Is is possible to say you accept something even if you wish it was different?
Yes I think it is.
I think the defining piece of it all is peace.
Being at peace with the fact that although you would have wanted a different outcome that you are not going to get it.
Acceptance and peace seem to go very well together.
Today I was looking at pictures of a sports event that both our boys participated in…one looked widely enthusiastic about the event and for the other it was a check in the box in order to fulfill the requirements of the program.
Normally I would have looked at these pictures in frustration-wishing that one of them would be more passionate about this extraordinary opportunity (or if not then at least try to look like he is!)
But today….I just looked at the picture. Had a little chuckle to myself and moved on. I accepted what is not, and what is. Not only accepted it, but embraced it really and valued the impassionate character in that picture for everything else he is besides impassionate about running.
So that is a small example but it is also a big one for me. It made me reflect on many various elements of my life lately where my expectations might be different than actual outcomes and the choice I have when I am faced with various situations.
There have been work things, and family things, and marriage things and friend things and kid things and for the most part…coming to a place of acceptance of where that beloved person or thing is at that very point is the most peaceful place to be. Likely for them..and most certainly to me.
And it’s not complacency or passivity that I am displaying but rather the savvy to know what I can and cannot change. And more lately even asking myself the question: do I even want to?
Who says my way is the right way anyway?
What I can focus on is ME. MOI. What makes sense for me and my life? Focusing on getting what I need, and what I thrive on, and what I want to be happy and fulfilled. Aligining my own life in the right direction.
In the case of tween and teens….of course as a parent I have the inclination and responsibility to guide decisions and lives but only to a certain point. Their path is not my path and I feel lately how dare I interfere with it as long as it is not dangerous or harmful? Their lessons are theirs to lead, many will be taught in our family and many will be taught by the world.
I am not the only teacher in my children’s lives. There are plenty out there and I need to know that that friend at the locker, or that bus driver in the morning, or Brittany Spears on You-Tube or that teacher with whom a detention is spent…..all of their lessons are as important if not more important than my own.
And in the case of work, friends and family other than children? I feel it is my place to put my perspectives and needs out there, to discuss, to debate, to want..and to sometimes want more. To make me known. To ask for what I feel I may need. But that is where it ends. People are who they are and that is what defines them and what makes them beautiful. My responsibility is to ask myself if I can make peace and accept our differences on a true and authentic level? Or not?
It’s a big comfort to feel in a place of acceptance. I am not there in all areas of my life, or even in most areas. It is a long journey for me and one that is filled with bumps and obstacles along the way. A true learning process.
However one thing I do know is that seeing my little dispassionate runner today in a whole new light…was really quite amazing. Instead of thinking “ Why is he not excited and passionate and smiling for the cameras”….I thought:
“I wonder what his passion is being saved for in the future? I am excited to standby and watch his own journey unfold”.
And the best part? I was not just saying that to myself..I truly believe it. Today at least..and today is always a start right?
Thanks a million Mom as usual for enlightening my heart and soul by your simple but important listening. If I am even half the Mom you have always been and are to me today….my kids passionate or not are all going to be plenty more than ok. Aren’t they Mom?
