There is a blog I have been following lately that contains an element that is familiar to me. And makes me sad. And gets me thinking.
The girl writing the blog desperately wants a family and a husband and a baby-but for some reason she seems to not think this is within her short term reach.
In her blog you can taste her sadness, the disappointment, her fear and her heartaches. Even her bitterness too. It clouds her passion.
What I do relate to so completely though is her sense of urgency and desperation. It is so unbelievably difficult to accept something where you feel you have no control over. To want something that you feel you are entitled to, and want so badly. And not material things...but more of life really.
To find peace with not getting what your heart desires.
It brings us all to our knees really doesn’t it? For those who believe in a higher power I would imagine there is peace in knowing He planned something else for You. Or is there? For those of us not as believing…sometimes this lack of not getting what we feel we truly want and need can feel like life just plain sucks sometimes.
Hopefully in both scenarios somehow the person manages to make
lemonade out of lemons; certainly the strong ones and the good ones do. They most powerful turn it into something beautiful I am certain.
But is Peace ever really found? Is it?
Sometimes I get the sense the world is filled with people walking around with masks of happiness where beneath there are piles of pain. Convincing themselves they are ok where really a part of them will always be broken and lost.
My friend who lost her beautiful husband tragically to brain cancer a few months ago –will she ever really feel like she was dealt a fair hand? Will she ever be able to spin it around for real?
And people whose child goes missing? How do you ever deal with that? How is that humanly possible?
And the sweet blog woman who wants a husband holding her and a baby in her arms..If she does not get it..why the hell not? She needs that. She needs them. Why do I get three babies and she gets none? How is that even fair or right?
I hope for them they somehow find a way to get what they feel they need .
And I hope for me that as I navigate life and all of its paths and obstacles full of both getting what I need and want and not getting other parts….that I will somehow find peace with various outcomes. And not just have to accept second best, or convince myself that the outcome was meant for my path…but truly feel real peace even when my heart is wanting more.
As I read that blog today…I felt the desperation and pain of someone wanting-who has been told (or convinced) that may not have.
I felt very naive and innocent and questioned, as I often do, why bad things often happen to good people.
