I unexpectedly gave a course this week on Change Management at work (aka the supplier was hospitalized and I was asked to step in with three hours’ notice).
All that to say I learnt a lot in those three hours; I basically needed to become an expert. Quickly.
One thing I really learnt is how we all go through 4 stages whenever there is a change in our lives. Denial, Resistance, Exploration and then Commitment. Some take hours to pass through all stages, others days and other years.
It occurred to me: what about Resignation? Do some people get stuck there? Do I get to be stuck there on some issues in my own life? Is resignation sometimes misinterpreted as commitment or is it still part of resistance and just covered up?
I also see a lot of people around me in my life both at work or in personal life seeming to be resigned to various element of their lives that have happened to them. They make the best of the situation but have they accepted it or committed? Have they found peace?
I know there are a couple of areas in my own life lately that I find myself going through the different stages of transition and change and becoming closer and closer to commitment where for years I felt resigned in a lot of ways to basically accept things the way they are , but not be happy about it.
I know the difference because I went through a phase of resignation for years about my relationship with my father and then before he died got to the commitment and acceptance stage and I know the difference.
The difference is purely Peace. Surrendering to what is. Finally. Your heart and soul get to feel quiet.
So as I taught that course, and appeared an “expert”, but was in truth far from it, the point of resignation was on my mind. I struggle with it, and see people around me doing the same and wonder what it really means.
In particular this evening I find myself feeling very peaceful sitting here alone near the fire writing.
I find myself feeling like stopping to fight in some areas and embrace what is.
I find myself wanting to be kinder to myself. To others too.
It was a good lesson to me to give that course the other day. I learnt a lot about myself, what I am capable of and what are my limits. I learnt that adrenaline is a drug for me and I crave it, seek it out and use it to fuel me.
I have had lots of adrenaline around me for quite some time now, these last month’s specifically. At work, at home, in my marriage, in my friendships and everywhere else it seems. Postive or negative adrenaline-doesn’t really matter for me they both seem to be the same . As long as there is energy..it’s all ok. Stop that energy…and what is left?
I have been on a quest loaded with adrenaline.
Still and quiet may be the next phase. And not to resign to either, but rather to invite.
Peace and joy not as the second place booby prize but as the trophy.
Not because I think I should want it, but because I need it.
To move from Resignation to Commitment on what will take me to that place.
