If you know me there are a few things you know for sure:
I plan a lot
I work a lot
I worry a lot
I love a lot
I deliver a lot
I constantly have major projects, or many, succeeding or failing somewhere
Anyone who knows me well knows that my brain never really shuts off any given minute of any given day or night. They all joke that I likely make about 10 cents an hour of salary since my mind works 24 hrs a day. I wake up having solved big dilemmas; I seem to be connected to the collective unconscious. I take many physical mental breaks, but very few mental ones. Give me a problem and I will figure it out. It’s how I am wired.
Or so I thought.
One of my fundamental beliefs in life has been to ask for help when you need it. Especially from professionals and expert of mentors. It has been the cornerstone of any success I have had in my own life.
Being vulnerable and asking for help when needed. Lately I am even getting better at asking friends for help, which has been more of a struggle for me.
Thus why about ever 6 months I go to the psychologist I saw for a year at a particular difficult time for what he calls “a tune up”.
And man does he tune me up in an hour.
Behavioral Cognitive therapy. After being though many other different types and also counseling and studying on many other types-nothing in my books even comes close to the effectiveness of this method.
So as I sat there last night sharing some of my decisions that I had made on the park bench in front of the lake (some by the way are looking more impossible by the moment and are frustrating and bringing me to tears but I feel like I can’t back down).
Back to the point of the couch vs. the bench: There I am at the psychologist sharing about feeling finally believing that I can totally give up worrying about one of my kids because I am officially driving myself crazy and he says:
“Why do you think worrying about a problem helps a problem?”
What an excellent question!
I have never even considered a life without worry.
Worry and stress dictate action correct?
If I don’t worry about something, I won’t get the desired outcome right?
“Worrying is a bunch of wasted energy.”
How do I stop doctor?
“Just stop it and don’t worry anymore”
Just like the video Stop It!!! That I teach to our entire leadership organization and that my intention for years has been to write a book on one day called Stop It!!! (Don’t steal my title now I know it will sell!)
So I just need to stop worrying is that what I should do?
“Yes you should”
Well ok then. This sounds simple enough. I will stop worrying. About anything really.
Now keep in mind he explored why I think and believe worrying is necessary. This comes deeply rooted in early early childhood and into adolescence and into adulthood where I had one parent very very ill my entire life who at any moment I perceived could be dead at the end of a day. I felt my whole life that I am a pillar. I keep things standing up and upright. And worry helps me have this strength and capability to do so. So far it has worked well for me. I figured I kept him alive for more than 70 yrs….that’s a strong pillar isn’t it?
Apparently not anymore.
I loved a few things he said and I will remember then forever.
I loved a few things he said and I will remember then forever.
“Keep being the amazing parent you are-just be a different kind of parent to him now. He has to learn to worry too-just like you did, and have the chance to realize how useless it is on his own. He will share more with you, as you worry less about him, as he will understand that you can handle him sharing. It’s time to listen differently to him”.
Aww…music to my ears
So my question for myself now is “what will take the place of the worry”?
If I just STOP IT. What will I START?
