those of you who watch Scandal)

But clearly from my chosen word of the year-I also am seeking something new, and this perspective might be just what I need to achieve the results I want. Laser focus is hard work and exhausting especially if you use this skill on virtually everything and everybody.

Less stress, less worry, less pain for gain. Simplicity, health happiness and peace. Things I have a hell of a lot more of now that I did a few years back but probably a lot less of than most people I know. I have a lot of others  things-a lot of happiness, a lot of a ton of things….but serenity and peace and less stress? I will never be abundant in that unless I change the way I live radically.

And radical for me right now is asking a lot of questions and getting curious and listening intently to people I respect and sitting back and really observing how other successful people around me live their lives. And understanding how they live their lives exactly. (future name of book!)

And then trying parts of it out for myself.

And when I do this I  know for sure ….that I am discovering flow.

Or more importantly flow is finding me

And flow will come…only when I stop trying to find it. So I will try to try stop searching. And then maybe the universe will do its magic on me instead of the other way aroundJ

A Birthday with Us

I am not sure that the recipe of this weekend was necessarily conducive to a nice and fun relaxing birthday for my Protector. Actually we were both quite sure it was not.

Last night we had to wait until ski club for Bear was over ad so picked him up at school ta 10:30pm and arrived at the cottage in -30 weather at 12:15am. Would not have been so bad if we did not have to get up so early the next day. It literally felt like we slept a few minutes and got up again! Beauty had a competition a good hour away and Chase and Bear had their job and course at the other mountain (half an hour apart so had to go twice) and also be at Beautys competition. Basically a logistical nightmare. Then we knew that we would have to rush out of the competition at 3pm-although all our friends were there as a mountain that everyone skis at and a highlight of our year to go there-but we had to to get Bear. Then we knew we would have to go back to the mountain an hour later to get Chase. We had a quiet dinner planned for Hubby bday at least.

Then Chase through the bomb that all new instructors were invited to a party at a ski monitors house. 25 mins away. And he needed to be picked up at midnight. And he couldn’t have dinner with us as had to shower. We certainly were not upset-of course he had to and should go but it’s hard to have teenagers!

And guess what tomorrow is? Another competition and and other instructor day. Sleep is very badly needed. All that to say we headed out in the literally coldest day of the friggin year and went to do all of this in the cold. We weren’t counting on this being a great bday for Hubby as a birthday. We were grateful that we had a much bigger celebration this week on Tuesday night where his sister and bro-in law came and my Mom and his nephew who is 30 and his girlfriend. We had a great evening with Hubby’s traditional Chinese food delivered. I made millefeuille homemade and everyone loved it. We laughed and joked and had a super time-it was honestly a great night. Much better than his real day we expected to be….

But the flow came…..the flow of the unexpected. Did I open myself up to this more today after conversations about it this week that changed my thinking? Did my opening up to it more allow my Guy to open up more It was just despite all the busyness a super flowing day. And super and simply nice.

So many nice texts for Hubby, tons and tons of people we know and like a lot at the mountain who were toasting his bday, lots of nice interactions me and hubbby laughing and giggling and having fun. Tonight the four of us with one missing and just a simple bowl of chili I made with a Caesar salad and some crusty bread and a warped cupcake with wax running down them from the candles. A few funny gifts that were really quite lame but that’s what happens when you have your bday near Xmas. I tried. Well maybe a plunger for the toilet and a brush for the car were not exactly what he wanted but I thought would be funny and cute along with a hoody I very carefully chose and his fave chocolates.

Beauty;s BFF's (minus one who was competing too) who showered Hubby with love all day while Beauty raced (with her other BFF). They sang to him, hugged him, danced a birthday dance in the snow for him and kept hugging him and telling everyone it was his bday. We have seen these beautiful girls grow up before our eyes-forever-and they are precious gems in our lives . True sparkles. They made my husband's birthday so memorable and special.

We ended up all laughing so so hard. For no real reason. It was just fun. Just light and flowly and all around fun. Lots of laughing and hugging. Flow. It was sooooo not what a birthday should be-but on the other hand everything in the world it must be. It was truly a wonderful day-for no real reason at all. I think it may have been the beginning of something new and special. Who even knows eh?

And my husband. We all know I am so lucky. It’s a fact he is unparalleled as a father in this family-I have truly never seen anything like it. The fact my kids get to have him as thier Dad-is just magnificent as far as I am concerned. And as my partner- he is the one I want to spend my life with and grow old with –even after our more than 20 yrs. together now and what feels like a lifetime of ups and downs. He is my coma guy and always has been. And finding a coma guy? Who’s also smart, good looking and stable is not that easy people. He’s the one.

So today we toast my Guy. To a new beginning of something. Something different and something good..maybe.To a man who last year I wrote over 50 great things about who was not with us on his birthday..and to this year I did not even write a card to…and who is here cozily by our sides.

A card could never ever say what is on my mind and in my thoughts for this year. Neither the good nor the bad. Words will never capture it enough. Maybe a book one day will do 2104 justice.

THANK YOU. For saving my soul. And for rescuing your own. Thank you from our children and our future grandchildren. Thank you for raising the bar on integrity and courage and for never ever again having to teach our children anything about life from a book or an example, or a TV show or another person. They got to be taught by you. What a precious lesson to learn so young eh?

Because we all?....We got to see it happen-right before our very eyes. We got to see courage and integrity and strength and resilience. We got to live it. Alongside you. We got forced to bring our best selves to the table and learn the lesson that we are all capable and strong as a family

 We all got to be there. And we still are. Well get to stick around and see another day together, a year, a lifetime. We don’t get to be perfect-far from it-but we get to love each other imperfectly many minutes and hours of many days.

We get to say we didn’t give up. And we get to say we more than made it through.

You did this for us.

You.

Happy Birthday my love.

Where we will be back to one day. Hopefully sooner than later. Miss it!!!

Technology Strikes Again!

Last weekend I was at the skating rink and saw a lovely scene. A Mom and daughter sitting together sharing a hot chocolate with their heads and foreheads pressed together. It was so sweet among the hustle and bustle of all the others putting on skates there these two darlings were in their quiet corner with not a care in the world. The little girl was about 3 yrs. old. I saw her face and only the back of her Mom’s head-foreheads together so sweetly and intimately. They stayed in this intimate positon for many minutes. In my head I was thinking of how much I envied them, envied that closeness of mother and daughter, envied the bonding between them. Mostly envied the sheer attention the mother gave her daughter-her capacity for this attention just for that little girl. Making that little one feel like the most special one in the world. I felt many things watching this scene in front of me.

Then I walked to the other side of the skate cabana and saw IT. 

The cell phone! The mom was not leaning in intimately to her daughter’s forehead she was texting and looking down all this time! Like the rest of the wold and the  other moms in there. Like I probably would have done. She was not better than anyone-she was just as bad and maybe even worse for making it even look like she cared about her daughter and tricking us all.

Technology did it again. It ruined yet another moment. Stole another mom being present with her child (or anyone else for that matter). And the worst part was they kid did not mind at all. All kids now are used to this. All normal  for them. Every moment of the day. They would probably be shocked if the mom was actually being present and sharing a moment with her. She would probably be crying she would be so shocked and scared.

The other night my own 13 yr. old questioned an adult’s behavior. One of her friend’s moms was talking to my daughter and about 6 times in 10 minutes texted in between Beauty’s answers. What type of conversation is that? Why bother even having it?  Beauty asked me about it and asked me if this is normal. My answer was “not in our family it is not but in most unfortunately it is”

This is the new normal

No wonder we have so many problems in the world. No wonder people have any real connections anymore or real friends. No wonder most people’s friends are virtual. This makes no sense. I am sorry but a web friend is not the same as a real friend. Never. They take no effort, no upkeep and no emotion. You can come and go as you please on line. In life you are expected to show up.

I am so so so happy that smartphones did not exist when I was raising little kids., They would have pulled me in too as although I would not even consider texting in front of adults or others people kids during conversations (unless for something urgent or exceptional)-. I would admit that I take my own kids for granted too often and would have probably texted in front of them a lot when they were little or surfed the net as little kids were never my cup of tea.

Puzzles, playing, story time never captured my attention. They could never have competed with their phone. I would have been a totally different mom than I am today. Now thank goodness my kids who are teen and their interests interest me enough most of times to be present with them (with many times I try and fail and go to the phone) but at least I am aware of it and make conscious efforts.At least half the time or more I make good decisions that benefit our family life.

Thank God for the IPhone not having been invented when I was a young mom. Too tempting.